What to do regarding men? Please help.

Becca

Well-known member
Up to a few days ago I had a boyfriend. We were together for 20 months. We had a fight and I told him in the heat of the moment it's over, and I haven't heard of him since.
Then, a day after it, I met a great guy online. While my bf has high school only, no job, no money, is from my town ... this newly met guy is highly educated, ambitious, employed, with money, but from another country. The new guy, let's call him Adam, has shown a great interest in me. He wants me to go and visit him as soon as I can. He said he thinks I'm the one, I'm gorgeous, intelligent, just what he needs in a woman. I'm sure my (is it ex) bf loves me a lot, but he's a proud Leo who doesn't want to call yet and is giving me a silent treatment.
I've had a LDR in my past, and it ended up horribly. I know how much devotion and effort are needed in order for it to work, as well as money, paperwork for visa and similar.
I don't know what to do.
I hope you can help me and tell me with whom I should be, if with any of the two.

I've attached my synastry charts for both men, and my own chart with transits and progressions combined cause I'm also wondering what the astrological reason for this whole situation is.

EDIT: The chart of the new interested is posted below. I didn't have the correct time of birth, now I do.
 

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Zarathu

Account Closed
Synastry is complicated and time consuming. To do it well required a mini-analysis of both charts and then an analysis of the synastric chart.

Its not a quickie kind of thing.
 

sasa62

Well-known member
This is a period of increased emotional, expectations. is quite normal in such period the person is dissatisfied with his emotional situation, because obviously that previous partner could not fulfill your expectations.

No one you must not say what you do because it should be your choice.

This is a period of idealization. When you, on such aspects, start a relationship, it can be described as a platonic relationship, where possible miscalculation or relationships or partners, but as long as it takes such a relationship, is nice, cozy, filled with emotion and can be enjoyed in such a relationship.

Do you want to miss out this time though it later turned out that was not exactly how you imagined?

After all this period may open the door for a more permanent departure from home but in this case should be resolved as quickly as possible the paperwork ... until october

So just be careful, nothing more ... and keep an eye on possible pregnancy
 

Becca

Well-known member
Zarathu, I'm sorry for being impatient. I know astrology takes time, and I'm hoping someone will take a look at my charts over the weekend, when most have more free time.

Sasa, thank you very much for the reply. I know it should be me to decide for myself.
I didn't understand about the paperwork - should I completely move to the UK by October or just go there by then?
Also, I don't want to get pregnant now. I don't want to ever have an abortion. And, if I got pregnant with my ex, it wouldn't be wise because he can't even support himself. If I got pregnant with someone new, then I'd like it to be with "the one", whoever that is.
 

kimbermoon

Well-known member
Reading from your own natal chart, we first consider your axis of relationships involving the energies between Sagittarius and Gemini...you tend to express yourself primarily through Sagittarius when interacting with others, and in turn you are bound to attract Gemini type individuals to a large degree, by the Law of attraction. Others tend to be drawn to the fiery, active, ardent and inspired energy of your rising sign, but may be less physically active than you are; they like to socialize and exchange mental energies with you, however they can lack the inspiration that you seek. You want to see action, while they may be more inclined to book reading, study and exchanging ideas. They can be rather restless or scattered though and find it difficult to keep up with your search for knowledge and inspiration in life.
We tend to attract individuals who are of an opposite nature to ourselves at the subconscious level, since the psyche is looking ways to gain balance within. You do have that stellium of Taurus in the 5th House, ruled by Venus in the 7th making further synastry between love and marriage, and no doubt you have little difficulty in attracting partners; the challenge is in becoming discerning about people that you let into your circle of trust...
Your Mars [actions, desires] expressing through Taurus shows you are motivated by earthy types who can provide security and stability to your life; you desire to build a home environment that is both comfortable and artistically adorned, thus you tend to be disinclined to be with those of minimal resources or unemployed, thus unable to provide the luxuries and comforts you seek after. At the same you yourself can be rather stubborn and bullish [materialistic] in dealing with opposing mind sets.
Across the axis of relationships you have Venus in opposition with Neptune and this often creates difficulties in matters of the heart , often due to your own naivete, innocence, confusion and making you prone to illusions and unrealistic expectations of others. In turn this can set you up for betrayals and being vulnerable to trickery and lies. Then when later the true nature of the individual is finally revealed, it can serve as a real letdown to you. You have to be careful to avoid being 'sucked in' due to lack of clear thinking; in other words seeing people for what they truly are, and not putting them up on a pedestal of idealism. There is also the aspect of Pluto/Mars as a subconscious leaning towards potential violence or abuses in love.
We would have to consider all the aspects of each of these influences to really begin to get a sense of how your relationship chemistry works. In terms of your true inner 'needs' we find afflicting aspects in your chart to the Moon, which is the center of your emotional reactivity, and that is a whole other story.
In truth, every relationship we encounter has the potential to evolve and grow into harmony and peace for both parties, but the chart does not indicate any real magic 8 ball answers. Rather than asking what stereotype is best for you, it is best to explore your own needs, expectations, values, ideals and desires so that you can initially engage in relationships with appropriate discernment.
Indeed LDR have their challenges, and may involve cultural issues, but so do those from within a short distance and both parties must be willing to work in harmony and with c0-operation to make things move nicely forward. I have to agree that your question cannot be answered directly, for astrology does not work that way, and the delineation of every aspect in the chart must be assessed. Relationships especially are all really a rather complex matter, Synastry charts are even more involved and will usually command a fee.
 

