will continue in bit
to start, rahu, thank you
endlessly for your hard work. you are so kind to provide this reading!!!! it was so insightful. and i'm almost in tears at the amount of detail, focus, attention, and devotion you gave to this post. you are a wonderful person.
you are correct in the assumption that i really do feel i will be incomplete without a committed, loving relationship in the future. i dont want to be alone forever. i crave intimacy. and want to give my love to someone.
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The Saturn/orcus midpoint does qualify your feelings toward relationships his influence has made you likely to hold back when you feel strong attraction.
this is very true. im extremely reserved when it comes to relationships, mostly due to my trauma from previous experiences. i dont move or open up at all.
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But Saturn/moon midpoint is lso associated with feelings of insecurity. coupled with your Saturn/orcus midpoint, you another aspect that tempers you emotional expectations because of your father’s negative influence.
this is very true as well. im highly insecure, and have self esteem issues. i compare myself to everyone and everything possible.
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this gives a potential of psychic abilities and here because you mercury is trine to Uranus your abiities include a very good intuition and can show ability to read others thoughts. With Uranus involved you have likely had astral dreams that were prophetic as well as flying dreams.as Uranus is exactly square the node, astral/vivid dreams are very important as this shows that you can solve problems of reality on the astral.as you seem to have some blocks. I would think that you have been subject to out of the body experiences and likely have episodes of sleep paralysis, which is waking up but not being to move for a minute or so.as Neptune is also square to the node, you might also have visions or you might think hallucination. These visions can come with dreams but also can continue into your waking state.it is possible to have visions in waking states to begin with. Though, with so much paranormal energy, you might have had periods when other thought you were going mad or you might have yourself questioned you sanity
Mars with the node is also a aspect of “luck”.
To complicate you life further ,you are subject to otherworldly, altered realities or paranormal sensations and experiences.
i wonder if you know how I may develop these psychic abilities further? i have always felt i have a stronger intuition and can sense things from others. i have also dreamed of things happening before they happened, and had dreams where i saw people in my room, then woke up and they were still there with me. i am curious how to further these abilities!
it is usually because of this that i, as you mention, feel mad. i feel that im far too connected to things i cant escape from sometimes. like im too aware while others aren't as aware? if that makes sense. im hyper aware and sensitive to my surroundings.
first off, as you get older ,you will naturally have access to more of your "blocked potentialities. Saturn is strongly and difficultly placed in your chart. as a young person these obstruction seem intolerable. but with the amazing abilities you have, Saturn is serving an important purpose, which is to make you go slowly through your youth. Saturn is giving many blocks but you must internalize these"blocks" as these are steps that you must take prepare yourself or when in later life you will need to manifest your abilities. with you abilities, as a youth ,you could make irrevocable mistakes out of youthful ignorance. but Saturn is making you go slow ,so that you will not advance blindly but consolidate your knowledge and ability.you must see every obstruction as a necessary step that you might have ignored in your life without external obstruction.
you really have a unusual combination of wild, youthful wanton desires and profound intellectual and psychic abilities.so instead of potentially "wasting" or misspending your youth, Saturn is making you reflect, albeit painfully, on your life and future .you are wise beyond you age because of the reflection you have made. Saturn can feel like a weight on you neck when young, but as your reach your 30's, all the frustrations of Saturn will be shown to have been lessons that make your life advance quickly as you want.
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But these type of guys are truly looking for a good time and to exploit you sexually. If your nature was just as licentious as theirs then you might have many exciting but briefcounters. But you nature is devoted, so you will feel “betrayed” when the intensity of the electric encounters fades out and he fades out just as quickly as he arrived.
basically sums up every single one of the men in my life who have tried to pursue me.
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This aspect also shows that though you have a expansive nature, sometimes you attempt things that you can’t finish. Sometimes external influences change around you and plans are altered. This can lead to a feeling that you are star crossed as even with good intentions there seem to influences working against.
yes. i CONSTANTLY feel like i start something and im so happy, and then life just punches me in the gut and makes me stop. i always get so excited because i love life and want to try new things, but everytime i do, something happens to ruin it or stop it, etc. it hurts sometimes.
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Usually this placement gives one a eidetic memory/photographic memory.
100% accurate. i excel in school due to this. i can memorize an entire page of notes into my memory and always wondered why exams were so easy.
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Just a note, you are so exceptional, that with the abusive experience of your father, you might not acknowledge or realize how gifted you are. So I have to temper my accolades of you as you might think I am too high. But I don’t. as you mature you will have more access to aspects of your abilities that you have blocked out in youth.
i really appreciate all these compliments haha. i dont know if i deserve them from the chart, but it's nice to hear. i really dont feel as exceptional as my achievements make me look. i never feel good enough, and no matter what anyone tells me, i still dont feel gifted. as you said, i may improve in the future as i get older?
is this a possibility? how should i open myself up to lead this life and mature in this way?
you have this reticence about acknowledging your remarkable abilities because your father negated every occurrence and appearance for you abilities. so as a child the self esteem your father programmed you with does not allow you to see you powers or as you say :
i really dont feel as exceptional as my achievements make me look. i never feel good enough, and no matter what anyone tells me, i still dont feel gifted.
you need to realize that it is lmsot impossible to override these psychological progrms without opening up. that is you need to find a group where you can talk these feeling out. it really does work that speaking you frustratins and fear to someone else loosen the the "program". you might your look a 12 step based group on abuse or self esteem issues. you can erase these programs butitis so very difficult to do this alone
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This gives you farsightedness as well as exceptional mathematical and deductive abilities. Uranus shows science and astrology to be nature fields of study you excel at.
rahu if i may ask, what career avenues do you think i would excel in? would it be science? what sciences?
if this is unknown, please don't worry. i am always curious about the career directions that charts reveal.
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As consequence when one has a strong in flow of the vertex, ones life can have unusual, strange and synchronistic experiences or sensations. The very can be very confusing because it can add “information” that does not relate to one’s life. Hence the energy/images from the vertex can very confusing and disorienting.
With mercury/chiron square the vertex energy, you might have had experiences that totally confused you. Unusual sensations or visions. Feeling of other worldly realities or entities. The inlying sensation is that you is experiencing states of reality that are so different that “normality” that no one would ever be to understand what occurred. So in addition to the usually complicate emotional and mental conditions of your life, you also are subject to realties that are not readily understoodby our accepted parameters of reality.
yes, this is another aspect that always makes me feel lost very often. i very often have periods of complete confusion and loss as things in my head start to not make sense and i begin thinking of things i don't have to be focusing on. it's very difficult.
how can i deal with this aspect?
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This can add t a relationship as it gives an unsurpassed intimacy. But if the relationship occurs, then the most destructive arguments cd recriminations can arise, because both know the strengths and weakness of each other. So the criticisms cut to the quick of their psyches.
will all my potential relationships be plagued by this aspect?
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Chiron is a true friend but if someone betrays Chiron they become formidable enemy and will cut of the offender, sometimes forever, even if they are a friend.
i have done this a lot to the people in my life. i am scorned and hurt a lot it is true. but i am also ruthless in my forgiveness. i tend to completely cut off those who hurt me, once i realize i am being taken advantage of. it has left me very lonely as i have had to cut many people out.