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  #1  
Unread 06-19-2013, 01:28 PM
raqun raqun is offline
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Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Firstly, English is not my native language so I apologize for any bad grammar.

My name is Gaj and i got in to astrology about a year ago, just when (as i discovered soon enough) my Saturn started returning. I can also feel all the clustered scorpionic/plutonic energy in me.. sometimes a great feeling, other times a terrible one.

Did anyone else with a similar chart, get an immense urge to transform and become /i don't even know in what way exactly yet/ better and of service to the world, around your 28 birthday?

short version of me (I will of course share specifics if someone wants me to):

3-14 yrs old: Single mom (Virgo sun, Leo rising); she wanted a Scorpio child on purpose, She pushed me quite a lot trough primary school, I got straight As, wasn't very popular with classmates, I also had talent for painting drawing.

14-22: Entered high school as the "Cool Kid", was very popular, could get any girl I wanted (still can, it's all about effort , got addicted to being in love, hate(d) one night stands, Got a long time best friend to be my girlfriend at 20, became creative and even known in my country for music.. BUT: was a rebel, didn't finish school the regular way (I think on purpose), smoked pot, drunk a lot..

22-27: Worked a lot of different jobs; from bar tending to technical sales, accounting and then systems engineering which i still do, I learn very fast but have absolutely no driving force for things that don't interest me, luckily I have a lot of interests, I just have problems with schools. I mostly gathered all the knowledge I have by myself. BREAKDOWN I broke up with a 7 year GF and best friend of most of my life (she left). Rage, jealousy, broken. Did a revenge thing with a girl, will NEVER do it again, i still feel sick. But still I never want to engage in longer conversations with my ex again. Heavy drinking period, shame, no purpose

27-now: Met a very very very special girl and am still with her (Cancer Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Libra rising), first real love..i have and am experiencing it (the most beautiful thing accessible to anyone in mortal form), she also sparked a long lost interest in astrology. When i read the first book i became a sponge - another thing I love now. BUT I have an intense urge to transform in to a better person, to shed my ever persisting jealousy and possessiveness so I wont hurt my love anymore, I also want to shed my anxiety and mistrust toward change, new places and people.. I feel like Saturn and the other bunch is pushing me hard for better or worse.

Thanks for any contribution and peace
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Last edited by raqun; 06-23-2013 at 09:25 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 06-19-2013, 05:50 PM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

I'm not able to interpret your chart, others can do it better I guess.

However, the need for transformation you speak about could be due to Chiron in Pisces which lasts until 2019.

I see you have a Pisces->Chiron square and a Venus->Chiron opposition as well in your birth-chart. Chiron can teach how to heal your wounds, so that you can heal yourself or others. Very healing time, but it requires to dig up all the dark stuff from your past and possibly your childhood. It can be very confrontational. About Saturn, any Scorpio will feel her energy right now, since it's in the first house of identity from 2012 to 2015. Making radical changes is common when Saturn transits the first house. The north node is in Scorpio as well. All of this combined, will bring changes the coming year(s). Radical changes, but this is true for most Scorpio's, including myself. And I've had my share already... and Saturn is just warming up...
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Last edited by fifteen; 06-19-2013 at 06:03 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 06-20-2013, 07:41 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Thank you! I can see that you have studied Chiron in some depth.. can you please point me to some good literature on it?

As i understand it, Chiron controls our ability to heal others in some area, while making us struggle with that same pain within ourselves. So from a natal point, with oposing Venus I could for example communicate(3rd House, Gemini) to others usable relationship advice, but I have difficulties making sense of my own relationships?

Ty

Last edited by raqun; 06-20-2013 at 08:12 AM.
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  #4  
Unread 06-23-2013, 04:02 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Hi Raqun,

I am not really clear on what it is that you are asking or wanting here.

You've offered a brief synopsis of your life and your chart - are you asking for a chart interpretation, do you have a question about yours?

If so I will help, but I prefer to look at a natal chart (with transits) made from astrodienst.com with the vertex and part of fortune selected from the additional objects menu, and the orb factor set down to 85%.

