I'm giving in-- Love/relationship issues in my chart

I'll post my chart, but I know the most obvious issues are my Venus squares to mars and my moon. Venus in Gemini trining my Libra Jupiter I would assume is a good relational aspect, but those squares...

What I can say is that I have a whole mess of issues involving love and relationships. I think my boundaries aren't solid and I can be very capricious in getting to know people, perhaps a little naive and careless. I don't mean that I have bad intentions, but I mean that I 'fall in love too easily' so to speak. I get excited about people who are interesting and fascinating or intense, people I can explore with, people who show me something new. I fall into states of false love, like instahoneymooning. At first, nothing is too serious for me, but in an instant, at some point I'll become attached while the other person is in a more balanced state of building attraction. Then I start to get obsessive and spiteful. That's the gist of it. Admitting I become obsessive is hard for me to do, but I do become obsessive at this point typically. I start getting jealous if they show attention to anyone else or don't show enough to me,...and I can have a very vicious tongue too. I know what to say to hurt people. Once I do that, I've ruined it completely as I've basically made people feel comfortable trusting me and getting close to me, then turned on them. And I don't mean to do that either. My intentions are always benevolent. I love people, but at some point things just turn. I'll become paranoid too and I really do hate that about myself

The only cure I can think of is to try and stave off those feelings of 'falling in love' too fast. I have a woman I'm talking to right now and unlike other times I've 'talked' with women, this time I was very straightforward. I told her that I knew if we started going in a sexual direction or if we started flirting too much, I'd eventually become too attached and ruin everything, become poisonous and vicious. I want to build a stable relationship if it's to happen with anyone and I'm just trying to learn how to do that

I enjoy flirting, I love being playful, I love kissing, I love sex. I love it all. I deeply desire a real, intimate connection with someone. I don't do superficiality so I think that may be one part of the issue. I become instantly intimately connected even before knowing the person enough to be so connected if something about them piques my interest. Idk if that makes sense. When getting to know people, I have a way of digging to the depths, sharing a lot about myself and making people feel comfortable opening up to me, and when that happens is when I start getting attached. In other words, I'm thinking perhaps I take all of what I know about them, amplify it, and perhaps idealize them or imagine I know them more than I really do

I have trouble trusting people on some level too so at first, I won't let myself get too attached despite deep conversation, but once I feel like I can trust them, it's all in and no looking back

It's like there's an on/off switch and I'll just go from off to on when that's not how it's supposed to work

I'm wondering if there are things beyond the obvious that I'm not seeing in my chart that may lead to relationship issues and possibly how I can work on these things. I don't think I've ever had a truly healthy relationship. Even with friendships I have similar issues where at first I don't feel so attached whatsoever, but the switch turns on and I become attached to the degree I become jealous if they show more attention to others, even if I haven't known them as long and I don't know why this is because it makes absolutely no sense

I also have an issue on the note of that on/off switch where at some point in getting to know someone, I'll either become too attached, or not attached at all

I feel like a damned Fiona Apple album. I need halp

Maybe I need to build a boundary because as playful and flirtatious as I can be, I'm still not the kinda person who is satisfied with superficial relationships. I suppose what happens is I cross the invisible boundary and because I can't do superficial, playful flirtation for too long before either becoming attached, or completely detached, something triggers within me

That's the other side of it. At some point, I'll either become too attached, or too detached from people. But it's rarely stable

Same, I get way too clingy.

I’m trying to learn how to control it.

I normally do so by blocking people...so that I am not able to contact them for a couple days. Lol I save them from me.

ConfusedCrab said:

Same, I get way too clingy.

I’m trying to learn how to control it.

I normally do so by blocking people...so that I am not able to contact them for a couple days. Lol I save them from me.

