Why do I have so much trouble with friends??

I just cannot seem to make friends very easily. The friends I do make we don't end up spending very much time together.

My best friend... I moved an hour away from and I don't have a car to see her often, so we can't spend much time together.

My old best friend... just seemed not to really want to do much ever, so we didn't spend much time together.

My other old best friend... I ended up getting really attached to (I'm going through a Venus sq Neptune/Pluto transit ok???!!! HAHA) and we don't talk at all or spend any time together at all anymore.

My current group of friends... alienate and exclude me most the time so clearly we don't spend much time together!!

It's getting frustrating. Is there anything in my chart that might indicate this?? More importantly..... will I ever have a friend?!?!?!?!?

Thanks!!

Meg, I think a couple of things are going on in your chart.

The 11th house is the house of friends. You have no planets there, but we look at the moon, which rules the sign of Cancer on the 11th house cusp. Your moon is in independent Aries, making an exact square to Neptune. This makes me wonder if you are very idealistic about what a friend can deliver; at the same time as you have a very independent streak yourself. Even if you don't mean to do so, you may give off signals that you expect a lot from friends, yet need your freedom from their potential demands.

I think the real kicker in your chart is your exact sun-Pluto square, with Mars thrown into the bargain. This aspect shows up a lot in charts of people with a "dominate or be dominated" attitude towards relationships. Even if you don't mean to do this, you may come across to your friends as agressive or controlling. Sometimes people with sun square Pluto learned as little kids that they couldn't trust others to support them; an attitude that continues later in life. It makes it hard to establish a friendship without the element of trust and with a dynamic of whose will prevails in a relationship.

Virgo rising can come across as critical or picky to other people. (Don't ask me why-- I have Virgo rising, as well.) Virgo is ruled by Mercury, so we look to Mercury for more information on your first house; i. e. how you come across to other people. Your Mercury makes no major aspects and is located in iconoclastic Aquarius, further suggesting some issues in being sociable with other people.

So these aren't egregious sins or anything, just something to be aware of. Also, astrology aside, just see if your friends have dropped any broad hints about why they prefer not to spend much time with your; or perhaps you have a mutual acquaintance who can tip your off. Then the purpose here would be to control any natural instinct to get defensive: remember, they would only be giving you perceptions, which are valid as perceptions, if not reality.

However, you have some strong relationship points in your chart, as well. The 7th is the house of long-term relationships. Saturn in that house suggests you would do well to form a committed relationship with an older person, or someone who seems unusually mature. Your active 5th house suggests you have a rich imagination and are probably creative in your chosen activity.

Your sun-Mars in Pisces in the 6th house suggests an orientation to work, service to others, and/or health. Pisces has the ability to be a good listener, while Mars suggests an athletic orientation. (If you don't have one, I recommend you develop one!) See if you do just fine with a volunteer service activity, a team sport, or getting along with co-workers. Here the focus is on your shared work or activity, and not so much on personality-based concerns.

If it's any consolation, people do grow out of many youthful problems as they get a bit older.

Waybread makes some excellent points. The language you used in your post "best friend"' "old best friend" "other best friend" made me zero in on the 7th house, as you are describing one to one relationships. 7th in pisces, which indicates an idealism and fantasy around what a one to one relationship will be for you. But idealization always leads to a letdown, something you may be setting yourself up for. Ruler of 11th moon square neptune echoes this theme.

Ruler of 7th neptune conjunct uranus, sudden breaks and reversals, which would describe all the breaks you have experienced from your "best friends".

Saturn in 7th indicates that you put added emphasis on one to one interactions, you take them seriously, they are of paramount importance to you. With saturn in tight aspect to neptune, we have a third repetition of this neptunian influence over your experience of having friends.

I did a chart for a lady once who had saturn in pisces in the 7th, she had no one to one relationships. She would befriend people and then find a fault with them and push them away, blaming them for coming up short and not meeting her idealized expectations. She was always the victim in relationships (pisces). She was in love with a guy she met 2 years prior, and obsessed about him. He would send her one two line email and she would spend two weeks thinking about it, trying to figure out what it meant, and thought it was sooooooo significant, when it really wasn't. In her mind, they were embroiled in this super important and emotionally charged relationship, when in reality I'm absolutely certain he didn't feel the same.

This is just an extreme example and in no way am I saying tht this is reflective of you, but I am just telling you that so you can understand how that energetic interplay could function on an extreme level.

My advice to you would be to chill out! Don't take friend stuff too seriously, go with the flow.
As well, I think it's really important for people with relationship issues to use the 7th house as indicators of what they need to develop in themselves, as it indicates things that we project onto others, and then want to be in contact with those others because it fulfills our chart. On your case I would suggest that you experiment and try to become the person that your 7th house describes. It shouldn't be too hard with sun and mars already in pisces.

waybread said:

The 11th house is the house of friends. You have no planets there, but we look at the moon, which rules the sign of Cancer on the 11th house cusp. Your moon is in independent Aries, making an exact square to Neptune. This makes me wonder if you are very idealistic about what a friend can deliver; at the same time as you have a very independent streak yourself. Even if you don't mean to do so, you may give off signals that you expect a lot from friends, yet need your freedom from their potential demands.

