Why am I drawn to this person so much?

Hello guys!

My name is Archer and I'm relatively new on this forum. I've posted before in the Read my Natal Chart section and in the Introduction section. I wanted to ask about someone that I have been drawn to since I was a teenager. This person is a friend of mine but has been my love interest for a long time. I've confessed to this person several times that I love them but they've turned me down each time. I'm not that well experienced with astrology so doing my own personal research into our charts did not turn out as fruitful as I had hoped. I am wanting to finally give up this person and just remain on the friendship status with them or at least until I have the power to move on emotionally. I just want to know, based on a synastry chart, what exactly is the problem between us when it comes to love? Why am I so drawn to him but he's not drawn to me at all? I'm trying to figure out an astrological explanation for this problem. I've gone to astrologers before but they always seem to give such hopeful positive insight into our friendship and keep claiming that we may have a future together. But the thing is, in reality, I know we won't have a future together and I just want to know exactly why we won't and what draws me to him so that I can forget about him once and for all, at least romance wise. I've tried to move on but it's been so difficult. I haven't had many romantic relationships in my life and I've never had someone tell me they truly deeply love me so I feel that I always revert to liking him again because he was only person that I've ever felt a deep connection with in my life. I just need help with understanding all of this and answers to my questions. I have attached some images of the synastry chart screenshots and the respective aspect tables images as well. I've also posted this person's own natal chart. I've named this person as Anonymous on all of these images just for privacy. If anyone is able to add on to this topic, that would be so helpful! I look forward to hearing responses soon!

Thank you,
Archer

Hey Archer,

I posted a similar question not too long ago about someone. Basically whenever you have particularly strong interaspects in a synastry chart it's hard to ignore the other person as they are stirring up your planets as it were.

The synastry you posted has several really potent aspects in it, starting with Sun opposition Venus. I have that with one of my best friends from the teenage years and it makes for a kind of "kindred spirit" feeling between the two of you regardless of what is happening around you. Another super helpful aspect is Sun trine Moon which creates the sense that you complement each other and feel more complete when together. Yet another aspect has to do with you having Pluto on your Ascendant where you get really intense interactions with other people - your friend has Pluto in the same spot so it also falls on your ascendant giving a very "fated" feeling to your relationship.

There are plenty of other aspects too but these are the ones that immediately caught my attention.

jkxx74 said:

Hey Archer,

I posted a similar question not too long ago about someone. Basically whenever you have particularly strong interaspects in a synastry chart it's hard to ignore the other person as they are stirring up your planets as it were.

The synastry you posted has several really potent aspects in it, starting with Sun opposition Venus. I have that with one of my best friends from the teenage years and it makes for a kind of "kindred spirit" feeling between the two of you regardless of what is happening around you. Another super helpful aspect is Sun trine Moon which creates the sense that you complement each other and feel more complete when together. Yet another aspect has to do with you having Pluto on your Ascendant where you get really intense interactions with other people - your friend has Pluto in the same spot so it also falls on your ascendant giving a very "fated" feeling to your relationship.

There are plenty of other aspects too but these are the ones that immediately caught my attention.

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Thank you for your post! Those insights are quite helpful into understanding why I am drawn to him so I am glad you posted on this thread! But what exactly makes him not like me back? Is it something you can see astrologically from the chart? I just wanted to understand this part. Because many astrologers kept telling me that our relationship has allot of good components with each other and our relationship could be good for each other. But I really do not believe this and I do agree with your words about my pluto in his ascendant. Because I have deeply felt like he is my soulmate in life but he doesn't feel the same way about me at all. I just want to know would our relationship have basis or no and why isn't he drawn to me the same? Thank you for your input and I look forward to your response or other users' responses as well to my questions!

Archer

I may be going out on a limb here, but I wonder if it is your Saturn squaring his Mars. I had an intimate relationship with someone whose Saturn opposed my Mars, and obviously this wasn't the ONLY reason why our relationship was bad, but in my view it contributed. He seemed to really be jealous (?) of my energy, motivation, drive, etc. and he did horrible things to repress, control and destroy those parts of me. He even told me that he didn't like how strong-willed and focused I could be. Now, I'm absolutely not saying that you are doing any of these things to your friend! But perhaps he feels something below the surface and he can't quite pinpoint what it is; like, maybe he is somewhat subconsciously afraid of you repressing/restricting him in some way, even though he has no evidence that you would do such a thing.

