How to circumvent the need for freedom when you need to commit?

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
I have Uranus conjoined to my ascendant and Jupiter conjoined to my descendant. So, you can see how my relationships have a tendency to be loose and non-committal. But I don't want that anymore. I want to commit. I want to find stability. I have Saturn conjoined to my Moon, and that's my one saving grace to prevent myself from having no stability at all in relationships.

My girlfriend has Uranus conjoined to her descendant. It's kind of remarkable considering my placement of Uranus in my own natal chart. Also, Neptune is huge in my chart, and it makes me a die-hard romantic. So that too helps.

Anyway, I just want to know whether anyone has something similar and how have you made your relationships work and how have you mitigated the urge to have freedom and be alone?
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
Also, I think Jupiter is not so free wheeling as often portrayed in literature. It's actually quite a faithful planet; however, it does make one a bit antsy . . . .
 

Capricorn2616

Well-known member
Also, I think Jupiter is not so free wheeling as often portrayed in literature. It's actually quite a faithful planet; however, it does make one a bit antsy . . . .
Hey Cypocryphy! This might not be the most astrological response, but maybe it will help anyways. I think given what you've described about your personality and placements, you will always have an aspect of individualism and independence to your personality. That's great for relationships, because it keeps things fresh and new. Like you said, you have Saturn conjunct your moon, which will definitely help with commitment and emotional security in your relationship.

It would help to know basic placements for you and your g/f to get an idea of how you guys would integrate being individuality vs. merging. The fact that you are stating this desire and looking for help on how to develop a more integrated relationship definitely shows that you are on the right track. :)

If you'll include both of your sun, moon, and ascendant signs, as well as any other information you think might be helpful, I'll try to give more specific suggestions.
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
Hey Capricorn6! 🙂

Yes!! It does help. Helps with my attitude, for sure. And I like the positive spin, which might be the true perception rather than my slightly pessimistic slant. haha

I totally have to agree with what you said regarding keeping things "fresh and new." She and I are always on an adventure, either physically, mentally or spiritually. She's my soul mate, beyond a doubt.

I'm going to text you (aka private message) our birth times, etc. However, I will provide the core zodiac/element make up of ourselves.

Ascendant
Me: Scorpio
She: Cancer

Sun
Me: Gemini
She: Aries

Moon
Me: Cancer
She: Capricorn

Thank you for your assistance and insight 🙂
 

Capricorn2616

Well-known member
Hey Capricorn6! 🙂

Yes!! It does help. Helps with my attitude, for sure. And I like the positive spin, which might be the true perception rather than my slightly pessimistic slant. haha

I totally have to agree with what you said regarding keeping things "fresh and new." She and I are always on an adventure, either physically, mentally or spiritually. She's my soul mate, beyond a doubt.

I'm going to text you (aka private message) our birth times, etc. However, I will provide the core zodiac/element make up of ourselves.

Ascendant
Me: Scorpio
She: Cancer

Sun
Me: Gemini
She: Aries

Moon
Me: Cancer
She: Capricorn

Thank you for your assistance and insight 🙂
I'm going to check your pm after I finish this comment, it'll probably take a minute for me to look at everything and give you an insightful for response. But with what you provided here I would say:

1. I think Gemini and Aries sun signs are the most compatible for each other. Like you said, you both keep each other entertained and inspired. I dated an Aries sun, and after knowing her, I can confidently say Gemini would be her best match. I think Gemini is one of the few signs that offer viable longevity to Aries because they keep the convo new and exciting; both signs need constant stimulation.

2. Your moons make up for what each other lack. That is a sign of stability to me, even though they are opposites. Plus her cancer ascendant probably helps with relating to you emotionally. Cancer makes me think of family, and it looks like that is key to both of your personalities. Another sign of longevity and stability in my opinion. Kate Middleton and whichever prince she's married to have these moon sign combos. Although you're a guy and probably have no idea what I'm talking about lol.

