My Father Passed Away, Would Love To Understand Him Better

*HIS TOB IS UNKNOWN* for synastry & composite I put his time as noon just so I could create the charts!

My father passed away a few weeks ago in a tragic car accident. I wasn’t in touch with him for several years, but this is an incredibly traumatizing loss for me. I’m only 22, I didn’t feel like I had a father growing up, he was very controlling/stubborn/egotistical/vengeful/selfish. But I obviously yearned to have a father figure and there was still a subconscious comfort in knowing he breathes, walks and talks on this planet. I would get the occasional email from him, even if a rude one, still a form of contact. This is my first major death I’ve experienced. It’s scary that I officially and permanently don’t have a dad.

I could never tell if he loved me, he was always hard to figure out from a young age. Very aloof and the oddest thing is I felt inexplicable pity for him, as if I sensed him as some abandoned and neglected little boy who never received warm love from his parents.

I’m hoping you can help me understand him better, describe him, did he have a hidden sensitive side, our synastry and composite. Feel free to be brutally honest, even if his chart is mainly negative, I can handle it. I want reality without any sugar coating. Thank you!

NATAL: https://ibb.co/tDLMLtB

SYNASTRY: https://ibb.co/gSgn1Sf

COMPOSITE: https://ibb.co/wdpHHRg

You sound very conflicted about your father. Are you sure you truly love him or do you just love him out of pity and because it's a child's duty to love their parents? If you didn't receive any love from him, I'd say he'd already dead to you long ago and the accident only confirmed his parting.



Also without a clear hour I can only say so much about him. He looked like a rather paranoid person with Sun/Merc opposite Pluto. Jupiter as the only Earth planet is also in the mix, exaggerating things further. He looked pretty controlling and power-obsessed and was stubbornly stuck in his belief. A rather unpredictable figure too, with Uranus inconjunct Sun/Merc. Mars in Pisces and inconjunct Saturn, was he passive-aggressive? Can't say anything about his Moon because this may not be the right position of the moon.


For the same reason, the sysnatry chart can only reflect his influence on you and not yours on him. Right off the bat you have Sun and Merc in bad aspect to his Saturn, and your Chiron conjunct the mix, and everything occurs in your 8H (Sun and Merc in 2H). It seems that he somehow triggered your past wound (or he could be your wound) and you were suppressed from expressing yourself and your thought toward him. Your Moon inconjunct his Venus, at one point he might have attempted to love you, but it didn't live up to your inner need.



Can you at least find a rectification software and figure out the exact birth data? It's better to have something than nothing.