What makes a person shy, timid and anxious?

Kayen

Kayen

Member
Why am I anxious in social situations?

Although i'm not socially inept, I've been trying to figure out why I become really nervous and anxious in certain social situations.

I have mild ocd which I noticed a couple of years ago. And i've always been shy and timid since I was a kid particularly when i'm with a large group of people who I don't know. I hate it though, I wished I was more assertive.

In my case, what is it that contributes to having such an undesirable personality?
 

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Lilystar

Lilystar

Member
I think a part of this can be contributed to all the squares in your chart. You have an abundance of Aries energy, which is initiating and confident, but you also have your Capricorn energy, which is squaring your sun, mercury, and venus in Aries. Capricorn is a more conservative sign, so maybe you feel like you want to make an effort socially, but there is something holding you back? If so, that would be the Capricorn energy.

Your Aries energy also squares your ascendent in Cancer, and opposes Capricorn...these are more hard aspects.

Perhaps another thing to watch out for is Aries in Mercury -- I've heard they have a tendency to over-inflate their egos over their intelligence. Perhaps you need a softer approach when communicating with others?

I'm sort of a beginner, so if this doesn't sound right, I may have made a mistake...but I hope this helps :)
 
Kingsley

Kingsley

Well-known member
I am not so sure that anxiety equates to an upleasant personality. Usually on deeper investigation, midpoints can explain where the trigger for this lays . Moon=mars/neptune can be anxiety.development of personality in the natal chart usually shows Saturn playing a role in shyness and self esteem.
Kingsley
 
kaminari

kaminari

Well-known member
That's a tough question.

I notice your Ascendant is in Cancer, your MC in Pisces, & you have planets near the Descendant. Also, Mars in the 12th house. That means shy to me. Maybe you want to break out (Sun, Venus, Mercury stellium in Aries) but can't right now (Mars in 12th).

But hey, I was so shy when I was younger. But I remembered the day when I broke out of my shyness. It comes in time when you're ready. Now when I tell people I'm shy, they laugh at my face. "Yeah, right."

And, it's cool to be shy. Many of my closest friends really hate socializing. And recently, I don't want to go out, be around people. I'm at a "sensitive" stage in my life. Though the last few years I've been the life of the party.

Perhaps friendships (Aries in 11th, it's ruler in the 12th) can help you in this matter of breaking out of your shell (Cancer Ascendant). But maybe your best action is done behind the scenes.

Best of luck on your journey.
 
kanshu

kanshu

Well-known member
Re: Why am I anxious in social situations?

Kayen said:
Although i'm not socially inept, I've been trying to figure out why I become really nervous and anxious in certain social situations.

I have mild ocd which I noticed a couple of years ago. And i've always been shy and timid since I was a kid particularly when i'm with a large group of people who I don't know. I hate it though, I wished I was more assertive.

In my case, what is it that contributes to having such an undesirable personality?
Click to expand...

Let me answer this in terms of brain chemistry and not astrology. I've read from Daniel Goleman's book, Emotional Intelligence, about the reason for timidity. And I quote:

"The timid children seem to come into life with a neural circuitry that makes them more reactive to even mild stress--from birth, their hearts beat faster than other infants' in response to strange or novel situations. (248)

Timid children, Kagan postulates, may have inherited chronically high levels of norepinephrine or other brain chemicals that activate the amygdala and so create a low threshold of excitability, making the amygdala more easily triggered. (249)

Silence is the barometer of timidity. (250)

Kagan speculates that a timid silence in the face of novelty or a perceived threat is a sign of the activity of a neural circuit running between the forebrain, the amygdala, and nearby limbic structures that control the ability to vocalize (these same circuits make us "choke up" under stress). (250)"


P.S. I have the same condition--timidity. Although I learned about it as an adult, knowing the source of problem helped me deal with it. I haven't outgrown it fully yet, but I have become very good at overcoming the condition when it manifest itself.
 
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V

vanila

Well-known member
You have your AC/DC axis and IC/MC in Yin signs.....water and earth signs are feminine ...and that may be one of the reasons for your shyness and timidness.....I have it my self...this can make you pent in...and quiet in big groups....Your Cancer AC, planets and Moon in Capricorn....... they have strong influence over you.....
It is not easy....


Good luck :)
 
franklin taylor

franklin taylor

Well-known member
Kayen,
The axis of both Cancer and Capricorn are characteristic of shyness in temperament. However, your chart goes even further than just that particular axis to indicate 'reasons" for your shyness. Your Cancer Rising is portraying a somewhat shy mask to the outer world as well.