3. Both of your ascendants being water signs I think makes it very easy for you two to interact and understand each other emotionally without much effort because you are both coming from the same place essentially. Scorpio is a fixed sign .. I think you have more potential for stability that you realize :)

Finally ... If you both have the desire to ground and stabilize your relationship and commit yourselves to doing so, it will happen! Focus on what you already are working with that stabilizes the relationship, as opposed to looking at what doesn't. I truly believe that your thoughts become your reality.
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
I'm going to check your pm after I finish this comment, it'll probably take a minute for me to look at everything and give you an insightful for response. But with what you provided here I would say

Awesome!! Thank you!! :happy::happy:

1. I think Gemini and Aries sun signs are the most compatible for each other. Like you said, you both keep each other entertained and inspired. I dated an Aries sun, and after knowing her, I can confidently say Gemini would be her best match. I think Gemini is one of the few signs that offer viable longevity to Aries because they keep the convo new and exciting; both signs need constant stimulation.

Oh yeah!! I totally agree!! I get on with Aries Suns extraordinarily well. My first girlfriend in high school was an Aries, and we still have a good repertoire to this day. And my grandmother is an Aries, and we were really close when I was growing up and still are. My other good friend (woman) is an Aries, and we clicked immediately. So, I TOTALLY agree. :happy:

2. Your moons make up for what each other lack. That is a sign of stability to me, even though they are opposites. Plus her cancer ascendant probably helps with relating to you emotionally. Cancer makes me think of family, and it looks like that is key to both of your personalities. Another sign of longevity and stability in my opinion. Kate Middleton and whichever prince she's married to have these moon sign combos. Although you're a guy and probably have no idea what I'm talking about lol.

Yeah! And Water and Earth feed each other. I think it's a very good elemental mix.

3. Both of your ascendants being water signs I think makes it very easy for you two to interact and understand each other emotionally without much effort because you are both coming from the same place essentially. Scorpio is a fixed sign .. I think you have more potential for stability that you realize :)

Totally!! Totally . . . we click emotionally, just super easily. It's pretty awesome. :happy:

Finally ... If you both have the desire to ground and stabilize your relationship and commit yourselves to doing so, it will happen! Focus on what you already are working with that stabilizes the relationship, as opposed to looking at what doesn't. I truly believe that your thoughts become your reality.

Haha! I so agree . . . it is absolutely true. Mind is the builder. I just get a bit fearful at times.

Also, now that you have the times, you can see a concern of mine regarding our relationship. She has Uranus in a SUPER tight square to her Venus :pouty: and in opposition to her ascendant. Also, Saturn is forming a square to her Venus as well. And the effects are obvious . . . I get worried sometimes that she's going got be a "run away bride." Not that we're talking about marriage or anything but I mean that more in a general sense. Massive fear of commitment and losing her freedom as well. :pouty:
 

Capricorn2616

Well-known member
I just looked at your composite, but haven't compared ya'lls natals. I'll have to go check those out. I can see why that would concern you. I've learned myself that it's best not to force something either way. If it's supposed to happen it will .. in the meantime, try not to stress yourself out too much! :sideways:
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
That is totally true . . . if it's meant to be then it is . . . but, at the same time, how much patience are we going to have. I have a tendency to be impatient and self-destruct in relationships, i.e., destroy the relationship because I just find it easier to be alone doing my own thing . . . I need to kill that urge. It worries me . . . . I pick difficult relationships for some reason. I suppose I like the challenge but also like the uniqueness of them as well. There's not another woman like her on the planet, that I am sure of, and . . . well, I need to check myself and grow-up I guess, on some level.

Anyway, yeah, thank you for looking!! :joyful:
 

Tessie

Banned
So it would be a great big shame to throw away this pairing on the basis of selfishness. Christian wisdom says marriage is the joining of two to become one body. Inevitably, this means dying to self every single day. Dying to self every single day is the work of a single person, as well, but that work is multiplied by the decision to be married. I quite disagree when people say relationships are 50-50. I think a loving relationship is where each side gives 100. This stands in contrast to your anticipation of serving the self in the long term so it is good that you speak about this in good time. You know when you are ready to be married not when you fall head over heels in love, but when you make a commitment to not be self-ish. Have no delusions about what it means to have a successful marriage. It is a commitment to selfless growth and a life-sentence with no opportunity for parole.

