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  #1  
Unread 07-08-2014, 02:11 PM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi all,
Wife

http://s25.postimg.org/5s7p92t2n/Wife.gif

Husband

http://s25.postimg.org/dyzp0nj5b/husband.gif

Synastry (outer wheel husband)

http://s25.postimg.org/swhtcis33/outside_Husband.gif

http://s25.postimg.org/o0e6ktrxr/tables.jpg or
http://postimg.org/image/4ijj4vuzv/full
I am the wife. It was an arranged marriage although I knew him as a neighbor for 2 years.
Can you please help me analyse this relationship and give me some tips for a peaceful co-existence with this man. First chart is mine.
Attached Images
File Type: gif Wife.gif (63.5 KB, 14 views)
File Type: gif husband.gif (62.4 KB, 14 views)
File Type: jpg outsideHusband.jpg (48.2 KB, 2 views)
File Type: jpg tables.jpg (52.8 KB, 0 views)


Last edited by silverspoon; 07-13-2014 at 04:57 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 07-09-2014, 04:55 AM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

So, I guess, I should start interpreting my husband's chart.
Anyways, please help me know how to cope up with him( by helping me know him better), while managing my anger which is piling up day by day. Getting dangerous. He literally treats me like his servant. No gratitude, only expectations from me to be his serving and counselling mother all the time.
I believe he behaves badly with me only when he loses his mental balance, otherwise he is ok. And he loses his mental balance whenever I request him to do some task in the house.
http://wilsontc.stormloader.com/Step...s.htm#continue
Step 1- equal no in outer and inner
step 2- All in right, none in left .this person tends to take focus on the efforts of others
step 3- Achievement - 6/ development 4. beginning and maturity 0
step 4 - more focus on social(4), then on material(2), identity(2) emotional (2)
Step 5 -
Relationship:mars, Jupiter, moon, Pluto in Scorpio area.
dailywork: saturn, mercury in libra and virgo area
self expression: sun in
home: venus
transformation: uranus
expansion: neptune...

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-10-2014 at 12:35 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 07-09-2014, 01:29 PM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

It may appear from my posts, that I am the nagging wife. But the truth is he has hurt me beyond repair immediately after marriage. First few months of my marriage were equivalent to hell. It was such a shock to me, that I am not fully recovered yet. May be some bad transit phase from 18th nov 2013 till february 2014 roughly. Although sometimes I feel its still going on.
I guess, I am destined to be alone (may be because I prefer to be so). Anyway, I created a combined chart for easy reference for further analysis. Blue is husband, orange is wife. I know its mixed up and not accurate. but just wanted to know difference between us from bird's eye view.

http://s25.postimg.org/6tczvbgdr/Combined.png

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-10-2014 at 12:51 PM.
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  #4  
Unread 07-09-2014, 05:11 PM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Oh my God! Its not easy. Its not easy to study even one chart with all the aspects and planets and positions in different signs. And its really difficult to study two charts together.
Typing various planet positions in houses in different signs in google and there are a number of articles for each one of them.

I don't know why, astrology always excites me, from childhood. But I never had the determination to go deep inside it. I fear I will never get it fully. Or maybe I sometimes feel its not of much use.
But here I am. Looking for the ways to better up my relationship with my husband by trying to understand him and myself too, through these planets positions in various signs aspecting each other. :-)

Take care you all.

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-10-2014 at 12:31 PM.
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  #5  
Unread 07-09-2014, 07:10 PM
ohlala82 ohlala82 is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi

I think you need to upload the Astro.com charts again. They aren't appearing when I click on the links or screen shots.
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  #6  
Unread 07-09-2014, 08:00 PM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi ohlala82,

Are charts visible now?
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  #7  
Unread 07-09-2014, 10:35 PM
amandajoie amandajoie is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi will u please upload synastry chart and composite chart from astro.com, not astrotheme. Thanks.
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  #8  
Unread 07-10-2014, 12:00 AM
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silverspoon silverspoon is offline
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi Amandajoe,

I did change the synastry chart. I am using astro.com now. I hope it looks better now. Thanks a lot.
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  #9  
Unread 07-10-2014, 12:42 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

I just want him to take care of me in real(and not in words only) when I am not well and not able to serve him. At least not to get angry at me for not getting up and making tea for him. If I am well, I wont mind serving him.

