Saturn on the Ascendant--Perpetual Lonliness?

I'm looking for some way to work with this, and currently I'm failing horribly at it. With Saturn on the Ascendant, as long as I can remember, I've always been left out of everything. People always ignored me or outright excluded me. I always watched people make friends or dates or whatever. The exclusion at one point got so bad, that I've begun to do the work myself....I exclude myself purposefully from others out of fear of feeling disconnected or hurt. I run people away, make up excuses not to socialize, run from others etc all just to be alone, though I HATE being alone.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I don't like feeling left out when I'm around people (and I almost always do because I'm not the most casual person in the world; very, very formal for my age) but I also don't like being alone.

As you can probably guess, my romantic life is nonexistent and that's a source of constant mental anguish for me because it makes me feel that something is wrong with me. The same paradoxical behavior manifests here. I'm too afraid to socialize with women (too guarded and too formal) and when the time comes, I'm so harsh, cold, and aloof that it goes no where. Other times I'm passed over for seeming too "dry" or "formal" particularly in comparison to other guys my age. I'm too skeptical to know when someone is interested in me, so I often times ignore obvious signs of it.....only to later come back and try to talk to them when it's too late.

It's come to the point now that other people in my life feel that I dislike them or don't care about them when I really do. It's such a complicated situation to explain to people and most people just peg me as being grumpy or too serious....which further alienates me from others. I don't know what to do anymore.

Basically, the reason I came here is to hopefully get some advice as to how to work with this aspect of myself or if there are other factors in my chart that could help me out. It's maddening.

I highly suggest reading the books "A new earth" by Eckhart Tolle and "Ask and it is given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It may be time for you to discover your own role in this. Yes, Saturn on the ASC is like a perpetual dark cloud, but always remember you chose this as part of this incarnation and life journey, possibly as the impetus for you to start on these new books and ways of looking at things.

Hi Sworm09

don't have answers but believe accurate labeling may be a good start.

e.g., why freeze-frame on Sat/Asc when there's enough "red" aspects to fully indicate your mentioned behavior/experiences.

The attached doesn't visually read well on first glance bec of the bunched-up lines but what stands out (in relation to your issue):

-45-90-45 among Sun-Uran-Jup; and

-that red asymmetrical Kite having the Jup-Sat spine and Moon-Ven/Uran crossbrace.

Might be helpful to draw it out by hand.

That Kite doesn't appear activiated by transit at the moment but it doesn't help that T Sat is dumping on your Merc oppo Mars right now.

Hi. I'm sorry to hear that you've endured this loneliness for so long. It is a difficult and multi-layered issue, but actually you're description is extremely lucid, and worthy of careful study by anyone who wants to understand Saturn better. You are aware that you are predisposed to approach others with a kind of rigidity, and that the reason why you sometimes avoid or shun contact with others is a fear of rejection. You are also perhaps aware that your persona sets you up to carry a particular stereotype which the Saturn in other people is afraid of because it reminds them of their own fear of not being noticed - in other words, people will often want to keep you in that role as a way of alleviating their fears of insignificance.

Its so easy for someone with a strong and inhibiting Saturn to lose themselves in arrogance as a defence. You may do that sometimes (note that Sun Saturn is square Jupiter in Sagitarius), but the sense I get from your post is that you possess great humility and self-honesty. In this sense you have a head start in dealing with these issues compared to someone who brazenly overcompensates.

Although the rising Saturn is of course a strong significator of the issues you speak of, I'll mention how some other factors in the chart are also part of the picture.

Firstly, Sun conjunct Saturn is very important, because your core sense of self is affected by Saturn issues as well as your general approach to life. It is largely because these three factors are all in Pisces, that you feel so lonely. water signs - the feeling function - needs a feeling connection with something other than the self, or else one feels bereft, abandoned and isolated. Its not necessarily a good idea to substitute 'real' relationships for fantasies as this can become a limiting habit, but some watery people are able to find a sense of intimacy by opening themselves inwardly to the imaginal and spiritual dimensions of consciousness. If this is achieved in a healthy way, then it can bring an enhanced capacity to open to others on a feeling level, and yet a sense of self-sufficiency along side that.

Adding to the sense of alienation, Chiron is not only angular in the 7th house of 'shared understanding and potentially harmonious interactions with others' but is also opposite the Sun/Moon midpoint.