Sun squaring Saturn indicates a fear(ruled by Saturn) of expressing your true inner self (Sun). There is a marked fear of criticism, fear of being wrong, or not good enough to the degree you are resistant to try anything new. You must create and stabilize a new self and self image and focus on how you are in the present time once you start creating that person, and those current abilities. If you are already improving, stay in the "present moment", as you live your life and stop focusing on how ..your life WAS in the past as the characteristics I first wrote of. Your Moon conjuncting Saturn is also an indicator of the forewritten information. You fear criticism. The Cancer/ Capricorn Moon can be very defensive if they feel threatened almost instinctively. Believe it, I can be very defensive, and I am Cancer Moon LOL. You must find within you new courage to be this "new self" by risking expressing yourself in new unfamiliar ways, so you can realize, at a deeper level, what you are actually capable of. Your Aries Sun Should help you in the courage department. You may need to express your Aries Sun characteristics more openly. Aries has no hint of shyness LOL. So take a chance.

Your Mercury squaring Saturn can indicate you place a heightened regard upon knowledge and intelligence. An over emphasis upon competency in this area of intellectual intelligence. You may be prone to be afraid of being considered stupid, a poor speaker, or verbally slow witted. This aspect can actually be a spark that drives you to actually be quite opposite of that..I have a friend with this aspect and they are very articulate and they do not really like those that are not articulate..prejudice to a degree.. it all falls back to the same fact though..they place an inordinate amount of emphasis upon intellect by being rigidly opinionated and mentally arrogant.

Your Venus squaring Saturn may indicate a fear of being close or vulnerable to other people. Aries is not Venus' favorite sign to be in to begin with. You may keep your self at a distance from others. In some instances, natives of this aspect can become very dedicated and throw themselves wholeheartedly into relationships in an almost "over the top" style. They delve deeply into love relationships with a strong sense of being dutiful. However they often still portray a sense of aloofness and coldness in their actions.

Your Quincunx of Mars to Saturn too may indicate a person who is afraid to assert themselves as well. They can be fearful of sexual expression. This may result in a tendency to be overly ambitious or having a sexual overemphasis. There is a need for these urges to be restructured and disciplined if that were the case.

I can also add, you may or may not realize what all, or how you are exhibiting any of these characterists to those around you. Your Sun squaring Neptune aspect can give you a false sense of how you and other people as well are playing into your situation. Get some feedback from someone you can trust to give you honest feed back on how you appear to others. With this aspect you should be on guard against using alcohol or any mood altering drugs to "fit in". For Sun squaring Neptune can indicate a person who has trouble being honest with themselves the most.. a problem that can get you hooked on alcohol and having not enough honesty to stop when you fail to see it has become a problem. This aspect can point to a need/habit of daydreaming too much as well. So try living in the "now" more and you can help yourself some maybe. I have this aspect as well so I am speaking from some experience.
I wish you all the best, and remember that growing slowly against resistance is far better than standing still forever.
take care
Franklin
 
astrologer50

astrologer50

Banned
astro-kay said:
well simple answer is you have moon in capricorn - almost every moon/capricorn person i know is shy . I feel this is unfounded, my son has cappi moon conj MC is not at all shy. It really depends onthe aspects moon maks and house position.
capricorn is a naturally shy sign so to have it as your moon would make shyness a pretty strong characteristic .the shyest people i know of usually have planets in capricorn like venus moon or sun or ascedent.
there are 12 square (negative) aspects inyour chartand the ones that stand out the most are saturn aspects the connections between moon/saturn and venus/saturn (square) you also have a negative aspect between mercury saturn which may affect your communication skills , saturn asc opposition same with moon and sun/saturn square.
i am also very shy and i have ALL your saturn aspects. This phraseology is a little OTT and can be upsetting for people, I prefer the word 'challenged' cos all those squares can challenge themselves to grow through inner tension. Not everything with astrology is external in fact most of it happens between the ears....

jupiter in 12th may mean you have reclusive tendencies and need quite time alone.
Jupiter in the 12th House confers a great love of solitude and open spaces. People with this placement require a lot of quiet and time alone. In solitude, Jupiter in H12, especially if it is retrograde, can pick up the still, small voice. People with Jupiter in the House of Pisces rarely experience loneliness and possess great spiritual resources. In childhood they are likely to be solitary and usually learn to keep their spiritual understanding and any religious beliefs this might lend itself to, a private matter. The parents no matter how understanding, rarely share the child’s convictions and may have a view of life, which is almost exclu­sively materialistic.
http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/dkfoundation/BookKarmaHouse12.htm

it's not all bad though you have some really positive things in your chart you have about 20 positive aspects in your chart mars and jupiter in the 12th may immediatley be seen as negative but could also mean you work in the caring professions and you may have a good empathy for the suffering of others.as well as the connection forming beteewn venus/sun mars-mercury/venus/sun and lots of other good things.
Click to expand...

