BPD or Bipolar?

Lin said:

The grand trine in water with Neptune ruling the MC and IN the 6th house represents her ''escaping'' into whatever work she does....that's the addiction.
Venus rules the 6th house.....and even tho it's part of the grand trine, it also squares her Moon. The moon requires emotional involvement and the Moon/Venus square makes it impossible to be personally involved emotionally.

She also has Mars and Moon inconjunct - so that a really a terrible addition to this already difficult chart which has as it's core a t-square in mutable signs.
Had your ''father'' be a real father there would have been many mitigating circumstances....but as it happened, you were a victim. The important thing now is to stop being a victim. Stop expecting it and stop enabling it.

LIN

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I think the ruler of her 6th house is Mars, don't you think ?!

Why do I look for an emotional connection, when I never had one ?! would be the need for my moon? You know why I really am able to stand on my own !! But in terms of relationship, my ideal is someone emotionally there for me, you know, because my pluto squares are really difficult, and my life is a constant of ups and downs ... and when life hits me hard, all I would need in a partner would be emotional support !! At least that's what I think I need (but I'm still going to read the book you indicated, I found the book "Healing the shame that binds you" ... and I'm deciding whether to buy the book "Are you the one for me? "version in english or portuguese, I found both !!
As I said about my father, I haven't wanted a connection for a while, this last bad experience I tried only because my family influenced me, here in Brazil families tend to give importance to these family bonds, even though they are not worthy !!

Best wishes for you LIN.

P.S: Again, thank you very much, and we are here rooting for Biden !! We are shocked by the result of florida in favor of Trump

Florida is Republican and has been a very long time. Even the Cuban population in the south of Florida tends to be republican even tho they are the descendants of immigrants from the '60s. I guess time stands still there.

Your mom's 6th house is ruled by Pluto as it is the sign of Scorpio.

As far as why you look for an emotional connection....because you are human. Humans have the need to feel emotions and not just impulses like animals.
In fact, some animals also have emotions.

And you have the moon in the 8th house....that is one of the partnership houses. And in Libra, the sign of ''the partner''. So you are stuck with it.

What you need to do is ''understand'' it....that is what therapy is for or self help materials.

There is nothing wrong with you to try to find the ''experience of being alive''.

But your experience is connected from childhood with being ''abandoned'' and therefore you continue to experience this....because you don't know how to do it differently.

that is why these bookd are vital. And if you read English fluently, I would by the book in English. It's very ''to the point''. Sometimes translations are not exact.

LIN

Lin said:

Florida is Republican and has been a very long time. Even the Cuban population in the south of Florida tends to be republican even tho they are the descendants of immigrants from the '60s. I guess time stands still there.

Your mom's 6th house is ruled by Pluto as it is the sign of Scorpio.

As far as why you look for an emotional connection....because you are human. Humans have the need to feel emotions and not just impulses like animals.
In fact, some animals also have emotions.

And you have the moon in the 8th house....that is one of the partnership houses. And in Libra, the sign of ''the partner''. So you are stuck with it.

What you need to do is ''understand'' it....that is what therapy is for or self help materials.

There is nothing wrong with you to try to find the ''experience of being alive''.

But your experience is connected from childhood with being ''abandoned'' and therefore you continue to experience this....because you don't know how to do it differently.

that is why these bookd are vital. And if you read English fluently, I would by the book in English. It's very ''to the point''. Sometimes translations are not exact.

LIN

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Yes I said mars, because some astrologers prefer to use mars instead of pluto, but I particularly prefer pluto !!

let me ask you (please correct me if I wrong), are you making this difference between humans and animals with the representations of the zodiac? Like for example Aquarius (human) and Leo (animal)? Because if it is, WOW how cool !! I love to compare personality in this way too, but there are few that I know who interpret considering this differential !!
I get your point, by the way very clearly!! thanks again =D

you know, I have the impression that the first part of my life in which I have repeated to you that I wasn't very aware of many things .... maybe I have lived through illusions too, because only now I do realize that many things wasn't normal, but at the time I know that I cried (whenever my mom had time to stay with me at night on the weekend and she chose to go out with friends for example) I felt deeply, but I didn't understand it rationally !!
So I realize that now I am on my way to a greater closure of this time and all the pains I had, and how do I need to do this ?! as you mentioned above UNDERSTANDING (look how long it took me to understand my relationship with my ex ... I just knew there was something very wrong) soo understand the situation is the key and after that I need to resolve this within me, giving this conclusions to my own self, because I will never have that conclusion from anyone else ... especially if everyone had narcissistic tendencies, when I speak this is because all I wanted of my parents was love ... my father once told me that what I wanted from him (love), he could never donate me !!
This is very sad ... but I understand the point of this, because in order to search for this love in the external world I need to return inside myself (I believe that this will contribute to my self-esteem too), because to seek this love outside me I believe that the experiences can be more painful ("Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." by Albert Einsten), and the path to the other one can remain dry as the desert of SAARA or put me in a trap situation ... LOL ... what I mean is that most likely I will not get what I always wanted in the other person (LOVE ... life has been clear to me since the beginning, I have to stop and do it differently) and that I may need to change my focus in the interest of forming an intimate partnership, first, lower all my expectations, (these are just my own assumptions before to read the books you indicated) ... this year was very difficult, but I have been feeling the initial phase of great transformations that are coming my way, because currently, I have been enjoying the little things that I have been doing for me and my only fear, is to become a narcissist, because I was always a donor person, but it only led me to end up bankrupt every time ... sooo, now that I can see the most realistic things and know exactly how people really are, at the same time that I have to make a massive transformation of discernment in the way I see people, taking off my pink glasses ... I can tell you that I can't continue doing and relating to people in the same way! ! I need to change drastically !! And I hope to achieve that !!