Two Christian friends of mine have been married for a few years now. Their courtship was mostly sunny skies and, for the rest, they were focused on bringing glory to God with their courtship and marriage. But after they got married it was a whole other story and they almost filed for divorce in their first year. One another's sqewed expectations of marriage started to seep in. For instance, the husband would leave his dishes in the sink expecting it was the wife's duty to clean. The wife spent a disproportionate amount of time pursuing promotion in her career to the detriment of her marriage. There were lots of such examples. But, in both of these examples, the problem was that the two individuals were catering to self as a priority instead of to each other. This is where the cracks appeared and were getting bigger with each day. However, they fixed this when they made the decision to not fight for self and therefore against one another but, instead, to fight for one another.

They are intentional about making their marriage work and do not live under the illusion it will work without work. They make their marriage work by being intentional to capitalize on the strengths of what would be considered astrological influence. So, rather than argue, they work out together like a team doing all kinds of physical exertions. They've also figured out one another's love language and that they speak different love languages between them. For her, love language is affection whereas for him it is acts of service. So, he can be intentional about feeding into her needs and she is intentional about feeding into his. They also ensure they give each other free time to pursue their own interests and even take separate girls/lads holidays, but this is balanced by rules they have such as to be home by 6 pm every night (excl. holidays) when they are intentional about raising their family together.

Your relationship and marriage will be only as strong as you make it. Maturity is key. Only two complete number 1's can make one complete 2 (get your minds out the gutter). How to circumvent the need for freedom when you need to commit? Have freedom in an orderly fashion. Nobody should expect perfection but you should pursue it. Good luck! x x x
 
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anjelik

Well-known member
So it would be a great big shame to throw away this pairing on the basis of selfishness. Christian wisdom says marriage is the joining of two to become one body. Inevitably, this means dying to self every single day. Dying to self every single day is the work of a single person, as well, but that work is multiplied by the decision to be married. I quite disagree when people say relationships are 50-50. I think a loving relationship is where each side gives 100. This stands in contrast to your anticipation of serving the self in the long term so it is good that you speak about this in good time. You know when you are ready to be married not when you fall head over heels in love, but when you make a commitment to not be self-ish. Have no delusions about what it means to have a successful marriage. It is a life-sentence with no opportunity for parole and a commitment to selfless growth.

Two Christian friends of mine have been married for a few years now. Their courtship was mostly sunny skies and, for the rest, they were focused on bringing glory to God with their courtship and marriage. But after they got married it was a whole other story and they almost filed for divorce in their first year. One another's sqewed expectations of marriage started to seep in. For instance, the husband would leave his dishes in the sink expecting it was the wife's duty to clean. The wife spent a disproportionate amount of time pursuing promotion in her career to the detriment of her marriage. There were lots of such examples. But, in both of these examples, the problem was that the two individuals were catering to self as a priority instead of to each other. This is where the cracks appeared and were getting bigger with each day. However, they fixed this when they made the decision to not fight for self and therefore against one another but, instead, to fight for one another.

They are intentional about making their marriage work and do not live under the illusion it will work without work. They make their marriage work by being intentional to capitalize on the strengths of what would be considered astrological influence. So, rather than argue, they work out together like a team doing all kinds of physical exertions. They've also figured out one another's love language and that they speak different love languages between them. For her, love language is affection whereas for him it is acts of service. So, he can be intentional about feeding into her needs and she is intentional about feeding into his. They also ensure they give each other free time to pursue their own interests and even take separate girls/lads holidays, but this is balanced by rules they have such as to be home by 6 pm every night (excl. holidays) when they are intentional about raising their family together.

Your relationship and marriage will be only as strong as you make it. You can't have your cake and eat it, but the truth will set you free from the desire to do that anyway. Maturity is key. Only two complete number 1's can make one complete 2. Nobody should expect perfection but you should pursue it (and it does not come from being a slave to self). Good luck! x x x

This is essentially what another couple said to my husband and I a few months ago and they have been married 7 years and together 14. "Some days our marriage is work, and other days it's hard work. But it's worth it." I agree that the mentality that "if it's mean to be it will be" doesn't always hold true for everyone, but it can for some. I think it depends on what you expect out of a relationship and it also depends on the two individuals within the relationship. Some people do not worry about things that others do, but all relationships require some kind of effort. It's like maintaining a house, if you don't keep up with it, it eventually will deteriorate.
 

muchacho

Well-known member
I have Uranus conjoined to my ascendant and Jupiter conjoined to my descendant. So, you can see how my relationships have a tendency to be loose and non-committal. But I don't want that anymore. I want to commit. I want to find stability. I have Saturn conjoined to my Moon, and that's my one saving grace to prevent myself from having no stability at all in relationships.

