I agree with Bittermoon that Neptune is the source of your distress. This is a very deep and profound transit and must be hard to experience at your age. I want to start by assuring you it is almost over and you will be enjoying your life again by next summer, but from a different, better-grounded place. Just hang in there. After this, Neptune does not touch one of your planets again until 2016, and certainly not so severely.
Neptune has been moving over your Saturn since January, but you may have been feeling clues to it's influence since May of '09. It will finally separate in March 2011. There is another approach in the fall of 2011 that will never become exact, just a little reminder of what you've already learned, if you feel it at all. The conjunction with Chiron lasts through January and is requiring you to heal conditions that Neptune fogs and confuses.
Your self-image and sense of security is affected by this transit. Neptune is in the process of disolveing what you thought was your basic foundation in life and asking you what you really, deeply want it to be. The motivations coming from within are changing to something that will better serve your growth. Neptune, basically, wants to make sure you are using your Saturn in a self-supportive way.
You have an agitated Saturn to begin with. It is placed in Aquarius where it is subjected to the dissemination of your accomplishments, then square to your 10th house Pluto which is hard on the self-confidence, making you wonder if you'll
ever be able to accomplish what you need in order to succeed. A healthier way to focus on your Saturn is that it is far-sighted (Aquarius), introspective (square Pluto), and relevant (Pluto doesn't allow any junk). You get to choose how you express your Saturn.
Now the good news. Your Ascendant, Venus, and Mars are all conjunct at the midpoint between your Saturn/Pluto square, forming semi-squares between the two. These two planets and the ascendant are extremely well aspected and touch every point and planet in your chart, except for the Moon's Nodes. At this midpoint, you have the ability to make adjustments to the tensions between the Aquarius Saturn and Scorpio Pluto from the stable environment of Capricorn.
Jupiter, which conjuncts your MC and has a strong effect on how the world sees you, is in sextile to this midpoint, Chiron (your healer) is in trine. By association, Mars and Venus bring these two in contact with your stellum.
So, on a practical level,
you have assets! I know, there have been moments lately when Neptune is saying "Are you sure?", but yes, I'm sure. You have substantial assets. All Neptune is doing (semi-square Mars, Venus, Asc) is asking you to evaluate them and determine how you can get the most ultimate spiritual satisfaction from them.
Which is the last thing you want to do, because right now you
need them. Familiar, intact, and functional.
The key here is to adopt a willingness to let them evolve. Enjoy all the great, new things you're learning about yourself.
So, exactly what are these assets? Focusing on Mars, Venus, and your ascendant:
Psychologically, your desires, your values, and your sense of self are well integrated. They're expressed in a practical, motivated, and disciplined way. You have a lot of physical creativity and talents, and you know how to have fun with them. Do you sing? dance? sculpt? interested in athletics or architecture? All of those and more are suggested by these planets and their aspects.
The obvious value in this condition is that you can use your physical creativity and talents to alleviate stress, dispel anxiety, and salve self-esteem. If Neptune is affecting your level of interest or enjoyment, you can use the energy to explore creative new avenues of interest (like astrology, hang-gliding, or rock polishing.. T Uranus is also in aspect, semi-sextile Saturn and trine Pluto) which satisfies Neptune's impetus to reveal deeper parts of your psyche.
The less obvious but more important value is that
you know you. You're integrated and you're pragmatic, you're introspective and you're open to learning more. All that's missing is the confidence in what you know. Give yourself some time, acknowledge and nurture the strength of this integration and Neptune will leave you with an enhanced sense of self.