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I just want to learn to be balanced. I'm either too attached, or not attached at all. And all of this occurs at the beginning stages. It's not stable the way it should be. I know some of this results from my Venus squares and probably that ugly side of Pluto

I could block someone, but then I'm still acting out on emotions I'm feeling for reasons that I shouldn't and I need a way to solve that because it doesn't just go away. I may risk having issues throughout a whole relationship while just putting bandaids on it throughout

I do know that part of the issue is selfesteem as of course, with me, everything goes down to selfesteem. But that isn't the whole issue. I also view myself as inherently flawed socially and maybe I need to change that view

Lykanized said:

I just want to learn to be balanced. I'm either too attached, or not attached at all. And all of this occurs at the beginning stages. It's not stable the way it should be. I know some of this results from my Venus squares and probably that ugly side of Pluto

I could block someone, but then I'm still acting out on emotions I'm feeling for reasons that I shouldn't and I need a way to solve that because it doesn't just go away. I may risk having issues throughout a whole relationship while just putting bandaids on it throughout

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Do you have venus square Pluto also?

It’s a pretty lame aspect 😞

Normally I would think by being with someone over time this would subside? Does it get worse? Is it out of insecurity? What causes it?

ConfusedCrab said:

Do you have venus square Pluto also?

It’s a pretty lame aspect 😞

Normally I would think by being with someone over time this would subside? Does it get worse? Is it out of insecurity? What causes it?

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Thankfully no. But I have Pluto aspecting almost everything in my chart and added to Virgo moon, that's probably a recipe for neurosis and overthinking lol

I don't think it gets worse so much as it just doesn't go away. I hate it. And I can't quite pinpoint exactly why it is. Maybe I do need to gain more selfesteem. that's why I've also made a decision to stay away from sex and relationships in general and focus on myself, my life, what I want and who I am, loving myself

There's another aspect of this issue where I may start comparing myself to the other person. Even if it's someone I love. That's gotten a lot better as I've gotten older and started gaining selflove, so perhaps I need to take a break and work on my self love even more to heal these issues. I'll compare myself in my appearance, socially(since I feel socially inept), and intelligence etc.. I'll start getting competitive, except in a passive aggressive way, in a way that silently sours everything

I know I sound terrible, but we all have a terrible side and I'm being honest so I can perhaps find ways to heal these issues. I want love and intimacy, but I know I don't even deserve it from someone until I learn to treat them as they deserve. As they say, you can't love someone else until you love yourself

I still think this is a pretty complex issue, but I'll say too that selfesteem is one of the harshest issues I've had throughout my life that branches out like a plague and my 20s have been spent healing this, but i have a lot of work to do

Interesting thread

I’m dealing with the same issue and I think what makes it more difficult for me is the lack of company/affection. I haven’t been seriously involved with anyone in awhile now, so the moment I receive the smallest amount of attention and interests, all these emotions come up and I’m going in for the kill.

I also sometimes give myself too easily. So for the past couple of years, I've been contemplating where to draw the line. I don't know where. I'll give so much of myself because I genuinely desire to, but then later on start feeling bad if it seems the other person isn't willing to give that of themselves to me. However, if I become focused on things being fair, that's petty and doesn't solve anything. There's something else beneath it all

druex said:

Interesting thread

I’m dealing with the same issue and I think what makes it more difficult for me is the lack of company/affection. I haven’t been seriously involved with anyone in awhile now, so the moment I receive the smallest amount of attention and interests, all these emotions come up and I’m going in for the kill.

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For me, I think because of these issues and other issues I have, I end up pushing people away. I'm very all or nothing but I'm also an extreme introvert. So I'll find people who I have a genuine connection with, one I cherish, but for some reason, I end up ignoring them for possibly weeks on end. I hate that too. I'm such a mess. So I do feel lonely most of the time as I lack the intimacy I desire, but then I also don't put in the effort to fostering it

But for me, it's still mainly about becoming too enthralled with someone who I genuinely like. Or at least that's the start of it

Lykanized said:

Thankfully no. But I have Pluto aspecting almost everything in my chart and added to Virgo moon, that's probably a recipe for neurosis and overthinking lol