There are also some features of the chart that may express as aloofness and even prickliness without you being aware of this: Moon in Aries; Mercury in Aquarius opposite Mars in Leo; and Venus in Aquarius conjunct Uranus. These placements all need you to be yourself - in an uncompromising way to some extent. Its perhaps as though you are juggling your Saturn-Chiron fears, your watery needs for intimacy on a feeling level, and also this need to break out and take the intitiative. The latter, perhaps being suppressed by the struggle to come to terms with the tension between the other two, could express as a spiky way due to not being allowed free expression.

Saturn is the planet of the hermit, and people with this function prominent in their lives may need to withdraw into a metaphorical cave to understand who they are, and to work through their fears. Otherwise, they are at the mercy of the expectations and judgements of others. You are still very young, and there are plenty of opportunities to withdraw, take stock and start over with a renewed sense of self. This seems to be central to your life path, and you lead to places within yourself that others never know because they are in a position to be more complacent (i.e. superficial) because their social needs (or at least the limited notion they have of their social needs) seem to be fulfilled without them having to raise their consciousness.

I hope this helps. A New Earth is truly brilliant. And there's a great 90 odd minute You Tube video of Eckhart Tolle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KopmSpe33Eg

mdinaz said:

I highly suggest reading the books "A new earth" by Eckhart Tolle and "Ask and it is given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It may be time for you to discover your own role in this. Yes, Saturn on the ASC is like a perpetual dark cloud, but always remember you chose this as part of this incarnation and life journey, possibly as the impetus for you to start on these new books and ways of looking at things.

Click to expand...

Oh, books! Thank you mdinaz! It seems that learning and experience will be the only way "out of this", so learning to look at things differently will go a long way at helping me to move from utter gloominess. I'll give these two books a look

Krewster said:

Hi Sworm09

don't have answers but believe accurate labeling may be a good start.

e.g., why freeze-frame on Sat/Asc when there's enough "red" aspects to fully indicate your mentioned behavior/experiences.

The attached doesn't visually read well on first glance bec of the bunched-up lines but what stands out (in relation to your issue):

-45-90-45 among Sun-Uran-Jup; and

-that red asymmetrical Kite having the Jup-Sat spine and Moon-Ven/Uran crossbrace.

Might be helpful to draw it out by hand.

That Kite doesn't appear activiated by transit at the moment but it doesn't help that T Sat is dumping on your Merc oppo Mars right now.

Click to expand...

Thanks for going through the trouble of recasting my chart! Yes, I can tell that there are some other things going on in my chart that contribute greatly to this and it would even be incorrect of me to say that Saturn is the prime indicator of it. What you pointed out to me though were the minor aspects; I don't know overtly much about them, but they're definitely worth looking into

Also, T. Saturn hitting Mercury and Mars is something that I should have watched more carefully. Transits to that opposition are always rough because that is probably the most sensitive thing in my chart. Whenever it's hit, frustrations ensue.

Also, drawing out and calculating my chart by hand is something that I've only done once. But I stopped at the major aspects.

@miquar

I can't quote your entire text, but it's very, very, very good. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm modest per se; in behavior I'm modest, often bordering on shy and yielding. Deep down though, I can be a tad arrogant and recognition seeking; Mars retrograde down there fighting against the tide of life...and the worst part of it is that it's not something that I'm often consciously aware of myself doing. That's why I've been attempting to be more honest with myself; a lot of the things that I believe are happening TO me are happening BECAUSE of me and my own actions.

The things about intimacy are true. I'm constantly looking for someone to connect with; not physically, not superficially, but extremely deeply. I do not find that...and thus I slip into fantasy, which when compared to my real life, only makes me more lonely. Through thinking about myself and my life, I'm beginning to realize that finding a partner would involve first finding myself and being ok with whatever person that is. There's nothing wrong with me per se other than the marked emphasis on individuality that runs through my life and this obsession (often a hidden one) with wanting to be recognized for being ME and no one else.

The spikiness that you mentioned...I feel, I often get frustrated when I'm pegged into a hole ("You're THIS kind of person"), or simply frustrated because I feel like the universe is working against me (often times it's the other way around) and I have a tendency to lash out against other people when I feel inadequate or left out. I can take on a very, very harsh tone with people at times because that's literally the only way that I show aggression. Nothing other than that. None. At all. Entirely passive other than that. Mars retro is a fascinating thing.