I hope this makes sense!

sylph said:

I may be going out on a limb here, but I wonder if it is your Saturn squaring his Mars. I had an intimate relationship with someone whose Saturn opposed my Mars, and obviously this wasn't the ONLY reason why our relationship was bad, but in my view it contributed. He seemed to really be jealous (?) of my energy, motivation, drive, etc. and he did horrible things to repress, control and destroy those parts of me. He even told me that he didn't like how strong-willed and focused I could be. Now, I'm absolutely not saying that you are doing any of these things to your friend! But perhaps he feels something below the surface and he can't quite pinpoint what it is; like, maybe he is somewhat subconsciously afraid of you repressing/restricting him in some way, even though he has no evidence that you would do such a thing.

I hope this makes sense!

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Hello Sylph,

Thank you for your insight! I do understand what you are saying but in full honesty, I've never done anything to hurt him or anything like that. I have supported him in his lowest points in life. Sometimes I would have the most strangest dreams of him needing help and calling out to me (and i know this sounds corny but this is a true thing that happened a couple of times) and I would wake up and immediately call him only to find that he is going through a difficult time and needs someone to speak to about his issues. But maybe the repressing part may come from how sometimes it was hard for our friendship to flourish when I kept wanting to assert my opinion that we should try to have a romantic relationship while he would of course respectfully decline and then keep his distance away from me for a couple of days so that I could take some to yet again process in my mind his reaffirming position on not wanting to have a romantic relationship with me at all. But yeah I'm still looking for more answers on why he doesn't like me back. So more insight would be helpful from the forum!

Archer

Archerofthisworld said:

Hello Sylph,

Thank you for your insight! I do understand what you are saying but in full honesty, I've never done anything to hurt him or anything like that. I have supported him in his lowest points in life. Sometimes I would have the most strangest dreams of him needing help and calling out to me (and i know this sounds corny but this is a true thing that happened a couple of times) and I would wake up and immediately call him only to find that he is going through a difficult time and needs someone to speak to about his issues. But maybe the repressing part may come from how sometimes it was hard for our friendship to flourish when I kept wanting to assert my opinion that we should try to have a romantic relationship while he would of course respectfully decline and then keep his distance away from me for a couple of days so that I could take some to yet again process in my mind his reaffirming position on not wanting to have a romantic relationship with me at all. But yeah I'm still looking for more answers on why he doesn't like me back. So more insight would be helpful from the forum!

Archer

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I can totally understand what you are saying. This is very interesting, because something similar happened to me when I was in the Mars-Saturn relationship I mentioned before. Even though I was the Mars person and he was the Saturn person, I, too, would have strong intuitive feelings/dreams that he was upset about something and would question him about it. He would usually deny that he was having any trouble though (probably because he was the Saturn person and therefore, didn't want to be vulnerable). So it seems that somehow, this Mars-Saturn dynamic does bring a certain level of deep connection between two people; yet the energy of Saturn might dampen the passion of Mars. It doesn't actually matter who is the Saturn person and who is the Mars person. It's the interplay between the two planets that can tell you about the underlying energies in the relationship. I'd say that Saturn restricts the level of passion (Mars) that can be experienced here.

Hi Archer,

I'll agree with what Sylph said and add a bit more - Saturn has a way of "summoning" projections of one's fears onto the other person and in a way that initially seems more threatening than it is in reality. Or to put it a different way it makes you believe something negative is happening and it seems so real that one often feels there is no reason to make sure this is the case. Without knowing what happened specifically I'd guess this is playing a role. (In the synastry chart Saturn is not squaring just Mars also the other person's ascendant. Mars and the Asc are both points of "immediate reaction" so the fears and negative thoughts probably became relevant straight away for this person.)

@Sylph,

that has been my experience with synastry aspects involving Saturn as well.

jkxx74 said:

Hi Archer,

I'll agree with what Sylph said and add a bit more - Saturn has a way of "summoning" projections of one's fears onto the other person and in a way that initially seems more threatening than it is in reality. Or to put it a different way it makes you believe something negative is happening and it seems so real that one often feels there is no reason to make sure this is the case. Without knowing what happened specifically I'd guess this is playing a role. (In the synastry chart Saturn is not squaring just Mars also the other person's ascendant. Mars and the Asc are both points of "immediate reaction" so the fears and negative thoughts probably became relevant straight away for this person.)

@Sylph,

that has been my experience with synastry aspects involving Saturn as well.

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Thank you for responding back again! So all in all, are you stating that the reason that he is not wanting to be with me is because I bring out the worst in him through my own chart due to my Saturn placement in his chart? Like I affect him in a negative sense? I just want to understand the entire story behind what the both of you are saying.