Although i'm not socially inept, I've been trying to figure out why I become really nervous and anxious in certain social situations.

I have mild ocd which I noticed a couple of years ago. And i've always been shy and timid since I was a kid particularly when i'm with a large group of people who I don't know. I hate it though, I wished I was more assertive.

In my case, what is it that contributes to having such an undesirable personality?
Click to expand...
There is absolutely nothing undesirable about your chart or anyone chart, they are as unique as a 'fingerprint'

Basic astrology
Now basically your sun sign is your 'core beliefs, values, ego' and Asc is your physical body, mode of expression and mask and persona that we all wear and hide behind, but definitely not what's going on underneath. What's going on underneath is your Sun sign. Moon sign, house placements and aspects describe your emotional and intuitive responses, also describes your view of your mother, as saturn describes your father by sign and house position.

So, think of a glass milk bottle the bottle is your Asc and your sun the milk, but the milk still has to 'come out' through the glass neck of the milk bottle....

Now aspects within a natal chart represent 'facets' of our personality, because we are all multifaceted beings. What these do is 'break down and compartmentalise' these facets into smaller bite size chunks. This does take quite a lot of self analysis and objectivity to 'see yourself' and why you do certain things and behave in certain ways. Actually it can be quite good therapy...

You have calculated your chart using the default on astro.com of placidus and I use Equal House system and am a modern astrologer. Lots of people that come into Astrology get their free charts calculated at www.astro.com and the default ‘house system’ used is Placidus and think that’s just the norm and all that there is……..BUT that is just the tip of the iceberg. You can change the default on astro.com in Extended Chart selection to Equal house and a few more.

Throughout the forums but mainly in natal astrology there are two main branches Placidus (unequal size houses) v Equal House (whereby each house is same size) but lots more……. For more information on these go here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_(astrology)#Description
http://www.astrolozy.com/article19.asp
http://www.skyviewzone.com/birthinfoforms2/housesexplained.htm

It's only with study and research will you be able to assess where your planets are deposited and in which houses... thus see which 'glove fits'

Now in Equal house your mars is in 11th house conj 12th cusp and is Apex for Yod configuration and further research should explain matters.
Mars Quincunx (Inconjunct) Saturn

Your sense that only you can do something right is lodged in your imbalanced self picture. Too much work and too little spectrum of relating leaves you feeling slightly victimized by life. You create your own limits. Slowing down and quieting down helps you see this. You need a better sense of time, then you achieve better results with less effort. You can do this as soon as you are more balanced in your outlook and your judgment works in a less comparative mode.
http://cafeastrology.com/natal/quincunxinterpretations.html

Mars Quincunx (Inconjunct) Pluto

You suffer by having a picture of just what needs to be done and how it is to be accomplished. This can cause you to be controlling and argumentative. When you feel the weight of the responsibilities that you have taken on or when you feel lonely and isolated, then, you are ripe for personal growth. Your desire, manner of expression, and the way you use energy will have to be changed - to be less compulsive, less forceful, so you are able to achieve greater accomplishment and more personal happiness.

Now although mars is conj 12th cusp it is said (5' within next cusp) to have more influence in 12th which suggests in childhood your parents were not supportive enough of your ego, action and developments and prob sent you to your room for having a temper tantrum. Therefore you learnt simply to not express this, cos it didn't get the results you wanted.
Your Saturn is majorly challenged and this shows a problem with father, men or authority figures from childhood

Your Moon conj Saturn = emotionally reserved (even though it's a wide orb) and can be bit depressive. Saturn conj Neptune = fear of unknown
Also having 3 outer planets in 6th house will errupt in health conditions

Saturn conj uranus = convention v freedom. This internal has I be dutiful, responsible, hard working, cautious OR shall I be unique individual, have more freedom, independence, automony??

Sun square Saturn shows problem relating to father, men etc square to venus suggests feelings of being unloved from chidhood. Sun square uranus creates impatience, impulsiveness and square to Neptune = no clear self image.

But spiritually you have asked for these Lessons, this chart and hand that has been dealt you --- so you can grow and learn and develop as a human being. So, pick up the gauntlet and grow, challenge yourself to do more, be more, have more.....
 