My girlfriend has Uranus conjoined to her descendant. It's kind of remarkable considering my placement of Uranus in my own natal chart. Also, Neptune is huge in my chart, and it makes me a die-hard romantic. So that too helps.

Anyway, I just want to know whether anyone has something similar and how have you made your relationships work and how have you mitigated the urge to have freedom and be alone?
Sometimes you just have to split ways and do certain activities separately. We are all individuals first and foremost.
 

muchacho

Well-known member
Also, I think Jupiter is not so free wheeling as often portrayed in literature. It's actually quite a faithful planet; however, it does make one a bit antsy . . . .
That's right. Jupiter folks can't tell a lie. It makes them very uncomfortable. And they can't stand being pc either. They just have to blurt everything out straight from the heart. It all comes out sorta unfiltered and therefore genuine.

That is totally true . . . if it's meant to be then it is . . . but, at the same time, how much patience are we going to have. I have a tendency to be impatient and self-destruct in relationships, i.e., destroy the relationship because I just find it easier to be alone doing my own thing . . . I need to kill that urge. It worries me . . . . I pick difficult relationships for some reason. I suppose I like the challenge but also like the uniqueness of them as well. There's not another woman like her on the planet, that I am sure of, and . . . well, I need to check myself and grow-up I guess, on some level.

Anyway, yeah, thank you for looking!! :joyful:
Or alternatively, instead of wrestling yourself to the ground, you could just find someone who's a perfect match to that urge that seems so important to you. But that would be the easy route. Maybe you don't like that. :tongue:

I'm wondering, are we talking about the same girl/woman from last time?

edit: I took a quick look at your vedic chart and it seems to indicate delay and some obstacles in terms of relationships/marriage, Saturn, the nodes and Mars are playing a role here.
 
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Tessie

Banned
We fight for what we value. If you truly value your wife all the days of your life, you'll fight for her all those days. If you truly value your selfishness, you'll fight for that and your wife will be a temporary blip. It's really your decision. The chart is a snap shot conveying some conditions. It is not an ticket to be selfish. x x x
 
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Cypocryphy

Well-known member
Thank you for all the responses. I think I'm going to need to rephrase the question so that it's not necessarily about me but more about the energies of Uranus, Saturn and Jupiter. We are two strong Uranians, with a strong Jupiter and Saturn influence. So, freedom at all cost, for the both of us. But I'm not saying that we're splitting, cheating, or anything like that, just that the energies are kind of spastic in relating.

Anyway . . . I'll think how I can rephrase this . . .
 

AppLeo

Well-known member
Sorry, I'm randomly coming in and I didn't read anything before but...

If you have Uranus on your Rising and your partner has Uranus on her descendent, then that's probably really good. Your partner probably wants that freedom and detachment in your relationship. Because our shadows are found in our descendents even though it's not obvious. So maybe choosing not to commit wouldn't be so bad and you could still keep the relationship, too.

It was just a thought. :tongue:
 

katydid

Well-known member
Thank you for all the responses. I think I'm going to need to rephrase the question so that it's not necessarily about me but more about the energies of Uranus, Saturn and Jupiter. We are two strong Uranians, with a strong Jupiter and Saturn influence. So, freedom at all cost, for the both of us. But I'm not saying that we're splitting, cheating, or anything like that, just that the energies are kind of spastic in relating.

Anyway . . . I'll think how I can rephrase this . . .

My husband has a very tight Uranus/Moon conjunction in Cancer in his 3rd house. When we began dating, I was pretty worried about that Moon/Uranus conjunction. I figured he would ever truly commit and might even be a bit of a player, with his Sun in Aries and Mars in Scorpio..:ninja:


I kept his Uranus/Moon in mind when we began seriously dating. I tried hard not to be too clingy or invasive. He had a lot of friends and a lot of them were women. He always had a lot of fun spontaneous adventures and I was always included, but couldn't always go, spur of the moment and all...So it was a real test for me to shut up and let him have the freedom to go on road trips or UFO hunting with friends, while I pretended it did not make me worried/jealous...:unsure:

But it was really good for both of us to be more trusting, expansive and committed. Once he saw that I was willing to give him lots of space, it seemed he craved it less and less...:love:
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
Hey Katy! Wonderful post! :smile:

My husband has a very tight Uranus/Moon conjunction in Cancer in his 3rd house. When we began dating, I was pretty worried about that Moon/Uranus conjunction. I figured he would ever truly commit and might even be a bit of a player, with his Sun in Aries and Mars in Scorpio..:ninja:

Yeah. This is an issue at the moment, for both of us.