And he is not a bad man. May be its just my anger and his laziness which is making things difficult.
If I am not assured of his stated love for me, may be that is some problem with me..my thinking pattern... Not forgiving, never forgetting and never trusting. May be I am the cause of my own pains. And may be I should try to be above and beyond the petty and little and focus my energies on positive things. Should look at his good and positive things and not his faults.

More important thing is, he is veryyy weak in courage. ( Although he appears confidant sometimes). Gets afraid due to things which are not that bad. And when he gets afraid, he gets panic attacks and looks at me to console and counsel him. I do take care of him at that time. Consoling and counseling as much as possible with no results off-course. He expects me to cry with him, when all I am trying is to stand strong at such time and take care of him. Then he thinks that as I am not crying, I am enjoying. He blames me that I am enjoying looking him in trouble. This happens whenever things at office are not according to him, even if his boss assures him to not to worry. Even if things are not that bad, he would imagine worst and lose his balance. Even when there is nothing to worry. I get very exhausted taking care of him whenever he is in such a panic attack and lose my energy quickly. And it happens often. I get exhausted even on looking at him when he is in such a situation.

But when things become good, he treats me bad and gets angry at me for small things. Like if he does not find his socks, as if I am his servant. Many examples ...

And if anyone is trying to help me, please take a look at his chart and tell me about him. Forget about my chart and even synastry.
Only look at his chart and help me see his positive things. Can I trust him to stand with me when I am in trouble? Can I trust him to think about me for sometime and not think about himself, his comforts, always? Can he ever understand me? Will he ever even try to understand me? Can he ever be a sincere friend to me?

As far as I know him in last 6 months, only way to live life peacefully with him is to do all household tasks alone, silently and not to waste all my energies in counseling and consoling him. And more important, never expect any console and counsel from him back.
And keep focused on my life goals. But I feel so alone this way. I need humor, laughter to get back my lost energies, my lost motivations.

Thats the real thing, I see only one directional flow here.

I doubt about his capability to counsel and console me when I am in some kind of panic. He will just get angry at me at such time.
And his humor is at vulgar side of spectrum, whenever there is any.
Curse words are at his mouth always, although he never used curse words for me, in front of me at least.

He has a fake face for the world. A face of being respectful to elders and a face of a confidant man. He showed me this face before marriage.
He and his mother lied about many things.



Astrology is really interesting. I can at least make it my hobby now as I have not to invest time in searching for a boy to marry me. :-)

How should I go forward? Is there any good book for beginners in astrology?
Tell, me what in a man's chart, makes him able to respect his wife and take care of her when she is in need, and not expect her to be his mother + maid combined always.




Thanks & Regards.

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-10-2014 at 02:50 PM.
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  #10  
Unread 07-10-2014, 04:10 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

7th House in Scorpio(His) .Also he has saturn moon pluto and mars stuffed in the 7th house. What does it mean?

I must add, its his second marriage, mine first.


7th House in Sagittarius(Mine). And I have only neptune there.

What does it mean?

Pluto in 7th ---
Quote:
person with the explosive planet of Pluto in the house of relationships rarely has smooth interactions with people, whether in love relationships, business partnerships or friendships. They may not realize it, however, and always perceive the OTHER person as the difficult one.
Pluto is transformative and only transforms through the power of destruction and resurrection..constantly. So, anyone in an intimate bond with those born with Pluto, the ruler of Scorpio, in their 7th house, had better be strong, feisty and persevering because they will get torn down often!
Anyone who has ever has loved a Pluto in the Seventh native and not engaged his or her heart has felt such a bitter sting at the end of the relationship. Didn’t he or she ever care?