Kayen

Kayen

Member
franklin taylor said:
Kayen,
The axis of both Cancer and Capricorn are characteristic of shyness in temperament. However, your chart goes even further than just that particular axis to indicate 'reasons" for your shyness. Your Cancer Rising is portraying a somewhat shy mask to the outer world as well.

Sun squaring Saturn indicates a fear(ruled by Saturn) of expressing your true inner self (Sun). There is a marked fear of criticism, fear of being wrong, or not good enough to the degree you are resistant to try anything new. You must create and stabilize a new self and self image and focus on how you are in the present time once you start creating that person, and those current abilities. If you are already improving, stay in the "present moment", as you live your life and stop focusing on how ..your life WAS in the past as the characteristics I first wrote of. Your Moon conjuncting Saturn is also an indicator of the forewritten information. You fear criticism. The Cancer/ Capricorn Moon can be very defensive if they feel threatened almost instinctively. Believe it, I can be very defensive, and I am Cancer Moon LOL. You must find within you new courage to be this "new self" by risking expressing yourself in new unfamiliar ways, so you can realize, at a deeper level, what you are actually capable of. Your Aries Sun Should help you in the courage department. You may need to express your Aries Sun characteristics more openly. Aries has no hint of shyness LOL. So take a chance.

Your Mercury squaring Saturn can indicate you place a heightened regard upon knowledge and intelligence. An over emphasis upon competency in this area of intellectual intelligence. You may be prone to be afraid of being considered stupid, a poor speaker, or verbally slow witted. This aspect can actually be a spark that drives you to actually be quite opposite of that..I have a friend with this aspect and they are very articulate and they do not really like those that are not articulate..prejudice to a degree.. it all falls back to the same fact though..they place an inordinate amount of emphasis upon intellect by being rigidly opinionated and mentally arrogant.

Your Venus squaring Saturn may indicate a fear of being close or vulnerable to other people. Aries is not Venus' favorite sign to be in to begin with. You may keep your self at a distance from others. In some instances, natives of this aspect can become very dedicated and throw themselves wholeheartedly into relationships in an almost "over the top" style. They delve deeply into love relationships with a strong sense of being dutiful. However they often still portray a sense of aloofness and coldness in their actions.

Your Quincunx of Mars to Saturn too may indicate a person who is afraid to assert themselves as well. They can be fearful of sexual expression. This may result in a tendency to be overly ambitious or having a sexual overemphasis. There is a need for these urges to be restructured and disciplined if that were the case.

I can also add, you may or may not realize what all, or how you are exhibiting any of these characterists to those around you. Your Sun squaring Neptune aspect can give you a false sense of how you and other people as well are playing into your situation. Get some feedback from someone you can trust to give you honest feed back on how you appear to others. With this aspect you should be on guard against using alcohol or any mood altering drugs to "fit in". For Sun squaring Neptune can indicate a person who has trouble being honest with themselves the most.. a problem that can get you hooked on alcohol and having not enough honesty to stop when you fail to see it has become a problem. This aspect can point to a need/habit of daydreaming too much as well. So try living in the "now" more and you can help yourself some maybe. I have this aspect as well so I am speaking from some experience.
I wish you all the best, and remember that growing slowly against resistance is far better than standing still forever.
take care
Franklin
Click to expand...

Wow If I didn't know any better I would say you were psychic :rightful:

You're spot on with so many things there:
I do hate to be criticized as I always tend to feel belittled even if it is positive and constructive criticism. I do also lack self confidence which prevented me from trying new things, esp. when I was in school.

And recently, I most definitely have developed an obsession with correct grammar and attempting to improve my linguistic skills, partly because I think I have an inferiority complex;Like you said, I don't want to feel intellectually inferior and think it's a good way to 'prove myself'. But also, I think my OCD, which resurfaces in one way or anther also contributes to this. I will re-read and re-word things reptitvely until I think it sounds 'perfect', even though they were initially correct anyway.

I always seem anxious about certain things and am currently quite pessimistic about my out look on life, even cynical at times.

And although i'm not an alcoholic, I did use it to escape from my problems for a short time and to help me 'loosen up' in anxiety inducing social situations. But I always drank one too many and made a fool of myself.

At 20 and still being a virgin you can probably guess I do have a problem when it comes to sexual expression. I can't believe I still get nervous around good looking girls, it's so pathetic. But what did you mean when you said 'overly ambitious'? Ambitious about what?

