The Worst Summer of my Life.

So this summer has been a really rough one for me. Starting in May, I couldn't find a job. My health problems (internal bleeding) got worse as well. Found out I probably couldn't afford to go back to college, as i pay for it all myself and no job/no money=no school.
Next, in early June I found out that there is a very real chance I have cancer. Very problematic for me as I have an autoimmune disorder which would make fighting it off quite difficult to say the least. A few days later a long time boyfriend broke up with me seemingly randomly. Then he wanted me back. Then he didn't. Became really, really depressed.
Mid July my mother lost her job. Dad's work slowed down quite a bit. An autoimmune disorder I have got progressively worse.
Late July I got a job working a few hours a week . I'm not really supposed to be working but can't afford not too. Still searching for a job to pay back my student loans which I will have to start paying soon on account of dropping out. Was hospitalized for internal bleeding. Also became severally anemic by this point. Kicked out of my parents house for a few days because "they couldn't handle the stress" of my depression. Lucklily, they changed their mind when my grandfather got sick.
As of the beginning of August, my grandfather died. I wasn't that close to him, but its just been one event after another. The whole summer I've been drifting deeper in to depression.
I'm not too terribly good at this transit/ progression stuff. I'm guessing the whole jupiter, chiron, neptune in the 6th house. Maybe the whole jupiter association with cancerous growths could be applied here. And...a long shot, but maybe neptune could do with something with the doctors having a hard time figuring out the cause of the bleeding.With chiron being there I'm very much afraid it will get worse before it gets better.
And for the 7th....I wish Uranus would get out of there. Uranus breifly got out of there before it turned retrograde in July. I really don't like the way it interferes with relationships-all of the suddeness.
I was just wondering if there was anything anyone else can see. Why this stuff is happening. If its going to get better anytime soon. I hate to sound so whiney with the title because I know people have it worse, but I really feel so hopeless now. I just keep on running into more and more problems- but thats not too suprising with my natal mars saturn square. I just really feel like I'm trapped.

[note: some astrological interpretation is given so doesn't need to be moved to Greenhorns Lounge - Moderator]

"soon. I hate to sound so whiney with the title because I know people have it worse,"
This seems pretty horrible to me...and you have the right to whine.
You have about 3 more months of this **** before things feel like they are getting better.
I am wondering if you have faith in your doctor? Also, if you do, and your medical care is good, are you following all instructions to the letter?

As for the student loans...the heck with them for now. You need to inform the lender of your unusual health situation and see what sort of arrangement can be made. Student loan is the last things you should be worrying about now....if you become unable to work they won't get a dime, so they will work with you, I'm sure.

You have Neptune square Mars, which means that you could be hurting yourself in different ways, both emotinally and physically and not be aware of YOUR part in your health issues.

Your parents must be very "hard" people to care so little for your wellbeing.
Keep studying your chart. You will get a lot of information, and it also will distract you from some of the negatives in your life.
LIN

I'm not sure how much faith I have in my doctors. Not because I think that they are inexperienced or don't know what they're doing, it's just that I have this wonderful tendency of getting very rare autoimmune disease. Problem with this that I've run into before is that they take forever to get diagnosed, simply because of the way that the insurance scheme is set up in the US. Testing for these disease tend to be pricey, so they make you take every other for anything it maybe even if the doctor is fairly certain it's it. My first autoimmune disorder took years to diagnose properly. I guess I trust the doctors, but not the system.
Not sure how I could cause the one I've been diagnosed with, as it's genetic. There are no treatments for the one I've already been diagnosed with, thus far there is no cure. For the bleeding I just take measures to control my iron content/blood loss until they get it figured out- eat more red meat, take birth control pills continously to prevent blood loss via mensturation, take iron supplements.
I'm sure I could be causing the mental health aspects because I'm so stressed about it. I know I need to stop worrying about it because I can't do anything more than try to take care of myself and stay positive at this point but it's hard not to worry.
The loan thing is challenging because I can what you suggested to do for my stafford loans, but not private loans. Since my parents make an upper middle class income I wasn't eligible for any financial aid other than the basic stafford loan everyone gets. Since my parents didnt help me pay for school I had to take out a bunch of private loans my self.
And yes, my parents are very "Hard" people. They don't believe what the doctors say, even though they can sit down and show them how my autoimmune disorder effects things with various test results. Also, they are 18 and out parents. To them since I'm an adult now I should be able to deal with this.
And unrelated, but I just remember that shortly after I moved back home I unloaded all of my stuff and put it in the basement until we could figure out where to put it. A few days later we had a heavy rain and the basement had flooded, which had never happened before. So almost everything I owned was destroyed. Maybe some more neptunian energy there.

