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  #1  
Unread 06-04-2017, 09:03 PM
Star Searcher Star Searcher is offline
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Sibling Envy/Jealousy

I know I'm being petty, but is there anything that I am better at than my sister?

Let me know if I have to upload modified charts.
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  #2  
Unread 06-05-2017, 02:24 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

What do you mean by "better than" your sister???

What is behind your question? A little back-story would be helpful.
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  #3  
Unread 06-05-2017, 11:36 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Currently I have no major issue with her, but I think about this topic from time to time. I'm going through a Mercury in the 1st house transit, so I figure this is a good time to bring it up.

My sister:
  • Straight A student in high school
  • Graduated on time from a well known private Ivy League college
  • Got her Master's degree
  • Has an actual professional career and licenses
  • Treasurer/Secretary (I forgot which) of her professional organization in our state
  • Makes $70,000 + a year I think
  • Trim and fit for her age (she is starting to gain weight due to a lack of time for exercise this year)
  • Great cook. She can glance at an online recipe, pull out stuff from whatever she has on hand from her larder, and serve a vastly improved dish
  • Popular with a lot of friends
  • Smart. Quick study.


I'll talk about me next, but I'm running late and I don't have a smartphone. I'll come back after work.
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  #4  
Unread 06-06-2017, 06:41 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

I still have difficulty with the question, because I wouldn't measure human worth as a list of achievements. But with your sun square Mars, you probably have a competitive streak.
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I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.
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  #5  
Unread 06-06-2017, 10:44 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

With Mercury in the 3rd square Saturn, I wonder if you feel like your parents compared you to each other. Do you feel like your achievements were measured to hers and yours were found wanting?

Mercury square Saturn may feel unfairly judged and criticized by parents and authority figures.
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  #6  
Unread 06-06-2017, 11:35 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Sorry for the late reply. I think the cold medicine I took mid-afternoon has a sedative. (Or maybe it's the in my 6th house kicking in.)


As I was saying . . .

My sister
  • Has normal to excellent eye and fine motor coordination, so when she has to craft/sew her work comes out really well
  • Never had any learning or speech disorders


As for me
  • C+ student in high school. Some classes I did well, like English and Social Studies. Some classes I did poorly, like Math and P.E.
  • Took my 9 years to get my BA degree. I bounced around 4 colleges, none of them top tier prestige schools.
  • I may have learning disabilities. I know I'm bad at arithmetic, and I am client of a temp agency that specializes in job placement for people with disabilities and medical problems.
  • I'm pushing 50 and I still don't have a career and know what I am best suited for.
  • My current temp position pays $15.68/hr.
  • I'm not FAT, but I am chubby. (Is this a in thing or a thing in my chart? Or both?)
  • I like cooking, but I always make f*ck ups and can't get a dish right the first time (unlike her).
  • I'm socially awkward and have difficulty making close friends. Although I never have ill intentions, I've been criticized for being rude and unfriendly. (It's not a complete loss--I have a lot of friendly acquaintances.)
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  #7  
Unread 06-06-2017, 11:49 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Quote:
Originally Posted by katydid View Post
With Mercury in the 3rd square Saturn, I wonder if you feel like your parents compared you to each other. Do you feel like your achievements were measured to hers and yours were found wanting?

Mercury square Saturn may feel unfairly judged and criticized by parents and authority figures.

Yeah. That's what it was like growing up. And it still is, because my mother still acts if she is raising both of us.

Other than winning a 7th grade poetry competition, I can't think of any worthwhile accomplishments on my part that impress my family and the world at large.

I'm the only one in my family who does not have a graduate degree.
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  #8  
Unread 06-06-2017, 11:55 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
I still have difficulty with the question, because I wouldn't measure human worth as a list of achievements. But with your sun square Mars, you probably have a competitive streak.
I'm competitive? But I avoid sports and gaming. And I've avoided applying to certain schools, job offers, and other opportunities if I sense any smidgen of competitiveness. I think I function better in a supportive environment.
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  #9  
Unread 06-07-2017, 11:51 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Growing up, and continuing to this day all I've ever heard was "Star Searcher! See how good a job your sister is doing." Never the other way around. She always got the praises and honors.

