Going through some bad things, when do things get better?

Ok I can understand the comment better now, thanks for explaining to me.

This situation is definitely complex. Even if it is about wounds relating to the mother and father, it’s also about his general self-esteem and learning how to not take things personally (just like I assumed!)

The19thLaw said:

Funny thing is when I did this thing in Astro Seek, it didn't show any Mars-Saturn aspects.

For Pluto-Mars, it showed a Double Whammy as they both aspected each other (Pluto Trine Mars at Zero Degrees). For Mars-Venus it also showed a double whammy with an opposition and a square.

I must ask though, based on your assessment. Is this a one way obsession where I am the one who cannot get her off my mind or is this a two-way one where she likely is having similar feelings?

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I believe that she is probably sexually attracted to you, but not deeper. This is just my opinion, though. Your Saturn square her Mars is probably her marriage manifesting in both you guys's synastry. Her marriage is blocking you both from having sex, but that's the way it should be, so there's nothing wrong with that!

I see nothing wrong with a guy liking a woman, sexually, just don't act on a married woman, or a woman already in a relationship.

The karma, I see here, is she is to teach you how to respect boundaries, and you are to teach her to respect her own boundaries, even if she has an itch and is physically attracted to you!

Good luck, man!

Funnily enough I do not really see her as the type of woman who would be too loyal to her husband but what do I know. I think my trigger was when I went back and saw a video recording (as a part of evaluating projects) and seeing how warm, nice, and cool she was with my coworker compared to me. That somehow drove up a reaction in me, before that I cared less.

Point is, I cannot get this woman out of my mind and it is not an attraction that grew overnight either. It seems like that Mars and Pluto are contacting for both of us in a double whammy as well as Mars and Venus, am I right on that?

So I thought I'd post my chart with transits for tomorrow, seems like a huge huge sixth house overhaul.

https://i.imgur.com/S5lL96l.png

Coworker who I am closely partnered with but also have a thing for keeps playing mindgames but she is my path to a nice paycheck as well. The mindgames just keep coming and coming though.

Doing the work right but higher-ups are not recognizing it. In fact, one even flat out ignores me or just downplays me on team calls.

Life is looking crazy but got into meditation lately, that is really helping me out though.

That sixth house overhaul is in ongoing thing. Sun always goes through your sixth house at this time of year, and Mercury and Venus always go through it within a month or so of this time. The difference this year is that you have Saturn and Jupiter there, too--those are long haul transits--and Mercury retrograding in your sixth. Plus, Uranus is squaring Saturn and Venus right now, so really poking those sixth house transits. It's another long haul transit, though. Uranus square Saturn is staying in orb for pretty much all of the next year.

Nothing in these transits says, "This is the day!" It just looks like one day among many in this overhaul period.

But you're right, you are experiencing a sixth house overhaul, and it's showing up in your stress, your work issues, and your sleep issues.

If anything in particular pops up today, I would expect it to be something around power, empowerment, disempowerment, something like that. Moon is coming to your natal Pluto. It does every month, and that doesn't always mean you'll feel it in any big way, but Pluto looks like a big player in your chart, and you being caught up in so many power issues (like the mind games and the rivalry and the higher ups ignoring your work, and your feeling extremely disempowered when your emotions get intense) bears that out. Moon coming to Pluto might intensify that experience for a day or so.

Moral of the story: keep up with your meditation! And seek support. Even if it's not today, that Saturn/Uranus square is really going to hit your chart over the next couple of years. That's an excellent time to make positive and lasting changes, but it's likely to be an intense experience, and you'll need support to get through it all.

Did some reading into Plutonian energy in a natal chart and then the Saturn square Uranus transit. This was the astrology king article I came across:

https://astrologyking.com/saturn-square-uranus/

I'd love to learn more about what it could mean for me.

Meditation is definitely helping me somewhat. Yesterday, I had a borderline heated meeting with the Lebanese lady who is my project lead so her review of me does matter in my promotion. She brought up old pains such as my paranoia of her playing favorites and how my last two projects were not able to move forward even though they fit all of the boxes.

Even then, I feel like meditation made me cope with it a bit better.

She keeps her calendar hidden to where everything shows up as "busy" but she had a meeting the same time the HR person and company lawyer did. Old me would have been pissing his pants but new me was more calm. I cannot get this freaking lady out of my mind, ugh!