Hi..
I'm not a medical astrologer, but I am "suspect" of all medications which must be taken every day, and therefore suspect of the birth control med. I'm wondering if you could be more informative to your GYN spec. about your other issues and find out if the birth control meds could be contributing, in any way, to other issues.

I don't know what your auto immune diseases are, but your parents have to be demented to blame you for "genetic" issues, or not believe your mds regarding them, since they are genetic!

In general, I tell people with "toxic parents" to GET OUT as soon as possible. Being in a situation where you are not valued, not cherished as a child of GOD or of your parents is beyond sad, but I know what it feels like as I had similar parents. Fortunately for me, I was very healthy and was able to "get out."
BUT...that was also a long time ago when "18 and out" was common, esp. if there were many children in the family.
BUT for that to be today.....I just don't know what to say....I thought today's parents were so much more conscious, and also more attached to the wellbeing of their children, unless, of course, they were of the lowest common denometer..but you say they are middle class! AND to have that attitude toward a daughter.....shame on them.

About your belongings: that is fate, and the message is that you are going to have to start all over again, as your own mother and father, your own best friend, and leave the sad past behind.
LIN

I can see all the problems their and there is a lot of work still for you to do to overcome your health problems, with many genetic disorders you will find that there are times when you have improvements in your health and then setbacks, after all it is part of your own genetic makeup and it's a lot about achieving balance. I was born with a heart defect, it is always their it is not something that can be cured, but it can only be managed and you can change diet and try complementary medicines and treatments to stop it from deteriorating.
It sounds like you have been having a really tough time, and all those people who should be supporting you during this time are doing more to cause you pain. However in your natal chart I do see you are often able to find nurturing through serious relationships.
I also see you may have some creative ability, Neptune in the 5th, this could be your way to pull yourself out of this difficult period in your life. Have you ever heard of the artisit Frida kahlo, she was a south american artist but she suffered firstly with polio as a child and then later had a horrific accident that basically skewered her body and made her in constant pain and in need of many operations, during her time bedridden she began to learn to paint, it was her form of escapism I know this won't help change the immediate issues in your life but it could be a good way to help build your confidence and have a positive outlet for frustrations with your illness and your body unwillingness to cooperate. There are many artists who have disabilities and illnesses and use art as an outlet for their frustrations and to inform the world more about there illness. Try doing a bit of research on some, it will help you realise that firstly your not alone, another good thing would be to get in touch with any charities or support groups for people with similar conditions to you, if your are not getting support from your family you may find having other support networks and working on developing those right now can really help.
In the Uk I work as a voluntary advisor for the Citizen Advice Bureau we advise people about various things but one of them is debt. The most important thing we always say is contact the lender let them know the situation and why you are falling behind with payments, I don't know if you can do it with your loan but we have the facility to defer payment until you are able to go back to work and make payment. But whatever the situation it is best to inform them, they will be happier that they will get payment at some stage than you being permanently ill and never been able to make a payment to them. Read through your agreement their may be something in the contract that says something about in the situation of illness or unemployment payment can be deferred or reduced.
Sit down and do a budget, if you have something like this if they do insist on payment you will be able to explain your financial outgoings and show you can only make a limited payment. Do not be tempted to take out a further loan to pay off the first one, as if you get into further financial debt knowingly taking out a loan that you hadn't funds to pay back will do you very few favours.
Contact your bank let them know what your situation is, are there any friends or other family members other than your immediate family you could stay with while you patch up things with your parents. I hope your troubles will soon feel more manageable and that your health soon improves.