Or are you simply desiring to have this question answered:

Quote:
Did anyone else with a similar chart, get an immense urge to transform and become /i don't even know in what way exactly yet/ better and of service to the world, around your 28 birthday?
I'm a Scorpio but my chart is not similar. Very very few here are going to have a chart configuration just like yours even if they were born the approximate same time, their ascendant and houses and Moon will be different and that matters -a lot!

Also you have to consider what other transits were happening at the same time. For example, during my Saturn Return, transiting Pluto was conjunct my Moon! That was significantly more important and impactful to me at that time than the progress check from old Saturn!
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Unread 06-23-2013, 10:06 AM
raqun raqun is offline
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Thank you Horus. I edited the original post as you requested.

I sometimes have trouble expressing myself clearly. I have found that I do a lot better with written word than spoken, as I often have to think on what I want to say if I don't want people to get me the completely wrong way. I have to admit that I did rush when I made that first post and didn't read all the faqs first I have also noticed that I am good at expressing myself trough art, be it musical or painting. People usually understand it. Even so, i left the original post untouched for reference. (another thing is I sometimes have to write a letter to myself to make sense what is really going on inside my heart and mind, because my thoughts are so erratic. I have trouble with being rational without meditating on subjects first.. that is very frustrating when you have to make quick decisions)

I have changed a lot in the last year and a half or so. My current girlfriend had a lot to do with it i think, because i truly feel she is the one and that I have to be the best person I can for her. We fell in love on 6 jan 2011 and moved in together on september. We are compatible and I do understand her. The real trouble is my intense fear of loosing her. I was always a bit jelaous and possessive, but when I reached my 28 birthday it got A LOT worse. I got mad even if guys were just looking at her. She has a lot of friends, also male, she is very open, honest and a joy to be around. I did learn how to apply rational control to jealous outbursts, but I have trouble in larger social settings, where I don't know the people yet. I get anxious if I have no knowledge of all or at least main aspects of every thing I come in to contact with (even when traveling to a part with a significantly different culture or dealing with people from there). Obviously if i'm drunk I have trouble applying rationality to my feelings. It's funny that when I do get to know things/people my confidence is as hard as a rock. I even have no trouble with my GF partying with her male best friends now that I know them.

I want to know if there is a permanent way to calm oneself down, if someone can spot anything in my chart. I wish to be able to trust new things from the start without the anxiety that limits me. And i specificaly want to overcome jealousy, because it really troubles me and leaves me sad and depressed for days if I have an outburst (I can rationally tell it's not right, but the feelings are so INTENSE).. but the most important thing is I love my girlfriend and I hurt deeply when I say something bad to her.

I really love astrology and can already see I'm good at spotting patterns.. I will build upon it. in the meantime if someone has any advice and knowledge for me, I will deeply appreciate it.

Ty, Gaj

Last edited by raqun; 06-23-2013 at 12:59 PM.
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  #6  
Unread 06-24-2013, 04:45 PM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Thanks for updating your chart, Gaj.

I can now see why you enjoyed my interpretation of SouthernCross' chart as you have the same angles as she does as well as Neptune in the 10th and Scorpio planets in the 8th, so some of what I wrote for her will naturally apply to you as well. And before that, I looked at Vitas' thread which you might want to review as well: http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum...t=63895&page=2

Though he is younger than you, and a Virgo, you both have the challenge of dealing with Scorpio Moons and without any Air elements plus Chiron in Gemini. He also has a strong Mars in Cap. So some of my advice to him on dealing with that will be the same for you --in short, meditate -regularly, daily if you can!

I'll get back to the rest of this soon.
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  #7  
Unread 06-25-2013, 01:07 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

"...permanent way to calm oneself down..." afraid not, in my experience, except age slows this down.

A major-aspect-only focus on your chart might yield surprise about your question, given the tight Moon conjunct Sat (22 min orb).

Welcome to your Moon's semi-septile to Uran (1.45 degree orb). At almost 5 x the weaker orb and it being a minor instead of major aspect, you'd expect this to be control(able) by the Moon conjunct Sat.

But from my experience (having that aspect at 48 min orb), the near-constant need to be focused on something in (what others might view as) an over-excited manner will exhaust those around you. In your case, in particular, that semi-septile is triangulated by Jup into a semi-septile / septile / semi-septile realtionship (for your internet reading purposes you'll have to just pretend they are all septiles at first), so your otherwise heavy-ish Moon/Sat is bent on sharing the nervousness.