Archer

Your South Node/Ketu is also squaring his Venus. South Node contacts in synastry can represent a karmic or past life connection (if you believe in reincarnation). If you don't, there is still significance as it creates a feeling of familiarity, and sometimes an emotional link where you feel like you've known this person forever.

The square to his Venus tells me that there was possibly a love relationship in a past life -- or a feeling of love toward you on some level in this life due to that sense of intense familiarity. However, you would inevitably be more invested in this since you are the Ketu person. You hold onto this familiarity, whereas he is the Venus person: the object of desire.

Ketu, in Vedic astrology, represents disconnection and detachment. This is because, ideally, if we have already done something in a past life, we needn't continue craving it in this life. But that is obviously not how things always work; sometimes we keep wanting the same thing over and over again, for whatever reason. Thus Ketu, in this instance, seems to be representing your desire to have a love (Venus) relationship with him. He, however, is rejecting this as the square creates tension.

I know this can be painful because it's like, "why do I have this desire that can't be fulfilled and he doesn't?" But the purpose of Ketu aspects is to make you ultimately become free of this sort of pain; to go beyond the continual craving. It helps, of course, if you are inclined toward some sort of spiritual practice.

sylph said:

Your South Node/Ketu is also squaring his Venus. South Node contacts in synastry can represent a karmic or past life connection (if you believe in reincarnation). If you don't, there is still significance as it creates a feeling of familiarity, and sometimes an emotional link where you feel like you've known this person forever.

The square to his Venus tells me that there was possibly a love relationship in a past life -- or a feeling of love toward you on some level in this life due to that sense of intense familiarity. However, you would inevitably be more invested in this since you are the Ketu person. You hold onto this familiarity, whereas he is the Venus person: the object of desire.

Ketu, in Vedic astrology, represents disconnection and detachment. This is because, ideally, if we have already done something in a past life, we needn't continue craving it in this life. But that is obviously not how things always work; sometimes we keep wanting the same thing over and over again, for whatever reason. Thus Ketu, in this instance, seems to be representing your desire to have a love (Venus) relationship with him. He, however, is rejecting this as the square creates tension.

I know this can be painful because it's like, "why do I have this desire that can't be fulfilled and he doesn't?" But the purpose of Ketu aspects is to make you ultimately become free of this sort of pain; to go beyond the continual craving. It helps, of course, if you are inclined toward some sort of spiritual practice.

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Thank you for that insightful post. It helped clear up allot of confusion. So all in all, it will never work out right? And the best thing for me to do is just to move on as you've explained? I've been considering completely ending the friendship and moving on by getting away from him.

Thank you,
Archer

I don't really like to tell people what they "should" do in terms of relationships (even friendships), because I don't want to be held responsible for anything that happens after a choice is made. However, I will say that if you remain friends with him, most likely this craving will continue. Imagine an alcoholic thinking that if they could just keep drinking in moderation, then eventually the craving for alcohol would dissipate. It's the same thing here: it's as if you are addicted to this guy, so you have rationalized your continued contact with him. You may have felt as if it would be MORE painful to have no contact with him than to be perpetually in an unrequited love/attachment sort of situation.

I will also note that the North Node/Rahu is the one typically known for creating obsession, desire, addiction; but if a person is not following the higher call of Ketu, then Ketu -- being opposite Rahu -- is not going to be able to guide the person. So the individual's Rahu energy (obsessions, cravings) increases, and their Ketu energy (detachment, going beyond desires) goes down. Therefore, if you want to feel more detached and less emotional about him, you will have to do something to decrease your desire. If that means you can't have any contact with him, then it seems like that is what you might have to do. I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you for responding back again! So all in all, are you stating that the reason that he is not wanting to be with me is because I bring out the worst in him through my own chart due to my Saturn placement in his chart? Like I affect him in a negative sense? I just want to understand the entire story behind what the both of you are saying.

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There is a saying that says no aspect is inherently negative so the case with your Saturn would be more that it's triggering him to assume negative things which may not really exist - or bringing out his own fears which may be incorrectly attributed to you if he's not aware that they are his own. Saturn demands a close examination of the facts (and discarding the beliefs and ideas which are wrong or don't serve a purpose) so broadly he's being asked to "get real" with you which is not easy for some people - and because of it being a square aspect is probably being misinterpreted from his end.

jkxx74 said:

There is a saying that says no aspect is inherently negative so the case with your Saturn would be more that it's triggering him to assume negative things which may not really exist - or bringing out his own fears which may be incorrectly attributed to you if he's not aware that they are his own. Saturn demands a close examination of the facts (and discarding the beliefs and ideas which are wrong or don't serve a purpose) so broadly he's being asked to "get real" with you which is not easy for some people - and because of it being a square aspect is probably being misinterpreted from his end.

