What husband wants

So my question is - Does my husband "WANT" me.

Not to be confused with - will he leave, cos I know he will never leave and neither will I. But I'm purely interested in his desire for me. So does he want me?

I'll give you some background. When we first met in 2006 on our third date we established that we wanted to have children and settle down.

During the wedding plans I got signs his family (parents and siblings) was always gonna be more important to him than his life with me and the kids - that is true.

After getting married and having kids he changed. All of a sudden he didn't want kids and he doesn't like most stuff about me. And also trying to get me to change to be someone I never was.

Here is my friend's interpretation of the chart.

"Here's the horary:
As Mars, you are a weak victim (12th Libra detriment).* Hb is strong, although also feeling victimized.* He has power over you (Venus Libra 12th).* Your value is doomed by your family group (Jupiter combust 12th).* You're identified as a victim who needs support from others (Mercury conj asc).* Venus moves away from Mars.* He's leaving you, but it's only in your thoughts.* It's not angular.* He's having a problem with you which is very acute (Pluto square Venus).* You'd like to communicate, but he's blocking you.* This is not angular either, it's in your thoughts.* You're also the moon.* The moon is separating from wanting to take action on divorce (sun square moon), and is now focused on harmony with your hb (moon trine Venus).* Being sensitive and motherly will restore harmony.* He has no interest in an affair (Venus receiving Mars detriment, Venus square Pluto, Venus receiving Sun detriment, no aspect, no aspect to Jupiter).* Sex doesn't interest him either--in fact, he may become averse to it (Venus opp. Uranus), as well as become in conflict with the kids.* The conflict with the kids is because he doesn't like them being rebellious victims who follow your leadership (Uranus Aries his 12th).* He sees an opportunity to get around the conflict by keeping the kids with his mother (sextile Saturn). *"

If anyone else has anything to add, please do. But the way it looks to me, he doesn't want me. So I honestly cant understand why he married me.

Have you asked your husband that question yet, Abby? And do you still want him?

Oddity said:

Have you asked your husband that question yet, Abby? And do you still want him?

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If my hb spoke with any honesty, I wouldn't be on this forum asking this question. His words have never matched his actions. They were all lies.

He tells me he loves me xls the time, but his actions are opposite to his words. I've always been attracted to him but this year with mother in law pushing how far she can get my hb to abuse me, I made s stand and stood up to him refusing to accept the sbuse from either of them anymore. Since then he looks at me like he hates me. Like I ruined everything (when it was his mother who ruined everything). But I'm seeing more signs of him not wanting to be around me so what you reckon.

This is a difficult one, because you're not in a position to do much of anything right now (Mars in Libra in 12). He's got moon coming up to trine his ruler from the 4th. Could be a couple of things - to do with his mother, or to do with more stability and pleasantness in the home.

I know you guys have been having a bad time for a while, so this is really difficult. Can you be with him? Do you want to be? Would it be possible for you to leave at some point in future if you had to? Do you want that?

I'm not sure astrology can answer those questions for you, Abby, I'm so sorry. Mars in fall counsels against impetuous action, but it's good for private thought - perhaps this time is best used to try to work out what you can and cannot live with, and go from there?

Oddity said:

This is a difficult one, because you're not in a position to do much of anything right now (Mars in Libra in 12). He's got moon coming up to trine his ruler from the 4th. Could be a couple of things - to do with his mother, or to do with more stability and pleasantness in the home.

I know you guys have been having a bad time for a while, so this is really difficult. Can you be with him? Do you want to be? Would it be possible for you to leave at some point in future if you had to? Do you want that?

I'm not sure astrology can answer those questions for you, Abby, I'm so sorry. Mars in fall counsels against impetuous action, but it's good for private thought - perhaps this time is best used to try to work out what you can and cannot live with, and go from there?