Looks like your Ven is unaspected by majors (so perhaps you want to participate in the "unaspected planets" thread in the "aspects / configs" subsection of this forum).
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  #8  
Unread 06-26-2013, 07:58 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Horus View Post
Thanks for updating your chart, Gaj.

I can now see why you enjoyed my interpretation of SouthernCross' chart as you have the same angles as she does as well as Neptune in the 10th and Scorpio planets in the 8th, so some of what I wrote for her will naturally apply to you as well. And before that, I looked at Vitas' thread which you might want to review as well: http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum...t=63895&page=2

Though he is younger than you, and a Virgo, you both have the challenge of dealing with Scorpio Moons and without any Air elements plus Chiron in Gemini. He also has a strong Mars in Cap. So some of my advice to him on dealing with that will be the same for you --in short, meditate -regularly, daily if you can!

I'll get back to the rest of this soon.
I have read trough Vitas thread and there is a lot of helpful advice that also applies to me in there. At the beginning of this year, I also started my karate training (Uechi-Ryu) and it's been going realy well. It's a form of meditation that soothes me to some degree. I could and should have done it much sooner, because my father is the teacher (Sag Sun), he has been teaching for 35 years.

I too see a lot of problems when looking at my chart that are making the already hard path to transformation, extremely difficult. The main two would be:
  • The lack of air:

    The ability to rise above my problems, look at them objectively and find constructive solutions - I am dead in the water on this one. That's why I try to gather answers everywhere, it's so hard finding them in myself, by myself. My girlfriend is an amazing libra rising, she has become my window to the world, but I know I drain her too much and I don't want to lean on her for this. Is there anything, you think, that may manifest some air in me. Does my gemmini/3d chiron have the potential to heal some of this? The ruler mercury is in my scorpio and I must admit I feel a lot better when I give someone an astrological advice. When they get it and say thank you. That is why I truly believe this is for me, so I will try to get good at it. But I don't think this alone is enough to help me objectively look at my self and decisions that affect me, my personal space/close ones.

  • South node occupiing the scorpio/8ght stellium

    I am the definition of a pessimist. I can try to force myself in to being positive about things but I can't fool my feelings. I admit, I drain a lot of energy from those around me. I feel bad about it so I try to give it back in any way I know how. With great loyalty, art, touch, intuition (but it doesn't always work because i'm often infested by anxiety), technical know-how, friendly advice/now astrological too. I feel the worse when it comes to my GF. She tries to help me cheer up every time I seem stressed (and that's A LOT) and presents me with objective and positive reasons why I'm a complete idiot for being sad. I drain her out with this, I know.. so when she is feeling down, I just can't seem to be able to help her with communicating a cheerful thing. So I draw her something beautiful, clean the flat, try to be very nice, stroke her hair.. She appreciates this very much, but I can't offer her optimism, which she needs at those times The whole me seems plutonic, but my saturn is very strong, at least it feels that way. My three personal planets seem greatly afflicted (and in some ways, helped) by these two's dark sides.

    I read Celeste Teals book on nodes and let me tell you, I found it fascinating. I do believe that a lot of my redemption lies in Taurus/2nd House with venus in 9th, I just have problems staying on that path.. It's very hard to find or get a job now days and a lot of people use connections to get a job or cheaper accommodation. I too have been getting small opportunities like that but have a kind off "NOT RIGHT" feeling about it constantly. I got my current job after a year of searching, on my own, without any connections and it feels right, even though i had "sketchy" offers but didn't want to take them. It drove me to be pretty much broke and in debt and after two years I am still in -0 on my account. I am now trying to be more open about these things, like we got (my GF an I) a place trough a connection for a very cheap price, but without any papers or anything. I still feel nervous about it, but it is a beautiful place in a beautiful location and it feels like home. I need to be able to at least make my own ecosystem work, sometimes in gray ways (because times are, actually tough), without feeling like a bad person for it. I can't help but resent and not trust politicians, business men and anyone who uses diplomatic half truths to get their needs and egos satisfied. I feel bad resenting anyone, but I do, and so have issues getting things I need or want for myself.

