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  #26  
Unread 07-14-2014, 02:55 PM
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Love2Know Love2Know is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverspoon View Post
Hi miquar,

Thanks for your soothing mail. I really appreciate your efforts to see my chart.
You really gave me some hope and I was really smiling while reading prospective good things in this man.

Hi Vista,

You were right. Leopards don't change their spots. I have always told him that I will continue to work after marriage.

My EAD is not coming even after 94 days have passed. He was telling to his mother on phone to pray to god for it to come soon, otherwise I would not be able to work.

I told him, that if EAD won't come, I would like us to go back to India.

At that he said that he won't go to India back as its question of his career. and he wants to stay here for 7 years, as it will take his career to new heights. and he won't ALLOW me to go back as he needs me to cook food for him. That's exactly he said.. he needs me to cook food for him.

The thing is, its just an assignment he is working on here for some company. His base location is in India. We have to go back ultimately.

Anyway, I just told him, that if I am not given EAD, I would like to go back may be next year, as I too have a career. I resigned from my job in Sep 2013.

At that, he blamed me for being ambitious and that I married him only for my career advancement( What? I gave up my job to marry him.). I just told him that I too have given a life time of struggle and his job is not at stake. We are just going back to his base location.

He said he can't do that. And I don't love him and that I am not thinking about him .. like who will cook food for him if I leave.

And then he said, I can go back to my parents and then started using words like separation and divorce.

And then again blamed me for being ambitious and all.

It was really heart breaking. I never told him that I would not work. And I did double Masters in Physics and Computer science to be a servant of a man, who without any concern for me and my feeling, just starts blaming me for being ambitious and he himself is not even ready to take assignment in his base location.
I really curse the day I gave my mobile number to his mother. That black day....
Anyway, I was thinking from very start that you are getting kind of aggressive while answering me. But now I realize your intentions were in my best interest.
I owe you a big thanks too.
I think, we can't predict future through natal astrology. So I put a query in horory.
I want to know can I cleanly leave this man, i mean, just vanish one day, never to be found by him.
Does any one think based on my chart, that will I ever be strong and courageous enough to just run away from this man?

I hope I am not breaking some rules of this forum.

Thanks & Regards.
It does not seem like your desires for a happy life, or what constitues a happy marriage are lining up with your husbands. That is in turn causing a lot of grief. I am not a carrer ambitious person and would rather focus on home things, but a lot of men in my eniornment like the high power ceo woman. It is really about having compatable values, life styles and respecting each others desires for happyness.


Last edited by Love2Know; 07-14-2014 at 02:58 PM.
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  #27  
Unread 07-14-2014, 04:25 PM
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Vista Vista is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

You are still very young and have your entire life a head of you. I agree with Miquar your self-esteem has been beaten down. You are incredibly accomplished probably in the upper 5% of the population which is something to be extremely proud of.

Have you ever thought about saying to your husband "HE doesn't love you" and that he treats you like a servant? He is not looking for a wife but rather a maid to cook and clean for him? Don't allow him to manipulate you this way to get what he wants. You don't have to tolerate this kind of behavior. I don't know if he is an abuser and I am not saying he is one but it is something to be very aware of. They start by first eroding your self confidence, making you feel badly if you want to wear make-up or dress nicely, making you feel guilty, making you feel no one else wants you, isolating you from friends and family, making you feel your entire life is centered around them and you should be at their beck and call. From there your life becomes a living hell.

Could you call the company you use to work for and see if the position is still available back in India? If it's a yes and they want you to return, maybe this will be the push to decide whether to stay or leave. At least you will have options. Meanwhile, if you go back there to work could you still wait for your EAD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by silverspoon View Post
Hi miquar,

Thanks for your soothing mail. I really appreciate your efforts to see my chart.
You really gave me some hope and I was really smiling while reading prospective good things in this man.

Hi Vista,

You were right. Leopards don't change their spots. I have always told him that I will continue to work after marriage.

My EAD is not coming even after 94 days have passed. He was telling to his mother on phone to pray to god for it to come soon, otherwise I would not be able to work.

I told him, that if EAD won't come, I would like us to go back to India.

At that he said that he won't go to India back as its question of his career. and he wants to stay here for 7 years, as it will take his career to new heights. and he won't ALLOW me to go back as he needs me to cook food for him. That's exactly he said.. he needs me to cook food for him.

The thing is, its just an assignment he is working on here for some company. His base location is in India. We have to go back ultimately.

Anyway, I just told him, that if I am not given EAD, I would like to go back may be next year, as I too have a career. I resigned from my job in Sep 2013.

At that, he blamed me for being ambitious and that I married him only for my career advancement( What? I gave up my job to marry him.). I just told him that I too have given a life time of struggle and his job is not at stake. We are just going back to his base location.