I think what you said about me begin young makes sense. I guess I'm just going to have to learn how to do this, how to manage this. In my constant struggles with seeking approval, one thing that I constantly and persistently notice myself inherently doing is mentally separating myself from others. I'm not like them, I'm weird, I'm different. Even in being negative, the tone is overwhelmingly I'm an individual with my own path and no one else can get that. That's something that's so basic to me that it's like breathing, but consciously I tend to forget it.

I guess anyone that will ever decide to be with me in my life (either as a friend or a romantic partner) will have to be able to accept the fact that under all of the inhibition and shyness, I'm a marked individualist . I don't think I've even accepted that.

Hi. Yes, Mercury opposite Mars and the tendency to show verbal aggression. Its an aspect that often plays 'devil's advocate'.

You have such keen self awareness. I think the Tolle book and video will help you to find the space - the consciousness - around these needs/values/traits. I think mdinaz saw very quickly that you've reached a point where you already have the kind of self-knowledge that astrology can help people with.

One thing I would say in response to your reply is that the inward self-communion that I spoke of is different from unfruitful fantasising.

Your chart has a lot going for it, and I'm sure you'll do something worthwhile with it.

Hi,

Sorry you're feeling down.

My dad has saturn on the ascendant, although in the 1st house, and he is quite serious and dour and has been through a lot of hardships. At 60 he acted more like an 80 year old, I can only guess at what he was like at a younger age. And he also hates socialising and keeps himself separate from other people, although this is in part due to having sun in the 4th house. He (I think) didn't have a lot of relationships but he stuck to his marriage with my mum through thick and thin, even refusing to divorce (that could be venus in taurus in his case) and he was very successful in his career, completely self-made and very responsible at providing for the family.

So I can see some of what you're saying could be caused by having saturn on the ascendant, although in your case it could also be sun conjunct saturn that is causing this (I have that aspect too), the seclusion and sensitivity could be due to having the sun in the 12th, and the trouble with relationships and relating to people due to having chiron in the 7th - you get wounded by relationships or by trying to relate to people as partners or even just reaching out to other people in general. Probably the people you partner with will be wounded themselves, somehow, but chiron also brings the potential for healing, so the person you end up with will be healed by the experience of being in a partnership with you. I think I've seen this in action on the forum where you have written helpful replies to other people's questions, so probably have given them some healing that way.

I think the answer, besides all the helpful answers that have already been given is to look into the positive attributes of saturn and chiron. Yes, you have them on the ascendant/descendant in your chart so the negatives will come up from time to time, but you also have the positive benefits that they bring as well. I'm sure there are some books about both saturn and chiron that highlight both sides, I think Liz Greene may have written some.

Also you have the moon in the 1st which is a really nice placement (in my opinion - I am a cancer so I like cancery types), which should make you warm, caring, sensitive to others, nurturing etc. I have venus conjunct saturn, you have venus semi-square saturn (another relationship inhibitor) and it is said that people with venus aspecting saturn often do better trying to establish relationships through their moon side, being supportive and caring, rather than through their venus side (charm, chat & appearance), also venus/saturn suggests few relationships but the ones that do occur have real depth and also that the person with this aspect gets better looking, or at least more attractive, perhaps in terms of personality too, with age. Also, apparently, our best relationships are either with people who are much older or much younger than ourselves, with our own age group we can appear to stuffy and formal, as you mention, but older people have (generally) quietened down a bit and want a more serious approach, so we can fit in there, or with very much younger people we can play the older, guiding role, in my case my best relationships have been with someone 8 years older and someone 9 years younger, and I like talking to old people and children (definitely not suggesting relationships with children though!!!!!)

Also, besides venus being in hard aspect to saturn you have venus aspecting all the outer planets, which bring their own challenges, as well as their own rewards. (I have venus aspecting saturn, uranus, neptune and pluto, although not exactly the same aspects as yours).

All in all it's not such a gloomy chart. Although anytime saturn is involved things can get a bit "gloomy". Like everything in astrology there are some people out there who prefer saturnian types to the more fly by night types.

