My nodal axis and gaming addiction

I have read in another thread that the nodal axis has alot to do with addiction if it is linked alot to the rest of the chart. My nodes are conjunt my t-square with saturn/moon/venus apex, and my NN in conj my moon SN conj saturn. What I think might be happening is that the hard saturn aspects are very isolating and my chiron as well as merc/uranus inconj moon is giving a hard time communicating. As for the nodes I will quote nexus7 and what she said in the thread in greenhorns:

NNode that is more about creating a wider social world beyond more precious interests and preoccupations. I would be curious to know how strongly the nodal axis does figure in the charts of people experiencing addictions of any stripe or form, whether or not North or South. The South Node frantically banging away to extract satisfaction from something that only leads to more emptiness,

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In my case my NN wants me to learn to accept others viewpoints and make small talk with people (3rd house) and the fact that its in taurus means that I need to communicate my values/boundries and personal needs. But I have these isolating aspects and I have aquarius and pisces on my AC so there is the pull towards video games. My SN is conj saturn and that may be making it hard to move away from my SN habits/tendencies.

My sun trine moon, I have read is such an easy aspect that the person may find it hard to come out of his/her shell, so with all these other aspects I am finding it hard to stop playing games alot.

What do you think would help me with this, can you provide insight in this matter?

Hello Jay

Thanks for creating a new thread, as I suggested.

It is late now where I am, but I did take a quick glance at your chart. Yo seem to have quite a balancing act to keep with your Moon and Saturn. You have dutues and responsibilities, the show has to go on, but there are times maybe when you wish it didn't?

Well, the Saturnian side of you (and this is, after all, your Sun ruler,) will keep the show on the road, but possibly a little too much at the expense of other emotional needs you may not even understand?


Possibly, the addictions may be masking other needs that you may not yet be skilled in identifying - Taurus as a Moon sign is said to be stable, though the Vedics have suggested, less calm when at the North Node.

Obviously, you cannot give up all the self-denial and control that may be second-nature at your SNode conjunct Saturn, but the question may keep popping up: 'what is it all for?'

The trouble with always saving up for a rainy day is that the rainy day never seems to come and so the chance to feel connected with others, or smelling the roses, somehow dissipates.

So my suggestion might be to get to know what some of your deeper emotional needs might be - this could being more acquainted with long-forgotten feelings and longings too. Then finding a way to satisfy them whilst paying your dues to Caesar in a reasonable way too.

Yes I have wondered what is it all for. I have wondered what is the point in being miserable like most people who get some job they dont like (this is what my dad keeps hammering me about).

I think you are correct about the longings, I tend to daydream alot too.

I cannot upload my chart with my asteriods in it because it is too big, and my Ceres is 11 taurus at the end of my 2nd so I dont know if that has to do with anything. Also I have Palla at 13 pisces in my first conj mars, Vesta at 21 libra in the 8th Juno 10 libra at the end of my 7th and lilith in aires at the beginning of my 2nd. I bring this up because ceres is conj my moon and this might affect addiction in my case.

My NN in the third is about communicating and seeing others vewpoints does not give up my own. NN in Taurus is about boundries and personal values and issues about betrayal.

My venus too squares my nodes but im not sure how that is affecting me specifically in this case.

Last but not least when I do play games for a long while I always seem out of touch with reality.

Thanks for the info if you find anyhting else or have more inspiration please let me know.

Saturn could be safely seen as a co-ruler to your Aquarius Ascendant too - video/internet games could be a way of avoiding intimacy (Ceres and Moon) and the risks his may involve. I still urge you to get a better idea of what some of your deeper emotional needs might be if you would like to get a hold on your addictions.

Like what you said in the other thread about uranus. Uranus in my chart is not only my AC ruler, but I have been told that it has more power because it is the most "northern" planet in my chart. Im not sure what that means.

Yes your correct about the deep emotional needs thing, mabie I should really pay attention to what I am feeling what I get the need to play games.

Jay,

This issue, is, partly, a nodal issue, as there is tremendous 'intensity' in the Taurus-Scorpio nodes.

And it is true that the Saturn-Moon opposition does not lend itself to 'easy relationships.' Also, and this is very important, your Uranus conj. Mercury gives you a great mental capacity, while at the same time isolating you from the 'ordinary.'

However, Neptune on the 11th is a major problem. The 11th house is one of the 'values' houses.....your "future goals"....goals are a value. It rules your Mars and in so doing adds to your Neptunianism. Mars rules your 2nd house, which makes your 2nd house influenced by Neptune also. The 2nd house is the house of personal values. I hope you see where I am going with this.

You place a great value on gambling or "gaming" as you call it. Whether or not money is involved makes no difference. It is taking up a lot of space and time in your life. You have made it "valuable."

