VenusianGirl
Well-known member
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Hi,
Sorry to hear that you went through that with someone. As for her chart, maybe my interpretation is biased because I read your experiences with her before looking at the chart, but she has ruler of her third (communicaton, mind, etc.) conjunct Mars, and maybe that indicates she is a bit temperamental and hot-headed and perhaps has a harsh, aggressive way with words. Especially when mad.
Ruler of her 7th house is Uranus and it conjuncts Pluto. This is a generational thing conjunction, but Uranus ruling her 7th house (relations with other people) and being conjunct Pluto might mean that this generational aspect plays out in her role through tense, difficult, challenging relationships that are filled with power struggles and psychological/emotional discomfort.
She has Jupiter in the 11th house of friends, but it is in Gemini and Jupiter isn't happy in Gemini. What's more is that it's retrograde and squares her Uranus and Pluto -- which further makes me think that she tends to struggle in her relations with others.
This coupled with her Leo rising may make her seem arrogant, bossy, selfish, quick-tempered, and hard to get to know. She just seems like she's hot-headed, wants control in relationships, and perhaps has harsh or very bossy/assertive speech. But again, my interpretation could very well be biased.
I don't know the background, but moon on pluto/uranus can be very difficult to handle and all of it opposing Saturn/Chiron makes it more so. These are lying on her 2nd/8th axis, so involving her sense of self-esteem. In trying to fight her sense of inferiority she can become compulsively aggressive, but at the same time feels emotionally isolated.
Not an easy personality.
(she hasn’t worked through any of her issues, so I believe she’s living out her negative side rather than positive.)
I think you may have hit the nail on the head with the statement you have made above.
I am more interested, not in how she behaves, but why. I think any attempt to describe her from a natal chart is going to be difficult, given people tend to behave in different ways at different times of life.
Using Evolutionary astrology as a starting point, she has Moon in Virgo in 1st house squaring her Moon's Nodes, indicating a `skipped step' in her soul's evolutionary journey. Add to that Saturn opposing her Moon, and the conjunct between Pluto and Uranus (an indication of the `traumatised generation', or a soul group who brought in deep trauma when they incarnated), then we have someone who has deep - very deep, and probably unacknowledged - issues in relation to her family of origin, and/or her mother, love, acceptance, and maybe also her value. Her Moon is in Virgo can have her being overly critical - of herself, as well as of others. It may be that any criticism she has of others is actually criticism she has received in her early life, and so she is simply `passing it on'. Her Moon's South Node is in the 4th house, and this may confirm what I have said about her family of origin. Whatever is behind it, it is deep-seated, and not openly acknowledged or understood by her.
A couple of other things. Mars conjunct Venus in Aquarius may describe someone who is unable to connect with her own behaviour. Her Jupiter retrograde inconjunct Neptune perhaps leads her to having little clue how her behaviour affects others. It can also be an indication of someone who is invasive, due to having very poor personal boundaries. Again, I have found that those with poor boundaries are usually that way because their own boundaries were invaded in early life (often by abuse) and they have little sense where they end and others begin.
I suspect this woman of having a well of deep-seated anger/rage. It is how she expresses this which is difficult to predict or to define.
Difficult situation.
So, looking at her, the 5th would be her children. Jupiter ruler is in a stressful aspect with the critical axis I mentioned in my earlier post. It translates into alternating coldness, power plays and just not being there when needed.
Mercury and sun are also there in the 5th, in serious Capricorn, making them trine and sextile to the axis, which relieves some of the stress by syphoning it off. Mercury trine moon, and mercury ruling both her self-esteem and her friendship house, talking out things is an emotional aid for her.
Sun on the other hand is inconjunct Jupiter, so her relationship with her children becomes very stressful for her own individual development.
Having said all this, you actually chose to be born into this relationship. So another part of the puzzle is what part of your own chart is being set off by all this.
One consideration is the fact that you are still there, which is important. Some might have completely abandoned the nest and the conflictual parent and cut ties. You didn't. So there is something there that binds you, that you also have to work out, you don't feel ready to go off and develop it on your own. You need to stay and work it out.
This is one of life's most difficult relationships to work out, there are so many subtle threads that bind and repel, so much karma being paid off or worked out.
At the end, the "normal" route would be for the parent to eventually pass away, leaving the child to continue their own life and reap the rewards of what they invested during a lifetime into the conflict, and how well they were able to internally resolve this conflict.
Because at the end, it is an individual internal conflict, the energy within yourself that you have to come to grips with, evaluate and mold into something healthy and positive for yourself that brings you to grow and become a satisfied happy person. Her energy can be terrible and fierce, but your concern in this lifetime is how to receive it and transform it. If you manage to resolve this inside of yourself, you will be that much richer for it.