And I read somewhere the tendency to control the partner. He HAS this tendency and it suffocates me too much.

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-10-2014 at 04:44 PM.
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  #11  
Unread 07-10-2014, 05:29 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

I feel he magnifies the problems you have in your natal chart promise. Your T-square of Moon-Sun-Neptune along with Venus square Saturn has a tendency to have inharmonious romantic relationships. I think your lack of confidence in whether you deserve love exasperates the problem between you and your husband. Your husband has the Saturn, Pluto. Moon, and Mars there inside the 7th house, showing coldness after marriage as well as a tendency to control and dominate his relationships or give all his power away. It seems he has all the power. I think you are better off with someone who is nicer and a little more sensitive than this man. With your natal Neptune inside the 7th, there could be the potential for some deception surrounding your mate or substance abuse issues. Not saying this has to manifest this way just more of an FYI for the potential.

Transiting Saturn is or will be moving through his 7th house of marriage, this is a time of trial and tribulations with the potential separation for the both of you. If you manage to work things out, your marriage should come out stronger. If you don't, when Transiting Saturn moves through the 8th house you could get cheated out of money owed to you from your marriage so be aware.
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  #12  
Unread 07-10-2014, 05:39 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Your husbands 1st and 7th house rulers are in square aspect with each other, this further complicates his relationships and points to lack of harmony. His Mercury also squares Neptune in the 8th house, I wonder how honest he is as this points to someone who has the potential to not be truthful or at best, he gets a lot of details wrong. His Sun squares Uranus but with the full house of malefics, he is at odds with wanting freedom yet wanting a close relationship he can control.

Your Saturn in the natal 4th house and Mars opposing Uranus from the 12th house, I see the potential for abuse and or neglect in your childhood. You may have felt unloved or that you were not good enough. Mars to Uranus shows some violence or abuse behind the scenes or hidden. It will affect your health if you have not dealt this as an adult. I think you deserve someone who is nicer to you and loves and appreciates you more than your current husband. It is almost like you are his maid, counselor, and verbal punching bag when things are going well for him. I say cut your losses and move on. Next time, go to a professional astrologer to see if you are compatible but more importantly, how he is as a person. This guy sort of screams out trouble. Not to say people cannot work through their issues.

Last edited by Vista; 07-10-2014 at 05:47 PM.
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  #13  
Unread 07-10-2014, 07:52 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

He is a liar I know and says lies very easily. And so far even after 7 months of marriage, I am still in shock and I feel like living in some kind of weird dream. 3 months after my marriage were equal to hell, giving me and hence my parents a lot of tears.

I don't feel myself. I feel like living in some kind of dream, if you know what I mean.

Although its not easy living with him, its not that easy to run away.

Can you help me find some good points in this marriage?

Maybe there is some good too in this man. Its not easy to find true love in this world. May be he loves me. But he does not understand me for sure.

Thanks for reading the charts.

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-10-2014 at 08:06 PM.
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  #14  
Unread 07-10-2014, 09:28 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi Silverspoon. Its easy to see from your chart why you would be so unhappy in this kind of relationship, and also why you fall for someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart and why you would continue to make sacrifices even though this is detrimental to your own well-being.

Your husband's chart does suggest the kinds of issues that you talk about, but there seems little point discussing his chart because it sounds as though he is not ready to acknowledge the roots of his problems and try to change. So I'll just say a few things about your natal chart - explaining the comments in the last paragraph and suggesting a few ways that you might find some happiness as the wife of this man, assuming that you stay with him and he doesn't change.

Venus in Gemini on the ascendant, Sun in Gemini in the first house, and Jupiter (which is very strong in this chart because it is closely square the Sun/Moon midpoint) in Leo in the 3rd house, all suggest a strong need for communication. These three planets are all concerned with feeling good about ourselves and about life. Given the kind of communication that you experience in your marriage, you may need to develop friendships which allow you to communicate in ways that lift your spirits and make you feel more alive and valued. Perhaps a course in something that interests you would be a good idea.

