Lack of social life, why

Noel Eastwood

Premium Member
Hi Pisces13, I will get to your chart over the next few days.

Just quickly I see you have a lovely Leo Ascendant, that may be part of the reason things have been difficult. You enjoy being true to your self and honest but life around you can be insincere. That could mean that you withdraw from being too forward and from expressing yourself because people tend to dishonour you. Must go, will get back to you soon.
 

Saranigma

Premium Member
The very first thing I saw was your Mars in the 11th. I also have this (but in Aries, retrograde and intercepted) and I've always felt it contributed a lot to being a lone wolf. Leader and not a follower. Almost feel like I have to stand alone to be effective. Saturn conjunct your DC (I also have Saturn in the 7th conjunct Uranus) may make you feel like you take relationships and friendships a lot more seriously than perhaps you'd even like. Robert Pelletier said this:

"Saturn opposition the Ascendant shows that you are defensive in your associations. You have to exert a lot of pressure to get a response from people, and most times you don't think it's worth the effort. You tend to be so preoccupied with your own affairs that you can't be too concerned with anyone else's. But at the same time you accuse people of being indifferent to you. The truth is, you are so reserved about projecting yourself into their lives that you give the impression you think yourself better than they are. So they keep their distance and are not likely to warm up to you. You assume people will not appreciate your talents, so you don't offer your services. Convinced that others are more competent, you are afraid to accept challenging competition. You need to approval of others to reassure yourself of your skills. Probably you had an austere beginning and are not accustomed to being praised for your efforts. Although you have a mind of your own, you are never sure you can exploit your ideas and get a favorable response, which you desperately need. You may be obsessed by the thought that your subconscious fears are obvious to everyone, but of course they are not. The only guilt you should feel is in your failure to assert yourself enough. Because you are more competent than most of your competitors, you will never take on a task you can't handle. Until you try, of course, you won't know this. You secretly fear responsibility, but you are more than able to perform your duties and fulfill your obligations, both to yourself and to others. You need the reassurance of knowing that achievement is well within your grasp."
 

Saranigma

Premium Member
Does my chart indicate anything positive or some kind of change for the better? Or should I get used to and accept solitude?

Aw, the change is up to you. No one is doomed from their chart. You just have a little bit more to work through in the relationships area of life than some others. Saturn carries karma. Usually people like us don't settle down until later in life. This is a good article on Saturn in the 7th. sorry I can't be of more help! Just don't feel doomed, we all create our realities. Just gotta figure out how to work what you've got.

http://www.theastrologyplace.uk/2011/02/saturn-in-7th-house.html
 

Noel Eastwood

Premium Member
Pisces13, There is more to you than first meets the eye. Your Leo Ascendant is challenged by Chiron 6 degrees applying towards it. This makes Chiron very important, the wounded healer, and he forms part of a Grand Trine and a T Square pattern.

What this suggests is that you are very sensitive, some astrologers don't realise just how sensitive Leo really is. You wear your heart on your sleeve and feel the world around you from that very vulnerable place. Most people have their heart hidden, safe from harm, you, I suspect, have yet to learn how to do this.

Chiron adds another element to this sensitivity. You feel people, you can't help it, if they turn their mind away from you then it hits you in your heart. You are so sensitive, you have lived your life with your heart exposed, vulnerable, being scratched and bruised by life. Chiron tell us that you are vulnerable, sensitive and wounded by love.

Pisces13, I think that you have never been told just how sensitive you are. If you had learned to protect your 'self' earlier in life it would have saved you from so much pain and suffering. But now is a very good time to learn.

Your Moon is in Fire as well, and has a conjunction to a most powerful planet, Pluto. Pluto sits inside your 4th House of home and family, upbringing and childhood, your past. You love your family yet also hold some fear and resentment. Your family and upbringing are complicated and confuse you. There is so much here for you to sort through that I am going to suggest that you find a good therapist and chat with them. Or an old and wise trusted friend, some one you can trust, that's important.

I am going to give you some exercises to do Pisces13, I want you to recognise and accept your extreme sensitivity, accept that you have been hurt by life. Not because you have done bad things but because your heart is very exposed. No one taught you how to protect it.

Next I want you to learn to relax, meditate, deep relaxation that leads to falling asleep. A progressive relaxation is best at this early stage. Next is to go inside your psyche, your inner world, and find your emotional self. She looks just like you, in fact she is you but on the inside. Give her lots of hugs and chat with her, be her best friend. She needs you and she sure needs a hug, 10 times a day :)

Don't forget, you are a genuinely nice person, generous and caring, but at this time I want you to look after yourself more than others, it is time to focus on your healing now.

