You do have a very challenging chart. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know....I too was born like this. Yet, both suicide & self-destruction are choices you make. Another person may have a far less difficult chart than yours & not be able to handle problems so they take the easy way out & kill themselves or drown in alcohol or drugs. People have free will in their choices in life no matter how good or how bad their charts are.
Your Mercury is both afflicted & yet exalted at the same time. Bi-polar almost. If you can control your thoughts, you can control how you react in life. By asking these questions, maybe you are looking to avoid the negative thinking that can happen & that's a really good thing you are doing.
You can use your pain & suffering to help others through teaching, writing, motivational speaker, etc. Your unaspected Sun reveals you can be as strong, as weak or self-destructive as you choose. You tend to go 'overboard' with Mars-Jupiter, Mars in Scorpio tends to drift towards the illegal, the immoral & the 'darkness', being a bad aspect to Neptune can show criminal activity, drugs, alcoholic. You could harness this energy into investigating criminals, sports which require precise movements like swimming or martial arts, archery, or fencing.
You tend to be very aggressive when meeting people, Mars placement but good that you have a Libra Rising to take away the brutality of Mars.
You were born under a Saturn-Ur SQ, more erratic energy. Bi-polar theme once again.
Jupiter in H 7 indicates you will find much happiness & healing through love....not family love but love of a soul mate, love of friends. With Venus H11 you will find peace & joy through groups of people working for a common cause...like political, climate change, etc. You can direct your enormous energy & will to whatever you like, it doesn't have to be self-destructive, it can be extremely beneficial to yourself & the world.
You have been experiencing MAJOR Pluto-Saturn transits to your Sun which can make you feel weak, weary & worn & like giving up. Remember that thede tranditd will pass & you will never experience such challenges again.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Seek out help when you think you need it. 'No man is an island'. You have great potential in your chart & the strength to overcome the difficulties.
Hi! I'm looking forward to know where those near patterns for me are written in my natal chart, for a knowledge purpose. Thank you!