With the Sun, ascendant and Venus in Gemini being ruled by Mercury in the water sign of Cancer, and with the Moon in watery Pisces, and with the Sun and Moon making a T square with Neptune, you also have a strong need to experience intimacy on a feeling level. Connections which are void of this kind of feeling intimacy will always feel barren to you. Your inclination to support your husband is also largely shown by these watery features of your chart. A strong Pisces-Neptune theme often reflects a childhood in which the needs of the parent came first, and so the child was never validated. If this applies to you, then in your adult life you may be there for others in a compulsive way because you learned in childhood that the closest you are likely to get to a validating feeling connection is offering support to someone. The strong Neptune-Pisces theme also suggests a tendency to be gullible and idealistic - to look for the best in people, and thus be vulnerable to being deceived.

Venus square Saturn is very close, suggesting that you feel a sense of lack around Venus issues life self-worth and being someone who can make the world a more beautiful place. So that Venus rising in Gemini, which wants to meet life like a social butterfly flitting from flower to flower, is hindered by doubts. Will people like me? Did I say the wrong thing? Will people find me boring? Am I clever enough? You may scrutinise yourself when talking to others in case you say the wrong thing, and then this perhaps takes all the spontaneity out of your conversation, which then makes you think that you are boring after all. Actually you have a very agile and capable mind, and the influence of Saturnian energy can help you to focus it on effective learning and communication. But to get the best out of this placement you may need to overcome your fears and take some risks around learning and communicating.

It could be that your parents were like your husband - sometimes weak and needy, and at other times cold and authoritarian. With transiting Saturn on your natal Uranus, its a good time to question whether you need to change your understanding of who you are. Since Uranus is in your 6th house, perhaps you might want to take steps to learn a new skill at this time, which also ties into the need to learn and communicate discussed above. Uranus' house in our birth chart often symbolises those experiences through which we can break free of oppressive situations. The 6th house symbolises experiences of refining the self as a healthy, efficient and useful individual.

There are parts of the chart I haven't touched on, like the 12th house Mars which suggests difficulty with self-assertion, but hopefully there is something that will help in some way.

Best wishes
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  #15  
Unread 07-11-2014, 03:18 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi Vista/ miquar,

Thanks for giving some of your time and effort for me.

He is indeed not that sensitive to others, but he is nice to me most of the time. Above all, he is a God fearing, loyal man. And I guess, his father was a good man who tried to instill some values in him. There must be a few good things in his chart. And his mother is a God fearing lady too. Although I may blame her sometime for making my life difficult. But which mother, wont try to make her boy settle happily. Only her boy's well being was in her mind. Why on earth she should have cared for me? I was just treated as a thing, her boy needed.

Now, she always tells him to take care of me, and treat me well. And he listens to her. He has a bitter relationships with his brother and sister in law. So bitter, that his sister in law never takes my calls. And never answers my mails. So, he knows that I am the only one for him and he also knows that if he continue any bad behavior with me, I may leave him. He is so afraid of losing anything. So, after giving me tears, he always says sorry to me, although I look for a tear in his eyes. Never found any.

At the time when I decided to marry him, I was in such a bad emotional state. Lunatics, non committers and people who wanted to use me were coming in my search for a partner. I was already 33 and my parents felt shame in society and openly told me that. I am from a family where love marriages, even talking to boys was snubbed in some invisible and even direct way.

Somehow, throughout my young years, my family disapproved the concept of girls finding boys for themselves. When I was growing up, my loving father will talk lowly of the girls who married by their own choice. And he was always a loving father. Always giving me things without even me asking.