I realize that I need to get a way from my parents, but once again I kind of have to hang on as long as I can for insurance reasons, because my meds would be thousands a month and for the autoimmune disorder I have already been diagnosed with I become so weak without them I cant even get out of bed.
Also, they refuse to sign the car title over to me even though I bought it off of them (it was one of their old cars). So I'm trapped with them.
With them it's this bizarre mix of not giving a **** what happens to me and my younger sister and being overly controlling at the same time. My mom was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder years ago, and was prescribed lithium and doesnt take it which I think explains a lot.
I too don't like the concept of taking medicine everyday but I have to do it. I have to take the birth control pills continuously -not taking the placebos to prevent me from having a period. I've been prescribed them since I was young (13!) because I would always loose so much blood. I'm sure that thowing off the bodys natural cycle like that is not very healthy but it's kind of a lose/lose situation.
I think it is true that I find nuturing through relationships, but I think a big part of it is I like to take care of other people. I'm a pretty shy person, but I've never had problems making friends or mantaining friendships. Luckily throughout this whole thing I have had the support of quite a few friends who would give the shirt off their back for me and vice versa, I'm just too stubborn accept help. I like to help others, but I don't like it when they help me because I'm terrified of being a burden. I've been told I have a mothering personality.
Romantic relationships are whole different animal though. I think I may find them nurturing, but my boyfriend who recently broke up with me was my first longtime boyfriend who eventually turned extremely emotionally abusive. Since it was mostly just emotional abuse I didn't think anything of it at the time but looking back I can see it, and while I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about him the breakup was a blessing in disguise. He literally broke up with me because I was upset that I was told I more than likely had cervical cancer from hpv he gave me. And he thought he could do better than me. Stellar guy, right? Breakup occured during mercury retrograde conjunct Algol. She's not as bad as the rap says I suppose.
Luckily, I went to a different gyno who I am much more satisfied with and they ran several tests and determined that I did not have hpv, that my body was just developing cervical on its own. Apparently many other doctors will just dismiss the formation of it at my age on hpv because its not really supposed to happen at my age. It's a lot easier for me to handle my bodys doing it, rather than it being caused by someone else (although accidentally) who won't take responsibility.
I also suffered some venus in scorpio related abuse on my first date with a different guy my sophomore year that I really don't want to get into. It was hard for me to trust guys after that, and then I did and the second one just winds up hurting me more. So I don't know if I can feel nurtured in a romantic relationship, my feelings are so mixed about them now.
And beatnik girl, when I was younger (middle school and high school) I took quite a few arts classes. I was told I should seriously consider the idea of art school or music school by my art teachers and music instructors. Unfortunatley it financially wasn't possible, and even then in high school I couldn't dedicate time to creating a portfolio or going to auditions to get admitted as I was already working 40 hours a week while going to high school. Recently though I find myself drawn to those activites again, and have been reteach myself guitar and attempting to get my voice back in shape. Maybe another message from the universe...
Honestly, right now I just wish I had my college degree so I could get as far away from this stuff is humanly possible. Before I had to drop out I was planning to teach English abroad.
I know that was a long and oddly personal post. But writing this I think that this whole summer really has been about destroying illusions and material attachments. The illusion that I could ever afford to go to college, I honestly probably would have eventually had to drop out if I was healthy. That my health was ok, that my relationship was ok. Thank you both for your insight.

Baba,
I wish I could reach thru the computer screen and give you a hug, and then slap your parents upside their thick skulls. For real. Your situation makes me angry, but I do know your soul signed on for the chance to make lots of progress this time around, so good for you.

