What is my purpose in life?

LeoSun1

Well-known member
Most of my life i have suffered greatly with mental illness, debilitating symptoms. I dropped out of school due to these. I had huge potential in sports and i was bright early on in school until my mental health took a huge crash and i could no longer function in society. I've tried so hard to fight this over the last 12 years or so and have had some bouts of success but nothing sustainable.

I have never worked a job due to my illnesses. I sit at home everyday in a constant depression. I know my chart has a lot of "negative aspects" like my grand cross.. etc but if someone could help point me in the right direction using my chart i would be very grateful. I always felt like i was meant to do something important in this lifetime but that is probably just my ego or me overcompensating for my lack of real achievements.
 

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JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Most of my life i have suffered greatly with mental illness, debilitating symptoms. I dropped out of school due to these. I had huge potential in sports and i was bright early on in school until my mental health took a huge crash and i could no longer function in society. I've tried so hard to fight this over the last 12 years or so and have had some bouts of success but nothing sustainable.

I have never worked a job due to my illnesses. I sit at home everyday in a constant depression. I know my chart has a lot of "negative aspects" like my grand cross.. etc but if someone could help point me in the right direction using my chart i would be very grateful. I always felt like i was meant to do something important in this lifetime but that is probably just my ego or me overcompensating for my lack of real achievements.
PRIMARY MOTIVATION :smile:





4. The Elemental Quality of the Sign of the Ascendant is showing the type of Primary Motivation of the native.
Fire goes for freedom of action and power.
Air goes for freedom of expression and movement.
The Water signs need emotional security
Earth signs need physical security.

The person with masculine Ascendant (or majority of planets in masculine signs) speaks in active terms: "I did this to that person".
The person with feminine sign on Ascendant or majority planets in feminine signs, speaks in passive terms: "This happened to me".

The Feminine signs seek advice because they need second hand in their decisions, in fact they want someone else to make the decision for them.
Masculine signs seek advice because they have many options so they are not sure which option is better.

Cardinal signs are most active. Cardinal water and earth (Cancer and Capricorn) are working great amount of actions but in circumstances and environment structured already by someone else.
Libra and Aries (Cardinal masculine) are working great in any kind of circumstances.

Fixed signs are centripetal, they need center. They are very successful in Acquisations.
Taurus hoards money.
Leo hoards glory and honor.
Scorpio hoards the hidden things, hidden motivations of other people, seek energy and vitality.
Aquarius hoards Knowledge.

Mutable signs vacillate between the two: cardinal and fixed.

5. Examine the planets which most closely aspects the Ascendant. These planets add to the whole Primary Motivation thing.

Planets aspecting the Ascendant represent powers the native can use in the world.

The aspecting planet's local determination will be added to the Primary
Motivation.
(Venus in 5th will add love for pleasure and entertainment to the native's Primary Motivation).

The aspect between the aspecting planet and the Ascendant tells you how the being of the planet and its local determination are linked.

6. The Ruler of the Ascendant by its house position tells you where (what area of life) the native will seek to realize his/her Primary Motivation.

Look also at all 5 dignity rulers in the place of the ASC. The Almuten and Exalted ruler are lamost as significant as the domicile ruler (sometimes even more).

The Ruler of the Ascendant (as well as the other rulers) by its nature and zodiacal state shows the methods the native will use and the success or failure of the drive.

This is great quote by Zoller:
Quote:
"...This little trick is of great practical value. By means of it, we may understand what the native wants. All other wants and desires are negotiable, but not the Primary Motivation. If you interfere with another person's ability to realize their Primary Motivation, they are gone..."

Lets assume that a person has Cancer on the Ascendant,
The primary motivation of this person is the Need for Emotional Security.
The ruler/s of the Ascendant and their zodiacal and local state will determine How would this be achieved.

Lets assume Moon on IC in Libra Peregrine.
Jupiter in 6th (but 7th sign!) in Capricorn.
Venus in Sag in 6th - Peregrine.
Mars in Scorpio in 4th (but 5th sign!)
Saturn (term ruler) is in 5th Scorpio Peregrine.

