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  #1  
Unread 10-17-2020, 08:29 PM
Star Searcher Star Searcher is offline
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Ex Boyfriend

I haven't communicated with my last ex boyfriend since August when I started ghosting his daily phone calls. I had told myself to not contact him until November, since that would be a space of at least two or three months. But now that November is coming soon I am wondering if I should keep to that committed date or wait until later. If not November, then when should I contact him?


I'm on a dating app that has 230 questions to make matches more precise. One of those questions asked if you think it is okay if your significant other contacted his/her ex and they were friends. I do believe that one can be friends with an ex as long as strict boundaries are in place.


I do need to contact him because he has a lot of stuff in my apartment. Also, I am curious as to what has become of his court case and I would like to ask him questions. To recap, he was arrested in late January for trespassing into two apartments. He was charged with two counts of committing a Class A misdemeanor.

I dumped for a lot of reasons that added up into one big mess. But I would also like to know the current and future state of his finances. It looks like he has Saturn in the Second House, and I need help in understanding that. Does it mean that he will be perennially impoverished?


Also in my last thread I started I asked what my social/romantic life would be like in the following six months. But I only got one reply. I'd like to see some responses from other people.


I am uploading our charts. Let me know if those are satisfactory. And if this thread is moved to a different sub forum let me know too. Thanks.


Attached Images
File Type: jpg Star Searcher's Ex-Boyfriend's Natal Chart.jpg (47.1 KB, 10 views)
File Type: jpg Star Searcher's Chart with Asteroids.jpg (52.9 KB, 9 views)

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  #2  
Unread 10-17-2020, 10:53 PM
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Osamenor Osamenor is offline
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Re: Ex Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
I had told myself to not contact him until November, since that would be a space of at least two or three months. But now that November is coming soon I am wondering if I should keep to that committed date or wait until later. If not November, then when should I contact him?
That's not a question natal astrology can answer. Try horary, or just use plain sense.

Why did you set November as the date you would wait for to contact him?

Would contacting him now compromise the real reasons why you set that date? If it was so as to give yourself space, have you had enough space already?

If you can answer a definite yes to that, then there's no reason not to contact him now. If you aren't sure, or if it's a definite no, wait until November and then ask yourself that question again. If it's still a no or unsure, then set a new date, repeat the process, and keep doing that until you are reasonably sure.

Mercury retrograde tends to be a time for recontacts. Either someone from your past recontacts you, or you recontact them. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to recontact your ex while Mercury is still retrograde, but it might play a part in the reasons you're thinking about it now.

Mercury retrograde can also be a signal to rethink how you're communicating. Was this ex already your ex when you started ghosting his calls? Or was ghosting his calls the way you broke up with him? Did you ever verbally tell him you were breaking up with him?

If you broke up with him by ghosting, and never clearly told him that you wanted to break up, then no matter when you contact him, you need to communicate better. Don't be surprised if the recontact goes poorly.

If you broke up with him sometime before the ghosting, and he already understood the relationship to be over, there isn't that part to recommunicate, but you still might have to face the music on your ghosting. Unless you had plainly told him to stop calling you and he persisted anyway, ghosting his calls was still poor communication.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post

I dumped for a lot of reasons that added up into one big mess. But I would also like to know the current and future state of his finances. It looks like he has Saturn in the Second House, and I need help in understanding that. Does it mean that he will be perennially impoverished?
It's not ethical to ask astrological questions about someone else's life, when what you're asking about doesn't affect you. Unless you have a child together, or there's some other reason why he would owe you financial support going forward, the current and future state of his finances does not affect you.

But no, Saturn in the second does not necessarily mean perennially impoverished. Rich people and poor people and everyone in between can have that placement, and about 1 out of every 12 do. Nothing in astrology is ever that simple.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
Also in my last thread I started I asked what my social/romantic life would be like in the following six months. But I only got one reply. I'd like to see some responses from other people.
Impossible to say for sure. Astrologers can see general trends. We can't see the actual details. And it takes a lot of work to make any kind of prediction for a whole six months.

Right now, you have two inner planet retrogrades affecting your seventh house of partnership: its traditional ruler, Mars, is retrograde until the second week of November, and Mercury is retrograding in your sixth house but in Scorpio (the retrograde will end in Libra). Seventh house is partnership, and sixth house is daily details. Sixth house could also be regarded as what you must do to take care of yourself before you can be fully present in a partnership. Taken together, it looks to me like something about your love life needs reworking. Maybe it's more attention to the details of your own life. Maybe something needs to be cleared out, emotionally or physically or both, before you're fully ready for a new relationship.
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Want my input on your natal chart-based question? You are welcome to submit it to the Ask the Astrologer feature on my blog, provided that it follows the feature's ground rules.

Last edited by Osamenor; 10-17-2020 at 11:55 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 10-20-2020, 09:32 PM
Star Searcher Star Searcher is offline
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Re: Ex Boyfriend

Thank you for that thorough answer, Osamenor.


I initially broke up with him back in early March. This was around the time of his first scheduled court date. His arrest was back in late January. Throughout the nine years I was with him I received advice and hints from all corners, including members of this forum, that I should end the relationship. I weighed the evidence and executed the dumping during one in the midst of one of his text conversations. This of course surprised and angered him, but I held firm. The next day he called me all sorts of names and made accusations. He apologized a few days later, which unfortunately was the start of him making daily phone calls to me. The phone calls would typically last for up to one and a half hours. In early August it suddenly dawned on me that his family (he moved back into his family's condo-apartment in late January there after my landlord kicked him out of my apartment) had been thinking all this time that we had never broken up--all they knew was that he was talking to me on a daily basis. I suppose he never accepted the first dump, so I decided to ghost him to send a message. I do not like it when I am not taken seriously.