I don't think it gets worse so much as it just doesn't go away. I hate it. And I can't quite pinpoint exactly why it is. Maybe I do need to gain more selfesteem. that's why I've also made a decision to stay away from sex and relationships in general and focus on myself, my life, what I want and who I am, loving myself

There's another aspect of this issue where I may start comparing myself to the other person. Even if it's someone I love. That's gotten a lot better as I've gotten older and started gaining selflove, so perhaps I need to take a break and work on my self love even more to heal these issues. I'll compare myself in my appearance, socially(since I feel socially inept), and intelligence etc.. I'll start getting competitive, except in a passive aggressive way, in a way that silently sours everything

I know I sound terrible, but we all have a terrible side and I'm being honest so I can perhaps find ways to heal these issues. I want love and intimacy, but I know I don't even deserve it from someone until I learn to treat them as they deserve. As they say, you can't love someone else until you love yourself

I still think this is a pretty complex issue, but I'll say too that selfesteem is one of the harshest issues I've had throughout my life that branches out like a plague and my 20s have been spent healing this, but i have a lot of work to do

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THIS!

I do believe self-esteem plays a major part in my issues. I have a Leo sun and other Leo placements so receiving/giving that attention and warmth is VERY important but I get so caught up in it. Like you, I’m trying to gain more self-love and not care about the approval of others and really be about it, not pretend that I don’t care.

As a Scorpio rising, sex is also very important to me. I’ve experimented enough to know now that sex is too potent and I could never just engage in casual sex. I’ve tried fwb and that backfired so badly. I can’t separate love and sex so if it’s not in a grounded relationship I won’t go there.

druex said:

THIS!

I do believe self-esteem plays a major part in my issues. I have a Leo sun and other Leo placements so receiving/giving that attention and warmth is VERY important but I get so caught up in it. Like you, I’m trying to gain more self-love and not care about the approval of others and really be about it, not pretend that I don’t care.

As a Scorpio rising, sex is also very important to me. I’ve experimented enough to know now that sex is too potent and I could never just engage in casual sex. I’ve tried fwb and that backfired so badly. I can’t separate love and sex so if it’s not in a grounded relationship I won’t go there.

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I have no Leo placements, but I have Leo at a very sensitive spot, in the 12th house. I suppose maybe that's manifested for me as being less conscious of my need for approval and actually rejecting subsconsciously the need throughout my life. And I think I'm always overanalyzing the genuineness of my words and actions. I hate attention, but that's because of my insecurities and I think feeling an inability to get approval from others

And I relate to you on the sex part. I'm very sexual as well as freedomloving and experimental, and I've done my sexual experimentation, but I've realized that what I really need is someone I really love who I can experiment with. I think I actually originally tried the casual sex thing bc I felt like I had to to be normal. It's so stupid. I can't just accept who and how I am. For me, sex is special and way too potent like you said that I can't do casual and if I try, it ultimately gets messy. I'm very proud of myself for drawing that boundary with this woman I'm talking to right now. I know some people can do it, but some people can't and I think for people like us, if we really care about people, we will have that boundary in place

Shamefully, I think a part of me bases who I should be on what the collective values yet I also have an inability to match up this collective ideal. That's part of what I'm doing right now too. I'm learning to value myself no matter how different I am from the collective ideal and chase what makes me happy, what makes me satisfied with myself. Like I don't feel I'm where I should be or want to be with my personal goals which makes me generally feel lacking. I keep imagining how I'd feel if I was further on my path with my personal goals and desires and I think I would be a lot healthier in my relationships as I'd have this base of selflove already built. Otherwise there's the risk of looking for too much selflove by someone else's love for us

Discussing this is really helping me a lot. What's your chart like? Do you have any Venus squares too? There's a lot of hope with squares. There's intensity and discord, but a lot of potential to grow and make these planets work. In any case, I'm glad you've resonated too and maybe it's helping you too. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we just have to find these weaknesses and turn them into strengths