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Yes, I agree with this completely. Even though I experienced Saturn's energy directly (i.e., my relationship with my ex manifested through him acting like Saturn sometimes -- restricting and controlling me), this certainly isn't always the case. The individual on the receiving end of Saturn's energy (in this case, your friend) may not experience anything concrete that could be defined as restrictive/controlling/suppressive. But they probably feel this energy on a subtle level -- maybe without even being aware that they feel it -- and then negative feelings are amplified.

I am almost sure that he doesn't understand where his feelings are coming from, but on some deep level, it most likely has to do with not wanting to lose the things that his Mars represents. I mean, this is someone with a prominent Mars, right on his Ascendant. And it's in Capricorn, Saturn's sign, which shows me that he could easily have control issues. If you told me he is afraid of losing control and that he would fight hard to maintain it, that wouldn't surprise me.

Even if I look at it using the Sidereal zodiac -- which would give him Mars in Sagittarius -- I still see someone who does not want to be restricted in any way.

Hello guys,

Thank you for responding to my posts and giving me such insightful outlooks! I just wanted to tell you that I felt your insight helped me realize that if I am holding him back and I would not contribute to being a good friend or a good person to start a relationship with him, then I need to let him go. Which is why I went ahead and I have done my part in removing him off all my social media. I don't want to hold him back because I know that he is a really good person and I want him to be happy in his life and I will always have great feelings for him deep down. So I decided that this is the best option. But I do agree that I do feel this deep sense of familiarity with him and it made me love him so much because of those feelings and the sense that we would be an awesome couple together because of the traits we hold for our personalities. But nonetheless I know its just an illusion and I feel I did the right thing by letting him go. I wouldn't have been able to come to this conclusion without your posts and knowledge so thank you so much! If anyone else wants to comment on this topic, I really don't mind reading more insight and perspectives on the synastry chart because I am learning more about synastry aspects in astrology by doing so. Thank you for all your help!

Archer

Archerofthisworld said:

Hello guys,

Thank you for responding to my posts and giving me such insightful outlooks! I just wanted to tell you that I felt your insight helped me realize that if I am holding him back and I would not contribute to being a good friend or a good person to start a relationship with him, then I need to let him go. Which is why I went ahead and I have done my part in removing him off all my social media. I don't want to hold him back because I know that he is a really good person and I want him to be happy in his life and I will always have great feelings for him deep down. So I decided that this is the best option. But I do agree that I do feel this deep sense of familiarity with him and it made me love him so much because of those feelings and the sense that we would be an awesome couple together because of the traits we hold for our personalities. But nonetheless I know its just an illusion and I feel I did the right thing by letting him go. I wouldn't have been able to come to this conclusion without your posts and knowledge so thank you so much! If anyone else wants to comment on this topic, I really don't mind reading more insight and perspectives on the synastry chart because I am learning more about synastry aspects in astrology by doing so. Thank you for all your help!

Archer

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It's not that you are not a good friend or good person for him; it's more so that you are holding yourself back by not letting him go. So don't think that you must do this because it spares him some horrible fate of remaining friends with you. It is great that you want him to be happy, and that you will always feel positively toward him -- but I hope that you value yourself enough to realize that you are a good person as well, and know that you can find someone who loves you in the same way that you love them

sylph said:

It's not that you are not a good friend or good person for him; it's more so that you are holding yourself back by not letting him go. So don't think that you must do this because it spares him some horrible fate of remaining friends with you. It is great that you want him to be happy, and that you will always feel positively toward him -- but I hope that you value yourself enough to realize that you are a good person as well, and know that you can find someone who loves you in the same way that you love them

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Yes I definitely agree with what you are saying as well. I just mean that I finally have some closure for myself from this topic so I feel more free myself and I feel happy that is person is getting their freedom as well at the same time

Archer

Yes I definitely agree with what you are saying as well. I just mean that I finally have some closure for myself from this topic so I feel more free myself and I feel happy that is person is getting their freedom as well at the same time

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Wow, that's quite the development in the last few days there - one more thing I'd add is because you've learned a Saturnian lesson you will now be free to choose how to act should a similar situation arise in the future, giving you more options to make the best of it. Which I hope is what ends up happening.