We can see that Moon is strong by accident (being on angle), so we can judge first from there.
The need for Emotional Security this person would seek in the home, in the place of the father. The father would be the means through which this person would try to achieve the Emotional Security.
Jupiter - the exalted ruler is weak by being cadent, Venus too. They can't produce much in giving the emotional security this person seeks.
Jupiter by universal means suggest that the native would seek wisdom, religion (and the person actually did!) but by being cadent and in fall, it can't productively give what it promise.
Mars is in 4/5th and is strong by zodiacal state, but is out of sect malefic.
It would try to win competitions, but also with Saturn in 5th will give great deal of creativity. Mars rules the 10th - creativity and looking for career, would also give some amount of emotional security for this person. But by being square with Sun in 7th it means that it will have opposition from authorities and other people in general.

The primary motivation is great deal of what we unconsciously and often consciously seek for. Once that motivation is broken or someone interrupt it, we seek to fix that in the every possible way we can do that.
 

IleneK

Premium Member
Most of my life i have suffered greatly with mental illness, debilitating symptoms. I dropped out of school due to these. I had huge potential in sports and i was bright early on in school until my mental health took a huge crash and i could no longer function in society. I've tried so hard to fight this over the last 12 years or so and have had some bouts of success but nothing sustainable.

I have never worked a job due to my illnesses. I sit at home everyday in a constant depression. I know my chart has a lot of "negative aspects" like my grand cross.. etc but if someone could help point me in the right direction using my chart i would be very grateful. I always felt like i was meant to do something important in this lifetime but that is probably just my ego or me overcompensating for my lack of real achievements.


I am not sure the chart tells me the purpose of your life. Yet a natal grand cross is known to be is a source of great power. To my mind, a major challenge with the grand cross is its range of mixed planetary dignities and receptions between themm which may point to some of the instability that you experience. For some reason I feel that much of this may smooth out as you proceed deeper into maturity. In astrology, stepping from young adulthood into maturity is often seen as happening at the first Saturn return, which is will be happening for you in the next few years. And when it does, it will affect the whole grand cross.


I know this is also going to seem trite or tiresome, and I apologize for that, but is it possible at all for you to seek some kind of help for the depression, either talk support and/or medication, just to help you get a bit up and out? The reason I ask is that I can see potential for significant change as your Saturn return approaches. And in the meantime, I sense that the way you see and hold your current situation may make it more difficult than it already is. So while how you feel might not actually change in the near term, you may be able to shift the way you perceive your circumstances, the way you judge it, kind of like a second layer of hurt or suffering or like a second arrow after the first arrow of the depression itself. You may be able to alleviate that second layer. And that might be really good until your Saturn return comes along to move you along your way.


I am truly sorry for how difficult things are for you Leo Sun and I am wishing you the best.
 

ChevyD

Well-known member
Most of my life i have suffered greatly with mental illness, debilitating symptoms. I dropped out of school due to these. I had huge potential in sports and i was bright early on in school until my mental health took a huge crash and i could no longer function in society. I've tried so hard to fight this over the last 12 years or so and have had some bouts of success but nothing sustainable.

I have never worked a job due to my illnesses. I sit at home everyday in a constant depression. I know my chart has a lot of "negative aspects" like my grand cross.. etc but if someone could help point me in the right direction using my chart i would be very grateful. I always felt like i was meant to do something important in this lifetime but that is probably just my ego or me overcompensating for my lack of real achievements.

Hello,

Firstly I am sorry for your sufferings. Unfortunately you have one of the worst moon placements I have seen for your asc. Moon with North Node in fifth house Libra for Cancer ascendant. OMG. :eek:

I also have much troubles with moon but not like you. I find that people do not give enough significance to the moon. It influences everything. It does not need to have any aspect to influence.

Also Saturn, Jupiter are not supportive to you..

I do not see life purpose in your chart but I do see competitiveness and strong research/learning ability. Use your competitiveness to succeed. Find something and compete for it, you will have many internal and external struggles but you have ability to succeed as well. Just no stability.

People with negative charts can have good life but they must use the negatives to succeed. This is what I do.