He tried in his own desperate ways to find boys for me. But somehow it did not happen. Eventually, I left home kind of ever, to work as a software engineer in a city in 2009. My education is so vast and unusual and indeed it was overpowered in initial years by ideals of my father. I did Masters in physics(at age 23), degree in education(at 24), degree in computer applications( at 27), and finally Masters in computer science and engineering at (age of 29), with a few jobs in between and after. And I cleared many esteemed national level tests without much effort.

I wonder, because my father was and is throughout loving father. But he indeed too have hurt me in last few years with his words. He felt the shame of and unmarried girl in the society i live in. But he loves me. I have absolutely no doubt about it. But they say, only those who give you love have the power to hurt you. :-)

It is some kind of irony. My father tried to tell us girls to be "GOOD" girls.
Not talking to boys, no makeup and loose clothes etc etc. And ironically he made us feel inferior to girls who tried and looked attractive. Its really complex to explain. Both me and my sister were not bad looking. We were kind of encouraged to look unattractive and then ironically made to feel inferior to girls who looked attractive. Some complex inner conflicts/inferiorities of my father must be involved in here. He passed us those from very start. Anyway, no one is perfect.

I remember something unusual which bothers me till date. When I was 6 and half, a girl classmate painted my nails in school with nail paint. But when I came home I was so afraid that my father would disapprove of that I used a blade to remove that. Till to date, I wonder why I did that cause my father always loved me and at 6, how could I sense that he may disapprove . May be because my mother was an extremely simple lady herself. I don't know. But I was worried about my father's disapproval, not my mother's.

But in later years i.e. my early thirties, everyone, my elder sister, my brother, my mother and my father, almost left me alone in my search for a partner and whenever I called my sister, she would just talk abt if I had found any? And my brother, he never thought abt it as far as I can sense.
He is innocent kind of man.

Oh, now I am talking about my mother. She had a bad marriage too. At least in initial years, which made her emotionally somewhat cold. She is a very nice lady. I really admire her a lot. Very hard working. I wish she had made a closer bond with her children though, from starting years. But she was learning to cope up in her new family, husband who was not caring enough and someone who was under the burden of his elder brother. Now I am able to see these things. But my father and mother both grew up from that mess eventually.

What an irony, till my late twenties, I was made to believe that it is task of my family to find suitable boy for me. I did not even got friendly with boys. I came across as rude, cold and moreover I was a plain Jane. I liked a few and a few liked me back for sure. But I snubbed my feelings as well as all boys who may have liked me. I did not know how to approach a boy I may find good.

And Now in my early thirties, I was asked by my family, if I found any? My father never asked me directly, but my sister was kind of mediator. Throughout my twenties, whenever I said no to a proposed boy, my sister was blamed by my parents to have persuaded me to say no, as if I have no mind of my own. My sister got irritated of this all.

It was such an atmosphere. A shy girl, working in a competitive world alone as a software engineer. I was bold outside, bold enough to talk confidently in all boys team. But one who was raised as someone who could never get romantically involved with anyone and who was simple. I started searching while sitting in comforts of my home, through online marriage portals, but in vain. Got a few, who just tried to exploit me, if you know what I mean.

I knew him slightly, someone who just used to run inside his house if I came out. Our rental houses were having some kind of attached terraces from where we can see who is outside. We talked very little. In the span of two years he was my neighbor, we talked in total of 10 minutes. His mother used to visit him and she started getting friendly with me. And eventually they left, but she approached me with the proposal. The image on me was of a shy boy with a bad first marriage.....and shy meant sensitive to me. We talked on phone after his mother approached as he was in US at that time. I sensed something at that time while talking to him. Some inconsistencies. Some panics. Some controlling nature. But I thought may be because of his first marriage which apparently broke the day of marriage cause that girl was characterless( as told to me) . He took my email password. And made me cry on phone many times

But it felt like it is the ONLY door for me. I was stupid. I played with my life in a way.