Lykanized said:

I have no Leo placements, but I have Leo at a very sensitive spot, in the 12th house. I suppose maybe that's manifested for me as being less conscious of my need for approval and actually rejecting subsconsciously the need throughout my life. And I think I'm always overanalyzing the genuineness of my words and actions. I hate attention, but that's because of my insecurities and I think feeling an inability to get approval from others

And I relate to you on the sex part. I'm very sexual as well as freedomloving and experimental, and I've done my sexual experimentation, but I've realized that what I really need is someone I really love who I can experiment with. I think I actually originally tried the casual sex thing bc I felt like I had to to be normal. It's so stupid. I can't just accept who and how I am. For me, sex is special and way too potent like you said that I can't do casual and if I try, it ultimately gets messy. I'm very proud of myself for drawing that boundary with this woman I'm talking to right now. I know some people can do it, but some people can't and I think for people like us, if we really care about people, we will have that boundary in place

Shamefully, I think a part of me bases who I should be on what the collective values yet I also have an inability to match up this collective ideal. That's part of what I'm doing right now too. I'm learning to value myself no matter how different I am from the collective ideal and chase what makes me happy, what makes me satisfied with myself. Like I don't feel I'm where I should be or want to be with my personal goals which makes me generally feel lacking. I keep imagining how I'd feel if I was further on my path with my personal goals and desires and I think I would be a lot healthier in my relationships as I'd have this base of selflove already built. Otherwise there's the risk of looking for too much selflove by someone else's love for us

Discussing this is really helping me a lot. What's your chart like? Do you have any Venus squares too? There's a lot of hope with squares. There's intensity and discord, but a lot of potential to grow and make these planets work. In any case, I'm glad you've resonated too and maybe it's helping you too. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we just have to find these weaknesses and turn them into strengths

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No Venus squares, only conjunctions; Sun, Merc, and Jup. My love life should be booming right? Lol. In my teens it was pretty active but now that I’m in my 20’s and know myself better, I learned my love nature is serious/intense but it doesn’t match how dating is today, which made me feel needy. I felt like I had to hide the fact that I wanted a relationship in fear that someone would use that against me and play games. I always warn I’m not one to be played with, scaring them away afterwards LOL.

I guess it all comes back to self-love and appreciating my own company. I told myself a relationship should be added happiness, not the only thing.

This thread has been really helpful and it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one dealing with the same issue. I read your post at least 3 times because you basically wrote my inner thoughts/feelings.

Lykanized posted:
"I have no Leo placements, but I have Leo at a very sensitive spot, in the 12th house. I suppose maybe that's manifested for me as being less conscious of my need for approval and actually rejecting subsconsciously the need throughout my life. And I think I'm always overanalyzing the genuineness of my words and actions. I hate attention, but that's because of my insecurities and I think feeling an inability to get approval from others"




This sounds like a perfect description of the Chiron in Leo placement in your 12th. And it is harshly emphasized by triggering the Saturn/Pluto square. 'Serious aversion to attention/limelight'

It has the potential of being the primal source of a deep creative portal that can be tapped when you are 'in the zone' and connecting to the collective unconscious soul
self.

druex said:

No Venus squares, only conjunctions; Sun, Merc, and Jup. My love life should be booming right? Lol. In my teens it was pretty active but now that I’m in my 20’s and know myself better, I learned my love nature is serious/intense but it doesn’t match how dating is today, which made me feel needy. I felt like I had to hide the fact that I wanted a relationship in fear that someone would use that against me and play games. I always warn I’m not one to be played with, scaring them away afterwards LOL.

I guess it all comes back to self-love and appreciating my own company. I told myself a relationship should be added happiness, not the only thing.

This thread has been really helpful and it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one dealing with the same issue. I read your post at least 3 times because you basically wrote my inner thoughts/feelings.

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I am really enjoying your informative posts because I am trying to learn more about young male Leo energy.