Good luck
 

LeoSun1

Well-known member
Thanks for your reply. I do seek professional help and have done on and off since i was around 12. I've been on most medications for my mental health. I did get to a sort of happy place that lasted several months recently and i thought i was "cured" but then i crashed again recently. I just feel like a loser as i am 25 and never had a real job or anything. My tenth house being empty probably points towards that too. I just want to be a good person and be relatively content with my life. I tend to see things more logically these days which helps and is most likely due to me maturing as in the past i would be extremely emotionally reactive to circumstances.

I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (although i have managed to heal from a lot of the symptoms of it), ocd, bdd, social anxiety, anxiety, depression.
 

LeoSun1

Well-known member
Oh you're scaring me haha. Can you go into more detail on what the negative aspects on my moon mean for me?

Also yes i feel like i can still be very successful in life once i beat this. Everything has been thrown at me at once so early on so i feel like once i get past these obstacles then i will be able to succeed easily.

Also yes i am extremely competitive and love to research different things, usually stuff like astrology, tarot cards.. etc.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Unfortunately you have one of the worst moon placements I have seen for your asc. Moon with North Node in fifth house Libra for Cancer ascendant. OMG. :eek:

What's wrong with that?

Libra is not a fall or detriment sign for Moon. Fifth house is not a detrimental placement for anything. A planet being with the north node just makes it more prominent in your life.

The only possible negative in that is that in the Vedic view of the nodes, which has a bit of echo in traditional Western astrology, a planet with the north node can represent a great temptation, and sometimes those great temptations lead to downfall. But there are also other things the north node can represent, which are not bad at all.

Also Saturn, Jupiter are not supportive to you..

They're both in fall, it's true, and in that grand cross. And, if we dive into sect, they're also out of sect, since this is a night chart. But saying they're not supportive isn't exactly helpful. Better to frame these planets as problems to solve, which they are.

That Jupiter in fall has already shown up one obvious way: his education was interrupted. He dropped out of school due to those health problems. Some sort of delay in completing the native's education is common when Jupiter is in Capricorn and/or Saturn is involved with Jupiter or the ninth house. With those conditions, getting an education is something you have to fight for. Whether it's worth fighting for, whether you have enough spoons to fight that battle, is another consideration.
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member



Lets assume that a person has Cancer on the Ascendant,
The primary motivation of this person is the Need for Emotional Security.
The ruler/s of the Ascendant

and their zodiacal and local state

will determine

How would this be achieved.
So your PRIMARY MOTIVATION is the Need for Emotional Security :smile:





.
 

ChevyD

Well-known member
Oh you're scaring me haha. Can you go into more detail on what the negative aspects on my moon mean for me?

Also yes i feel like i can still be very successful in life once i beat this. Everything has been thrown at me at once so early on so i feel like once i get past these obstacles then i will be able to succeed easily.

Also yes i am extremely competitive and love to research different things, usually stuff like astrology, tarot cards.. etc.

Oh sorry I did not mean to scare, was just saying what I see.
You have free will, you can do anything you want regardless of chart. But, usually the chart energies bring people back inline with the energies that they were born with.

You have moon with north node. In Libra, north node is stronger than moon. Also moon and north node are enemies - not friendly energy towards each other.

Positives of this you have already revealed. North node and moon likes research and with north node stronger than moon, things like occult and tarot are of great interest.

Negatives are that you have many different focuses but you remain confused/under illusion and fail to make good, definite decisions. You could also make obstacles for others and not just yourself. Possible Laziness is seen with this is fifth house, this i say compete for something. It will help you on all levels, mental, physical etc.
 

LeoSun1

Well-known member
Well that makes a lot of sense since my whole life i've been extremely emotionally unstable and never had that emotional security. Thank you for your reply i appreciate it. I've always valued emotional needs much higher than things like career and money.. etc but i've also been forced to see things that way due to trauma and life experiences.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
LeoSun1, is any part of your condition hereditary?

I see a lot of "roots, family, heritage" theme in your chart. Cancer signifies those things, and it's not only your rising sign, it's got two personal planets in it. And then you've got Moon and Chiron with your north node. To use the evolutionary view of the nodes, north node represents the direction you're moving in, south node the direction you're coming from. South node also represents the deeply held expectations you have for yourself, unconsciously.