If people peg you as too gloomy, then firstly they haven't studied astrology and don't understand that every type has something to contribute, and probably aren't very tolerant of people that are different from them, in addition they haven't taken any time to understand your feelings and what it is that is causing you to feel the way you do, if they did they would probably see that you are not that different from them, and you have your quirks and needs just as they have theirs (although theirs may be different).

sworm09 said:

I'm looking for some way to work with this, and currently I'm failing horribly at it. With Saturn on the Ascendant, as long as I can remember, I've always been left out of everything. People always ignored me or outright excluded me. I always watched people make friends or dates or whatever. The exclusion at one point got so bad, that I've begun to do the work myself....I exclude myself purposefully from others out of fear of feeling disconnected or hurt. I run people away, make up excuses not to socialize, run from others etc all just to be alone, though I HATE being alone.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I don't like feeling left out when I'm around people (and I almost always do because I'm not the most casual person in the world; very, very formal for my age) but I also don't like being alone.

As you can probably guess, my romantic life is nonexistent and that's a source of constant mental anguish for me because it makes me feel that something is wrong with me. The same paradoxical behavior manifests here. I'm too afraid to socialize with women (too guarded and too formal) and when the time comes, I'm so harsh, cold, and aloof that it goes no where. Other times I'm passed over for seeming too "dry" or "formal" particularly in comparison to other guys my age. I'm too skeptical to know when someone is interested in me, so I often times ignore obvious signs of it.....only to later come back and try to talk to them when it's too late.

It's come to the point now that other people in my life feel that I dislike them or don't care about them when I really do. It's such a complicated situation to explain to people and most people just peg me as being grumpy or too serious....which further alienates me from others. I don't know what to do anymore.

Basically, the reason I came here is to hopefully get some advice as to how to work with this aspect of myself or if there are other factors in my chart that could help me out. It's maddening.

Click to expand...

If it helps for me to mention this, I have a Saturn in the 6th house as an apex of a fixed T-Square. It square my moon, mercury, venus and pluto, all of which are personalised for me.

Saturn is a brutal planet. That is why I always envy people who have Saturn trines and sextiles. But what I can say is that Saturn improves over time. It is a long term planet. And there are many successful people who have a Saturn in the first conjunct ascendant. (Warren Buffet is one XD)

Edit: For my Saturn in 6th, its very hard for people to acknowledge my work. It's like they have blindfold on them and they can't be bothered to take it off! I pretty much have to earn in the hard way. But yes, I can understand some of the things you are going through.

Hey,

Another thing which is relevant, which we also have in common, is venus in the 11th. This means that you put a lot of effort into 11th house things, and will get a lot of benefit from them, as venus is a benefic. If you had venus in the 3rd you would be relating to people in your environment, in the 4th family, in the 5th dates, in the 6th clients, in the 7th partners, in the 8th intimate partners etc. But in your case it is in the 11th, which means you put more focus into relating to groups, or the general public, such as via the internet, than dates (5th) or partners (7th). Despite what people with venus in 5th or 7th might say (I have a specific example in mind, so perhaps not everyone is this way) relating to the public and groups is just as valid a way of being a useful human being and contributing to society as having a partner.

Venus in the 11th isn't destined to be lonely, but being in the 11th, with uranus there, and in Aquarius it means you will be detached towards the people you are relating to, and will need your own space.

I'm guessing that you will be able to find people to relate to in group settings, or as an audience, which might help to alleviate some of your worries about not being able to fit in.

Another thing is the ruler of your 7th house being on the cusp of the 12th, again in Aquarius, which is quite detached. The 12th can mean "lack" but also means that you could find a way to relate to people through 12th house means, perhaps by helping them in some way.

Did you ever try To relocate To a beneficial place? And if so, sid it really change yuor life? Maybe you can benefit from relocation studies.

Relocate to Botswana or McMurdo Station...the natal Saturn is still there at the Ascendant.

Everyone seems to think they can change their destiny, their character.
Good luck on that. Let me know how it works out.

junoisuppose; Yeah, there seem to be a few things in my chart that suggest the feelings of alienation that I have. My Moon in the 1st is a dual edged sword, my emotions are ridiculously fiery and jumpy; for good or ill. I'm both protective and aggressive, for myself and at times others. The trine between Moon and Mars with reception, within the context of my chart is the one thing that always gives me hope; it's like the battery of the chart and it keeps things drumming along. Saturn gets rough at times sure, but Moon/Mars along with Mars/Jupiter won't allow me to stay idle for long.

You mentioned the semi-square between Venus and Saturn. You guys are killing me with these minor aspects! I have no understanding of the semi-square other than the fact that it's like a "little" square

I've got to look into those.

I guess you're right about people pegging me as gloomy though, but to be fair, some people see me as being more stable, focused, and mature than I really am!