I know I married for wrong reasons. But another option visible to me at that time, was to live alone till end and make my parents feel miserable in society. It meant never going my home, and appear pitiable in front of all I know. I could not think clearly. I was just blind, you can say.

And no one did any horoscope match. I sent details to my parents for consultation with our family astrologer. But my father did not. My sister told me later, he felt embarrassed to take details to our family astrologer, as the boy is 3 years younger to me. And it is a kind of humiliation to accept in society surrounding my family. At-least they thought so. And I did no match myself. Was afraid, what if they did not match. I was afraid to close the ONLY door opened to me.

Immediately after marriage, I saw the reality. He killed something inside me. Something called "hope".
Abused me emotionally. Blamed me for having affairs with all the boys I worked with. almost all. If i forwarded someone's resume, I had affair with that person. If someone I sent marriage invitation, I had affair with that. If Someone pinged me asking how I was, I had affair with that.
And if I had asked some ex-colleague, in which company he is now, I had affair with him too. He had my mail password. So it was his daily task to check my mails, immediately after marriage.This all after he knew I was a virgin.
He would make me cry and in that mental state he would rape me.

My father, although was sad knowing I was gravely unhappy, he felt being cheated. But when i called him and said I want to run away from this man, he told me to stay. Reason.. in society, he will feel embarrassed if my marriage gets broken in 2 months.
If i keep on typing, how my life was hell at that time, I can write a complete book..:-) .

I had left my job one month before marriage, as my to be husband was working in US.

I have almost forgotten all that pain. and he is fine now. I wonder, was it his panic attack, that tortured me like hell.

He is a different man now. Told me that he was mad at that time and I should forget all that. He does not abuse me now. Not that often. And I am also changed. I am also learning in my own way to deal with all this. And I am also gaining my courage, to leave him if needed.

Now, I am waiting for my employment authorization in US. Will look for job as a software developer once I get that.

And he has got an assignment in his company in which he has to stay monday to thursday outside home in different state. Kind of travelling job. May be this is the separation, Vista is talking about.



miquar, I can never thank you enough for trying to match my wavelength, while suggesting a peaceful life style.
Yes, I will increase my skills. And I always found happiness in working as a software engineer. I will continue doing that, although the mental shock I got, have hurt my capabilities by a massive amount, I feel. You won't imagine, how I started making grammatical and spelling mistakes, suddenly. I am pushed back a lot.

I don't know why I am writing all this. I have no one who will listen to me patiently. And here I felt a few will be listening. I need to let out all this.

And about my husband, he appears to have many problems, yet he says he loves me and will take care of me if I am not well. And the sacrifice, I will be doing is, may be to never have any kid. As of today, I think so. I love kids a lot and I would have loved to have many of my own and a few adopted. I even supported a kid in his education. Its on hold now. But will continue supporting him once I get a job. I doubt I will ever have any kid of my own for a few reasons.



I thank you all for reading my chart, advising me and listening to me.

After all, we should never take life too seriously, its not for ever anyway. :-) .

Last favor, from Vista, miquar and anyone who can. Can you still tell me about some good points in my husband's chart.
Don't tell me about bad ones. I have experienced those.


Thanks a millions.

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-11-2014 at 04:21 PM.
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  #16  
Unread 07-11-2014, 04:23 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

I think you should write a book... also if you leave him maybe take out all our money and move far away... this guy sounds terribly emotionally unstable. Does he physically hit you??? I would do stuff on the down low and not directly confront him. You dont want to get acid in your face or something.
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  #17  
Unread 07-11-2014, 04:39 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi Love2Know,

All I know, he is a coward inside. He did try to physically hurt me once, but i opened the doors and went to balcony, and asked him to fight with me outside.

I am getting my strength back. Don't worry. :-) . And he is not that bad man. He says he loves me. And when I reminded him about the hell I experienced in initial months of our marriage, he just kept silent as if he felt guilty.

But as I told earlier, I believe, it was his insecurities and panic attacks which made him torture me.