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I want things to go back to how things were before I met the mother in law. My hb and I and friends were all good together. As soon as his family went on the scene my hb froze up and he's been doing what they want ever since. Now my hb says all he wants to do is go out with friends and have a good time without the kids. That's not exactly how I envisioned things would be. Oh and he wants to keep me around 'cos I'm his wife' and I need to be by his side at the very family gatherings where I'm being victimized.

I'm very happy having children. I love them so much. It's a shame my hb is not interested in them.

The thing is, I don't want to be alone like my parents and grandparents and I don't want to socialize with couples by myself. So id rather be a couple. I just wanted to know if my husband wants me or not, that's all.

Abby83 said:

I want things to go back to how things were before I met the mother in law. My hb and I and friends were all good together. As soon as his family went on the scene my hb froze up and he's been doing what they want ever since. Now my hb says all he wants to do is go out with friends and have a good time without the kids. That's not exactly how I envisioned things would be. Oh and he wants to keep me around 'cos I'm his wife' and I need to be by his side at the very family gatherings where I'm being victimized.

I'm very happy having children. I love them so much. It's a shame my hb is not interested in them.

The thing is, I don't want to be alone like my parents and grandparents and I don't want to socialize with couples by myself. So id rather be a couple. I just wanted to know if my husband wants me or not, that's all.

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His actions will speak to you louder than anything else ever will.
Take care of your babies.
Hugs Abby.

chris10 said:

His actions will speak to you louder than anything else ever will.
Take care of your babies.
Hugs Abby.

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Thanks gorgeous.

Abby,

I hope for some improvement in terms of talking things out in 2 weeks to two months max. The Moon is angular and sextiles Venus, him. It could well be that you will approach him.

Right now, he (venus) is in Mars' (you) detriment, so he does not receive you well. Venus is running away from Mars. You seem to have vexed him - that is how he looks at it.

Mercury is on the Asc., and, as we all know, is communication. So, that is going to happen and the icy situation will end thru that.

Please report back.

PS: on a non-astro note, two things are important here: 1) things never remain the same because change is the only constant in the world. The way he was when you guys started out obviously was different, but I am sure he feels the same way about you. People develop and their personalities evolve.

2) It would be foolish on your part to compare yourself with his mother/family, and gauge who is more important to him. Everybody has their own place. You can never take the place of his mother, and your husband can never take the place of your father. What is more important for you than thinking of those things is how to win his heart back without compromising on what is *sensibly* important to you, like your mother's well-being and your mother-in-law not hurting her. What you need to do is to talk to your husband about such issues and make him understand that you are ALL one family. However, in order to do so, you have to a) understand that yourself and behave accordingly (hatred towards his family will not help, rather you will end up ruining the future of your own marriage and that of your children that way), b)make the atmosphere conducive through harmony and understanding. In one sentence, you have to lead by example. Remember, to a large extent, as the lady of the house, it is in your own hands what you make of it.

Look at it this way, we are not talking about an alcoholic husband or one that is cheating on the wife. What we are talking about is a family situation that is filled with animosity, misunderstanding and disharmony. Never good because this will only increase the distance where there should be none.

aquarius7000 said:

Abby,

I hope for some improvement in terms of talking things out in 2 weeks to two months max. The Moon is angular and sextiles Venus, him. It could well be that you will approach him.

Right now, he (venus) is in Mars' (you) detriment, so he does not receive you well. Venus is running away from Mars. You seem to have vexed him - that is how he looks at it.

Mercury is on the Asc., and, as we all know, is communication. So, that is going to happen and the icy situation will end thru that.

Please report back.

PS: on a non-astro note, two things are important here: 1) things never remain the same because change is the only constant in the world. The way he was when you guys started out obviously was different, but I am sure he feels the same way about you. People develop and their personalities evolve.

