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  #1  
Unread 04-05-2016, 11:58 PM
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Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Title says it all. A situation today made me realize how resentful and vindictive I can be. I've always brushed it off as having a attitude problem and something that would improve with age but I see now it's something that needs to be handled. This issue is effecting my personal relationships. I have a hard time letting things go, especially the bad. I'm constantly brooding over emotional hurts but it's a way for me to deal with it and move on, I just go overboard with this sometimes. I believe this is a reason why I don't have any friends because I cut people off because I just can't let sh*t go.

My jealousy/possessiveness in relationships is not pretty. I give 100% in relationships and enjoy being very close to my partner so I expect it in return, if I don't get it I'm pissed. I immediately shutdown after that, it's my way of punishment.

I really want to work on this because I'm a good guy with a big heart.

Sidenote - TOB is correct, from my birth certificate. I know the time is very important.


Last edited by druex; 04-17-2016 at 03:38 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 04-06-2016, 12:28 AM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Leo/Scorpio-Pluto is more than intense, prone to jealousy and possessiveness, and vindictive behavior in response to being hurt.

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Originally Posted by druex View Post
My jealousy/possessiveness in relationships is not pretty. I give 100% in relationships and enjoy being very close to my partner so I expect it in return, if I don't get it I'm pissed. I immediately shutdown after that, it's my way of punishment.
Please try not to do this. It is very hurtful. Instead, talk to your partner about how their actions made you feel. What kind of things cause you to have resentful and possessive feelings? Talk to your partner about these. If they care about you, they'll be willing to work together with you on this.
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  #3  
Unread 04-06-2016, 01:11 AM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

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Leo/Scorpio-Pluto is more than intense, prone to jealousy and possessiveness, and vindictive behavior in response to being hurt.



Please try not to do this. It is very hurtful. Instead, talk to your partner about how their actions made you feel. What kind of things cause you to have resentful and possessive feelings? Talk to your partner about these. If they care about you, they'll be willing to work together with you on this.
I'm single at the moment. I was dating someone but he decided today that we should just remain friends. My behavior took him by surprise. I will admit I'm a bit hurt and really want nothing to do with him but I'm trying to get out of that pattern. I'm usually very pleasant but when it comes to my feelings and relationships, I see black/white.
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Unread 04-07-2016, 04:48 AM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Anyone else?
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Unread 04-07-2016, 07:22 AM
katydid katydid is offline
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Working on this issue right now is perfect timing. Look at where your Pluto is in your natal chart—front and center in your first house, in Scorpio.

Now , if you trace it’s motion since your birth, you will find that it has reached mid-Capricorn, right at the end of the blue line stretching into your 3rd house. [sextile]

So this is the first beneficial aspect that Pluto has made. And it is sextiling itself, from the 3rd house of communication/learning/social concerns. It is a natural time for you to explore ways to overcome this Scorpio/possessiveness/immaturity/explosiveness.

Sextiles give us the opportunities and ability to make productive changes. The fact that you are recognizing this now and wanting to break this cycle yourself is fantastic and indicates that you are perceptive and in tune with these natural cycles.

Google ‘ Pluto transiting 3rd house’ and ‘Pluto transit conjunct north node’ and ‘Pluto transits —conjunct Moon/Saturn.’

Study these changes/transits as they will help you make this transition into more rational/calm emotional reactions.
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Unread 04-07-2016, 08:25 AM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Here are some excerpts describing your Pluto transit:

When Pluto transits the 3rd House, a person’s reality and understanding is permanently changed by highly charged emotional experiences, which expose psychological patterns created during the formative years. Frequently these involve the mores and morality of the environment in which a person was brought up or educated, or of his relationship with siblings. This is particularly true if H3 is tenanted. Understanding how these patterns came to be formed, offers him the opportunity to be free from their grips. Under this transit a person may choose to educate himself further as a corrective to the superstitions and prejudices with which he was brought up. Or, he may find a new way of expressing himself, which he perceives to be more universal in its appeal.

http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/dkfoun...nsitsBook3.htm


