Mama's boy in a woman's natal chart

Dear friends

I would like to get your opinion on which aspect might cause this inconvinience in my life.

I am journalist by education, do photography as a hobby and sometimes sell my pictures, work in advertisement, make a full meter animation movie now. My work ususally helped me to close my eyes on mating matters but now it really worries me a lot.

I usually attract a vampire type too weak guy who wouldn't work for our relationship (I mean type of relationship when both partners explore each other's needs - suggest ideas like - let's do this and this together, give response). My "men" ususally act like children - just me me me. As a result i feel an emotional sponsor and completely used.

Not to mention statistics ( My first husband was sexually abused as a child by his mom (which i didn't knew), made lots of debts and commited suicide.

My husband now is 38 and still lives with his mom. During his father's illness he moved in and stayed after his father passed away and still lives there for second year.

My first school time boyfriend is 37 and still lives with his mom.

Maybe my greatest crush of all times said to me as a copmplement at one of our first dates - oh, how much you resemble my mom.

I have a friend of long time ago - since school who lives abroad. He always told he has romantic feelings. He came last year to visit my hometown. And i found out ... that he still lives with parents ... at 34 ( While he acted kinda - i am the guest + i have romantic feelings - now YOU shoul take care about me organize everything and be nice (

In the end - I hve got aquainted to a ski-instructor at my recent work-place in a ski resort. Yuhu! i thought - finally a big true guy a brave manly man from the mounts. We became friends on facebook and what i saw was his all wall filled with pictures of his mom!!!!

I am really loving and caring person. I like to cook, work at home and in the garden to make the place cosy and habitable. I know psychology and know that the other side of strength is always weekness and it's necessary to give place to it. And I am so really tired of guys who tend to show me there weak side(

Please help me to figure out which is the evil aspect in my natal chart which makes me magnet for such type of men. And what shall i do\ which aspect should i develope, concentrate on to attract a more mature manly person.

My ideas are:

1) Mars in Pisces. With it's conjunction with Mercury it gives an image of an artistic\ addicted\ somehow damaged and weak person. And they usually get me through talk - that's true and i think i learned to block it.

2) Aquarian sun? 7th house in Aquarius which makes any partnership kind of weird. This is what i have got a lot - quirky talks, watching unusual movies together... too much bizzarness.

3) Venus square Moon. My own feminine energies are in conflict - so I am always sort of rivaled by myself actually ? which materializes as a rivaling maternal figure. I have reflected on that a lot. I am ok to be a motherly figure in termes of understanding and comforting a person in case it is really necessary - but never allow whims ?

4) 12th house in Cancer - family and feminine energies are my secret enemies?

Please give any other thoughtful interpretation of my chart in this respect and how possibly can i work with it to attract a more decisive manly guy who wouldn't only use me to comfort himself but be eager to work for relationship - bring his best into it as well.

Hmm. Interesting. I'd bet its the mutual reception between Saturn and Venus as final dispositors of L7 and either of the male significators, Mars or Jupiter. Although, given the frequency of the mummy's boy effect in your life, I would be inclined to deduce there is a reason this is happening and may be integrated into your vibrational constitution. I wonder if you can explain a little more about your own mother complex as it relates to your experience as a woman.

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Salme said:

My husband now is 38 and still lives with his mom. During his father's illness he moved in and stayed after his father passed away and still lives there for second year.

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IMO this sounds like a real man, stepping up to the plate to look after his mom. So many parents are discarded by their kids when they become elderly! and they go rot in some home without visitors. Usually the female child looks after a parent, rarely is it the son. So kuddos to him!
[However if he moved in with mom for other reasons such as not being able to be responsible about his own life that is something entirely different.]


Looking over your chart, Mars in Pisces indicates that you are attracted to these type of men. Sensitive/Artistic/Head in the cloud types. Mars rules sexual attraction, so this type of man floats your boat also. From your post it sounds like your venus in aqua is at odds with your mars in pisces. While you value/appreciate independence/logic/quirkiness. Mars in pisces seems to win all the same. Looking at your juno placement, would be worth a look to. Wonder if its in Pisces also or maybe cancer.

I think a couple of things are going on.

(1) You've got that elevated 10th house moon in Taurus. You project a lot of maternal warmth and stability. But it's conjunct Chiron, the planetoid that shows us "where it hurts." A truism of astrology is that we either express our horoscope placements for good or ill (in this case, hurt feelings,) or we attract to us people who seemingly represent the unwanted traits that we do not wish to express for ourselves. You may be doing the latter.