Venus in Aquarius in the 11th is an....awkward placement and you're right that it is very detached. Venus-Uranus though has been a fascinating problem for me in that I love "novel" people. Weirdos, hipsters, quirky people; I love them! Someone that's just ordinary...I just don't enjoy them as people and I get very frustrated with them. That's where the detachment comes in.

I've got more research to do in regards to my Mercury-Mars opposition in the cadent 6th-12th axis in regards to relationships. I know that generally in my chart it shows a persistent feeling of not having enough information and a "push back" nature when I feel that I'm being talked down to or intellectually belittled. In relationships the one thing that I have a hunch on is that it shows the all too common "I need to be absolutely sure this person likes me" tendency that I have that easily slips into anxiety, paranoia, and over analyzing things on my part. Mercury in the 12th may not signify lack of relationships, but it seems to show hesitance when it comes to them out of fear of looking foolish

Krewster; Like I said to juno, I've got a lot of reading to do on these minor aspects. I generally ignore them and don't see them mentioned much, but I often see you around the forums using them very well; that makes me think that they may have some value.

Arena; I plan on leaving the United States in the next few years, perhaps to move to Great Britain or France, but for unrelated reasons. Relocation astrology is something that I'm very skeptical about. I'm not knocking it because I don't have a great deal of experience with it (unless you count a short trip to the other side of the country as a relocation), but on a theoretical level I don't see how it makes sense. But that's just me. Maybe I'll look into it anyway?

greybeard; That's sort of how I feel about it. If the entirety of your live experience is mapped out in your natal chart, then it doesn't make sense for you to be able to change that by doing something as simple as moving to another country. Your basic make up does not change when you leave your natal country; the same experiences indicated in your natal chart would follow you in my opinion. That's why I said, I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to Relocation astrology. I'd really need someone to explain to me the philosophy or thought pattern behind it.

Hm, I'm wondering by looking at your chart and how you've explained things if you come off as "pretentious" frequently. That may not be the case, but the aspects/placements and the dilemmas you describe sound like it.

Aqua Venus in 11th house might also mean you may have luck finding romance via the internet or a dating site.

You've received a lot of great replies here, but I mostly wanted to add: Saturn isn't always a downer for relationships. I met the love of my life while Saturn transited my 5th. He has a Capricorn Ascendant, and his Saturn conjuncts my Ascendant! I have Saturn conjunct my DSC (14 yr age difference), and it rules my 8th house, plus I have Moon and Mars in Cap. So I happen to find Cappy traits/strong Saturn very intriguing and comfortable.

My point is, there is someone out there that will "get" you; who won't mind your Saturnine traits and will appreciate them. It's not something you need to work around so much as develop, because it signals a part of who you are, and even if it means loneliness that Saturn can symbolize it also can mean the relationships you do have are lasting and enduring more than a Aqua Venus/Leo Mars might suggest. You are very young yet and perhaps with that 1st house Aries Moon patience is something Sun/Saturn in Pisces teaches you. Good luck, sworm09, I often appreciate the things you say on this forum and you're right, you do seem older!

Flapjacks said:

Hm, I'm wondering by looking at your chart and how you've explained things if you come off as "pretentious" frequently. That may not be the case, but the aspects/placements and the dilemmas you describe sound like it.

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Yeah, I could actually see that. People often told me during high school that always I seemed as if I thought I was better than everyone else because of my facial expressions. The funny thing is that the reality was the exact opposite. I would be lying if I were to say that Saturn's placement didn't influence my appearance and outward behavior; I've got long, lanky, bony body and a serious gaze that makes me look and act a little more sophisticated and "together" than I really am.

The accusations of me being pretentious only get worse when I talk to people. But generally the longer people know me the more down to earth they see I am. But yeah, people seeing me as pretentious, I could see how that would be possible. It's not intentional, but I could see how they would think that.

sworm09 said:

Yeah, I could actually see that. People often told me during high school that always I seemed as if I thought I was better than everyone else because of my facial expressions. The funny thing is that the reality was the exact opposite. I would be lying if I were to say that Saturn's placement didn't influence my appearance and outward behavior; I've got long, lanky, bony body and a serious gaze that makes me look and act a little more sophisticated and "together" than I really am.