So why November? The ghosting began in early August. If I had waited only a few days or a few weeks before re-contact then it would have been too soon for him to realize that I was serious about our relationship being over. I need a few months of no contact with him or his family so I can concentrate on myself and figure out the direction of my life.

When November comes I will go to the Horary subforum and start a similar thread. I do want to know when will a long term significant other float into my life. Your last paragraph hints that it won't happen in the next sixth months.



Quote:
If you broke up with him sometime before the ghosting, and he already understood the relationship to be over, there isn't that part to recommunicate


Um, apparently he never accepted that our relationship was over.


Quote:
the current and future state of his finances does not affect you.

That is not true. I need a man who is financially stable. If there is astrological and mundane proof that he is progressing towards financial stability then I know that he is man enough to enter into marriage with me. But he has not shown that. He may be in his mid-30s, but I felt like I was taking care of a dependent 18 year old. He never contributed to my rent, food, electricity, and laundry expenses. He would constantly dig money out of my wallet. He never took my parents out for dinner. Around the time of his first court case he made a spontaneous trip to the heart of my city. He stayed at a homeless shelter because he didn't even have money for a hotel stay.

One of my reasons for ending the relationship was to clear the slate and change the vibe/energy of my romantic life. I know I can catch a better fish.
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  #4  
Unread 10-20-2020, 09:49 PM
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Osamenor Osamenor is offline
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Re: Ex Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
Thank you for that thorough answer, Osamenor.


I initially broke up with him back in early March. This was around the time of his first scheduled court date. His arrest was back in late January. Throughout the nine years I was with him I received advice and hints from all corners, including members of this forum, that I should end the relationship. I weighed the evidence and executed the dumping during one in the midst of one of his text conversations. This of course surprised and angered him, but I held firm. The next day he called me all sorts of names and made accusations. He apologized a few days later, which unfortunately was the start of him making daily phone calls to me. The phone calls would typically last for up to one and a half hours. In early August it suddenly dawned on me that his family (he moved back into his family's condo-apartment in late January there after my landlord kicked him out of my apartment) had been thinking all this time that we had never broken up--all they knew was that he was talking to me on a daily basis. I suppose he never accepted the first dump, so I decided to ghost him to send a message. I do not like it when I am not taken seriously.

Sounds like the communication issues are mainly his, then. You've communicated to him, but he's refused to hear it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
So why November? The ghosting began in early August. If I had waited only a few days or a few weeks before re-contact then it would have been too soon for him to realize that I was serious about our relationship being over. I need a few months of no contact with him or his family so I can concentrate on myself and figure out the direction of my life.
That's wise, and that also sounds like a use of retrograde planetary energy! Even if those planets weren't retrograde in August (they weren't), it's like you were planning for the autumn of retrogrades.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
When November comes I will go to the Horary subforum and start a similar thread. I do want to know when will a long term significant other float into my life. Your last paragraph hints that it won't happen in the next sixth months.
I never made any such prediction. I am not predicting when or whether you'll have a new significant other. Just suggesting some things the current retrogrades might mean. Those retrogrades will end within a month.

However, if you just got out of a several years long dysfunctional relationship, you're at risk of your next relationship being dysfunctional, too, if you don't make some changes in how you approach relationships. If nothing else, being in that kind of relationship skews your perspective, so that you might not have a good sense of what is and isn't okay in a relationship. It takes some time and perspective, and possibly help (as in the therapy kind) to be ready for a truly good relationship after such a bad one.

You seem to recognize this, as you said...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
One of my reasons for ending the relationship was to clear the slate and change the vibe/energy of my romantic life. I know I can catch a better fish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Searcher View Post
That is not true. I need a man who is financially stable. If there is astrological and mundane proof that he is progressing towards financial stability then I know that he is man enough to enter into marriage with me. But he has not shown that. He may be in his mid-30s, but I felt like I was taking care of a dependent 18 year old. He never contributed to my rent, food, electricity, and laundry expenses. He would constantly dig money out of my wallet. He never took my parents out for dinner. Around the time of his first court case he made a spontaneous trip to the heart of my city. He stayed at a homeless shelter because he didn't even have money for a hotel stay.


His finances are none of your concern when you're not a couple. If you're considering getting back together with him, that's a little different, but still not a good astrological question to ask. Birth charts show potential, in all areas of life. They don't show which of the many possible potentials are actually manifesting. They don't tell you which ones will manifest in the future.

The best indicator of someone's future behavior is their current and past behavior. If this has been his approach to money, this will most likely remain his approach to money. If you enabled this approach to money--which you did if you remained in a relationship with him knowing that was his approach--then that's the approach to money he'll always have in a relationship with you. If you got back together with him, he would lapse back into the same pattern.

And if this is how he handles money, then that's probably how he'd handle money even if he had access to more of it. If he won the lottery or came into a large inheritance or somehow managed to land a lucrative job despite his irresponsibility, he would still be irresponsible with money. It might not be as obvious if he had more of it to burn, but it would still be the same lack of stability underneath.
__________________
Private messages welcome if they're moderation-related matters or personal messages for me, but please do not send me astrological questions or chart reading requests. I only answer those on the forum, in my practice, and on my blog at https://www.thebearsnose.com/, a separate site from this one.

Want my input on your natal chart-based question? You are welcome to submit it to the Ask the Astrologer feature on my blog, provided that it follows the feature's ground rules.
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