hi laughingpanda
your introduction does give some direction to this interpretation but even with what you have say, it is bit difficulty you match your words exactly.
starting with obvious aspects, you have Jupiter square to pluto and conjunct the south node.
this tends to reflect a powerful heriage. I can be wealth or social power in your heritage, though the square can show this is lost or problematic in someway.
the Pluto square shows you are extremely self centered and very ambitious. pluto square to Jupiter show you are attracted to power and place your persona ambitions ahead of social /emotional needs usually.
Jupiter on the node shows you have strong psychic abilities but these are often clouded by your personal desires. this position of Jupiter can give a very broad and far reaching mind. often you have complete ideas or thought just burst into your mind. this can make you a tyrant at times as you feli you know what others should do.this "feeling" of spontaneous thoughts and ideas is also brought on by the mercury/Jupiter midpoint opposed to Lilith. as the sun is also opposed to liltih. I think you have "power trips" where you feel very authoritarian . but it also gives you mind ,not only breath but gives you mental ability to understand details and circumstance near you in addition to long range understanding.
you have Saturn conjunct to eris and opposed to aura, which could be a aspect that "brings unconfused states and the aura make you very sensitive to everyone and everythin around you. but as Saturn tends to relate toyour mental structure, the confusion here is that you feel things that you should feel. that is you very sensitive but do not know why.
eris conjunct to Saturn give you a very outgoing nature. like to social situations and are very affectionate but you don't tend to be devoted as you enjoy life to much to wn to limit your options.
from what you wrote I was looking for a bipolar personality , but you don't have what I usually see in bipolar personalities.
you have Uranus on the ascendant which can be aspect of mental confusion because it makes very volatile and desirous of new experiences. this position also hives psychic abilities and especially can bring vivid dreams that occasionally are prophetic.
with your Saturn/Uranus midpoint conjunct you sun, you do have an aspect that can at times give you ups and downs, as you sty you feel your going crazy and then depressive.but these moods are relatively easy for you to work out of so I can't still see you as having a bipolar personality.
I think a major nexus of your confusion is about relationships .
with Neptune conjunct to venus, sextile to mars and mercury ,trine to juno and sextile to ixion, you seems to have no problem starting or attraction relationships but somehow negative feeling arise which derail these relationship . juno implies that you tend to draw others who what a stable or serious relationship, but possibly because of your eris. Saturn conjunction, you end up not reciprocating in a "serious" a manners.
you do have to seems some unconscious issues that might afct your abiliy to from healthy relationships.
Nessus is conjunct to the vertex, which can give strange sensations or other worldly experience that an be dark. this aspect tends to be associated with abusive childhood experiences. but again as they can be in your unconscious you might not really remember or acknowledge these dynamics though they could be affecting you conscious interaction with reality.
I don't have anymore time right now , but it does seem that relationship where confusing in October 2018. it might have been breakup with a a very romantic person. it could be involved with deception by someone close.though you might hve had multiple affairs , and you were being false.
rahu