Don't count on solving her problems. She has to work on those. And while she identifies with her role of having children, she has to understand that she is the parent, the nourisher, the guider, and not the other way around. She should not work out her problems by leaning on the easiest post she finds for emotional support, her offspring. People have children for lots of reasons, not always healthy ones.
At the end of the day, you are the future, and you have to work on your internal energies. She could even be (to exaggerate) wicked and cruel, but you have to decide how you will internalise this, you have to understand that it is her and not you. You have to really understand and believe that how you are is your decision, you are not condemned to be like her or to succumb to her. Your reaction is in your hands.
Most people have conflictual relationships with their parents, whether the mother or the father, and there is a reason why they chose to be in that situation in this lifetime.
What is yours?
Can you post your synastry with you as the inner wheel
First off, condolences on the loss of your father. This is always a deep crises, even if you were not in close contact. It's an event that shakes one emotionally and takes time to overcome and resign to him not being there. Our parents are always our basic touchstone from the time of birth, whether they are present or not, and when we lose one of them it rocks our foundation.
Everything you wrote about your relationship with your mother is there in the synastry. If this were a synastry query, I think no one would answer that you two should stay together or that you have a healthy relationship.
But you say you're boxed in.
She has a good question for you, if she should not be there, as will one day happen, who would take care of you? Without knowing what country you live in, surely there are facilities depending on your illness, or infirmity, where you can stay? Could you even do this now?
In earlier postings her chart was written about by myself and others, so I won't repeat those comments, but her moon/pluto/uranus opposing Saturn/Chiron has your mars right there. This is a volatile combination. Half of these planets are working in virgo, who criticises and nitpicks without meaning to, and will set each of you off like a match head lying in heat.
You yourself have a Venus/pluto opposition that squares your virgo moon, but luckily in an early degree it doesn't fall into the configuration above, but it does sit on her moon's node.
In your case, the nodes would seem to point to the karmic relationship you two are living through. With your Venus on her north node you are kind and affectionate towards her, but your pluto on the south node tries to change her and you take on the role of authority between the two of you, possibly left over from a past lifetime.
Luckily, your nodes are near her opposition axis but too far away to be effectively involved.
From what you write, the 4th house would more probably represent your father, with your sun and Venus both there, while your mother would be your 10th, with manipulative pluto there square your emotions (moon).
Her Neptune near your MH opposes your sun in the 4th, so the divorce effected you strongly and with Neptune ruling your 2nd, and moon your 6th, the situation effected you emotionally (which would be logical) and physically. Lacking an emphatic mother figure, you logically tended to idealise him.
With Uranus on the ascendent you too tend to have a strong-willed personality. Your Uranus is inconjunct her moon, so it may not seem like it to you, but you too tend to be unpredictable to her, and erratic, and not there when she needs you. This is not a fault of yours, it's just the way the energies work out between the planets here.
Your mercuries are trine so you actually understand each other very well, and with similar moons you have similar emotional needs, and sometimes this helps but sometimes one sees themselves mirrored and it feels comfortable, but also lacking a counter-balance. Earthy critical virgo needs a watery pisces to bring it out of itself, an intellectual Venus (gemini or Aquarius) can't perform this task.
Transiting neptune is now setting off her volatile moon/pluto/uranus and Saturn/Chiron, making her further confused and illusive. Is she religious?
The same Neptune is opposing your mars, sapping your energy and making you feel ineffective, like swimming in thick soup, not getting anywhere.
Can you try to add a composite to have a quick view of how all this might combine in the relationship?
Venus and mars, asc/desc rulers are trine which shows what is keeping you together.
Mars conjunct Uranus is the volatile expression of what we saw in the synastry.
The sun/saturn conjunction confirms how suffocating the relationship can be, square Neptune is the dependency, weakness and illusions.
If you can find a way to spend time away from her, not be 7/24 together, it could give you both some air to breath and rebalance yourselves. You wouldn't be feeding off of negative emotions continually, and be stronger and able to keep a detachment.
With her Neptune aspect she can be quite gullible, and this in general. Neptune is near the midpoint of sun and uranus/pluto, activating all those energies discussed earlier, and acting as an escape. She sees things through a little bubble cloud of her creation, sort of floating parallel in her own reality, as a protective shield.
This is something that can be helpful for example with writers and artists, if it touches moon or mercury or Venus. If the energy is directed positively. Otherwise it weakens the character, rather than facing reality it floats off. It's a psychological device that serves to protect from painful insights. You have to be careful, shaking it is like taking crutches away from a cripple.