I kept his Uranus/Moon in mind when we began seriously dating. I tried hard not to be too clingy or invasive. He had a lot of friends and a lot of them were women. He always had a lot of fun spontaneous adventures and I was always included, but couldn't always go, spur of the moment and all...So it was a real test for me to shut up and let him have the freedom to go on road trips or UFO hunting with friends, while I pretended it did not make me worried/jealous...:unsure:

Yeah. There's a gamble in this, but this is really the only way, in my opinion.

But it was really good for both of us to be more trusting, expansive and committed. Once he saw that I was willing to give him lots of space, it seemed he craved it less and less...:love:

Yes!! This is what is absolutely necessary. It's the only way this type of relationship can work—most relationships, I think.

She's undeveloped, in a lot ways. And this really goes back to :)uranus::opposition:Asc) and [:)saturn::conjunct::uranus:):square::venus:], on her part. In the year 1987, there are a lot of people who have this situation of :saturn::conjunct::uranus: It's a problem, or can be, because that stabilizing factor that Saturn can often provide is missing, in some ways. It's disrupted. So this "generation" (for lack of a better word) will often find difficulty getting their lives in order, some more so than others. There might be other factors to compensate for this but the strength of Saturn is kind of lost.

This will be an interesting summer, I think. Some hard choices might have to be made. But we shall see. I might go into the read my chart thing again and see what people say about "compatibility" and "chemistry." But the charts tend to show possibilities and potential and actual life kind of shows "what is."

Anyway, thanks for the reply, Katy. Always appreciate your input :smile:
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
Sorry, I'm randomly coming in and I didn't read anything before but...

If you have Uranus on your Rising and your partner has Uranus on her descendent, then that's probably really good. Your partner probably wants that freedom and detachment in your relationship. Because our shadows are found in our descendents even though it's not obvious. So maybe choosing not to commit wouldn't be so bad and you could still keep the relationship, too.

It was just a thought. :tongue:

I think this is a very good thought. I agree, definitely :smile:
 

muchacho

Well-known member
Thank you for all the responses. I think I'm going to need to rephrase the question so that it's not necessarily about me but more about the energies of Uranus, Saturn and Jupiter. We are two strong Uranians, with a strong Jupiter and Saturn influence. So, freedom at all cost, for the both of us. But I'm not saying that we're splitting, cheating, or anything like that, just that the energies are kind of spastic in relating.

Anyway . . . I'll think how I can rephrase this . . .
Yeah, but keep in mind that the energies of Jupiter and Uranus blend well but Saturn is basically the opposite of the Jupiter/Uranus energies.

So freedom at all costs doesn't necessarily apply in every area of your life. Some people need freedom at all costs at work but not at home or vice versa. Someone who has Moon with Saturn needs stable and reliable relationships with minimal surprises at home.
 

Cypocryphy

Well-known member
Yeah, but keep in mind that the energies of Jupiter and Uranus blend well but Saturn is basically the opposite of the Jupiter/Uranus energies.

So freedom at all costs doesn't necessarily apply in every area of your life. Some people need freedom at all costs at work but not at home or vice versa. Someone who has Moon with Saturn needs stable and reliable relationships with minimal surprises at home.

Yeah! Good point. My :moon::conjunct:(partile):saturn: is basically the aspect that saves me from being a complete a-hole in a relationship. :tongue: Otherwise, I don't think I'd have the ability for any kind of loyalty. I'm actually quite loyal but, at the same time, changeable. My :moon: is very strong :)saturn: as well) and that creates a vacillating situation, despite the influence of :saturn:

I like to be kept on my toes, to a certain degree, but too much of that can wear thin, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, that's a good insight. I'm telling you, however, that her :venus::square::saturn::uranus: is a terrible configuration. I'm hoping that having :venus: dignified as it is will count for more than less.
 
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