thecrystalship
Member
Hello ,I'm Kate.
First of all , apology for the lengthy contents below and my poor English . I’m not a native English speaker.
So here is my story .
I’ve lived my life pretty much alone , only have 2 female friends . After graduating from high school , I’d worked as a babysitter and a part-time assistant helping primary school students to finish homework .Before 29-year-old , I lived with my family and spent my spare time being alone listening to music , watching movies and reading .No much social life .
I only had a 3 months short relationship with a man at the age of 20 . Last year I turned 29, I was finally able to rent an apartment and a young man came into my life right after my birthday . He’s 6 years younger than me . Because of his age and his playboy look , I never thought of him being serious in the relationship , so there’re some trust issues from my side .There were also a lot of misunderstandings between us that ended the relationship in a really bad , ugly way .I was ( am )still in love with him , I thought ( think ) of him every day and prayed that there would be a chance to reconcile .
I don’t have close relationship with my family ,even with my mother . So he’s the most important and the closest person I’ve ever had .A soulmate .Losing him destroyed me , I collapsed completely.It's the biggest event happened to me in my life.
I’ve become unemployed and in debt after the breakup .Locked myself in the apartment for six whole months . Every day I searched the information about how to win him back . I blame myself for how I destroyed the whole relationship ,90% of fault was mine .A month after we broke up , I got to read about astrology by chance.
Turn out that we’re both strong Plutonians .I don’t know his exact birth time ,only know his birthday ,but I’m 100% percent he’s a Sun Scorpio conjunct Pluto Scorpio,Cancer rising ,Mars in Cancer , Pluto Scorpio in 5th house .And we have pluto sextile venus in Synastry ( me being Pluto ) , Sun ( me ) Pluto in Composite . After doing so much research , I realised my ex will NEVER forgive me nor talk to me for eternity .
What’s worse ,the more I learn about my natal aspects , the more self-discovery I get .I don’t consider myself a good person , but I never try to hurt people on purpose. When I got hurt by people , I simply just walked away or cut them off of my life completely as a revenge .I didn’t know it would hurt people as I didn’t find myself matter to people that much .However , thinking back about the past , I realised I did hurt people without even noticing it. I had an extremely hard time accepting my ugly dark side , the mistakes I’d made , the damages I caused to the loved ones .The pluto traits really haunt me .I can’t forgive myself .
Self-loathing and the guilt drove me crazy and I sank into deep depression . And then I’ve started reading a book called Healing Pluto Problem book which helps in some ways .
Six months went by ,my obsession with ex has started to fade away day by day . I understand this so-called love is unhealthy ,gave up the idea of winning him back . I can’t say I’ve already let it go completely , I still think of him and the mistakes I made every day . But at this moment , I only wish him the best with all the blessings.
I’ve learnt to accept the Saturn return thing and what’s done cannot be undone. Saturn brought me a very harsh lesson , teaching and maturity.
Self-love ( My Saturn square Venus ) ,letting go and transformation are the things I should focus on now. I’m ready to do transformation and become a better person .I’m aware of my shortcomings now and every negative aspects of my natal chart ( Take a look , I got a lot )I'm determined to solve the problems (homework)I'd had from the past life .
Started going out and meeting people since June and decided to change my job , as I know myself surrounding with the kids is about power , being in control , authority things . I also plan to do voluntary work in the community once a week and obtain a college degree by studying after work .
The problem I'm struggling right now is I still have no idea about which college major /field /career that suits me the best as I only have experience working with kids .
I tried to figure it out by reading about my natal signs and houses , but they’re really complicated for me to understand .As being a 30-year-old woman ,it is really too late to start college and a new career , I really hope that somebody can help me by giving some advices .
Any advice , suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot in advance.
Kate
P.S How I wish I had a chance to read about astrology earlier ( I mean in my early ,mid20s , things would turn out a bit differently .
First of all , apology for the lengthy contents below and my poor English . I’m not a native English speaker.
So here is my story .
I’ve lived my life pretty much alone , only have 2 female friends . After graduating from high school , I’d worked as a babysitter and a part-time assistant helping primary school students to finish homework .Before 29-year-old , I lived with my family and spent my spare time being alone listening to music , watching movies and reading .No much social life .
I only had a 3 months short relationship with a man at the age of 20 . Last year I turned 29, I was finally able to rent an apartment and a young man came into my life right after my birthday . He’s 6 years younger than me . Because of his age and his playboy look , I never thought of him being serious in the relationship , so there’re some trust issues from my side .There were also a lot of misunderstandings between us that ended the relationship in a really bad , ugly way .I was ( am )still in love with him , I thought ( think ) of him every day and prayed that there would be a chance to reconcile .
I don’t have close relationship with my family ,even with my mother . So he’s the most important and the closest person I’ve ever had .A soulmate .Losing him destroyed me , I collapsed completely.It's the biggest event happened to me in my life.
I’ve become unemployed and in debt after the breakup .Locked myself in the apartment for six whole months . Every day I searched the information about how to win him back . I blame myself for how I destroyed the whole relationship ,90% of fault was mine .A month after we broke up , I got to read about astrology by chance.
Turn out that we’re both strong Plutonians .I don’t know his exact birth time ,only know his birthday ,but I’m 100% percent he’s a Sun Scorpio conjunct Pluto Scorpio,Cancer rising ,Mars in Cancer , Pluto Scorpio in 5th house .And we have pluto sextile venus in Synastry ( me being Pluto ) , Sun ( me ) Pluto in Composite . After doing so much research , I realised my ex will NEVER forgive me nor talk to me for eternity .
What’s worse ,the more I learn about my natal aspects , the more self-discovery I get .I don’t consider myself a good person , but I never try to hurt people on purpose. When I got hurt by people , I simply just walked away or cut them off of my life completely as a revenge .I didn’t know it would hurt people as I didn’t find myself matter to people that much .However , thinking back about the past , I realised I did hurt people without even noticing it. I had an extremely hard time accepting my ugly dark side , the mistakes I’d made , the damages I caused to the loved ones .The pluto traits really haunt me .I can’t forgive myself .
Self-loathing and the guilt drove me crazy and I sank into deep depression . And then I’ve started reading a book called Healing Pluto Problem book which helps in some ways .
Six months went by ,my obsession with ex has started to fade away day by day . I understand this so-called love is unhealthy ,gave up the idea of winning him back . I can’t say I’ve already let it go completely , I still think of him and the mistakes I made every day . But at this moment , I only wish him the best with all the blessings.
I’ve learnt to accept the Saturn return thing and what’s done cannot be undone. Saturn brought me a very harsh lesson , teaching and maturity.
Self-love ( My Saturn square Venus ) ,letting go and transformation are the things I should focus on now. I’m ready to do transformation and become a better person .I’m aware of my shortcomings now and every negative aspects of my natal chart ( Take a look , I got a lot )I'm determined to solve the problems (homework)I'd had from the past life .
Started going out and meeting people since June and decided to change my job , as I know myself surrounding with the kids is about power , being in control , authority things . I also plan to do voluntary work in the community once a week and obtain a college degree by studying after work .
The problem I'm struggling right now is I still have no idea about which college major /field /career that suits me the best as I only have experience working with kids .
I tried to figure it out by reading about my natal signs and houses , but they’re really complicated for me to understand .As being a 30-year-old woman ,it is really too late to start college and a new career , I really hope that somebody can help me by giving some advices .
Any advice , suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot in advance.
Kate
P.S How I wish I had a chance to read about astrology earlier ( I mean in my early ,mid20s , things would turn out a bit differently .