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-11-2014 at 04:43 PM.
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Unread 07-11-2014, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by silverspoon View Post
Hi Love2Know,

All I know, he is a coward inside. He did try to physically hurt me once, but i opened the doors and went to balcony, and asked him to fight with me outside.

I am getting my strength back. Don't worry. :-) . And he is not that bad man. He says he loves me. And when I reminded him about the hell I experienced in initial months of our marriage, he just kept silent as if he felt guilty.

But as I told earlier, I believe, it was his insecurities and panic attacks which made him torture me.
Good dont let him touch you poorly!! It doesnt matter the reason for what he does but what he does speaks for its self.
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Unread 07-11-2014, 06:21 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Verbal abuse can be just as damaging. You sold yourself to the Devil because of pressure from your family. How sad they put you in that position all because they were worried what other people would think. This is 2014 not 1914. I understand cultural differences, I am guessing you from India perhaps?

To say he is "not that bad now" is so perplexing. There shouldn't be any verbal abuse. God forbid you have a child with this man!!No wonder things are better if he is gone 4 days a week, something fortunate for you at least. I hope you get your work permit soon. Can you do some kind of freelance work on the side that is 1099? I suspect him calming down has something to do with your being at home and not working. Leopards don't change their spots! I think with Venus conjunct your ASC you are definitely attractive and considered attractive to the opposite sex. I bet you have dimples too. Everyone can look frumpy if they try.

Live your life for what is in your best interest!
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Unread 07-11-2014, 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Vista View Post
Verbal abuse can be just as damaging. You sold yourself to the Devil because of pressure from your family. How sad they put you in that position all because they were worried what other people would think. This is 2014 not 1914. I understand cultural differences, I am guessing you from India perhaps?

To say he is "not that bad now" is so perplexing. There shouldn't be any verbal abuse. God forbid you have a child with this man!!No wonder things are better if he is gone 4 days a week, something fortunate for you at least. I hope you get your work permit soon. Can you do some kind of freelance work on the side that is 1099? I suspect him calming down has something to do with your being at home and not working. Leopards don't change their spots! I think with Venus conjunct your ASC you are definitely attractive and considered attractive to the opposite sex. I bet you have dimples too. Everyone can look frumpy if they try.

Live your life for what is in your best interest!
Ahmen to this
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Unread 07-11-2014, 07:52 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

It seems a separation will do you good - especially since an arranged marriage might take more time to get into a groove. Get yourself healthy mentally and try not to expect much from him and he may grow up too when he is away from you - absence makes the heart grow fonder remember ! Good luck
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Unread 07-11-2014, 07:54 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi Vista,

My marriage is definitely not the happiest one, but its not the saddest one too. Living alone is always an option for me.

And its only him who is helping me in all those formalities involved to get work permit. He wants me to work. Made me learn driving. I have to take driving test soon.

And he knows I repent marrying him. He has asked me this many times, whether I repent marrying him. I do for sure, but I did not tell him so.

I repent marrying. It appears strange to say, but I am so full with this marriage thing now, that I may not ever marry again...in any of my next lives ( If there are next lives, :-) ). In Hindu's they say, a marriage is for 7 lives, i.e a couple stay together for 7 lives, I am so positive that its my 7th life with him or with anybody. I know saying this shows I am in very unsound mind. May be I am. I am not the same person I used to be. Am i better? Am i worse? who can decide?

Moreover, when I see in distant future, I see myself courageous and more importantly, detached enough to leave him.

Anyway, what about freelance work on 1099. Can you please elaborate?


He does not use curse words for me and most of the time appears as if he is a needy child who cannot do anything on its own.
May be I will leave him someday. But for now I think its time God wants me to be strong. May be its destiny's way to make me stronger. Make me less of a cry baby.... more of a woman who can live fruitfully in this world. Who can do some good in this world. I can continue living with him just like a roommate. I can build my own world around myself. Not around him.