Jupiter rules the IC, and Venus the MC, and look at how the 2 of them are in this opposition on that axis, kind of disconnected from anything else. That appears to describe your parents, and their greedy attitude towards their precious resources. Little do they know that they will likely be alone with their riches once you and your sis find your own way in the world and make your own new families. Good riddance.

Mercury, the ruler of your asc is in the 4th, sandwched between Uranus and saturn.
The square to Mars signifies some of the tough lessons you will learn from the men in your life, and being in Aries in the 8th, it may involve some physical/sexual aggression unfortunately. The inconjunct to Pluto in the 3rd says you will learn to take your own power back and this pattern will NOT be a life long problem, but in fact you may eventually become involved in a field which helps victims of such situations.

Mercury is a VERY important planet in your chart, as it rules your asc and MC. Pluto is transiting across your Mercury right now, so you are at a vital crossroads, and will be empowered and reborn in this cycle. Read as much as you can about Pluto by authors like steven forrest, traci marks, liz greene, and you will be inspired.

Hi, I wish I had a way to help you. Please do not give up, have faith and always believe that God or this higher force in the Universe is always with you and is working for your highest good. Just have faith, and I am sure everything will go well.

Regarding school, I know from personal experience, please-please-please: Go to your academic advisor and also go to the Chair of your Department, ask for an appointment, and also ask to speak with the Director of the Students Account Office. Go there and explain your situation, and let them know that you do not want to drop out of school. All schools have assistanships and financial plans for very poor students and for students that may have problems like you in order not to drop out of their studies. You need to finish college! This is very important because it reassures that you will always have a decent-paying job afterward and health insurance! Please go to your school and speak with them and I am prety sure that there is a way for you to continue your studies even if you have to take just one course this semester. Also, many students work inside the college and a big chunk is being waived from their tuition fees. You can do that too, so please go speak with the appropriate people at your school.

Second: I too have Virgo ascendant and the last year has been horrific literally! Fot the first time in my life, I felt so weak and tired all the time, really sick, really depressed, etc. I started complete physical medical exams last week to find out what is going on, and this Friday I need to go have an internal and external sonogram to check for tumors and fibroids and cycts in my ovaries and uterus. On top of that, the doctor ordered colonoscopy to check for colon cancer because I have all the symptoms so far. So, I really understand where you stand right now, but please have faith. This f****** Saturn is finally direct and finally moving forward our first house, so I am sure things will go better. I have exactly the same transits like you right now, so I totally understand since I have Virgo ascendant too.

I know that there are free clinics, that aparently are very good too, where you go if you have law income or no income, and they send you to the best doctors and they take care of you even if you need to have a surgery! All you have to do is go there an ask to speak with a phycisian. So, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I know it may seem hard not, but you need to find the courage to restore your faith in your self and your God that everything will go well and that you are being loved and you will be looked after and everything will go well!

I wish you all the best, please fight back, I am sure that everything will be fine!

Best wishes and big hugs,
Effie.