One reason is that you don't seem to be able to find anything more valuable to use your time for. Something or someone or some group or some goal that you feel is "worthy" of your attention and time. THIS brings in Saturn conj. the south node. Saturn rules time. You are AVOIDING Saturn. And you can do this for a while, a few years, wasting time, not building a life, ignoring building a character, a goal system, a personhood. But eventually, what you are doing now, unless you end up building games or running a casino, you will look back and feel you wasted a lot of precious time.

Your chart is out of balance. There are no planets in houses that represent personal relationships. Except for Pluto, and I think, once again, because Pluto rules the south node, you are afraid of deep personal or sexual involvement for some reason....the Saturn tells me that.

Relieving yourself from building a future but putting it on hold, or merely using your free time to play games, can stunt your social growth. Instead of avoidance (a Neptune word) you need to have courage. You need to examine your psychological self and find the activities, were gaming not available, that would interest you and begin to use the time for those.

Gaming is isolating. So you are trying to cure the illness with what is making you ill so to speak. If the planets tend toward isolation, and really that's only one way to look at them, well, the answer certainly is not more isolating activities.

You have Venus conjunct the ascendant. Let her get some exercise. YOU don't have to bear all the responsibility for "conversation" is you meet people you are attracted to in any way... let THEM talk and you keep quiet. That is how we learn. And then when you feel comfortable speaking, then you do. You also have Mars in the first house (self promotion.) You are not using these God given energies!
You also have Sun conjunct Jupiter, which is a very fortunate conjunction, and Sun sextiles Saturn, so you can become a very respected person, someone whom others can respect and depend upon.

But your Uranus conj. Merc. I think holds the key to your problems. It's a mighty burden. It gives one great intellegence and it's hard to find "kindred spirits" with whom you can engage regarding the deep thoughts you must have. And you needn't do that right now. If I am not mistaken you are 25, and still young and trying to find where you belong in the world. And that is what you are supposed to be doing....Saturn in the 9th, Sun in the 11th, you are supposed to be discoving what you believe, what your philosophy is and where you fit in, and why you are here.

Uranus is your highest planet, and therefore you are an unconventional spirit. Hiding and isolating only puts off the inevitable work you need to do in your life, and the longer you stand on the diving board without diving the more stressful life will get later.

So, SNAP OUT OF IT. Yes, you might need some medication, as gaming like many other addictions are signs of obsessive compulsiveness, and there's a pill for that...LOL. BUT, medication or not, you must resolve to LIVE your life and not hide.

Future transits will fill those empty houses and you want to be ready to step up and receive the good things in life. It's very hard being born with Sun and heavy planets near the 12th house cusp, as many years of the Sun's progression will be spent in the 12th house. But that doesn't relieve you of your responsibility to live a full life.

As transit Uranus moves away from Pisces and finally enters Aries, you may get a new ambition and new values or maybe I should say definition of values.

Saturn in transit hasn't been helping you much either. Being in Virgo, in your 7th house, as restricted partnership and your desire to connect with a special person. Saturn leaves in the fall, and maybe that will help you. Saturn conjunct your Pluto may shake you up and force some issues. It will definitely make you face the fact that isolated is no way to go through life.
LIN

Thank you for your reply Lin. I am 24 years old. I am trying to view my time lost as a lesson while trying to bring myself to do something important.

I think I know how saturn square venus has also affected my life and my venus square my NN. Astroweekly says that venus square NN means that you dont always have the appropriate response to a particular social situation, i.e. your giggling at a funeral or your too depressed at a party etc. I know how this has affected my life. Venus square saturn to me means that you have steaked all your love on one person and when that chance is lost or she/he has turned you down you think that your chance for love on your life is lost and you carry that feeling around with you. I am recently trying to learn that love like that can come from anywhere and it doesn't have to only come from someone that looks like an 11 out of 10.

Thank you so much.

Gambling belongs to Jupiter, 5th house and addiction to Neptune and 12th. Also the Sun. I dont see a huge problem and actually you may win with this at times. Neptune the planet of addiction has easy aspects. Your Nodal axis is 3rd to 9th involving Moon in Taurus which deals with our personal monies and assets. Dealing with siblings, everyday communications, schooling, neighbours. short trips is very important. The Moon is the general family. Basically you hoping for a big win which you feel will take care of your emotional needs and general wellbeing.

As for your feelings of not being worthy of love and that only the beautiful deserve it or attract it, does come from the Venus Saturn square. The media is responsible for this to a large degree. It can also mean a love later in life with someone older or who is rather parental. Based more on practical needs and reality it can endure because of this. It is not a romantic combination but romance and being in love does not last but if we are lucky matures into something more lasting. With the Moon opposing Saturn I feel your school days had a profound effect on feeling out of it and also there maybe a sibling that contributed to feelings of inferiority. Mercury Uranus is a sign of brilliance and of course ideal for astrological science. You may have rather erratic thinking at times but your Moon in Taurus is fixed and needs financial largesse and material goods to feel secure. Third NN means concentrating on local environment and everyday logic and learning as opposed to your 9th house past lives with wider travel, higher education and philosophies and religion. You may have issues with having different ideas than your family traditions and take a different path regarding your beliefs.