Becca

Well-known member
Thank you, kimbermoon.

Reading from your own natal chart, we first consider your axis of relationships involving the energies between Sagittarius and Gemini...you tend to express yourself primarily through Sagittarius when interacting with others, and in turn you are bound to attract Gemini type individuals to a large degree, by the Law of attraction. Others tend to be drawn to the fiery, active, ardent and inspired energy of your rising sign, but may be less physically active than you are; they like to socialize and exchange mental energies with you, however they can lack the inspiration that you seek. You want to see action, while they may be more inclined to book reading, study and exchanging ideas. They can be rather restless or scattered though and find it difficult to keep up with your search for knowledge and inspiration in life.

Yes, I agree that I attract Gemini type men. Most of the people who courted me were Geminis. I guess they were drawn to my Moon in Gemini. However, I never had a relationship with any of them. MY 1st bf's Venus was in Gemini, and we were together for 6 years, and that was the most stable, secure and loving relationship I've had. The boy I've been up to a week ago was Gemini rising.
I wouldn't necessarily say that I am more active than my boyfriends were. My ex always wanted to go out, or do sports, and I was the one into my work, books, music and video games. I love going out, but I don't have to go out every weekend like he wanted us to. I adore travelling abroad, I blame it on the Sag rising, and I've travelled more than my exes.

We tend to attract individuals who are of an opposite nature to ourselves at the subconscious level, since the psyche is looking ways to gain balance within. You do have that stellium of Taurus in the 5th House, ruled by Venus in the 7th making further synastry between love and marriage, and no doubt you have little difficulty in attracting partners; the challenge is in becoming discerning about people that you let into your circle of trust...
Your Mars [actions, desires] expressing through Taurus shows you are motivated by earthy types who can provide security and stability to your life; you desire to build a home environment that is both comfortable and artistically adorned, thus you tend to be disinclined to be with those of minimal resources or unemployed, thus unable to provide the luxuries and comforts you seek after. At the same you yourself can be rather stubborn and bullish [materialistic] in dealing with opposing mind sets.

Yes, I seek stability and security in life. I like luxurious things, but they are not a must. I've often read about this materialistic aspect of the Taureans. However, I've never had a b/f wealthier than me. My friends who like astrology keep telling me that I'm the least materialistic Taurus they know. Being the only child, my parents provided all they could for me, but they taught me to be modest and appreciative. I.e. when I was younger and they gave me pocket money, I would return to them everything I didn't spend. I didn't hide money. I would tell them what I need money for and they would give it to me. I didn't ask them for anything I knew they couldn't provide.

As for my ex, yes, we had money issues, and I was unhappy that we spent my money all the time and that he didn't put more effort in finding a job and was always waiting for his parents or me to do that for him, which I find immature.

Across the axis of relationships you have Venus in opposition with Neptune and this often creates difficulties in matters of the heart , often due to your own naivete, innocence, confusion and making you prone to illusions and unrealistic expectations of others. In turn this can set you up for betrayals and being vulnerable to trickery and lies. Then when later the true nature of the individual is finally revealed, it can serve as a real letdown to you. You have to be careful to avoid being 'sucked in' due to lack of clear thinking; in other words seeing people for what they truly are, and not putting them up on a pedestal of idealism. There is also the aspect of Pluto/Mars as a subconscious leaning towards potential violence or abuses in love.

What an interesting adjectives you chose! I have felt them all, indeed.
I really want a man I can admire. I'd like to encircle myself with admirable people. Does this bad Venus opp. Neptune aspects doom me for endless letdowns in life? :-(

We would have to consider all the aspects of each of these influences to really begin to get a sense of how your relationship chemistry works. In terms of your true inner 'needs' we find afflicting aspects in your chart to the Moon, which is the center of your emotional reactivity, and that is a whole other story.