However, my mother has complemented me about the hair I was born with. It's thick and straight with a bit of a wave. Whenever I have gotten perms they lasted for a very long time. My sister has straight thin hair.

Except for that cavity I've been ignoring, I basically have iron teeth. Although my sister is a lot more diligent in her dental care, she has had root canals, etc.

I bring these up because although I am luckier than her in these areas it is only luck. I'd like to know of anything that I do better than her. (This includes areas that I haven't tried yet.)

(I'm throwing things out there, because I clearly have no clue.) Do I write, sing, or act better? Is my relationship with my boyfriend more solid than her relationship with her boyfriend? Am I less judgemental and more compassionate than her because I've had to deal with more obstacles? Anything?

Yeah I know I'm fishing for compliments and groveling. I know it's not becoming of me, but whatever.


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  #10  
Unread 06-07-2017, 11:58 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
Growing up, and continuing to this day all I've ever heard was "Star Searcher! See how good a job your sister is doing." Never the other way around. She always got the praises and honors.

However, my mother has complemented me about the hair I was born with. It's thick and straight with a bit of a wave. Whenever I have gotten perms they lasted for a very long time. My sister has straight thin hair.

Except for that cavity I've been ignoring, I basically have iron teeth. Although my sister is a lot more diligent in her dental care, she has had root canals, etc.

I bring these up because although I am luckier than her in these areas it is only luck. I'd like to know of anything that I do better than her. (This includes areas that I haven't tried yet.)

(I'm throwing things out there, because I clearly have no clue.) Do I write, sing, or act better? Is my relationship with my boyfriend more solid than her relationship with her boyfriend? Am I less judgemental and more compassionate than her because I've had to deal with more obstacles? Anything?

Yeah I know I'm fishing for compliments and groveling. I know it's not becoming of me, but whatever.


It feels like you are asking these questions, even though you know they are silly, because you want love and respect from your parents, that you do not feel you have received.

Asking any of us here if you are 'better' at something is empty and meaningless.

The people that should be discussing this with you are your parents and loved ones.

Tell them how you feel about being compared to your sister all of your life. Express that pain to them and see what happens.

You might not get the answers you want and need---but at least you will get the chance to get some of it off your chest.

Has your sister ever acknowledge this favoritism? I wonder if it made her uncomfortable too?
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  #11  
Unread 06-08-2017, 12:05 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

That aspect pattern between your Sun, Moon and Mars seems to be a real killer in your life.

Who knows, maybe you'd be a better mother than her. Although it doesn't seem like children are in the picture.
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  #12  
Unread 06-08-2017, 12:50 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
Growing up, and continuing to this day all I've ever heard was "Star Searcher! See how good a job your sister is doing." Never the other way around. She always got the praises and honors.

However, my mother has complemented me about the hair I was born with. It's thick and straight with a bit of a wave. Whenever I have gotten perms they lasted for a very long time. My sister has straight thin hair.

Except for that cavity I've been ignoring, I basically have iron teeth. Although my sister is a lot more diligent in her dental care, she has had root canals, etc.

I bring these up because although I am luckier than her in these areas it is only luck. I'd like to know of anything that I do better than her. (This includes areas that I haven't tried yet.)

(I'm throwing things out there, because I clearly have no clue.) Do I write, sing, or act better? Is my relationship with my boyfriend more solid than her relationship with her boyfriend? Am I less judgemental and more compassionate than her because I've had to deal with more obstacles? Anything?

Yeah I know I'm fishing for compliments and groveling. I know it's not becoming of me, but whatever.


Love this thread! It just highlights astrology so well, IMO.

You are such a BIG Leo with that Jupiter Sun Conjunction. Your Sister is very very Virgoan. There lies just the very very beginning of the difference that you two have.