I will get back to you, in the meantime I want you to be kind to your emotional self, and let me know how your exercises go.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Pisces13, There is more to you than first meets the eye. Your Leo Ascendant is challenged by Chiron 6 degrees applying towards it. This makes Chiron very important, the wounded healer, and he forms part of a Grand Trine and a T Square pattern.
Not unless you count the north node as part of a grand trine. My understanding is that complex aspects only include planets and the AC/DC or MC/IC.

What this suggests is that you are very sensitive, some astrologers don't realise just how sensitive Leo really is. You wear your heart on your sleeve and feel the world around you from that very vulnerable place. Most people have their heart hidden, safe from harm, you, I suspect, have yet to learn how to do this.

Chiron adds another element to this sensitivity. You feel people, you can't help it, if they turn their mind away from you then it hits you in your heart. You are so sensitive, you have lived your life with your heart exposed, vulnerable, being scratched and bruised by life. Chiron tell us that you are vulnerable, sensitive and wounded by love.

The sensitivity in your chart really stands out for me, too, and Noel didn't even mention your sun's placement. Pisces is the most sensitive sign in the zodiac, so sensitive that it's liable to get overwhelmed and shut down, and the eighth house often brings a strong desire for deep intimacy. That is, a kind of intimacy that's stripped down and thoroughly honest, not dressed up in social pleasantries.

I also notice that you have both Venus and Mercury retrograde. Not only that, both of them are in detriment--in signs that don't naturally mesh with their energies, so that they have to work extra hard to manifest themselves. Venus retrograde can manifest as social awkwardness, shyness, especially around the gender you're attracted to; and Mercury retrograde can manifest as difficulty communicating.

The signs that they're in mute their usual expressions somewhat, making them manifest differently than expected. Venus in Aries has no use for false pleasantries or superficiality, it's more apt to want to cut to the chase and see some excitement. Mercury in Pisces loses its usual orientation to detail and functions more intuitively--its motto is usually something like, "I can't explain how I know, I just know!"

You also have a grand cross. I'm not very familiar with grand crosses, so don't quote me on them... but I recall seeing some discussions somewhere on these boards of grand crosses being involved in difficulty relating to others. I don't remember if that was said to apply to all grand crosses, or if it was just the particular houses, signs, and/or planets involved in those particular people's grand crosses. It would be worth searching for those discussions, or starting one in Natal Astrology, if you want to learn more about your grand cross.

In any case, your chart screams sensitivity, and it also shows lack of tolerance for anything less than a sincere and thoroughly honest relationship--whether romantic or platonic. Looking at the karmic indicators in your chart (north and south nodes and their rulers and aspects), it looks like this might have deep karmic roots, too.
 

Noel Eastwood

Premium Member
Pisces13, thats good then, now I know where you are at. I don't have time to go to the next step in your reading, I will be back Sunday some time, but please look upon your chart as your teacher. You are sensitive, you know you are sensitive, the next step is to work out why, where and how, and finally what to do about it.

I want you to slow things down a little for now, the answers will come, slowly, so ease up a little on the pain and we will work this out together, OK? I see an enormous amount of positively in your chart, but it is still covered, please let me slowly uncover it for you.

I see that you are a very special person, your wound and sensitivity was put there for a reason. I have yet to get to that so please be patient. Can you also go inside and give your inner self a hug and a chat, let me know what she is saying. It is important for me to know that at this stage.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Pisces13, I'd love to respond, but I can't because I can't read your posts. I'm completely and totally unable to read electronic text if it doesn't have a line's space at least once every 6-7-8 lines. You keep making much longer posts and not breaking them into smaller paragraphs. That keeps me out of this discussion.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I edited the originals and broke them apart every 6 or so lines, let me know if it's clearer. i never thought to do that before as I've never had the 6+ line problem with me or anyone else on here. But my editing the structure should have fixed the problem now.

Much better, thanks! :)

A good general rule is, if your post is longer than 4 or 5 sentences (or 2 or 3 very long sentences), don't make your paragraphs any longer than those 4-5 sentences. That way, everyone can read them.

Might be a generational thing--younger people who grew up with electronic text (I did not) seem to have fewer problems with long paragraphs--and might also be me. I have a sensory processing disability, which doesn't affect my ability to read from paper at all, but electronic screens are another story.