As for my moon, would you say that apart from other things, I'm also trying to find a partner in life with whom my mother would be pleased as well?
 
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kimbermoon

Well-known member
The oppositions show areas of polarity and contradiction which can contribute to conflict or disconnect with others; it seeks some form of balancing within the individual.
Thus we find that the energies of Venus and Neptune are not co-operating effectively and something has to give. IF it is Neptune creating confusion and scattered thinking, then that must be corrected. If Venus dominates you may need to adjust your own expectations, ideals and values. The additional aspects of Venus/Jupiter [education and judiciousness] and Venus/Uranus [impulsiveness,] act as contributors to the problem. Resolutions can be made by utilizing the energies of Venus/Saturn[practicality and taking accountability for when things go wrong] and the trine of Venus/Pluto [deeper understanding about the true essence of love through spirituality].
With your ex, his Mars was in competition with all your Taurus energies and that was likely a contributing factor to the split, among other problems. Once you learn to balance 'from within' the disconnection with other men may be more effectively handled. No, you are not doomed for endless letdowns, but it is up to you to keep your expectations realistic.
As for the the Moon, I think it is not so much about finding someone that Mom would approve of, but rather that a partner who can interact with you just as she did. Then your Moon is also squared off with Jupiter and Uranus for you representing another internalized problem. The question may not be so much as to 'what is wrong with them', but rather what am I doing wrong in the relationship? At the core level of your psyche, you need someone who can stimulate you mentally with good communication skills.
 

Becca

Well-known member
Thanks, kimber, once again.

You know, it's easier when we can hate and blame others for something. And if it's me I am to blame now, then it's much harder, because I can't jump out of my skin or live with self-hatred. I feel very sad and depressed now, but I am aware that's a part of grieving.

Yes, I want someone to love me and take care of me as much as my mom does. You've nailed that on the head.

You're right about the communication too. I feel much more secure if my partner frequently calls me or sees me and speaks his love to me. Otherwise, I get moody, insecure, suspicious, unloved, sometimes even to the point it affects my health.

I've no idea what to do now and where to go from here, I feel so sad and defeated. I don't want to live like a girl anymore, I don't want to be alone. I want to start my own family, but, for some reason, that seems to be impossible to reach. It's like, whatever I build gets ruined like a house of cards :crying:
 

kimbermoon

Well-known member
June 8: Your Moon in Gemini denotes that at the subconscious level you need opportunities to learn, study and travel. You are needing to lighten up a bit on trying to force your desires; Gemini gives you the incentive to seek out diversity, and learn about the true nature of friendship which should be the initial basis for marriage, IMO. The more you circulate with others socially the greater the chance of
finding that special person. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find the prince. Once you resolve some of your inner challenges, there will be time for marriage and raising a family, when the time is right and when you are more centered within yourself.
The workings of Saturn can indeed bring feelings of depression and self-defeat to us all. Neptune transiting your 3rd H is very much associated with feelings of disorientation and dissociative, yet if you could see further down the road you would find that when one door closes, another one is waiting to be opened; yet we must put in effort to effect changes in our circumstances because that is largely caused by repressed emotions and mental thought processes which have become distorted or blurred. You can't go out to play until you have done your homework. Eventually it also comes down to self-honesty and self-awareness. The path can be long and arduous and Saturn only rewards us when we have put in the effort...and that effort is about truly knowing ourselves so that we can be more in control of our own lives.
Jupiter will soon move to the sign of Leo, where it will make a nice trine to Jupiter/Uranus in your chart, and that is very indicative of expansion and growth for you.
Mars in Libra will soon get an infusion of new energy soon as well, when it moves out of that sign and gains new momentum and motivation. It is currently approaching your Saturn/Pluto which forms a nice aspect to your natal Venus; then it later forms the opposition to it's natal position and that is often a time of transition and change. I do think things will be improving for you in the next few months, and while you anticipate more favourable circumstances it is helpful to 'make yourself ready' for a new relationship to begin.
 

Becca

Well-known member
Thanks for giving me the ray of hope, kimber :smile:

Yes, I need to regroup now. I'll try to socialize more, and I think that it will be possible now when my students are about to have summer break, and when I'll have only administrative tasks left. Everyone likes to go out on a beautiful summer night. I'll push myself to be more active, as soon as the coughing I've caught from cold goes away.

I'll let you know how the transits you mentioned worked for me.
 

