obsidianmineral
Well-known member
I have this aspect in my natal chart.
I have the following aspects:
Mars in the 4th house, ruling the 10th and 5th, in Scorpio, opposing both Venus and Saturn by a 7 degree orb, squaring Uranus on a 5 degree orb.
Venus in the 10th house in Taurus, ruling the 11th and the 4th, squaring Uranus with a 2 degree orb and squaring the North Node by 3 degrees.
As for my experiences with it,
How can I possibly deal with it? The way this has manifested in my life is a bit strange. Both good and bad.
When I was a child and through adolescence I would be called ugly and was pretty skinny. It’d affect me early on but later I stopped giving a ****. However right around the time I started caring about at least being presentable and not looking like a hobo 24/7, I had a glow up and suddenly everybody told me I was good looking. I also started working out and my body is muscular and lean.
I think I have a strong desire to attract women, although I usually play it cool and am never pushy. I see that other girls my age often send me messages and flirt with me. I think that the fact that I got attention made me care about my appearance and what others thought to an extent. I started doing things like taking care of my hair, trimming my eyebrows, etc. Some people say I look like a model. (Although I think they’re exaggerating). To be honest, I like all of that but at the same time it deeply grinds my gears in the wrong way. I do not feel comfortable at all with having this image of vanity and being superficially attractive. I think it puts me in the wrong mindset. To be honest I’ve posted pictures of me on social media without my shirt on (as I say Iike the attention) but usually feel really off afterwards and end up deleting them. I sometimes use filters on my pictures. I think all of that is driven by the desire to attract but there’s something about it that DEEPLY, feels off for me and I usually end up doing things like deleting my social media or taking a break for a while. I’m done with putting up this image. I’m tired of living in a world that tells you that you need to look a certain way. I just wanna be myself. But my desires sometimes make me do things like I’ve said before.
There’s this constant push between superficiality and emotional integrity that’s going inside me and has me feeling uncomfortable. I also admit I tend to be social and flirty with girls maybe too much. I like attracting others on a superficial level and having social intelligence and awareness. I like that people like my personality and a part of me wants to be sociable and popular, but it’s more of a way of me realizing an idea I’ve always had about myself since I was a child: that I want to control my mind and something within me tells me that I like being that way. Maybe it’s my Moon in Libra ruling the ascendant and being received by Venus (since it’s in Libra), but a part of me has always felt like I am liked by women on an emotional level, even when I was a skinny little boy. I don’t know exactly why. I feel like I also like women in general. I like that they’re emotional and make me feel comfortable with my feelings. I don’t know why but I feel like I can be sociable and good looking and funny and be talented, and at the same time that kind of pisses me off. Because superficiality leads to a false ego and honestly that is the single thing that I least like. I deeply despise being false and arrogant.
I’ve also been through some really bad breakups. Feeling a lot of intense love for people that neglected me and never cared about me. I’m quite cautious with relationships now. I do not believe in love and honestly only believe in myself. I think that what I truly love about life is chasing adventure and knowledge for myself. Not mundane stupid things like looks and attraction. Even though a part of me likes it.
What do I do?
I have the following aspects:
Mars in the 4th house, ruling the 10th and 5th, in Scorpio, opposing both Venus and Saturn by a 7 degree orb, squaring Uranus on a 5 degree orb.
Venus in the 10th house in Taurus, ruling the 11th and the 4th, squaring Uranus with a 2 degree orb and squaring the North Node by 3 degrees.
As for my experiences with it,
How can I possibly deal with it? The way this has manifested in my life is a bit strange. Both good and bad.
When I was a child and through adolescence I would be called ugly and was pretty skinny. It’d affect me early on but later I stopped giving a ****. However right around the time I started caring about at least being presentable and not looking like a hobo 24/7, I had a glow up and suddenly everybody told me I was good looking. I also started working out and my body is muscular and lean.
I think I have a strong desire to attract women, although I usually play it cool and am never pushy. I see that other girls my age often send me messages and flirt with me. I think that the fact that I got attention made me care about my appearance and what others thought to an extent. I started doing things like taking care of my hair, trimming my eyebrows, etc. Some people say I look like a model. (Although I think they’re exaggerating). To be honest, I like all of that but at the same time it deeply grinds my gears in the wrong way. I do not feel comfortable at all with having this image of vanity and being superficially attractive. I think it puts me in the wrong mindset. To be honest I’ve posted pictures of me on social media without my shirt on (as I say Iike the attention) but usually feel really off afterwards and end up deleting them. I sometimes use filters on my pictures. I think all of that is driven by the desire to attract but there’s something about it that DEEPLY, feels off for me and I usually end up doing things like deleting my social media or taking a break for a while. I’m done with putting up this image. I’m tired of living in a world that tells you that you need to look a certain way. I just wanna be myself. But my desires sometimes make me do things like I’ve said before.
There’s this constant push between superficiality and emotional integrity that’s going inside me and has me feeling uncomfortable. I also admit I tend to be social and flirty with girls maybe too much. I like attracting others on a superficial level and having social intelligence and awareness. I like that people like my personality and a part of me wants to be sociable and popular, but it’s more of a way of me realizing an idea I’ve always had about myself since I was a child: that I want to control my mind and something within me tells me that I like being that way. Maybe it’s my Moon in Libra ruling the ascendant and being received by Venus (since it’s in Libra), but a part of me has always felt like I am liked by women on an emotional level, even when I was a skinny little boy. I don’t know exactly why. I feel like I also like women in general. I like that they’re emotional and make me feel comfortable with my feelings. I don’t know why but I feel like I can be sociable and good looking and funny and be talented, and at the same time that kind of pisses me off. Because superficiality leads to a false ego and honestly that is the single thing that I least like. I deeply despise being false and arrogant.
I’ve also been through some really bad breakups. Feeling a lot of intense love for people that neglected me and never cared about me. I’m quite cautious with relationships now. I do not believe in love and honestly only believe in myself. I think that what I truly love about life is chasing adventure and knowledge for myself. Not mundane stupid things like looks and attraction. Even though a part of me likes it.
What do I do?
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