2) It would be foolish on your part to compare yourself with his mother/family, and gauge who is more important to him. Everybody has their own place. You can never take the place of his mother, and your husband can never take the place of your father. What is more important for you than thinking of those things is how to win his heart back without compromising on what is *sensibly* important to you, like your mother's well-being and your mother-in-law not hurting her. What you need to do is to talk to your husband about such issues and make him understand that you are ALL one family. However, in order to do so, you have to a) understand that yourself and behave accordingly (hatred towards his family will not help, rather you will end up ruining the future of your own marriage and that of your children that way), b)make the atmosphere conducive through harmony and understanding. In one sentence, you have to lead by example. Remember, to a large extent, as the lady of the house, it is in your own hands what you make of it.

Look at it this way, we are not talking about an alcoholic husband or one that is cheating on the wife. What we are talking about is a family situation that is filled with animosity, misunderstanding and disharmony. Never good because this will only increase the distance where there should be none.

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Thanks Aquarius7000 for answering my question.
Of course we have tried communicating this so many times. My hb shuts me down/blocks anything I have to say. We even went to counselling a few years ago and the therapist told my hb that he's not taking in what I was saying and he was fixated on his desired outcome instead of openly listening to me and trying to come up with a solution. That's why communication isn't working. My hb has decided that it's his mother or else. I have a need to protect my mother and kids and myself from the mother in law by staying away. That's all I can do cos she has narcissistic personality disorder.

But thanks for answering the question. So no my hb doesn't want me. He's in my 12th house of hidden enemies. And of course he sees me in detriment - it's as a result of his family!! It's not healthy for anyone to spend even a day with ppl who treat you as if you are the sh*t on their shoe.

My hb also wants me to change. These are the things he says to me -

- That he wants me to be a cute little personal trainer again.
- He hates my clothes and hair and tells me I need to wear make up.
- That I should be more of a career woman instead of taking care of kids so I can make more money.
- That my children should be with his mother EVERYDAY!!
- That his mother should do everything to do with the kids eg take them to soccer, dancing, kindy, buy clothes, choose school, choose godparents etc.
- He doesn't like my cooking. It's apparently too fancy for him.
- He HATES that I'm into astrology and most of the disrespect started from that.
- He calls me antisocial cos I'm with the kids instead of his mates yet he never ever socialized with any of my friends in the whole 11 years we've been together.
- He says being a massage therapist (my job) is not a job.
- He says that I'm in la la land if I think my writing will take off.

I should note that my kids don't like my mil either but my hb forces them to see her. she is too mentally ill to be looking after them. with her in my life, I'm teaching my kids it's ok, when it's not.
- He basically doesn't like anything.

Abby,

I don't know, from one human being to another, what the right advice is for you because I will never fully understand your life and so cannot feel what you feel.

But that applies to us all.

You see, you met your husband somewhere down the line of your life. His trials and tribulations you cannot be fully aware of or feel the marks they have left on him. Same applies to him. He cannot be fully aware of your trials and tribulations either. Hence, we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

I think you have to decide first what is most important to you. You are a daughter, a wife, a mother, a daughter in law, etc., etc.

Best would be to be a success at all those roles. But how to do that. Just because he wants to be a cute trainer again, or have a successful career again, doesn't mean you are going to do all of that. But, what you can do is to show love and understanding on an emotional level to him. That is what I meant by saying "make the atmosphere more conducive" (and less disharmonious). See you cannot control his thoughts and actions, or what he says, but you can yours. Show him you love him. Tell him that. Let him wonder how come you say it when he is mean to you. It will take a couple of tries, but most people come around with love. Ego and bitterness leads us nowhere. We all feel that, I know, but what you can conquer with love, you cannot with any other emotion.

Of course, that will mean putting one's ego aside, putting one's children first and trying to strengthen family ties for their sake and ultimately also your own. Once the atmosphere is conducive, one can handle one problem at a time peacefully and talk things thru. If you feel what you have built up until now is worth another try, do it.

See either you have to do the aforementioned, or you can call it quits. It really is your own call. Let go of all the past bitterness. It hurts oneself more than anyone else.