I'll probably be bouncing on and off line for a while, and will respond as I can. Might take me a while to think through and write a meaningful response.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I believe it's karmic, because my life as far as this stuff goes feels fated. Very fated is how I would describe it. Like everything that's happening is happening beyond my control and I'm just standing by helplessly.... Over something in a past life. Have I not learned my lesson enough? Am I to suffer all in this life and die alone so I can be happy in the next life?

What in the world did I do to be and feel like nothing? I feel it's enough now, why can't I right my wrongs from the past by actually having someone in this life to make up for what I did back then? Did I not appreciate a loved one enough? I'd certainly appreciate someone now...Has the lesson not been learned enough? My goodness, life's not even giving me a chance to be better than how I was in the past. Why couldn't it just punish me then:annoyed: I'd never do anything wrong to anyone now. Then again, if this isn't turning me bitter and cynical I don't know what is. If there's a God, I feel like he hates me.
That's not how karma works. It isn't punishment. It isn't even as simple as natural consequences of what you yourself have done, although that might be a contributing factor. The karmic factors in your chart don't even show that you're necessarily going to suffer. At most, suffering might be a side effect of attempting to get out of the old karmic patterns, or of falling back into them, but it's not the point and not the lesson.

Karma isn't even always personal. It can also be collective. There are two ways to interpret the karmic factors in a birth chart: you can read it as the patterns left over from past lives that you yourself have lived (what shows up in your karmic birth chart is what you either got wrong or never had the chance to finish, leaving you with something to complete, or something to rectify, or both), or you could read it as patterns that you've inherited from your ancestors and your society.

As long as we live in a world where people get lonely and depressed and have difficulty forming relationships, you could have lifetimes where that particular part of the human experience is yours. And as long as we live in a society that doesn't know how to handle that kind of experience--and our society doesn't do a very good job of handling that at all--it gets all the worse.

That's not necessarily a consequence of something you yourself did in a past life. It's possible that how you lived previously is a contributing factor... you might, say, have a past life pattern of being caught up in difficult relationships, being in situations where people really can't be trusted, that kind of thing, and if that's what you brought into this life, it would leave you struggling to form honest and real relationships. That doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault, though. It could be that you really didn't have better options, or couldn't see them.

Contributing factors are not the same as fault, either. Suppose, for instance, that you smoke for years and then get lung cancer. In that case, your smoking would be a contributing factor in the cancer, but not the sole cause--cancer is much more complex than that--and it wouldn't mean the cancer is your fault. Maybe you'd tried to quit several times. Maybe you smoked in the first place because you were emotionally overwhelmed, or maybe because everyone around you smoked and that was how you could fit in. The way your own behavior contributes to your karma works similarly.

Optimism is doing me no good anymore. It's rather hard pretending to be happy and okay when really you feel alone and in pain on the inside. Is there anything in the chart that indicates anything better for me? Ever? I don't want to be doomed for the better half of my life and spend my youth in loneliness in my room while everyone else enjoys themselves. I'm 22, I feel 100.
Those are symptoms of depression. The common cold of mental illness. Much more prevalent than you might think.

Depression does feel like fate, like you can't do anything about it, if it goes on long enough, which in your case, it evidently has. I wouldn't say your birth chart fates you to depression, but it looks like it shows some risk for it.

You've got several placements that might manifest as difficulty relating to others, and difficulty relating to others can be a huge contributing factor in depression. Pisces sun, with its extreme sensitivity and escapist tendencies, could factor into that as well. And then Chiron--wounded healer--is in your twelfth house, which relates to illness and isolation and escapism--and Leo, which makes it about your ego--and it strongly aspects your north and south nodes, showing an extra strong karmic indicator.

Having that kind of karma play out in your life gives you the opportunity for healing. Your birth chart doesn't just show the problem, it also shows the medicine. I'm happy to discuss that in more detail, but expect it to take time and multiple posts....
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I don't think I have clinical depression, I've seen clinical depression and I don't believe I have that. I think it's logical that someone who feels lonely and isolated, because they are, would be depressed as a result, I don't think that equates to actual depression.

And why are you lonely and isolated? Who, or what, is keeping you that way?

If I actually had someone to spend my time with and that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, I'd be fine.