Thank you for so openly offering your advice . Peace

Last edited by raqun; 06-26-2013 at 12:03 PM.
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  #9  
Unread 06-26-2013, 08:01 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krewster View Post
"...permanent way to calm oneself down..." afraid not, in my experience, except age slows this down.

A major-aspect-only focus on your chart might yield surprise about your question, given the tight Moon conjunct Sat (22 min orb).

Welcome to your Moon's semi-septile to Uran (1.45 degree orb). At almost 5 x the weaker orb and it being a minor instead of major aspect, you'd expect this to be control(able) by the Moon conjunct Sat.

But from my experience (having that aspect at 48 min orb), the near-constant need to be focused on something in (what others might view as) an over-excited manner will exhaust those around you. In your case, in particular, that semi-septile is triangulated by Jup into a semi-septile / septile / semi-septile realtionship (for your internet reading purposes you'll have to just pretend they are all septiles at first), so your otherwise heavy-ish Moon/Sat is bent on sharing the nervousness.

Looks like your Ven is unaspected by majors (so perhaps you want to participate in the "unaspected planets" thread in the "aspects / configs" subsection of this forum).
Thank you. The need to be focused on something is indeed there all the time and it does drain others. I know there is a key somewhere in Venus, I just need to find it. Thanks for your interpret and suggestion. I will read and try to participate in that section of the forum asap!

Last edited by raqun; 06-26-2013 at 08:07 AM.
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Unread 06-28-2013, 06:29 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Hi Gaj,

Thank you for your patience. I'll address the things that you have written one at a time in the order of your posts.

First of all, I would like to commend you on your excellent English, which is better than that of many native English-speakers.

Secondly, I must say that this is the most intensely Scorpionic chart that I have ever seen! Someone here had Scorpio ASC with the Sun and three other planets in the first house, but that's nothing in comparison to the pure and absolute focus of your placements, and the precision of those two conjunctions is just astonishing to say the least! It really couldn't be any more powerful or intense than this, and there is tremendous potential here!

Question for you: at what age did your father leave, and did you have any kind of relationship with him throughout your youth?

Finishing school unconventionally and amassing knowledge on your own is the effect of Uranus in the 9th House.

The reason that you have "no driving force for things that don't interest" you is that you have a bundle pattern for a chart. The requirement for that is having all of one's planets grouped within four signs -yours are within three! The advantage of that is the immense focus you can exert on mastering or achieving success within these houses; you are strong where you are strong, but unconscious or simply uninterested where you are not.

All of your planets are above the horizon in the southern hemisphere giving you an outer world focus where you look for external recognition -like some of the fame you achieved with music, but I see and sense much greater things in store for your future.

Most of your planets including the luminaries are on the right side of the gravity axis (MC/IC) or western hemisphere which gives a fated perspective, like the world is happening to you, being more dependent on circumstances. Conversely, people who have their planets on the left or eastern hemisphere make things happen, and create their own opportunities. Fortunately, you do have at least one personal planet, Mars, and your chart rulers there and you must make the most of these to take charge of your destiny!

While your girlfriend's Cancer Sun (and any other Cancer planets -if she has them) are harmonious with Scorpio, her Moon in Sagittarius (which I have too) was the real attraction for you for two reasons: 1) men look for the traits of their Venus sign (amongst others) in a partner and 2) it's a sign that holds one of the keys to your soul's growth and evolution. This is also a Moon sign that you need to understand and study (if you haven't already, Google this Moon) for she processes her emotions very, very differently from yourself. While her solar self is emotionally-deep and can even match Scorpio's insecurity and clinginess, her lunar self needs a certain degree of space and freedom. The Yin Sag. Moon "reads" other Yang fire (and air) planets more easily than Yang water (and earth) (like Sun and Mars) -on the feelings level. Though your Venus is another Yin planet, if it conjuncts her Moon, this will still make for a wonderful, loving rapport here.

So the challenge is how to give her this space and freedom, emotionally and psychically, so that she isn't smothered -this is the concern I hear and feel in your words. There are ways to manage your feelings and tone them down and yes, some of this most certainly pertains to Saturn's movement into your Scorpion H8 stellium and the karmic agenda for transformation written there!