Mars in Pisces rules your moon's house. It conjuncts Mercury retrograde. Mars is one indicator in a heterosexual woman's chart of the kind of man she finds desirable. Astrologically Mercury symbolizes young people. You might be attracted to Mr. Sensitive Guy (Pisces Mars) only to learn that he never made the transition into adulthood.

(2) With your sun in the 7th house, your sun-Venus midpoint conjunct your DC, and your south node in the mix, being in a committed relationship is extremely important to you-- whether you have one at the moment or not. Sometimes having a relationship can be so important to women that they try too hard.

But sadly, I think that much of what you describe does not relate to you personally-- it's increasingly common in today's modern culture. In North America, adults who return to live with their parent/s are called "boomerang" children. Italian men now have a reputation for keeping a girlfriend on the side, while living with Mama, who does all his cooking, laundry, and house-keeping.

If you agree Ven can indicate issues pertaining to your vulnerability, then an answer may be available in the aspects to it since, among them, the tight trine to Sat/Jup is the only clearly supportive one:

-octile to Nept;
-semi-octile to Uran;
-90 the Moon;
-semi-septile Mars; and
-bi-septile Pluto.

Salme said:

My "men" ususally act like children - just me me me. As a result i feel an emotional sponsor and completely used.

...

My husband now is 38 and still lives with his mom. During his father's illness he moved in and stayed after his father passed away and still lives there for second year.

...

I am really loving and caring person. I like to cook, work at home and in the garden to make the place cosy and habitable. I know psychology and know that the other side of strength is always weekness and it's necessary to give place to it. And I am so really tired of guys who tend to show me there weak side.

...

Please help me to figure out which is the evil aspect in my natal chart which makes me magnet for such type of men. And what shall i do\ which aspect should i develope, concentrate on to attract a more mature manly person.

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Salme,

Inherent in your description is the idea that you need a man to share your life, period. If these events keep occurring, maybe the universe is trying to tell you or even teach something. You have a choice whether you are in a relationship or not and have been making these choices throughout the years to be with men that you know do not meet the mark. Why are you doing this? Have you reflected deeply enough what a relationship with a partner compatible with your ideal would bring? Is there something you feel you cannot provide for yourself? If you give something the power to make you, you give it the power to break you.

I know you are frustrated with your husband living away from home as that is not the traditional marriage set-up and may not be conducive to your growth as a couple. I can understand this as my father did a similar thing when we were children, he was with his mother five days a week. I recall my mother complaining about it in very much the same way that you are, that it was not conducive to a 'normal' family life. However, once that season was over, when my grandmother passed and my father was back, I came to know my mother was seldom happy with any other season that came and it was not limited to her marriage. We may not be able to change our astrological charts but we can do so much on our psychological growth if we are willing.

If you pin your happiness and wellbeing on events and people, you put your self in bondage. Grass always seems greener on the other side but wherever you go, run to, hope for, there you are. You may need to confront that part of your self which wants desperately to grow but relies on someone else or a different situation to faciliate it. Have you considered whether that part of you which needs to grow has fertile soil right where you are standing? It is going to be hard to find a good man who does not love their mother. Maybe instead of a mountaineer or demolition expert you need to develop inner joy that no event can make or break? It may be that once you accomplish this self actualization or some other self actualization, as necessary, your vibration will attract naturally a different kind of circumstance (with its own set of lessons and trials, of course).

♥

I am on the oppossite side of what you discribe. All my life dated only with many, only child of divorced mothers with a big tensioned between them and their mothers, for example non of them calls their mothers "mom" but only with theirs name. But I always thought it is my obvious Asc in Cancer and moon in 10 h that makes me look very maternal and attracts them. How they interact with you?

I've noticed in relationships like this, among friends and coworkers, that some of these women have a need to control. Mothers control their children. So that might be something to consider. Some women feel threatened by a traditionally masculine man who is the protector/provider. There is nothing wrong with being nurturing if he reciprocates in a complementary fashion, i.e. protective of you.

I agree that more and more younger men who had no fathers in the home are exhibiting this behavior. They had no male role models. So much for some women proclaiming that children don't need fathers.

Dear all,

thank you very much for your kind replies! I tried to write a reply several times but left it behind, because I reflected too much upon my issues and simply can't make it short.

Yes my Mom is rather nasty with me without even noticing it. Her Scorpio Sun strictly opposes my Turean moon \ her Pluto opposes my Venus and sits on my North Node - says it all. I am an only child, she is a single mother and always had issues about money and me - that she will never earn enough to raise me properly. Even she hadn't milk enough to breastfeed me and I had a woman who was a donor of her breast milk to me....