He said he can't do that. And I don't love him and that I am not thinking about him .. like who will cook food for him if I leave.

And then he said, I can go back to my parents and then started using words like separation and divorce.

And then again blamed me for being ambitious and all.

It was really heart breaking. I never told him that I would not work. And I did double Masters in Physics and Computer science to be a servant of a man, who without any concern for me and my feeling, just starts blaming me for being ambitious and he himself is not even ready to take assignment in his base location.
I really curse the day I gave my mobile number to his mother. That black day....
Anyway, I was thinking from very start that you are getting kind of aggressive while answering me. But now I realize your intentions were in my best interest.
I owe you a big thanks too.
I think, we can't predict future through natal astrology. So I put a query in horory.
I want to know can I cleanly leave this man, i mean, just vanish one day, never to be found by him.
Does any one think based on my chart, that will I ever be strong and courageous enough to just run away from this man?

I hope I am not breaking some rules of this forum.

Thanks & Regards.
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silverspoon (07-14-2014)
  #28  
Unread 07-15-2014, 01:04 AM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi Love2Know, Vista, miquar,

I thank you all for your sincere replies.

Though I say that I don't expect much from this man. I do in real. I expect him to not to think of himself as my owner. I expect him to acknowledge the fact that I never said I will be happily stay at home ever, cooking cleaning for him.

I did tell him before marriage that due to the fact that I suffered from Juvenile arthritis, I get tired and can not do all household work alone and also that I will do a job after marriage too, as its important for me to have some sense of achievement throughout my life.

I expect him to acknowledge this.

EAD got approved today, so its on its way. But the issue is not EAD, issue is his selfishness, his sense of ownership on me. His thinking.

Issue is my weakness in front of him. Issue is I can not sustain long enough in front of him, I can not stand long enough in front of him when I say that if he can be ambitious, so can I; and that if I make sacrifices for this relationship, he should too; and that a wife is not equivalent to a servant; and that he should be sorry for his behavior to me.

Issue is he becomes strong and I become weak. Issue is, after all this verbal arguments between us, its me who cry and say that its impossible for me to continue to fight. Its finally me who says sorry and who ask him to smile.

I can not tolerate if someone I am living with is angry with me. I jump myself first to normalize the situation, even if it means hurting my self esteem.

Issue is, I expect him to understand me, care for me and respect me and my feelings.
So, I am at fault.
But I know its impossible for me to change myself. I will always continue to expect all this from this man.

Miquar, thanks for bumping up my horory query. :-)

Thanks & Regards,
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  #29  
Unread 07-15-2014, 01:20 AM
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Love2Know Love2Know is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,604
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverspoon View Post
Hi Love2Know, Vista, miquar,

I thank you all for your sincere replies.

Though I say that I don't expect much from this man. I do in real. I expect him to not to think of himself as my owner. I expect him to acknowledge the fact that I never said I will be happily stay at home ever, cooking cleaning for him.

I did tell him before marriage that due to the fact that I suffered from Juvenile arthritis, I get tired and can not do all household work alone and also that I will do a job after marriage too, as its important for me to have some sense of achievement throughout my life.

I expect him to acknowledge this.

EAD got approved today, so its on its way. But the issue is not EAD, issue is his selfishness, his sense of ownership on me. His thinking.

Issue is my weakness in front of him. Issue is I can not sustain long enough in front of him, I can not stand long enough in front of him when I say that if he can be ambitious, so can I; and that if I make sacrifices for this relationship, he should too; and that a wife is not equivalent to a servant; and that he should be sorry for his behavior to me.

Issue is he becomes strong and I become weak. Issue is, after all this verbal arguments between us, its me who cry and say that its impossible for me to continue to fight. Its finally me who says sorry and who ask him to smile.

I can not tolerate if someone I am living with is angry with me. I jump myself first to normalize the situation, even if it means hurting my self esteem.

Issue is, I expect him to understand me, care for me and respect me and my feelings.
So, I am at fault.
But I know its impossible for me to change myself. I will always continue to expect all this from this man.

Miquar, thanks for bumping up my horory query. :-)

Thanks & Regards,
Aw well you know feeling weak is just part of your pride being hurt. I think only being really mean is true weakness.
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  #30  
Unread 07-15-2014, 05:39 AM
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miquar miquar is offline
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Location: North West England
Posts: 3,215
Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi. His chart shows a potential to be very domineering and reluctant to back down. Also very proud and controlling. Your chart suggests a tendency to be more yielding. As far as I can see, a trial separation, as was mentioned by someone earlier, is the only way forward. You will probably need to slip away when he is out. I feel that he's lost the right to be told face-to-face by being so controlling of previous conversations.

You have many lovely qualities and people will enjoy having you around. You can make a good life for yourself there, or back home.
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