I can help needy kids. I can do justice to my life on my own.

But I need to be peaceful and ignore his little abnormalities.

Hi Libralvr,

Thank you so much. I really need to get myself healthy mentally. To be peaceful and strong inside. And I really don't expect much. Really. Thanks. :-)


Thanks & Regards

Last edited by silverspoon; 07-13-2014 at 03:18 AM.
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Unread 07-11-2014, 10:29 PM
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Hi Silverspoon. Yes there are of course positive potentials shown in your husband's chart, as in any chart.

The Aries ascendant with Mars in Scorpio suggests the potential for a tremendous appetite for life, especially with the square from Mars to Venus in Leo.

Sun and Mercury in Virgo suggests humility and an inclination towards self-improvement, with the Sun Uranus square bringing a drive to experiment with new ways of being, and Mercury square Neptune adds sensitivity and imagination to the way he uses his mind.

Moon in Libra suggests that he has an instinctive sense of fair play, with the Moon Pluto conjunction suggesting that he is capable of fighting for this.

There is strong sense of thoroughness and determination in this chart, along side a potential to take risks and reach for inspired solutions.
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Unread 07-14-2014, 01:55 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi miquar,

Thanks for your soothing mail. I really appreciate your efforts to see my chart.
You really gave me some hope and I was really smiling while reading prospective good things in this man.

Hi Vista,

You were right. Leopards don't change their spots. I have always told him that I will continue to work after marriage.

My EAD is not coming even after 94 days have passed. He was telling to his mother on phone to pray to god for it to come soon, otherwise I would not be able to work.

I told him, that if EAD won't come, I would like us to go back to India.

At that he said that he won't go to India back as its question of his career. and he wants to stay here for 7 years, as it will take his career to new heights. and he won't ALLOW me to go back as he needs me to cook food for him. That's exactly he said.. he needs me to cook food for him.

The thing is, its just an assignment he is working on here for some company. His base location is in India. We have to go back ultimately.

Anyway, I just told him, that if I am not given EAD, I would like to go back may be next year, as I too have a career. I resigned from my job in Sep 2013.

At that, he blamed me for being ambitious and that I married him only for my career advancement( What? I gave up my job to marry him.). I just told him that I too have given a life time of struggle and his job is not at stake. We are just going back to his base location.

He said he can't do that. And I don't love him and that I am not thinking about him .. like who will cook food for him if I leave.

And then he said, I can go back to my parents and then started using words like separation and divorce.

And then again blamed me for being ambitious and all.

It was really heart breaking. I never told him that I would not work. And I did double Masters in Physics and Computer science to be a servant of a man, who without any concern for me and my feeling, just starts blaming me for being ambitious and he himself is not even ready to take assignment in his base location.
I really curse the day I gave my mobile number to his mother. That black day....
Anyway, I was thinking from very start that you are getting kind of aggressive while answering me. But now I realize your intentions were in my best interest.
I owe you a big thanks too.
I think, we can't predict future through natal astrology. So I put a query in horory.
I want to know can I cleanly leave this man, i mean, just vanish one day, never to be found by him.
Does any one think based on my chart, that will I ever be strong and courageous enough to just run away from this man?

I hope I am not breaking some rules of this forum.

Thanks & Regards.
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Unread 07-14-2014, 02:49 PM
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Re: Husband seems too selfish to me

Hi. I don't think lack of courage is a problem - just lack of self-esteem. Imagine your 'guardian angel' looking down on you - who has your best interests at heart. What would she or he encourage you to do next? And if your guardian angel said, "Leave him", what would his guardian angel say? Probably, "Fair enough - you be happy - he's got at least as much chance of taking responsibility for sorting himself if he hasn't got you to blame and lean on."

I wouldn't advise you either way, but your question, "Will I ever be strong and courageous enough to just run away from this man?" suggests that you have already decided what you want, and are just in the process of wrestling with fears which prevent you from doing this.
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Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks, page 118
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