College wise, I've done all I can. I've gone to my advisors, I went to disability, etc. but their hands are tied because of the amount of money my parents make. I'm not even eligible for work study. They cannot do anything for me until I can be declared financially independent which consists of being either 23, married, have completed military service or have a child. They just tell me to talk to my parents- it's unbelivable how they can't understand that some parents dont want to listen.
The only one that has been helpful is my advisor at the disability office. My autoimmune disorder as classified as a disability so I have a good shot for a scholarship that will be given away in March, but I have to be enrolled fulltime to at the college to get it. I also found out via the net that I'd be eligible for vocational rehabilitation credits- usually around 2,500 a semester. However my backwards midwestern state is one of a handfull that doesnt consider my conditon a disability at the state level so I'm not eligible for it as it's state money.
I debated taking out a small loan to go to the only school nearby to retain my parents health insurance. But it's a two year community college that is partnered with my school, so as I would be a junior none of the classes they offer would count towards by degree. I'd also have to enroll for at least 12 credits (full time) to remain on my parents insurance so I feel it's pointless as none would count, I'd be paying for nothing in the end. My school also stopped offering associates a few years ago, until then I could have had the option of walking with an associates at this point.
And effie, I just had a colonscopy and upper endoscopy recently so I feel your pain. My mysterious medical issue is related to the area of the body. Have you read up on celiac disease? I know that many colon cancer symptoms are similar to celiac. They originally thought I could have had colon cancer too. Neither proved correct in my case. The colonoscopy was clean, but the doctor can see my iron, red blood cells, and even white blood cell count dropping rapidly. But if youve gone to a good gastro I think that they would have mentioned that. I wonder how many other Virgo ascedants are having health problems this year.
Katydid, I'm glad you brought up the pluto transit. It's so obvious yet I overlooked it, even though the whole thing reeked of the transformative pluto aspect. As strange as this may sound to some astrologers, I don't fear pluto. With Pluto, the transformation is painful but it's never proven as to be senseless as with another planet-I'm looking at you Saturn.
Only thing I'm a little worried about is the upcoming mercury retrograde. They've been having a major impact on me this year.

I sincerly hope that things have improved for you
My eye went straight to Pluto conjuncting your Mercury Saturn and Uranus.
Pluto is a huge transit and a "time of our life".

WHen Pluto knocks on our door it is He demands we must attend. The transits basically started in early 2008 and will continue into 2010
It seems to participate in our lives thru out that time and major events can occur when the actual exact transit is not happening. Never the less this is one of the most major transits of your life!!!
I have been recently having Pluto to my moon and the major events began when Pluto was within 15 minutes of conjunction. Major family issues have occured thruout and my position in the family has changed siginificantly going from a background person to someone responsible for assisting my grandfather with financial issues.

I think we are asked to take our place in the family as an adult amongst many things when Pluto knocks on our door.

It can be the greatest time for making really huge change to the very core issues and how we experiance and go thru life.
So you are now 20 years old going on 21.
With Pluto transits we can always benefit from talking to a counsellor. Its like paying the gold coin to the ferryman to take us thru the underworld (aka Greek mythology).
Pluto seems to ask us to address the most core issues when he knocks on our door. We are being asked to go with what we KNOW is right for us and not give way to pressure to do otherwise from others. PLuto demands truth - that we are true to our own inner integrities of where we are heading for our journey.

The mercury retrograde could triggering the Pluto transit to your mercury. Often inner transiting planets push forward events during the major outer planetary transit cycle.

I strongly recomend you see a counsellor to help give you a chance to explore your inner landscape. Good luck and this is indeed one of the biggest time when you have access to resources to make major change occur in your life.
When PLuto is around we have access to resources for change that we do not have any other time.

Thanks for your reply.
Unfortunately things have not gotten better, they've only gotten worse. I couldn't return to school and have been unable to find a job. I had a breakdown in late August and was briefly able to get some counseling because of it, but could not continue because of the cost. Trying to stay positive but it's been rough. Time of mental breakdown was when pluto conjunct mercury was exact, so yes it's been rough for me.
Attached is my last solar return for anyone to look at, maybe to see if they see the ends to this stuff/ or anything positive.

Baba,

PLuto as you say is very transformative. I had the sun over pluto about 7 years ago (which also squared chiron and uranus pluto) and on mercury sometime before that. PLuto on my sun ended a career and a relationship, so I have a healthy respect. I have had some auto immune stuff to deal with and lack of money and depression stress etc in the last seven years, yet amazing people have come into my life, and my mind haas slowly been changing to a more positive framework.