Neptune is currently transiting your seventh house, in its native Pisces. Being a Pisces sun, you're likely to be especially vulnerable to its effects. Neptune can bring wonderful dreams, creativity, and inspiration... and it can also bring extreme delusions. Some people fall very deeply in love during a Neptune seventh house transit... and if they're under the sway of a Neptune delusion, the person they fall for is not at all who they believe. There's a tendency to fixate on someone and build them up in your imagination to be who you want them to be, without getting to know who they really are.

You apparently have not fallen for any particular person. Instead, Neptune has given you an even more ethereal dream: if only you had the right person, all your problems would be magically solved. And that right person could appear any minute. All you have to do is wait.

But it doesn't work that way. Everyone in a happy relationship is in a happy relationship because they're working to maintain it, and so is their partner. They didn't get there by waiting around and wallowing in loneliness. They got there by being a whole and reasonably happy person who was ready to share their wholeness. Perhaps they wanted someone to love, but they didn't feel incomplete without it.

Relationships that start when one partner feels that they need the right person to make them happy are never happy relationships. No one person can make anyone thoroughly happy. Happiness depends on many factors. If you do meet someone special when you feel like this, you'll put such heavy pressure on them to make you happy that they'll want to run away from you. Or they'll be as insecure as you are and drag you down further. Or they'll turn out not to be who you think they are, which will be a very rude awakening.

But certainly no one would be happy in a situation where they're alone.
About five years ago, there was a girl who sailed around the world alone. She didn't see or speak to anyone for months at a time. Do you think she was unhappy?

Ever heard of John Muir? He spend many months of his life, years if you look at it cumulatively, wandering around the Sierra Nevada alone, and he wrote very joyful essays about it. Do you think he was unhappy?

People who have depression don't have a reason, they have an illness regardless of how well their life is. A person who would be relaxed, happy, and carefree in my situation would be the one who has something wrong with them (no offense to anyone with a mental illness, I don't mean for that to sound insulting in any way).
From how you've described your external situation, there's nothing in it to make you unhappy. The only thing you're complaining about is lack of a social life, and you haven't said that people are putting you down or refusing to socialize with you. Some people do socialize with you. Maybe only casually, but they are socializing with you.

Unless there are other details that you haven't shared with us, this isn't exactly situational. It's coming from within. It's your internal situation that's making you unhappy, not your external situation. Your lack of a social life is just a reflection of that.

Suppose you're out for a walk and you meet two dogs. One of them comes up to you, tail wagging, puts itself right under your hands, and insists that you pet it. The other growls at you, maybe with a bit of wagging tail as well, but still growls. Which dog would you pet? Which one would you hug or play with?

When you're so down on yourself, the vibes you put out are like the growling dog. The people you see other people flocking to are like the friendly, tail wagging dog. I'm not getting that from your chart, I'm getting that from a knowledge of human nature and the vibes people put out, although you have a chart factor that probably exacerbates it:

Pluto squares your ascendant almost perfectly. People with Pluto square the ascendant are bound to be perceived as scary by at least some people, and if in a bad emotional state, that "scary" perception may be held by everyone. It's not an absolute given, and if someone with Pluto square the ascendant is in a good emotional state, the "scariness" doesn't keep them from having friends, it's more likely to become a joke between friends. I have Pluto square my ascendant, and there are some people... particularly men... who react like I'm the Wicked Witch or something, even if they barely know me. It happened the most often when I was in my late teens to mid twenties.

I know my chart makes me prone to thinking and being certain ways because I know what a chart is, my question is will this ever change?
It can... if you participate in the change. Birth charts don't say what will happen. They show you what areas of your life are likely to be challenged, and they show you ways that you can change if you have a mind to, but they leave it up to you to decide how to carry it out.
Of all the things my chart says, does it ever indicate marriage and children? Approximately what age?
Birth charts never show that. Some astrologers say this planet or sign or aspect in your seventh house shows marriage or no marriage or late marriage, and this planet or aspect in your fifth, etc. shows children or no children or difficulty having children, but those predictions are wrong more often than not.
The 'cure' for my problem (feeling alone) is meeting a person I like and then can make a connection with. I can control myself and what I do, but I can't make another person talk to me and want to get to know me...so the answer isn't simply within me.
You're partly right. The answer is not simply within you. When you're that deeply into a bad emotional state, there's no getting out of it without help. It's true that another person could help, but not true that the right person to help would be a friend or lover. What you're dealing with is way too heavy a burden for a friend or lover to relieve you of. However, a therapist could.
 
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