I wonder if it could mean that at some point next week or maybe at some point in the future, due to my feelings and such, maybe she cuts the cord. Perhaps that could be a lesson for me, how to deal with those emotions of not talking to her ever again. I know it's gonna hurt because of the strong feelings I grew for this lady but maybe then life will be saying that perhaps I need to learn whatever lessons this professional partnership was trying to teach me and grow from them.

It's been tough and yeah, I need a lot of support right now. This forum is good enough though.

The19thLaw said:

Did some reading into Plutonian energy in a natal chart and then the Saturn square Uranus transit. This was the astrology king article I came across:

https://astrologyking.com/saturn-square-uranus/

I'd love to learn more about what it could mean for me.

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That article is cookbook astrology. What it means for you, you're living it.

The19thLaw said:

I wonder if it could mean that at some point next week or maybe at some point in the future, due to my feelings and such, maybe she cuts the cord. Perhaps that could be a lesson for me, how to deal with those emotions of not talking to her ever again. I know it's gonna hurt because of the strong feelings I grew for this lady but maybe then life will be saying that perhaps I need to learn whatever lessons this professional partnership was trying to teach me and grow from them.

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Well, Mars is involved in this square, too. That could mean some kind of severing. Maybe on your end, maybe on someone else's.

Mars/Saturn aspects, I've found, tend to correlate with really working at something but feeling like you're getting nowhere. The fruit isn't borne yet. That's my experience, anyway.

The19thLaw said:

It's been tough and yeah, I need a lot of support right now. This forum is good enough though.

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I'm glad you feel this forum is good support, but I think you'll need a bigger team. This is only the first hint of Saturn and Uranus hammering most of your chart, turning the t-square that contains most of your planets into a grand cross. I suspect it's going to get more intense. You already had a very emotionally intense moment last week. How much more of that can you handle?

I don't doubt that you'll survive it, and grow from it, and come out in a better place, but I think you'll find that you need more personal, immediate, on the ground support to handle it.

So how would it look like as it gets more intense and more direct?

Like can you give me examples and themes and such?

Everyone's experience is different. No two people's transits are the same. It's impossible to give specific examples for that reason.

That said, you're already experiencing some emotional intensity. I would expect that to build up more, as your Sun and then the rest of those planets get caught in the crosshairs of Uranus/Saturn. No matter what actually happens on the ground, I think it's going to get very emotionally intense for you, sooner or later. Emotionally intense moments require immediate support.

Yeah it has been an intense past few weeks but meditation has kept me grounded. A ton has changed in my life and at work, like a ton. They have us with new and sky-high goals compared to what we are used to and I do not even know if we can realistically obtain them.

I have just kept a cool head through it all, put in the work, and not tried to resist the change as it has happened. I have become less defensive to change itself and tried to just go with the flow more, it has somehow worked out better for me. I have learned to almost play all of the worst scenarios in my head and live with them.

Meditation has somehow made me a lot less paranoid too. It's like I think even if I get fired for some random reason (or no reason really), who really cares. The stuff that used to make me stressed and paranoid almost rolls off my sleeve now for some reason.

The19thLaw said:

Yeah it has been an intense past few weeks but meditation has kept me grounded. A ton has changed in my life and at work, like a ton. They have us with new and sky-high goals compared to what we are used to and I do not even know if we can realistically obtain them.

I have just kept a cool head through it all, put in the work, and not tried to resist the change as it has happened. I have become less defensive to change itself and tried to just go with the flow more, it has somehow worked out better for me. I have learned to almost play all of the worst scenarios in my head and live with them.

Meditation has somehow made me a lot less paranoid too. It's like I think even if I get fired for some random reason (or no reason really), who really cares. The stuff that used to make me stressed and paranoid almost rolls off my sleeve now for some reason.

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This is a very positive example of transits that activate the twelfth house!

And do you see what made it positive? You chose meditation.

Yeah I mean, meditation has helped me cope so far but I wonder how long it can really go on. I almost feel like right now life is giving me an appetizer, barely even that, and the full course mean is really going to get the better of me. All I have done so far is not try to resist the changes and just try to keep a cool head but my goodness, easier said than done.

Meditation has still helped but for how long is the question.

The19thLaw said:

Yeah I mean, meditation has helped me cope so far but I wonder how long it can really go on. I almost feel like right now life is giving me an appetizer, barely even that, and the full course mean is really going to get the better of me. All I have done so far is not try to resist the changes and just try to keep a cool head but my goodness, easier said than done.

Meditation has still helped but for how long is the question.

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Then what do you need in addition?