I just felt compelled to reply as you were correct about so many things. I'm going to take your advice about getting out of my comfort zone and living in the present.

Thank you. And thanks to all those who replied, it's greatly appreciated.
 
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franklin taylor

franklin taylor

Well-known member
Well thanks Kayen,
Cannot say I can take the credit, but I am "absorbing" from the best. I have been for a long time now. I buy the books so I am at least entitled to reiterate what I have learned. They are in my opinion the best astrologers out there. The least nonsensical ones anyways. When I hear the responses with the people I relate to with here in my area. Saying its all good what I have learned. I do it all free and ask my own line of questions that expand on what I have read. This makes the learning even more fun when I am able to add to it from the answers I get. I cannot help but share. I am learning to use it as a diagnostic tool. Astrology is so fascinating in these ways.

Over ambition...in the way I meant it here was; an underhanded way of asserting oneself... if you really think about it..since the native may have trouble asserting themselves boldly. They get what they want indirectly by using less than direct methods to "get ahead" in life.

Well, good for you, concerning not being sexually active yet. I married at 22 and never had sex with anyone before her. (My "Shyness" made it to where I was taken...not married LOL. I mostly stared at the wall when a lady spoke to me LOL.) Do not take that as bad..your viginity is one of the most spiritually sacred things you will ever possess. Some may call me cornball, but apparently they and I just come from two different ends of the spectrum of this universe in this reguard. Casual sex is never really "casual". The right one will come along. Do not get too anxious in this area of your life. Quickness there leads to mistakes. Everything in this life is connected and each event has a purpose. The Universe has good plans for you if you seek and focus on the positive. So step out in belief. I have Moon squaring Saturn. An aspect meaning much the same as Sun squaring Saturn. Only it was even more emotionally pessimistic and crippling me with being caught up in the past all the time. Whatever God of our understanding is..he has no power to physically go back in the past and change it. So learn from the mistakes and go forward. You Aries Sun folk are so pioneering aren't ya? LOL. That should be a breeze. A happier frontier can be a good challenge to explore.

Good luck with your linguistic skills.. I know here where I live you can make a fair wage just for knowing several dialects of spanish as a telephone operator.
Take care and all the best to you.
Franklin
 
Claire19

Claire19

Well-known member
As Venus rules your house of sociability, the 5th, and has squares in the 6th and 10th houses I am assuming that the workplace and your bosses and those in authority can make you feel ill at ease. Does it happen with your co workers also????
 
Claire19

Claire19

Well-known member
As Venus rules your house of sociability, the 5th, and has squares in the 6th and 10th houses I am assuming that the workplace and your bosses and those in authority can make you feel ill at ease. Does it happen with your co workers also???? Venus is square to Saturn to back this up. Also a square to Neptune can make you super sensitive and retiring. You may in many ways prefer to be alone but with the Sun in Aries it would not be in every situation.
The Moon in Capricorn makes people cautious and preferring their own company or those who are older and more mature and not seen as frivolous. There may have been repressive issues with family conditioning. A need to be real, hard working and proper. I know those with Moon in Capricorn and I seem to attract them, who are not shy or timid.
It all depends on the aspects and the rest of the chart. You will never be the life of the party and that is okay. It is not for everyone. With your Sun in Aries in the area of public image and reputation you may come across as quite the opposite and it is at odds with what you may really feel at times.
 
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R4VEN

R4VEN

Well-known member
astrologer50 mentioned your Yod, and as I read your chart, this seems to be a focal point of a lot of what you describe.

You have Mars in the 12th house inconjunct all of Pluto, Saturn and Neptune. The inconjuncts between Mars and Saturn-Neptune are quite difficult, as they can lead you to sublimating your will to the wills of others. That is, you can consider yourself less important than anyone else in your environment, and then others tend to take advantage of that. The inconjunct between Mars and Neptune perhaps leads to your energy being lost somewhere. That is, Mars in the 12th is difficult enough when trying to access your energy, but in inconjunct to Neptune you tend to attract unequal relationships - those in which you give and others take, and then this becomes the pattern of all interactions with others.

Yours is quite a difficult yod. You may benefit from using the Search facility on this site to look up threads where Yods have been discussed, as you may benefit from that.

Another inconjunct - Jupiter with Uranus - can lead to you looking to rein in your excesses and attempting to control them in some way. Perhaps this is the source of the OCD.

I notice from your posts that you write very well, and express yourself well. You have a quintile between Moon and mercury which can be accessed by expressing your thoughts and ideas. This is one of your gifts I feel.
 
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