banaili
Active member
Hello all,
I don't have the emotional energy to explain in depth, so I'll just say this. About a week ago, I suffered a nervous breakdown. I think it had been a long-time coming. I'd dealt with too much and it was the last straw. Now, despite the awards I had gained with my company, I am jobless (they took away my work after I told them I had a nervous breakdown) and on the verge of losing everything I have built in my life. I have never felt more alone, and it is honestly soul-crushing. I have come to see just how little anyone cares about me. And the things I am now fighting for are things I already fought so hard for in the past, just five years ago or so. I don't think I can fight anymore.
I thought all of this must have something to do with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction, which has just occurred again this month. It all started about the same time. But I have just checked my birth chart with the transiting planets, and it turns out my Saturn Return is finally here. And not only is it here - my Saturn itself is almost exactly conjunct with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction (within 1 degree).
What does this mean? Can anyone tell me what it might mean, and what I can expect in my future? At the present, I can't see a future for myself at all. And navigating this ever-darkening path all alone the way I am and have been for a while seems impossible. I will say here as well (TW: suicide)...the night of the nervous breakdown, I was ready to commit suicide. I have never been that close to doing that, and have never thought I would ever reach that point. But so it was. And I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm trying to get help, but I'm not out yet. And not having people around me to support me or even care about whether I live or not does not help at all, of course. So I hope someone can give me clarification about what I'm going through. I've always been a very hopeful person, no matter all the darkness I've faced in this life so far. But this darkness seems the one that may finally get me.
Thank you for your time and thoughts. Please be gentle with me.
I don't have the emotional energy to explain in depth, so I'll just say this. About a week ago, I suffered a nervous breakdown. I think it had been a long-time coming. I'd dealt with too much and it was the last straw. Now, despite the awards I had gained with my company, I am jobless (they took away my work after I told them I had a nervous breakdown) and on the verge of losing everything I have built in my life. I have never felt more alone, and it is honestly soul-crushing. I have come to see just how little anyone cares about me. And the things I am now fighting for are things I already fought so hard for in the past, just five years ago or so. I don't think I can fight anymore.
I thought all of this must have something to do with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction, which has just occurred again this month. It all started about the same time. But I have just checked my birth chart with the transiting planets, and it turns out my Saturn Return is finally here. And not only is it here - my Saturn itself is almost exactly conjunct with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction (within 1 degree).
What does this mean? Can anyone tell me what it might mean, and what I can expect in my future? At the present, I can't see a future for myself at all. And navigating this ever-darkening path all alone the way I am and have been for a while seems impossible. I will say here as well (TW: suicide)...the night of the nervous breakdown, I was ready to commit suicide. I have never been that close to doing that, and have never thought I would ever reach that point. But so it was. And I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm trying to get help, but I'm not out yet. And not having people around me to support me or even care about whether I live or not does not help at all, of course. So I hope someone can give me clarification about what I'm going through. I've always been a very hopeful person, no matter all the darkness I've faced in this life so far. But this darkness seems the one that may finally get me.
Thank you for your time and thoughts. Please be gentle with me.