In the end she always grew me up a bit like a boy - saying be responsible, restrict your needs, etc. No need to say - when I just started earning she felt jealous about each penny i spent on myself - thinking it was all hers and well deserved. Especially girly pleasant "unnecessary" (Venusian) stuff.

So my Taurus moon was always restricted. I am rather skinny and people are usually surprised when this energy gets out. For example it's ok for me to handle 100 square meters piece of ground on my own without any help - digging the ground arranging plants and moving stones. Or when I had my two daughters nurses were surprised about the amount of milk - for normally i have a completely flat chest - a--- size cup)

On the contrary from my mom - my mother in law has Taurean Sun - 2-3 degrees conjunction to my Moon (my husb has his conjunction of Venus + Mars in Taurus there). She is very protective and nourishing person. Once kids were playing around in her house - very actively. Normally elder people shout or something. Especially she was tired after her working day. Things were getting really messy - there were shouts like - oh, oh - that lustre gonna fall down now. She would say: it's ok - just don't crush the walls

My mom also has funny and nice parts and sence of humour and she is smart with her degree in chemistry and even a patented plastic she created and her love to nature and spending time outside, etc. I think i am through with these maternal figure issues because i analized them a lot with jungian and kabbalistic models and astrology. But hell, there is too much of them in my life.

I just grew up and know myself and how to take care of myself and don't need them that much. So I guess the paternal complex became more important. By saying which I mean - self actualization, career, my artistic project, my system of coordinates, ideals, beliefs. Aquarian Sun with it Neptune and Pluto aspects - gives a lot of space for that )

I guess I need all my nurturing abilities for myself my kids and my art now. That's why i started finding childish guys specially irritating. Before the birth of my second daughter it didn't feel that uncomfortable, that's for sure.


I though about why did i attract those guys and got an answer i guess. And still. I think it was jealousy. I subconsiously was attracted to them -exactly to get their moms! Because i wanted a mom who would spoil me too - and probably steal this unnecessary warmth from them! Because boys definitely don't need that much. A bit like a cuckoo bird's nestling....

I just thought about it and it feels liberating - I guess i found the answer. Phew.


I am also very greatful for pointing to Saturn Venus connection. Of course I thought about it much beforehands. but this is seemingly the most important point of my chart for me now, regarding my work and career too. and again i had a good day of rethinking it regarding jealousy to mamma boys as well.

When i noticed that I am specially falling into Pisces and artists i read somewhere an advice - go develop the required traits in yourself. And i started being artistic. went into photography, tried some modelling, started painting. But - $%* what happened. I met so many people who started their career in such easy way - ok, you have a big camera - why don't you shoot for our magazine? oh, you look great - come here we shoot you for an ad. In my case they check and double check what i do - want portfolio, recommendation and a word from someone to publish my stuff (

Also I was also jealous about how easily a guy with a guitar or "poor artist" gets loads of women who admire him and fall in love. While the artistic women with no success are regarded mad, histerical, noone likes them just for their wet eyes...

Quod liceat Jovi - i then said to myself. Some people just have a much better Jupiter then me.

But it's a good point i come back to this aspect. Because art needs both - spontaneity and good knowledge of some universal laws. I actually have sponaneity , the problem I can't sell it well. Which is exactly what brought me to Jung, astrology and recently Kabbalah and kabbalistic astrology. it's a universal law which helps to create solid stuff, interesting deep stories - and be not dependent on your muse or just good luck.... more rely on work and clarity of ou idea.


I guess that would be my point at the end.

Thank you very much if someone was able to read all this to an end

Salme said:

My ideas are:

1) Mars in Pisces. With it's conjunction with Mercury it gives an image of an artistic\ addicted\ somehow damaged and weak person. And they usually get me through talk - that's true and i think i learned to block it.

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Okay. Good job. It's not just Pisces Mars, it's that Pisces Mars controls the 4th Place, plus Mars is diurnal instead of nocturnal and then there's the contact from a retrograde Mercury.

Remember that for all of your partnerships, your Scorpio 4th Place is their 10th Place, and then Mars is the type of male partner you seek.

If we look at the dispositor for Mars, we see a retrograde Jupiter with a retrograde Saturn. Even so, they are in aversion to Mars who is probably peregrine in this chart.

The mars in pisces definitely contributes as I've noticed that those with this placement attract dreamy, impractical men who are also dependent. Also probably the mars sextile moon.