I think meditation will always help you, but it might not always be enough all by itself. It's good that you're getting grounded in it while you're having your appetizer. That should give you breathing room to figure out what to do if/when the full course hits.

Charts and transits show solutions as well as problems. Your solution of meditation is very twelfth house, reflecting all these oppositions hitting your twelfth house placements. The reason you started is reflected in where those oppositions are coming from: sixth house problems that you were looking to solve.

Well something else that helped me out a lot was just getting enough sleep finally. I wish I could exercise more but the paths and roads where I am at are all iced over and gyms all closed, so that has put a dent on that routine. I feel like just getting stuff done and having a list in the day to get stuff done has kept me grounded to some degree.

The other factor is just having a community which I am kind of finding on this forum. TBH, talking astrology has been a major major contributor to me starting to feel better. Now I am just getting into this stuff and it is very entertaining and mind-blowing.

Today has just been a lazy day though lol, we all need those. Here is my chart

https://i.imgur.com/S5lL96l.png

Call it journal entry, call it whatever but man today hit me hard like a ton of bricks. I actually had a chance to pick out gaps in my own development that resurfaced, hard to explain.

Like I look at the situation involving me and the exotic woman I speak of, how she might not like guys who look like me or act like me because of who I am. I do not see men like me get with women like her and that spirals into a negative tailspin where ego confronts desire and it goes into a nasty dark place.

I want women of type X, I feel like naturally that due to things about me they do not want me, and that leads to me lending myself to things like bigotry, racism, hatred, anger, and disdain. The saying goes, disdain that which you cannot have. Then I have dark fantasies about having power over them and making them suffer if I am in that position of power because somehow I take their rejection of men like as some sort of disdain, like they want to see me dead.

The more I think about it, the more I see it as that Leo ego mixing in a bad way with the Scorpionic Pluto to produce some real real evil inside of me. Whew, that was quite a lot to get off my chest, quite a lot.

I imagine scenarios where I make women are of the background that are keen to go for men like me into favorable positions and then use power games to make life miserable for women who do not.

Now I even see it playing out with astrology, it is so strange because it happened in my head today. What's odd is that race and nationality got changed to zodiac sign.

Somehow my encounter with this woman who has given me intense feelings has made me hate all Sag women to the point where I think they are all evil Ann Coulters. Then I think of why that is. Basically the pairing between a Sag woman and Leo man being very rare or unheard of (compared to Sag women and other sun signs) made me take it as them having it out for Leo men and wanting Leo men to suffer or seeing Leos as inferior. It was the weirdest stuff....

Now I am sure somewhere out there, a Leo man and Sag woman are making sweet love, or who knows maybe it is truly an odd and rare pairing which irks me because I am thinking it should not be odd or rare at all.

So I thought more about it and then it sprung up again.

I have had these sorts of thoughts for almost years and now whatever is happening in my life is presenting itself.

It's like Pluto or Saturn coming together and saying to me what am I going to do now?

Replace one race with another, one nationality with another, and the list can go on. Now take race and nationality out of it, use a freaking zodiac sign, there you go.

Those change but somehow underlying in me, how I approach that rejection does not and what it spirals out into for me mentally does not either.

Whatever happens, these transits want me to somehow do something with these feelings.

Do you need to obsess over someone?

Obsessiveness is a very Plutonian thing. It sounds like you're wired for it. Your chart bears that out.

At its core, Pluto is all about power. Your dark fantasies are, indeed, about power. See the empowerment/disempowerment/taking power themes?

This isn't about Ms. Sagittarius. This isn't about any of those other people. This is about your relationship to power. Any of the people you might picture are just stand ins. Like in a dream where a casual acquaintance shows up to play a certain role that they don't play for you irl.

Come to think of it, maybe this all happened for a reason. I thought about my thing for Ms. Sag and quite frankly, she is from a nationality I had a really bad experience with growing up. A nationality I have often found to be rude when I encountered them in person but at the same time I kind of romanticized growing up due to media portrayals.

Needless to say that due to my experiences, I carried a lot of ill will and disdain towards that group of people. Lo and behold, this lady comes into my life.

Sometimes, all of this karmic and coincidental stuff, it is no wonder I ended up giving astrology a chance!

So I get the feeling that March is gonna be one rough rough month for me, like it could result in me not having favorable news at work.

Here are the transits for me on March 1

For that question, I'd use a lunar return chart. You have a lunar return coming right up, and it will be close enough to the beginning of March to be a primary influence on most of that month. You can get them at astro.com in the extended chart section.

not even sure what that is but