Transit Pluto in the 3rd House
When transit Pluto is in your 3rd house, your words have merit, and people take your thoughts and ideas seriously. You can sway people to your side with your words, and this is an excellent time for you if you work with words somehow (like a writer, speaker, singer, etc.). You can transform your relationships with your siblings, neighbors, and community. You can also dig deep into your mind, gaining control over your mental capabilities, and use that mental power to your advantage.

http://www.thedarkpixieastrology.com/transit-pluto.html
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Unread 04-07-2016, 01:39 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Pluto is Contra-Parallel your Mars and Venus. Treat as an opposition. I think this aspect can certainly lead to these intense feelings. Furthermore, Pluto in the first house should definitely be examined closer. I have a few friends with Pluto in the first and they all exhibit intensity of some type or another as a result (see my thread "Pluto in an Angular House" in the Modern Forum). You are not alone! Know Thyself.

Last edited by StillOne; 04-07-2016 at 02:03 PM.
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  #8  
Unread 04-07-2016, 01:57 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Pluto rules 1st and is also posited in 1st - a difficult placement for 'letting go' of stuff, for anybody.

Ruler of 1st sextiles Mercury & Jupiter in 10th house. Are you in a position of authority at work or in public eye?

Venus retrograde, conjunct mercury retrograde - and that can also show a predisposition of looking backwards / the past of relationships.

Your Moon-Saturn conjunction in 3rd can definitely make you prone to negative thinking and quincunx with Sun -Merc (out of sign) can make it hard to scale the wall, so the speak, in getting past those thinking behaviors.

It's important whenever Pluto is strong in chart to understand that letting go is never going to come easy in matters of emotional concern, but it can work wonders on deciding what's worth getting emotional about. The lessening of emotion that you attach to circumstances/relationships will help you not to have so many resentments.

Your chart is wild and interesting with the Leo stellium in 10th.

If you can find a way to sublimate your possessiveness and passion into matters of your career and away from your relationships, you will probably find yourself easing up on yourself in matters of heart.

You have a good chart for a writer with Mercury at apex 10th conjunct Jupiter and Neptune in 3rd - could make for prolific writer of poetry, fiction, fantasy. Moon-Saturn conjunct in 3rd provides you the ability to stick with it.

As I see it - a good way of sublimating this passion and jealousy and resentment you speak of? Write stories, poetry, books - whatever - with characters in the pages that express this natural part of you. That way - you will still 'get it out' without having to beat yourself up for having the character traits that you write about.
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Unread 04-07-2016, 05:23 PM
Stellium6th Stellium6th is offline
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitchy View Post
Pluto rules 1st and is also posited in 1st - a difficult placement for 'letting go' of stuff, for anybody.

Ruler of 1st sextiles Mercury & Jupiter in 10th house. Are you in a position of authority at work or in public eye?

Venus retrograde, conjunct mercury retrograde - and that can also show a predisposition of looking backwards / the past of relationships.

Your Moon-Saturn conjunction in 3rd can definitely make you prone to negative thinking and quincunx with Sun -Merc (out of sign) can make it hard to scale the wall, so the speak, in getting past those thinking behaviors.

It's important whenever Pluto is strong in chart to understand that letting go is never going to come easy in matters of emotional concern, but it can work wonders on deciding what's worth getting emotional about. The lessening of emotion that you attach to circumstances/relationships will help you not to have so many resentments.

Your chart is wild and interesting with the Leo stellium in 10th.

If you can find a way to sublimate your possessiveness and passion into matters of your career and away from your relationships, you will probably find yourself easing up on yourself in matters of heart.

You have a good chart for a writer with Mercury at apex 10th conjunct Jupiter and Neptune in 3rd - could make for prolific writer of poetry, fiction, fantasy. Moon-Saturn conjunct in 3rd provides you the ability to stick with it.

As I see it - a good way of sublimating this passion and jealousy and resentment you speak of? Write stories, poetry, books - whatever - with characters in the pages that express this natural part of you. That way - you will still 'get it out' without having to beat yourself up for having the character traits that you write about.

Works. The part about writing for giving your **** off. It works.