There are so very many things that are different between the two of you, it's tough to even know where to begin. She has Uranus conj her Dec and similarly, yet differently, you have Neptune conj your Dec. That aspect alone makes a huge difference... That's just one thing!

I don't think you should really compare yourself so much to your sis. She has her own issues even though she appears to have everything down. We all do.

Instead consider learning more about your chart and how you relate to the world around you.

If your birth time is correct, you have the Moon in the 12th house. This may explain your relationship to your mother and why, possibly, you feel that she compared you to your sister. Possibly you weren't as "perfect" as your sister and she held it against you. Etc.

Anyway, what you say above is most likely the case. I think you've answered quite a bit on your own. Leo's generally do have better hair! Lol! You're probably more of an artist than her! Etc.

Best wishes in your search for understanding.

Last edited by StillOne; 06-08-2017 at 12:51 AM. Reason: syntax
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  #13  
Unread 06-08-2017, 10:32 PM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Bringing in some reality talk...

I understand your competitive nature, also understand you WANT to be better at all costs, does this make you a perfectionist in all you attempt?

If so this can hinder you more than you think, i myself have a Mercury / Pluto square that gives me a huge ability to see details in everything, but it also plays against me too.

"You are so perceptive and you dig so deep for answers that you can be your own worst enemy. As a result, you might find ulterior motives or dark intent where there is none, and your suspicious, provocative attitude can cause some problems in your personal life, particularly if it reaches the level of paranoia."


That is my own, i am just attempting to give an example of thinking the effects of the aspect are good, in reality they carry some consequences and personality problems that may blossom later in life. Example i feel you want to be the best, if you become a mother you want to be the best, so there will be little to no room to allow yourself to grow as a person and always on a streak to be number 1. This needs to never be what drives you with everything you do, i am not saying it is, but it can go this far, i can already see this with how petty this question of yours is with this thread.

I am not judging you, i'm no saint, i'm simply expressing my perceived opinion of what i have been given here and attempting to give real world experience as an answer.


Try to focus this energy elsewhere, it may take years to master it, but you know the flaw is there and you can attempt to better observe yourself.

Last edited by CancerEvolve; 06-08-2017 at 10:34 PM.
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  #14  
Unread 06-09-2017, 12:09 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Star Searcher, I know you want an astrological interpretation, but please don't pursue the route of how you might be better than your sister. This isn't where your self-esteem lies, and it will harm your chances of a more meaningful relationship with your sister.

We're all on the planet for different reasons.

A personal anecdote, if I might. I grew up in a family of 3 siblings: the middle child with a very talented older brother. Not only was he super bright in math and science, but my old-fashioned parents doted on their first-born son. My sister and I were expected to marry and raise children. All of us were pressured to do well in school, and I got into a second-best/somewhat competitive relationship with my brother. After I gained some maturity in middle age, I wondered how much of my achievement orientation and even career achievements were about trying to prove I was as good as he was. (Very sobering.) We didn't live near each other or see each other often, but kept in touch via email.

When my brother died 4 years ago, I traveled to attend his memorial service in a funeral home; and as immediate family, I stood in the receiving line. All kinds of people, associated with my brother's career, volunteer jobs, or just townspeople showed up, and told me how good he was. At one point I was told it was time for the memorial program to start, yet the receiving line was still going out the door and partway down the block.

Wow. I realized at that funeral home that I would never, ever be as good as my brother. That I even tried, or thought I could be, was totally the wrong orientation for me to take. The best thing would have been for me to find my own path more truly, and to enjoy the best that a good sibling relationship can offer.

Star Seeker, you are who you are, independently of your sister's achievements or any pressure your parents might have applied to you, using your sister's achievements as some kind of goad.

And being you-- just you for yourself and nobody else-- is a good place to be.
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.
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  #15  
Unread 06-09-2017, 07:35 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
Sorry for the late reply. I think the cold medicine I took mid-afternoon has a sedative. (Or maybe it's the in my 6th house kicking in.)