Becca

Well-known member
One more thing, I've just calculated that the period when transiting Mars switches to Scorpio and when transiting Jupiter moves to Leo is the period when I've got my vacation to Turkey booked. I highly doubt love will happen to me there, since I'm going with my mom, but I'm sure I'll recharge my batteries in the lovely Mediterranean sea. We'll see what happens, we'll see.. :)
 

waybread

Well-known member
Becca, have you met this new guy in person? If not, and your relationship is totally on-line, how do you know this isn't some kind of fraud? The Internet is full of charming guys who are actually con artists.
 

Becca

Well-known member
No, waybread, I haven't met him. That's why I wanted someone to read that chart too and advise me about him as well. What kind of fraud do you have in mind?
 

waybread

Well-known member
Becca, please take the time to educate yourselves about Internet fraud by people who appear to fall in love with a stranger they've never met. They can post fake pictures and claim to be someone they're not. What hard evidence have you got that this man is who he says he is? Surely you've heard about Internet con men!

Common frauds are men insinuating themselves with a naïve woman with the intent of getting her to trust him to the point where he: (a) asks her to "loan" him money, (b) gets her personal data (whereupon he hits her bank account, credit cards, &c., this may or may not be a form of identity theft.) (c) asks to meet her for a weekend "date" whereas he is really a dangerous psychopath, (d) uses her as a front for an illegitimate business. (f) Depending upon the woman's citizenship and location, he may hope for his "ticket" to emigrate to her country as a fiancé or spouse, with no intention of staying with her after the wedding.

Surely you've heard of human trafficking, as well. Women from Asia and eastern Europe are lured to western Europe with promises of jobs or romance, only to be pressured into prostitution.

I don't mean to sound like an alarmist, but you can't be too careful on the Internet. People may not be who they claim to be.

If you wish to pursue this LDR relationship, please be very, very careful.
Why doesn't he offer to fly to your location? Can you check to see if he actually has the credentials he claims to have?

No, of course you shouldn't just move to the UK with the chance that a romantic relationship with a total stranger will somehow work out. Maybe go there for a brief date, while you keep your wits about you.
 
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waybread

Well-known member
Becca, these sites may be of interest:

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/725 (a U. S. site, but no different than for other countries.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advi...con-men-and-their-newest-tricks/#.U5USkixOWzw (eharmony is a legitimate U. S. Internet dating site.)

http://www.dangersofinternetdating.com/conartists.htm

One of the best tips on this 3rd site is that con men often portray themselves as well educated and financially secure: whereas this is a lie they tell to come across as attractive to women, in a medium where their true nature is unlikely to be discovered till too late.

Of course men are vulnerable to Internet "con women" as well. Some of these "women" are actually men who have taken female models' photographs off the Internet.
 

Becca

Well-known member
waybread, I see what you mean. You're absolutely right.
I am not jumping into anything.
I am not planning to move anywhere.
Yes, I would go for a date first if it came to that.
To be true, we haven't even talked much in the last two days.
Maybe since I got in a fight with my ex, I was craving emotional attention and I got some from this guy.
Being suspicious and curious by nature, I came here to post the charts and ask about what's in store for me.
 

Becca

Well-known member
Just an update - I got back together with my ex.
I can't change the world but I can try to control myself, and I'll try to be happy with what I have and use what life gives me now the best way I can.
As for the Englishman, he suddenly became distant. There's something fishy about him, I can't tell what. He still writes me a few short lines every day, usually when I'm offline, he tells me he misses me, but we haven't spoken for a week almost. Maybe he's just a flirt, his Venus is airy after all.
 

Halo Jones

Active member
As for the Englishman, he suddenly became distant. There's something fishy about him, I can't tell what. He still writes me a few short lines every day, usually when I'm offline, he tells me he misses me, but we haven't spoken for a week almost. Maybe he's just a flirt, his Venus is airy after all.

Yeah, I would write that guy off. I'm glad you got back together with your ex. Don't waste your time even responding to that online dude, he isn't worth the brain space.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Just an update - I got back together with my ex.
I can't change the world but I can try to control myself, and I'll try to be happy with what I have and use what life gives me now the best way I can.
As for the Englishman, he suddenly became distant. There's something fishy about him, I can't tell what. He still writes me a few short lines every day, usually when I'm offline, he tells me he misses me, but we haven't spoken for a week almost. Maybe he's just a flirt, his Venus is airy after all.

Yeah, or maybe he's just a con artist. I have an "airy Venus" and this isn't my style, for sure. Good choice, now hopefully your BF will start pulling his own weight financially. The reasons why you broke up with him will probably have to change for you to be really happy with him for the long term.

Good luck, Becca-- you deserve it!
 
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