Click to expand...

Funny enough, I actually saved a quote a while back that said, "I demand unconditional love and complete freedom. That is why I am terrible". I looked up the natal chart of the guy who said this and he had Aries Mars opposite Neptune but I'm not sure about the houses and whatever. Idk just thought that was significant!!

And yes, you're exactly right!! I wonder if it's necessarily freedom from demands though?? I tend to pop in and out socially, like I might not hang out with them for two weeks at a time and then expect to be integrated back in perfectly. I think it's more of an emotional freedom?? I don't might meeting demands with my sun/mars in 6th and Virgo asc. In fact, I strive to meet demands hence me making my poor sensitive self open to all this criticism by creating this topic!!

I think the real kicker in your chart is your exact sun-Pluto square, with Mars thrown into the bargain. This aspect shows up a lot in charts of people with a "dominate or be dominated" attitude towards relationships. Even if you don't mean to do this, you may come across to your friends as agressive or controlling. Sometimes people with sun square Pluto learned as little kids that they couldn't trust others to support them; an attitude that continues later in life. It makes it hard to establish a friendship without the element of trust and with a dynamic of whose will prevails in a relationship.

Click to expand...

Yeah, my old best friend told me once that I expect everyone to change for me. This is really true. I've been working on this especially knowing that I hate when people curtail my freedom!! I notice that when I don't feel like I have the "upperhand" I'm uncomfortable. I need to do some ego-dissolving!!

Virgo rising can come across as critical or picky to other people. (Don't ask me why-- I have Virgo rising, as well.) Virgo is ruled by Mercury, so we look to Mercury for more information on your first house; i. e. how you come across to other people. Your Mercury makes no major aspects and is located in iconoclastic Aquarius, further suggesting some issues in being sociable with other people.

Click to expand...

Yeah, my friends get really pissed when I go left-wing humanitarian radical feminist LGBTQ activist on them... I don't really care to change that though because someone needs to call people out on their ignorance. Nah, I really only do it on certain things. I feel like they take my debates too much to heart, but what can you do?? I would rather sacrifice my friends' approval a bit than have humanity suffer when ignorance literally only need be changed by enlightenment.

So these aren't egregious sins or anything, just something to be aware of. Also, astrology aside, just see if your friends have dropped any broad hints about why they prefer not to spend much time with your; or perhaps you have a mutual acquaintance who can tip your off. Then the purpose here would be to control any natural instinct to get defensive: remember, they would only be giving you perceptions, which are valid as perceptions, if not reality.

Click to expand...

Thanks waybread!! I asked about it today, actually, and apparently part of it has been that they suspect I'm a pothead (???!!! The last time I smoked pot I ended up having an anxiety attack running away from a bus and wandering confusedly along a strip until a psychic I went to earlier this year found me and asked me if I was ok and gave me a ride home. Can you imagine oh my god) and I seem to have chosen the "living with mom at home when I'm 30" life path. I wonder if that's all it is. I feel like they look for reasons to drop me, really. They know that this is really uncharacteristic of me and it's more due to the hard year I've been having that I've been slacking off academically. I just tend to laugh about my academic failings publicly and make it look like I don't care when I actually do, but humor is my only coping mechanism.

They've completely dropped me as a group before because they were embarrassed by me socially because I've been too weird or too anything at all, so it wouldn't surprise me if it was due to this again.

However, you have some strong relationship points in your chart, as well. The 7th is the house of long-term relationships. Saturn in that house suggests you would do well to form a committed relationship with an older person, or someone who seems unusually mature. Your active 5th house suggests you have a rich imagination and are probably creative in your chosen activity.

Your sun-Mars in Pisces in the 6th house suggests an orientation to work, service to others, and/or health. Pisces has the ability to be a good listener, while Mars suggests an athletic orientation. (If you don't have one, I recommend you develop one!) See if you do just fine with a volunteer service activity, a team sport, or getting along with co-workers. Here the focus is on your shared work or activity, and not so much on personality-based concerns.

If it's any consolation, people do grow out of many youthful problems as they get a bit older.

Click to expand...

I am attracted to people who are older/mature. I actually see it as kind of a fault, really... I seem to be looking for more of a parent than a mate in the romantic department!!!

And you reccomend SPORTS??!!?! To ME?!?!?!? I am genuinely shocked!!! HAHAHA everyone makes fun of me for how clumsy and unathletic I am!!! I vehemently detest sports. In fact, I made a video in which I sarcastically photoshopped myself into athlete's bodies.

And I always find my biggest power struggles come out to play through working with others. I tend to snap and get frustrated. My mom always told me if you want something done right, you've gotta do it yourself, and it really stuck with me..... I am really bad at teamwork and I tend to prefer working alone.

Now that I know there is hope, maybe I'll be able to develop past that!!