Uranus conjunct Mercury lends brilliance and uniqueness. It makes for a rather nervous disposition and are you tall and angular with an androgynous look???. More handsome than pretty for instance??? You can make a career out of new age sciences and although you will always be rather aloof emotionally you can have meaningful friendships and experiment with different types of relationships. Your Moon in Taurus is sensual and physical and needs touch. Massage may be a way of satisfying this as eating of sweet things and rich but in moderation. I have a 3rd house Moon in Taurus and material security is paramount for ease of mind. Past life regression can bring up answers to your addictive behaviour which is indicated by Jupiter in the 12th. HOwever I believe you can overcome this with faith and a strong belief system. Good luck.

Jay, I would like to hear more about how you relate to Moon and Saturn, as this opposition lies across your nodal axis? I see Saturn on SNode as being something of a fortress for you, where you can keep the world at arm's length somehow, less easy to get burnt by other people. Gaming may be a way of avoiding life responsibilities as someone suggested, but I was wondering how Saturn might operate as a way of avoiding other people, rather? Here, the Moon may be good at satisfying needs via food etc, but less so in finding intimacy with a partner?

Yes I find hard to relate to people sort of in just small talk (I know whats what the NN wants me to learn). When theres someone that I want to talk to theres a deep powerful feeling of fear or embarrasment, which is sometimes there when im around others, which can manifest sometimes as being nervous. Mabie in a game enviorment I dont feel that way.

I admit I do feel more safe when I do stay in my home.

I want to reiterate that when you are in a groupl situation, you needn't be the "star" where everyone hangs on your words... you can just listen until you feel you have something to say. Start by being in groups that do activities you enjoy or would like to enjoy....where constant talking isn't the rountine, but the enjoyed activity IS.

Study your Saturn aspects, as they are of prime importance. They show you your limitations. Remember a Saturn square outweighs a Jupiter trine.
LIN

Lin the problem sometimes is that I am the star when I dont want to be, I mean with unwanted comments. I dont think that has actually happened before but that may be what the fear is about.

Another thing, I am usually rather hard on myself which is probably saturn again.

Sorry, I don't know what that means..."I am the star"....do you mean you are the leader of your current social group?
If so, join other groups of people who don't know you and keep low key, until you see where the balance point is in the group.

If you are literally a star. someone well known, then I can't help you. Unless you want to send me a personal message and give me all the pertinent info.

Your messages are ambiguous and I don't exactly know what your immediate problem is.
I do know this: being in a social situation and feeling comfortable takes time, if you aren't born with that sort of comfort. YOu won't make it better by avoidance, which is a Neptunian word.
LIN

Lin when I said I am the star, all I meant is that is what I am afraid of I am not actually the "star". I do realise my answers are short and ambigus but I am also trying to figure this all out for myself as well. I also feel confused about everything but there is me being neptunian again.

Jay, I would like to hear more about how you relate to Moon and Saturn, as this opposition lies across your nodal axis?

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Some books say that its hard to let go of the past with saturn opposed moon and I think thats how it is for me and my highschool experience (I knew its was hard to let go if it even before I read that). I was pretty much a loner in highschool and there were alot of experiences I wish that I had that I didn't, mostly around going out with some girls that I knew liked me but I didn't ask them out. That is just moon and saturn I think, I dont know how my nodes fit into that (my nodes focus on learning about communication and others viewpoints due to the 3rd house NN, and personal boudries/trust issues due to taurus NN. Jan Spillers book called "Cosmic Love" is 90% focused on the nodes.)

Generally I do feel stuck in a rut as well.

The other thing is that I dont know where to go right now to meet people that are around my own age and that share my interests and I really feel stuck. I dont really have any firends at the moment.

Two things: buy the Martin Schulman book on Nodes and it will really help you.

Next: this venue....message boards are difficult for efficient readings. When I see a client in person we have the luxury of getting comfortable with each other mentally as we discuss what the core issues are. We just don't have that luxury here.

So if there is a specific answer you want; real practical help with an issue, and it was not covered in my long post, you need to ask a specific question. If you can't frame a question, if Neptune is getting in your way, then no answer will truly help you because again, Neptune will only allow you to hear what you want to hear or what is easy for you to process.
LIN

Lin I didn't really tell you my current situation before so here it is. Currently I keep going back to games that I have had for about 5-8 years for some reason and its hard to not play them. My mind races a mile a minute sometimes when Im thinking about playing a game and often U usually pace back and forth when im like that. It is frustrating because I want to do other things but never seem to have the time to do them.

Perhaps you need to explore the possibility that you obsessive-compulsive disorder. If you find that is so, you will probably need some medication to help you out of your cycle of obsessive-compulsive behavior. I think if it wasn't gambling it would be some other "actingout" of this compulsion.
If you were my child I would find a good Internist who would then recommend someone to see for the psychological issue.
LIN