Well I have no life, only when i'm emotionally involved ... but when I'm alone and my energy is full in myself I feel a lot better (it's too early to say for sure about it) because I'm figuring out how to enjoy my own company without seeking the need to share my all my energie and resources to please others.
I didn't fully understand my 8th house libra moon, if the goal would be to deepen an intimate relationship or get out of intimate relationships and get back to myself !! When I see my history, of intimate relationships I get totally discouraged for the future !! But on the other hand I think that I just need to transform the way of relating !! But now, while I can’t transform I can’t even think about relating for a long time !!

P.S: I think soo, about the books, is better in english!!

(please correct me if I wrong), are you making this difference between humans and animals with the representations of the zodiac? Like for example Aquarius (human) and Leo (animal)? Because if it is, WOW how cool !! I love to compare personality in this way too, but there are few that I know who interpret considering this differential !!
I get your point, by the way very clearly!! thanks again =D

LOL....no. The ''traits'' of the ''symbols'' of the signs are fun to think about....but they are only metaphors.

I personally, however, love to anthropomorphize just about everything. I don't know why this is. Maybe I just ''live'' in a life of symbolism and metaphor. To me, it's so much easier dealing with planets and aspects if you anthropomorphize them. The planets are people in a room. the aspects are the way they ''interact.''

Pluto rules the natural 8th house.....and sign....Scorpio. Pluto represents life and death...creation...pregnancy....and the 8th house is the house of pregnancy and other ''partnership accumulations.." so to speak.

There is no reason you cannot have love. BUT....what you are REALLY looking for is your MOTHER only - changed - into someone who will value and cherish you and the time she has with you.

So there can be people who will love you....but if they love you unconditionally YOU may not be able to value it...because in YOUR psyche it's only love if FIRST they are really ''hard to get'' and then they love you. If you are only interested or are only attracted to people who are hard to get and don't value you, then you will still be in that vicious cycle. That is really the bottom line.

It really is up to you to open your eyes and heart to people who may actually like and love you for yourself. But if you believe deeply that this is impossible, then that is something you need professional help with.

LIN

Lin said:

(please correct me if I wrong), are you making this difference between humans and animals with the representations of the zodiac? Like for example Aquarius (human) and Leo (animal)? Because if it is, WOW how cool !! I love to compare personality in this way too, but there are few that I know who interpret considering this differential !!
I get your point, by the way very clearly!! thanks again =D

LOL....no. The ''traits'' of the ''symbols'' of the signs are fun to think about....but they are only metaphors.

I personally, however, love to anthropomorphize just about everything. I don't know why this is. Maybe I just ''live'' in a life of symbolism and metaphor. To me, it's so much easier dealing with planets and aspects if you anthropomorphize them. The planets are people in a room. the aspects are the way they ''interact.''

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me too!! I love it !! And I think it fits like a glove when we use it to observe human behavior.

Lin said:

Pluto rules the natural 8th house.....and sign....Scorpio. Pluto represents life and death...creation...pregnancy....and the 8th house is the house of pregnancy and other ''partnership accumulations.." so to speak.

There is no reason you cannot have love. BUT....what you are REALLY looking for is your MOTHER only - changed - into someone who will value and cherish you and the time she has with you.

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well, I took my time to answer this, because it had a small impact on my emotional !!
When I read it, it brought tears to my eyes !! Because this is so complex for me, and changing the pattern isn't easy !!
I really demand change from others (I know this very well) ... I witnessed my mother's change towards me for example ... (and now this is even inappropriate for my relationship with my mother) ... and I also know that it is very possible for my ex to transform as well, and come towards me, I feel it in every way you can imagine ... it makes me shiver, because it has gone through so much pain, it has required a lot for me to heal myself, that now I don't see any sense of returning to the relationship and I don't want anymore.
I had an another ex before this one that we talking about... who was the best person in my life, but this relationship didn't leave the platonic realm, and I was at a stage in my life that my homosexuality wasn't yet fully aware for me, so, this was a relationship that I initially built not revealing who I really was !! I revealed it later, and it was a shock for her for two years after that, so she tried to relate to someone else during this 2years period, and then she spoke to me again saying that I was a very important person to her, but at this time I was already with this is my ex from the thread ... the beginning with the previous ex wasn't honest, and I thought it would be a lot to clean up and start again with a clean slate, it was something I did that I am not proud about this past !!
But do you know why she was the best person in my life ?! Because she was acting like a mothe and she is already a mother ... she had a 7 year old daughter at this time ... and she treated me like a daughter, even from a distance she took care of me, above all, she even smothered me with her care !!
But this way I felt her love, I knew she loved me very much !!
She was a scorpio (with a stellium there in her 7th house) aries rising and taurus moon (sitting in my north node).
She woke up in the middle of the night to call me and wake me up to take medicine. She had a time that many times she didn't have to be with me !! She did her best to appreciate the time we had together, even over the phone.
I still feel that I owe her a lot, everything she did for me, even from a distance.

Lin said:

So there can be people who will love you....but if they love you unconditionally YOU may not be able to value it...because in YOUR psyche it's only love if FIRST they are really ''hard to get'' and then they love you. If you are only interested or are only attracted to people who are hard to get and don't value you, then you will still be in that vicious cycle. That is really the bottom line.

It really is up to you to open your eyes and heart to people who may actually like and love you for yourself. But if you believe deeply that this is impossible, then that is something you need professional help with.

LIN

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This question of the person loving me as I am is complex, because I feel that when the person loves me for who I am, I think it is better that it remains as friendship. It's strange, I don't have much control over my behavior in this part, it seems that I feel like I don't want to ruin that relationship, that's why I take it to the side of friendship.
Slowly but surely, I'll work on this with myself !!
Thanks a lot again... to reveal this thinks for me!!