PLuto has been square my sun moon midpoint this last year and just about to move off. Health wise this has been a challenging period, with skin problems, allergies and sluggish elimination, hair loss, and a thyroid auto immune condition. Yet since pluto sun I have been going to see kinesiologists, they could be anything, but they were the right people for me. It shifted my persepctive from small to a bigger place. I have been slowly getting kinder to myself, eating better, talking more time to relax when I need to yoga meditation. I did not start all this at once.... one little bit at a time, but the whole process was one of change and i only changed what i could manange positively, without too much stress. Pluto is just moving off my sun moon midpoint and the hair is healthy and the holes grown back. My face skin is improving and the eczema is generally clearing up. Immune stuff I learn was related to having peace within yourself, so i began to regularly find the peace inside, beyond the doubt and the relationship and body dramas, that space where i was just being.

Looking back I am different I see the world with new eyes. I relate to parents being non supportive, and not understanding the dramatic shifts that young people have to endure.

The solar return shows an emphasis on the 6th house but also a strong mmon in cancer on the ascendent.... indicating an improved emotional centre. Jupiter in capricorn on the descendent, could be about those supportive enduring people that come into your life.

And the pluto transits you have experienced have occured in the 4th about family support and your inner essential self.

It is through the suffering we become amazing people, more thoughtful, more aware, more able to truely listen to others.

My dad has just about finished his sun sq pluto, and has dealt with cancer and colon issues for about three years. You can see him coming back up to health. He had this conviction that it was just going to getbetter and it did. His health returns as pluto moves off the square for the last time at the moment.

I had an iridology test recently, that led to some diet changes, mainly no sugar that has had a great impact on my skin allergies.

My repsect to a fellow pluto traveller...

FleaXXX

Interesting...I have met some very plutonian people since the begining of 2008. I have found my outlook on life changed dramatically-it seems to me that the Plutonian influence seems to have made me more selfish, for good and bad.
Good, because I used to be the most unassertive person in the world, I was a doormat. Its definitely helped with that. Lately though I haven't been able to get along with many of my old friends, because they can't handle me actually doing things on my own and not blindly following what they say. Or god forbid actually wanting them to support me the way I supported them in the past. I'm a very loyal person to my friends, so this has put me at odds with myself. I realize now it would be best to cut these "toxic" friends out of my life but it hurts at the same time.
I think Pluto on Merc has made the Mercury retrogrades very rough the past few times. Normally mercury retrogrades are very noticiable for me
I mostly agree with your interpretation of the solar return but I believe for me Jupiter in Capricorn may be about actually losing people, reconfirming the only person I have to rely on is myself. Because the first half of the pluto madness that had gone on, from begining to 2008 to say febuary or march of this year was wondeful. I had never had things work out so easily in every way. Money was tight but managed to get by, health was managable.I met so many supportive people but then they all disappeared! Two had to had to stay home and attend universitys near their homes several hours away, and two others had to return to there home countries to do their mandatory military sevice. I kind of almost feel like what has happened is the universes way of saying don't get too comfortable.
However I hope that what you've said about a solid support is true. I've noticied that my upcoming lunar return on the 28th has a cancer AC as well. I've read that this could "activate" some of the things promised on the solar return, crossing my fingers for something good.
Also, sugar makes my whole system sluggish as well so I try to avoid it as much as possible along with gluten. If you have Hashimotos thyroid and eczema it may be worth looking into the affects of gluten intolerance, some studies have suggested a connection between them.

yep i have been gluten free for a few years and only now can i tolerate some oats and spelt. The naturapath i have recently started seeing is excellent. Sometimes i fall over and given in to suger treats... cancer moon loves sweet comforting things....but I ended up sleeping for 5 hours after...very sluggish.

The 7th house is about partnerships, and I have come to experience the support i get from partner type relationship, reflects how i am taking steps to partner and support myself. I am so big on this kindness to self. So anyone who is not supportive I ask myself am I unspoortive to myself in anyway. I try not to judge them but see them as messengers on my journey.

I hope you experience some rare moments of enlightment and life, cos i feel you are living life right up close and very real without many veils. Hard but very rewarding in the end I feel.

FleaXXX