As I was saying . . .

My sister
  • Has normal to excellent eye and fine motor coordination, so when she has to craft/sew her work comes out really well
  • Never had any learning or speech disorders


As for me
  • C+ student in high school. Some classes I did well, like English and Social Studies. Some classes I did poorly, like Math and P.E.
  • Took my 9 years to get my BA degree. I bounced around 4 colleges, none of them top tier prestige schools.
  • I may have learning disabilities. I know I'm bad at arithmetic, and I am client of a temp agency that specializes in job placement for people with disabilities and medical problems.
  • I'm pushing 50 and I still don't have a career and know what I am best suited for.
  • My current temp position pays $15.68/hr.
  • I'm not FAT, but I am chubby. (Is this a in thing or a thing in my chart? Or both?)
  • I like cooking, but I always make f*ck ups and can't get a dish right the first time (unlike her).
  • I'm socially awkward and have difficulty making close friends. Although I never have ill intentions, I've been criticized for being rude and unfriendly. (It's not a complete loss--I have a lot of friendly acquaintances.)
Taurus moon does not make one chubby or fat, i have a 2nd house Taurus moon and i'm anything but fat, but i do like to indulge in comfort.
Your moon is exalted, it means you are a lot more calm and collected and perceptive of emotions at the same time, Earthy and grounded.

Mercury in Cancer, you are an emotional speaker, withdrawn but you also possess an excellent memory.
As with any placement in Cancer, highly sensitive and with that comes a great defence.

Stress and depression can have a huge effect on your health, physical health, how you think, outside factors more than just your chart and circumstances.
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Unread 06-11-2017, 01:43 AM
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Re: Sibling Envy/Jealousy

Wow. There's a lot for me to digest here. Thank you everyone for the replies.

1) Has your sister ever acknowledge this favoritism? I wonder if it made her uncomfortable too?

Although she is technically my younger sister, she has been given more responsibilities by my parents. Also she has been given more independent privileges. For example they let her travel all over SouthEast Asia solo. But when it came time for me to attend my 20th year high school reunion my mother immediately called up a friend from that town that she had not spoken with for a while and made me depend on them for lodgings and car travel--despite my ability to drive and pay for hotel fare.

Generally speaking if there is a job or challenge, they normally get her to do it because they see her as being more capable. I suspect that there is a part of her that is uncomfortable with my parents "babying" me. Lately she has been indirectly confronting my mother about this by dropping sarcastic hints but they seem to float over my mother's head. As the "acting" older sister/self-appointed second mother, my younger sister keeps on giving me more skill and character building challenges than our actual parents.

I can't tell if either me or her is the favorite or if there even is a favorite. I've gotten a lot more attention (a lot unwanted) from my mother because I was seen as the problem child. My sister is comfortable with being high achieving and has high expectations for herself and everyone around her. I think she has always thrived where people are expected to excel.



2) That aspect pattern between your Sun, Moon and Mars seems to be a real killer in your life.

Could you clarify what you mean by my aspect pattern?


3) Who knows, maybe you'd be a better mother than her. Although it doesn't seem like children are in the picture.

I don't have children, but I really like children.


4)
You're probably more of an artist than her!

But what is art? My sister is much better at drawing and crafting than me. In fact, she works in one of the design fields, so she has to sketch concepts (although personally I think she is better at project managing her underlings than at drawing.)

I think I'm more of an dreamy artiste instead of a creative workhorse. I'm ultra sensitive. I do come up with interesting ideas.



5)
If your birth time is correct, you have the Moon in the 12th house.

Yup.


6)
You are such a BIG Leo with that Jupiter Sun Conjunction.

Sometimes it feels more like . I tend to not grab a lot of opportunities due to my lack of confidence and low self esteem.


7)
[Your sister] has her own issues even though she appears to have everything down.

But she seems like Miss Perfect to me! I guess I could go study her chart. Maybe I should look at her ,,, and aspects/placements.


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