Being ignored is one of the most painful. It hurts so bad and makes the hole in my soul getting deeper and deeper. Its like I cant get up in my knees. Im shaking. Weeping every night. I dont fight back because I know I'll end up pity for them and would think Im weak. So instead, I used to throw them a word that would greatly make them realize what theyre doing harm to me. I believe we all have different defense against those people who doesnt know the consequences of their actions. I would not deny myself about having a glimpse in my past nightmares. Just like you, I used to think of it again and starts in tears but I trained myself not to over think of it. Im no longer live there! Im already fed up with those cyclopes. I understand what youre saying about you dont want to be alone and wanted to see yourself smiling without thinking others' trash about you. Ive been there. Sometimes its hard so maybe youre trying to pretend that youre not hurting instead. My so called friends in real life majority of them asked, why Im always smiling like I dont have any problems? I just answered, its my nature and Its my way how I treated and comfort myself. Thats why I used to tell you and mentioned in my comment bout being weird but knows how to smile. Some of my close friends knows how drowned I am and Im glad they did. There are 3 of them. My trust is in them. Both of the three are friendly. Time passes and their world are getting merry. New peers came to their lives and apparently theyre loving to it. I experience the same, but at the same time not loving it. Thats why I said friends come and go like the waves in the ocean, but the true ones will stick on you like an octopus in your face. But suddenly the companionship I used to treasured seems like slowly fading like the way I soak the sand in my hand when Im about to pick it. Its kinda sad but I need to have acceptance in this horrible life. Thats why also I conclude even your own shadow leaves you in the dark. Try tapping yourself and say, everything in this life soon will be perfectly make sense and everything will be surely okay. Even if that soon might not exist.
Try ask one of your friends why they act like that to you if thats the only way for you to go ahead. Why youre always think of your ex friends when they dont even think of you and dont even treat you like the way you do? If they misunderstood you and you did your part to explain it and say sorry, I guess your conscience wont haunt you. This is not about winning, its about connecting. You connect yourself to them but they didnt want to connect themselves to you. If one of them youve ask didnt answer you, maybe try to think harder of what are those instances you made them act like that. I guess its a common advice. But if youre already fed up, sick and tired of thinking those c-r-a-p, let go of it! Those are just part of growing up. You need to accept and have a life. How old are you? I believe you can handle this stuff that happens to you. Come on! Its Christmas you need to have presents in yourself too and that is acceptance and maybe I can give myself also as a gift and as your online friend If you would allow me
My pets also helps comforting me and I love them the way they do. They make me feel like I exist, even if they only love me because I feed them(lol) But my dogs are the angels for me
Try ask one of your friends why they act like that to you if thats the only way for you to go ahead. Why youre always think of your ex friends when they dont even think of you and dont even treat you like the way you do? If they misunderstood you and you did your part to explain it and say sorry, I guess your conscience wont haunt you. This is not about winning, its about connecting. You connect yourself to them but they didnt want to connect themselves to you. If one of them youve ask didnt answer you, maybe try to think harder of what are those instances you made them act like that. I guess its a common advice. But if youre already fed up, sick and tired of thinking those c-r-a-p, let go of it! Those are just part of growing up. You need to accept and have a life. How old are you? I believe you can handle this stuff that happens to you. Come on! Its Christmas you need to have presents in yourself too and that is acceptance and maybe I can give myself also as a gift and as your online friend If you would allow me
My pets also helps comforting me and I love them the way they do. They make me feel like I exist, even if they only love me because I feed them(lol) But my dogs are the angels for me
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