The accusations of me being pretentious only get worse when I talk to people. But generally the longer people know me the more down to earth they see I am. But yeah, people seeing me as pretentious, I could see how that would be possible. It's not intentional, but I could see how they would think that.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I've noticed it's very difficult for intentions to be clear with Pisces, as the slippery fish is hard to pin down. Saturn tends to pin things down, though, and so I can see "quick to judge" happening with acquaintances, which has a weird flip side that they see you as judging even if they are judging you. Saturn can reflect a person's fears or inadequacies at them, and you might have that effect on people. But what others see on the surface is very different than the "you" inside. The grand fire trine and airy Venus, Mercury/Mars opposition is very dynamic, and almost seems out of character for that configuration at your Ascendant. It makes Saturn/Sun look like a protective gatekeeper! And perhaps that is where there is something you can do about things... Saturn shows where you have to be extra clear and above-board, and that might be with your intentions or how you present yourself to others. It also shows a high wall or protective shell (being in Cancer decan, the crustacean), so "letting loose" more often to satisfy your fire/air planets could be helpful to you. Just some thoughts anyway!

hello sworm09,
Uranus is your dominant planet followed closely by Jupiter. The 11th is your dominant house, maybe these are the keys to your dilemma if you can put them to work. Saturn (5th in the hierarchy of order) you highlight as the culprit and he has mutual reception with Neptune (ruler - although a weak planet in your chart) also in the 11th...that's maybe another clue. Sun in the 12th needs 'time out' in my opinion and perhaps that's not helping when you say others don't realise that you do care and I wonder if there's an opportunity that you can take to tell those around you that you are caring and sensitive. Actions speak louder than words though so try to remember that when faced with an opportunity.
Jupiter in the 9th in Sag along with Juno next door also Sag points to a international woman in my opinion, moreso as your dominant triplicity is fire and dominant modality is mutable. Also worth noting, Neptune and the NN are in critical degree so you'll be able to look for transits/progressions to these sensitive points. I do see a semi-square to the Vertex (7th) from the NN (8th) I have a square to mine also 7th you could read up on that maybe. Moon's low friction actually scoring 10 out of 12 and the MC and AC are included in that calculation.
Mdinaz and Miquar are absolutely spot on about New Earth the book, though you have to be ready for it. I was much older than you when I found it and if you want to see the real truth clearly...it's all there in the book. Venus is well aspected in the 11th...I definitely don't see perpetual loneliness in your chart.
My un-astrological advice is try to look for the positives, take the opportunities as they arrive and dismiss the negative thoughts...they're just clouds passing by the sky.... good luck

Hi,

I owe you a reading but you've already received some exceptional views. I'd like to advise you as a friend, though.

We're similar, you're right. The difference is that I like my Saturn, whereas you curse it. Sounds delirious but in total, accurate. I wouldn't be who I am without Saturn constantly telling me I've got a ways to go and I'm oddly thankful for that because even though things can get unbearingly awful, I always have this feeling I'm going forward. Not many people can say they're credible of this particular stance and it makes all the difference to me now as it will when it pays off in the future. I think if you can accept the reality Saturn is showing you without getting depressed about it, you can better integrate yourself into the world.

Your reality is that you have a fractured ego and are prone to misjudgements made by people upon first impression. Logically, people do not know you well enough upon first meeting to be able to assess who you are. Do not take their lack of interest personally. Rather, how on earth can anyone be interested in you if you're not interested in yourself! A healthy amount of self love is vibrant and necessary.

With this aspect you will be somewhat lonely, however you must look inwards and define a proper opinion of yourself. I think you would be well off working in a charity every now and then to gain a positive amount of self esteem and to help counter your first impressions. You'll also meet people there who will look at you for what you're doing rather than how you look or seem like. Pisces is about service and compassion, adding the square from Jupiter on your sun gives you a natural inclination towards generosity.

As long as you have a good outlook on yourself, I think you will attract the right people. Don't bank on first impressions and give yourself and others the time to grow in your presence. Time takes time.

To wrap it up since this post has gotten a bit lengthy, I'll leave you with a tip. Whenever you find yourself wrapped with a self defeatist attitude, remember that there is always logically another perspective to consider and that they're both equally plausible, no matter how the world disguises your fortune and cuts off your ends. Things do eventually turn around if you give it your time and effort! Keep that in mind, please (I know your mercury sextile Jupiter is quite capable).

P.S. I am also not strongly versed on relocation astrology but I will say that it seems a bit silly to live in a certain location because it will benefit you somehow (unless that is where you will meet girls).