Thanks so much for you analysis, waybread. Much appreciated!! I'll watch out for what you said and develop accordingly.

milkywaygirl said:

Waybread makes some excellent points. The language you used in your post "best friend"' "old best friend" "other best friend" made me zero in on the 7th house, as you are describing one to one relationships. 7th in pisces, which indicates an idealism and fantasy around what a one to one relationship will be for you. But idealization always leads to a letdown, something you may be setting yourself up for. Ruler of 11th moon square neptune echoes this theme.

Click to expand...

This is very true, I've come to realize how much I pedestalize and idolize people. I tend to make friends with people who I romanticize in some way!! It's good in some ways because I tend to be my friends' biggest fans, but it's also dehumanizing and terribly unfair because I am shocked and hurt when they take a tumble from the post I put them on.
I'm glad to know why I have such a focus on one-on-one relationships though!!!

Ruler of 7th neptune conjunct uranus, sudden breaks and reversals, which would describe all the breaks you have experienced from your "best friends".

Click to expand...

Wouldn't a lot of people my age have this?? I agree but I also think it's something to do with my moon sq uranus!!

Saturn in 7th indicates that you put added emphasis on one to one interactions, you take them seriously, they are of paramount importance to you. With saturn in tight aspect to neptune, we have a third repetition of this neptunian influence over your experience of having friends.

Click to expand...

This is interesting!! Good eye

I did a chart for a lady once who had saturn in pisces in the 7th, she had no one to one relationships. She would befriend people and then find a fault with them and push them away, blaming them for coming up short and not meeting her idealized expectations. She was always the victim in relationships (pisces). She was in love with a guy she met 2 years prior, and obsessed about him. He would send her one two line email and she would spend two weeks thinking about it, trying to figure out what it meant, and thought it was sooooooo significant, when it really wasn't. In her mind, they were embroiled in this super important and emotionally charged relationship, when in reality I'm absolutely certain he didn't feel the same.

Click to expand...

THIS IS ME!!!! I'm laughing so much oh my god, yes this is me!! I find myself reading way way way too much into everything. The highs are high but the lows are low, too. Someone will send me "I'm having dinner" and I'll be like "Wow, how intimate. They want to be close with me. That's beautiful. I hope they don't want kids because I really don't want any" and then I'll stress out about that for a while. I'm exaggerating but you get my point.

This is just an extreme example and in no way am I saying tht this is reflective of you, but I am just telling you that so you can understand how that energetic interplay could function on an extreme level.

Click to expand...

This is very reflective of me and I think it's funny HAHA

My advice to you would be to chill out! Don't take friend stuff too seriously, go with the flow.
As well, I think it's really important for people with relationship issues to use the 7th house as indicators of what they need to develop in themselves, as it indicates things that we project onto others, and then want to be in contact with those others because it fulfills our chart. On your case I would suggest that you experiment and try to become the person that your 7th house describes. It shouldn't be too hard with sun and mars already in pisces.

Click to expand...

Thanks so much!!! I try to be more Pisces like every day, I really do. If I do something Aries I usually cry about it later because I really don't like the Aries in me. I try to use Aries for its strength rather than its emotional impulsivity and hot temper and selfishness. Seriously, when I react in a way that is Aries I am deeply disturbed and will think about it for days. I told my friend she sucked at something once and hurt her feelings just due to that stupid Aries sharp tongue blunt thoughtless speech and I went home and cried. It's not really my ego gets bruised because I'm worried what they'll think of me, either, like you'd expect of Aries moon. I just really feel so bad when I do stupid **** like that!!!

I am actively trying to be a good person, I really am. I know I'm going off on a tangent but let me tell you something I learned this year.

I started reading deeper into myself when I read this book Franny and Zooey by the same guy who wrote Catcher in the Rye. (Brilliant and wise author, misogynist loser to be honest). But anyway, I digress, I did not finish that god forsaken book. I was so naive and innocent to my effect on others until I touched that stupid thing. That book literally ruined my life. Like I want to put it in a paper shredder but at the same time I love it and can't.

The theme of Franny and Zooey is how everything is ego, ego, ego, and really we're just screwing ourselves over due to our ego attachments. I was also getting in Buddhism at the time. It's funny because Neptune is transiting my Sun right now and is close conjunction, and then all these themes started popping up in my life. So I started realize how self-absorbed I really can be. I was blown away!!! And all I could think of was how terrible and ignorant it is of me to be so selfish and horrible. So I spent a lot of time searching deep within myself trying to create ways for me to better myself and fix mistakes and become a better person. However, I spent so much time inside myself trying to improve myself that I wasn't rejecting the theme around the "self" at all... I was delving further into it!! I became even more self absorbed because all I could think of was how I didn't measure up into the selfless being I wanted to be and I realized it was redundant and yet was still stuck in that stupid hole.

Now I am trying to crawl back out of there, and when I do I am setting fire to J.D. Salinger's grave. That moron!!!

ANYWAY!!!! Thanks so much milkywaygirl!!! I'll take your counsel wisely. I'll try to shirk my Arian ways of rejecting all advice whatsoever. Thank you!!!!