Okay I have tons to say on this matter, so I'm going to have to divide my reply into segments. To be continued.
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Unread 06-28-2013, 07:26 AM
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by raqun View Post
Thank you! I can see that you have studied Chiron in some depth.. can you please point me to some good literature on it?

As i understand it, Chiron controls our ability to heal others in some area, while making us struggle with that same pain within ourselves. So from a natal point, with oposing Venus I could for example communicate(3rd House, Gemini) to others usable relationship advice, but I have difficulties making sense of my own relationships?
Chiron and the Healing Journey: An Astrological and Psychological Perspective by Melanie Reinhart

Chiron represents our wounds, the nature of which is defined by the sign and it impacts its house and any aspecting planets. Gemini is actually associated with the 3rd house and ruled by Mercury, so it has do with siblings, travel, learning, teaching, reading, writing, speaking thinking and reason so anyone of these can be a problem area.

Oppositions usually play out with others, so your wounds can get "poked" by lovers or love matters possibly (unless Venus is representing money), but the problem is also transferring into the 9th house through those aspects to Venus and Uranus.

You wrote:
Quote:
I just have problems with schools
Quote:
I sometimes have trouble expressing myself clearly. I have found that I do a lot better with written word than spoken, as I often have to think on what I want to say if I don't want people to get me the completely wrong way.
Quote:
my thoughts are so erratic. I have trouble with being rational without meditating on subjects first.. that is very frustrating when you have to make quick decisions)
..or when you are emotionally distraught in a Venusian matter like your relationship. Turbulent emotions can cloud judgement and rational thought even for airsigns, but doubly so for ovlerloaded water people who lack air completely. But here is an example of how Chiron's airy wound to reason and rationality can impact relationships through that opposition.

And finally:

Quote:
The ability to rise above my problems, look at them objectively and find constructive solutions - I am dead in the water on this one.
So you do realize it here.

Your Chiron isn't going to be doing the healing and transforming -that's rather the will, purpose, intent, and talent of the Scorpian Sun. Now eventually, after pursuing your healing journey, an opportunity can be had out of Chiron's house. In ten or twenty years, you may have accrued enough knowledge and experience to write your own book on a subject of expertise. If you experience a quantum healing and develop more confidence in speaking, then teaching what you know may be an option too someday.

Yes, it is helpful to follow the suggestions I gave vitas on his air deficiency to try to increase it or compensate for the lack, but your success and your soul agenda is not dependent upon developing it or having lots of air at all; what you are meant to do requires exactly what you have. More of your strength just needs to harnessed, blockages cleared, and the energy channeled in the right direction in the proper way. I'm getting to that...

Last edited by Horus; 06-28-2013 at 07:49 AM.
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Unread 07-01-2013, 09:07 AM
raqun raqun is offline
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Re: Scorpio - any insight on transformation?

Hello Horus!

Thank you for commending me on my English, I do try I have been reading only ENG books for a long time, as most of the interesting ones are not translated to my language.

I've looked up Chiron - The healing journey and they do have it at our library. I'm in que and hopefully I can get it right before my vacation. It seems like a great book.

The thing is i do get "poked" a lot at in love and money matters. But I am getting an increasing awareness it's all due to myself and myself only. I tend to create problems that aren't there, or are there, but in clash with my prejudice. I am slowly starting to spot these patterns. It's still very hard to do anything about them though. Well... time and effort then

My girl deserves freedom and I don't want to be a blockage for her in any way, passive or otherwise. I hope I can manage my possessive feelings rationally and keep my love for her intact in the end, I try very hard.

The bundle pattern chart also makes sense to me - not a surprise. The thing you mentioned, that I'm dependent on circumstances got me thinking.. it's right I have a lot of great Ideas, but I have to make constant effort to get them rolling. If anyone else starts something and asks me to participate, I will go and and do it immediately. Maybe I'm wrong but I think I lack cardinal quality. My Mars and Jupiter also don't feel very strong in areas they should be - i.e. without strong mental effort, which I luckily do posses.

Take care and thank you!

Last edited by raqun; 07-01-2013 at 09:10 AM.
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