I relate to you @desperateneptune except i personally don't torture or push people to become their better self, I simply see their potential and idealize them that way. My ex was truly perfect for me in every way... Even though he got me into doing drugs with him, which was unfortunately our downfall. I always make excuses for any negative traits my partner might have. The drugs just simply ended up being something I also enjoyed. He ended things and I fell apart.
It's interesting how much I've also grown up romanticizing my parents marriage. They're each others best friend. My mom (aka God) was able to get him to quit drugs. My dad also slept around while they were married. He's now super Christian and straight-edge. They've been married for 25 years now. My mom is the bread winner as a RN (Nurse), aka she's never validated my emotions. She's an Aquarius, along with my younger brother. My dad is a Taurus. ...I'm an ADD, RSD having Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising. Being the only mutuable sign in a family of fixed signs ***** because they don't understand my need for people in general. Sorry got side tracked.
ANYWAY. I have a kite formation: my Cancer Rising in almost direct opposition-> pointing to my Capricorn Neptune. The Neptune is in sextile to my Pisces Saturn (9th), and Scorpio Pluto (R, 5th). (both in grand trine to my ascendant).
After three years back to back long term relationships since high school, things have slowed down. Mainly after my last relationship I slowly became a slut? Because Tinder is easy and my True Lilith is conjunct my Gemini Sun and Mean Lilith conjunct my Gemini Mercury (both 11th house). also both trine my Uranus Aquarius. I also have a nice Sun Square Pluto. This is way too long of a reply... But anyway, I just don't know who I am, and i feel like i won't know who i til my Saturn Return. I'm not sure. We'll see what happens. I'm only 22, but I'm kinda freaking out that my life won't be all that great.