That Moon and Chiron combination says something to do with Moon themes--emotions, family, heritage, and so forth--is what you have to work on all your life. Chiron with it shows the affliction. Chiron is that wound that we're always in the process of healing. It can get better, but it's never completely healed because there's always a better it can get. A Moon/Chiron conjunction in the chart of someone with a chronic illness isn't surprising at all. And the involvement of Moon suggests a hereditary element to it.

Chiron can also represent ancestral wounding. It's not just about you personally, it's a manifestation of the pain your ancestors carried and never managed to resolve.

I can continue, but I'll post this first, so you can tell me if it sounds at all like the right track.
 

ChevyD

Well-known member
What's wrong with that?

Libra is not a fall or detriment sign for Moon. Fifth house is not a detrimental placement for anything. A planet being with the north node just makes it more prominent in your life.

The only possible negative in that is that in the Vedic view of the nodes, which has a bit of echo in traditional Western astrology, a planet with the north node can represent a great temptation, and sometimes those great temptations lead to downfall. But there are also other things the north node can represent, which are not bad at all.

I just explained this further below. I do not write as well as you, please advise if need more clarity.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I just explained this further below. I do not write as well as you, please advise if need more clarity.

Where did you get "the moon and north node are enemies" from?

I've done plenty of studying up on the different views of the nodes and never heard of that.
 

LeoSun1

Well-known member
Yes 100% right. Undiagnosed mental illness definitely runs on my dads side of the family but they like to be in denial. Alcoholism also runs on my dads side of the family. Also i have a second cousin who is in a mental hospital with severe schizophrenia which was triggered due to a traumatic head injury. Also on my mothers side of the family they have issues too especially with anxiety and moods. My dads side of the family has a very intense religious history too. Just thought i'd add that in case it means anything.
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member


Lets assume that a person has Cancer on the Ascendant,
The primary motivation of this person is the Need for Emotional Security.
The ruler/s of the Ascendant
and their zodiacal and local state
will determine
How would this be achieved.





So your PRIMARY MOTIVATION is the Need for Emotional Security :smile:

.
Well that makes a lot of sense

since my whole life i've been extremely emotionally unstable
and never had that emotional security.
Thank you for your reply i appreciate it.

I've always valued emotional needs much higher

than things like career and money.. etc

but i've also been forced to see things that way
due to trauma and life experiences.

Moon in Libra lacks dignity

unless within first decanate - which your moon is :smile:
however

dignity by decanate is minor
and so

your natal moon lacks the necessary resources to achieve
the necessary emotional security
thus:

Yes 100% right. Undiagnosed mental illness definitely runs on my dads side of the family but they like to be in denial. Alcoholism also runs on my dads side of the family. Also i have a second cousin who is in a mental hospital with severe schizophrenia which was triggered due to a traumatic head injury. Also on my mothers side of the family they have issues too especially with anxiety and moods. My dads side of the family has a very intense religious history too. Just thought i'd add that in case it means anything.
Also anger issues on my dads side of the family. I inherited these severe anger issues too but i've managed to mostly heal from them. I had a very unsettled home as a child with a father who was abusive to my mother and a mother who was overly neurotic and had a hard time showing affection. Also my dad pretty much went and started a new family and left me and my sisters behind although he did make a bit of effort to stay in contact with us. He also moved to another country for a year when we were kids. he is an extremely paranoid person also.


essential_dignities_table.jpg
 
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LeoSun1

Well-known member
Also anger issues on my dads side of the family. I inherited these severe anger issues too but i've managed to mostly heal from them. I had a very unsettled home as a child with a father who was abusive to my mother and a mother who was overly neurotic and had a hard time showing affection. Also my dad pretty much went and started a new family and left me and my sisters behind although he did make a bit of effort to stay in contact with us. He also moved to another country for a year when we were kids. he is an extremely paranoid person also.
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Also anger issues on my dads side of the family. I inherited these severe anger issues too but i've managed to mostly heal from them. I had a very unsettled home as a child with a father who was abusive to my mother and a mother who was overly neurotic and had a hard time showing affection. Also my dad pretty much went and started a new family and left me and my sisters behind although he did make a bit of effort to stay in contact with us. He also moved to another country for a year when we were kids. he is an extremely paranoid person also.
somehow you need to create emotional security - but challenging for you :smile:
well done for working on and mostly healing those understandable anger issues


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