I agree with aqua 100%. I think that is great advice. She can be such an aquarius sometimes

I honestly do not see how he wants you

lets look

venus him in his own sign
where are you> you are mars libra - you cant deliver what he wants it is very weak
he is in your 12th house, you don't see him
neither he sees you

you are asking what he wants? He is very preoccupied with Saturn matters and himself.

moon trines venus probably kids and home since moon/Saturn are domestic. you are completely void.

T

aquarius7000 said:

Abby,

I don't know, from one human being to another, what the right advice is for you because I will never fully understand your life and so cannot feel what you feel.

But that applies to us all.

You see, you met your husband somewhere down the line of your life. His trials and tribulations you cannot be fully aware of or feel the marks they have left on him. Same applies to him. He cannot be fully aware of your trials and tribulations either. Hence, we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

I think you have to decide first what is most important to you. You are a daughter, a wife, a mother, a daughter in law, etc., etc.

Best would be to be a success at all those roles. But how to do that. Just because he wants to be a cute trainer again, or have a successful career again, doesn't mean you are going to do all of that. But, what you can do is to show love and understanding on an emotional level to him. That is what I meant by saying "make the atmosphere more conducive" (and less disharmonious). See you cannot control his thoughts and actions, or what he says, but you can yours. Show him you love him. Tell him that. Let him wonder how come you say it when he is mean to you. It will take a couple of tries, but most people come around with love. Ego and bitterness leads us nowhere. We all feel that, I know, but what you can conquer with love, you cannot with any other emotion.

Of course, that will mean putting one's ego aside, putting one's children first and trying to strengthen family ties for their sake and ultimately also your own. Once the atmosphere is conducive, one can handle one problem at a time peacefully and talk things thru. If you feel what you have built up until now is worth another try, do it.

See either you have to do the aforementioned, or you can call it quits. It really is your own call. Let go of all the past bitterness. It hurts oneself more than anyone else.

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I appreciate your advice. Although I can see you haven't had the experience with a narcissist. It's nothing to do with my ego. Everybody has needs that no-one can take from them - eg : Maslows Hierarchy of needs.

I forgot to mention that ive been trying to be loving and peaceful and of the last 7 years of doing this I have only been used and abused. They took advantage of my kindness. When it comes to narcissists, love does not work because that part never developed fully as a child. Therefore love is not allowed to exist anywhere near a narcissist. That's why my marriage is ruined. We did love each other, but the narcissist mil did everything in her power to stop it, and it worked. I kept trying and trying to spread love and she would be breathing on my shoulder spreading 10x more hate. It's just a dead end situation. But thanks for answering my question. Now I know. And I know no other woman would be able to handle this situation at all.

tikana said:

I honestly do not see how he wants you

lets look

venus him in his own sign
where are you> you are mars libra - you cant deliver what he wants it is very weak
he is in your 12th house, you don't see him
neither he sees you

you are asking what he wants? He is very preoccupied with Saturn matters and himself.

moon trines venus probably kids and home since moon/Saturn are domestic. you are completely void.

T

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Thank you Tikana, this gives me peace in my heart.

Like I said, his words don't match his actions.

Hahaha he's preoccupied with Saturn? That's his mum lol. Go figure. They really should have just married each other.

yeah

ummm xmas present . a copy of Oedipus king and a pacifier!

tikana said:

yeah

ummm xmas present . a copy of Oedipus king and a pacifier!

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Lol that's funny.

So Aquarius, looks like you were right. It's only been that, one week? I talked to him immediately about it. It seems that whenever I express my frustrations in a strong way it strengthens the relationship. We've been lovey dovey all week and beautiful sex. Just weird how this always happens like me expressing what I find unbearable seems to make him want to show me more affection and then we're in love again.

foreplay.. read outloud Oedipus king.

tikana said:

foreplay.. read outloud Oedipus king.

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Haha good one .