I don't agree so much about the rest: I don't think one can see the talents/professions so easily.
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Unread 04-08-2016, 06:16 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

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Originally Posted by StillOne View Post
Pluto is Contra-Parallel your Mars and Venus. Treat as an opposition. I think this aspect can certainly lead to these intense feelings. Furthermore, Pluto in the first house should definitely be examined closer. I have a few friends with Pluto in the first and they all exhibit intensity of some type or another as a result (see my thread "Pluto in an Angular House" in the Modern Forum). You are not alone! Know Thyself.
Interesting. I wasn't sure if I should have checked my Declination aspects. Mars/Pluto contra-parallel being the tightest. Would this aspect share the same strength as an opposition? I've read parallel/contra-parallel are weak in influence.
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Unread 04-08-2016, 06:19 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by druex View Post
I'm single at the moment. I was dating someone but he decided today that we should just remain friends. My behavior took him by surprise. I will admit I'm a bit hurt and really want nothing to do with him but I'm trying to get out of that pattern. I'm usually very pleasant but when it comes to my feelings and relationships, I see black/white.
Yes, many people will not just deal with this "freeze out" behavior in a new relationship; they'll end things. So it is extremely self-defeating if you want to be in a committed relationship.

I like the other posts here, and I'll just say again that talking to your partner is very helpful. If you get in another relationship and these feelings arise, that's your cue. I doubt the person will say, "No, eff you jealous freak!"...They'll try to understand and help you (of course working on these feelings alone is great). They probably had no idea they did something to hurt you.

As far as friends... are you okay with having few/no friends? If not, I think the same thing applies -- talk. It is easier said than done but what's your alternative? Cut people off and drive whoever is left away with your resentful behavior?
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  #12  
Unread 04-08-2016, 06:41 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

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Yes, many people will not just deal with this "freeze out" behavior in a new relationship; they'll end things. So it is extremely self-defeating if you want to be in a committed relationship.

I like the other posts here, and I'll just say again that talking to your partner is very helpful. If you get in another relationship and these feelings arise, that's your cue. I doubt the person will say, "No, eff you jealous freak!"...They'll try to understand and help you (of course working on these feelings alone is great). They probably had no idea they did something to hurt you.

As far as friends... are you okay with having few/no friends? If not, I think the same thing applies -- talk. It is easier said than done but what's your alternative? Cut people off and drive whoever is left away with your resentful behavior?
Thank you for this. Much appreciated. Communication is key. When I finally calm down and get some logic going, I feel silly for being so overly emotional about the situation.
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Unread 04-08-2016, 06:44 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

@katydid - Thank you for the links!

@Kitchy - I'm actually in training right now for a position in management (:
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Unread 04-08-2016, 08:29 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

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Originally Posted by StillOne View Post
Pluto is Contra-Parallel your Mars and Venus. Treat as an opposition. I think this aspect can certainly lead to these intense feelings. Furthermore, Pluto in the first house should definitely be examined closer. I have a few friends with Pluto in the first and they all exhibit intensity of some type or another as a result (see my thread "Pluto in an Angular House" in the Modern Forum). You are not alone! Know Thyself.
Not sure if this is relevant but I would also second this. My sister has Pluto in her 1st house and has a habit of becoming quite possessive over people she isn't even dating.
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Unread 04-08-2016, 09:38 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

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Not sure if this is relevant but I would also second this. My sister has Pluto in her 1st house and has a habit of becoming quite possessive over people she isn't even dating.
I'm like your sister. Even if we're just casually seeing each other, I want you talking to me and me only. I know it's terrible and immature
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Unread 04-08-2016, 09:53 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

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I'm like your sister. Even if we're just casually seeing each other, I want you talking to me and me only. I know it's terrible and immature
I don't think it's terrible and besides, the fact that you've identified something you want to change in yourself is a great first step toward helping it!
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Unread 04-10-2016, 04:52 PM
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Re: Resentment, jealousy, possessiveness. How to overcome all this?

Thank you all for the helpful feedback. This will be a challenge but I will overcome it.
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