My daughter, born in the spring of 92, feels as though she has finally met her perfect match. He is a Leo, also born in 92.

He has the Sun, Mercury and Chiron in Leo. And he seems like a very good partner for her. But they are considering marriage and family so I really want to understand him and what drives him, motivates him.


What you described above is so spot on with what he has described about his past feelings.

Leo boyfriend had one long term relationship from about 19 to 22. But for past 4 years has been single by choice and didn't date, for same reasons you described. He takes 'love' seriously and he is not a tinder/hook up type of guy.

He hates 'game playing' and is somewhat serious, although also fun and light hearted, in a 'royal' way.

I thought it was interesting to see the similarity there.

My daughter has her Moon in Aquarius opposing his Leo stuff---so I think that is a good balance for them both.

katydid said:

I am really enjoying your informative posts because I am trying to learn more about young male Leo energy.

My daughter, born in the spring of 92, feels as though she has finally met her perfect match. He is a Leo, also born in 92.

He has the Sun, Mercury and Chiron in Leo. And he seems like a very good partner for her. But they are considering marriage and family so I really want to understand him and what drives him, motivates him.


What you described above is so spot on with what he has described about his past feelings.

Leo boyfriend had one long term relationship from about 19 to 22. But for past 4 years has been single by choice and didn't date, for same reasons you described. He takes 'love' seriously and he is not a tinder/hook up type of guy.

He hates 'game playing' and is somewhat serious, although also fun and light hearted, in a 'royal' way.

I thought it was interesting to see the similarity there.

My daughter has her Moon in Aquarius opposing his Leo stuff---so I think that is a good balance for them both.

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Glad my posts have been helpful!

I also have my Moon in Aquarius, tightly conjunct Saturn. Such a heavy aspect. I think it pulls me towards things with depth and realness, which is why I can’t do casual for long.

I like how you said fun and lighthearted in a ‘royal’ way. So me Lol.

Are you a guy or a woman? Typically, Moon square Venus is harder for a man than it would be for a woman. A man with such a placement would be constantly torn between two very different types of women.

wan said:

Are you a guy or a woman? Typically, Moon square Venus is harder for a man than it would be for a woman. A man with such a placement would be constantly torn between two very different types of women.

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No, but I am a lesbian and I can tell you I am torn between very different types of women... Dominant type women who are intense and adventurous, and women who are more peaceful and balanced and domesticated. I've dated both. I was too much for the latter and tho she was adventurous, she wasn't very intense or a risktaker. The former... we were like a wildfire and there was no putting us out

katydid said:

Lykanized posted:
"I have no Leo placements, but I have Leo at a very sensitive spot, in the 12th house. I suppose maybe that's manifested for me as being less conscious of my need for approval and actually rejecting subsconsciously the need throughout my life. And I think I'm always overanalyzing the genuineness of my words and actions. I hate attention, but that's because of my insecurities and I think feeling an inability to get approval from others"




This sounds like a perfect description of the Chiron in Leo placement in your 12th. And it is harshly emphasized by triggering the Saturn/Pluto square. 'Serious aversion to attention/limelight'

It has the potential of being the primal source of a deep creative portal that can be tapped when you are 'in the zone' and connecting to the collective unconscious soul
self.

Click to expand...

I've experienced that... something deeply spiritual resulting in intense creative outpour. Music is often my portal to this dimension and I see it as a gateway to truth and ultimate creativity. It's very raw and spiritual, very primal, like the state of wordlessness where all is felt in purity. I'm a very very creative person, but I also feel a lot of hindrences in reaching those points of free expression and I know it relates to anxiety about myself and my abilities. Does that sound like Leo Chiron 12th house? For me, those states are the ultinate drug and I've noted before I'm an aspiring writer, so I have to get through that to become what I feel I'm meant to be

If so, what is the way to defeat this wound, just what I've been talking about, selfesteem and acting despite these harsh feelings of not being good enough?