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  #1  
Unread 07-19-2017, 03:39 PM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

meandL.jpg
Alrighty so here is the synastry chart of me and this girl L. We used to talk in high school but at the time she was dating a friend of mine so I never pushed for anything despite finding her adorable.. About a week ago she hit me up on a dating app and we started talking and such, and it all seemed to go well. Of course at this point she has a month old child and broke up with the father shortly after we began talking, and I'm a bit afraid that it all is a bad idea.

Our synastry is rather lacking in positive aspects and I feel like maybe she should've stayed with her ex.. So any input would be helpful. Thank you in advance

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  #2  
Unread 08-03-2017, 05:14 AM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Originally Posted by sadge View Post
I'd say it's a good idea to follow your instinct on this one. The synastry backs up your intuition.

There are a couple of aspects indicating that you crossed paths in a way that both of you will be able to learn from your brief encounter or relationship. On one level, her presence is activating a lesson in you to think more rationally in how you move forward in the world. It is also clear that she finds you to be attractive. HOWEVER...these minor positives are completely washed away by many challenging cross-aspects between the two of you. Flat out painful ones too. Her chiron opposes your tight sun/mars/saturn and her mercury (your dc ruler) squares all of that too. On top of this, it is bound to be an emotionally charged and explosive connection if you give it enough time to fester (moon). Her Saturn in your 4H is not ideal either, as that is not an area of life where you want to park that taskmaster planet in an interpersonal relationship.

This one is easy. Move on. It gets way better than this.

One more thing: as an individual, you are pretty emotionally intense and controlling in terms of how you approach the world. So moving forward, perhaps take the time to consider the role that you play in your relationships as well. And in regards to this girl, take it easy on her. The synastry shows that the break will be more painful for her than you.

Sadge
So we've hung out a bit and she seems to really like me. And I really like her. Realized that intuition of it ending badly was me being scared of someone liking me some much.

Though recently(last week) I had a rather profound spiritual revelation. Seemed like my ego dissolved right in front of me. I've been less controlling and intense since for sure. So idk if that's what she activated in me but it's legitimately changed me. Of course it's not thinking more rationally lol. More like just thinking less. Not so finicky with detail and more motivated.

So now we're dating. What advice can you maybe give me on the chart to strengthen the positive sides?
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  #3  
Unread 08-03-2017, 05:17 AM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Originally Posted by sadge View Post
I'd say it's a good idea to follow your instinct on this one. The synastry backs up your intuition.

There are a couple of aspects indicating that you crossed paths in a way that both of you will be able to learn from your brief encounter or relationship. On one level, her presence is activating a lesson in you to think more rationally in how you move forward in the world. It is also clear that she finds you to be attractive. HOWEVER...these minor positives are completely washed away by many challenging cross-aspects between the two of you. Flat out painful ones too. Her chiron opposes your tight sun/mars/saturn and her mercury (your dc ruler) squares all of that too. On top of this, it is bound to be an emotionally charged and explosive connection if you give it enough time to fester (moon). Her Saturn in your 4H is not ideal either, as that is not an area of life where you want to park that taskmaster planet in an interpersonal relationship.

This one is easy. Move on. It gets way better than this.

One more thing: as an individual, you are pretty emotionally intense and controlling in terms of how you approach the world. So moving forward, perhaps take the time to consider the role that you play in your relationships as well. And in regards to this girl, take it easy on her. The synastry shows that the break will be more painful for her than you.

Sadge
Also Saturn in 4th house, she has a child a month old, so wouldn't that be an expected placement in such relationships?
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  #4  
Unread 08-03-2017, 05:23 AM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

"This combination of the Sun and the asteroid Chiron is a difficult one, presenting both %1 and %2 with the challenge of reassessing their life goals in order that they may head in new directions. This relationship is a significant one enabling both %1 and %2 to grow and change, but only after some soul searching. As a result of this union %1 may discover new talents and a new sense of self and %2 may find a new role as a teacher or healer. However, initially they have to overcome old hurts which stand in the way of honest communication. The path to greater self-understanding is not always smooth and this relationship is one of the lessons on the journey. Through delving into past hurts, this union can be a healing one and through each other %1 and %2 can learn valuable lessons. It is important that %1 and %2 develop compassion and understanding for each other. Otherwise they may unwittingly contribute to further emotional pain." Lol first result. Guess that can coincide with my experience. There's been flat out honesty on both our parts about everything though. I've already told her more than almost anyone
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  #5  
Unread 08-03-2017, 05:29 AM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

Plus isn't a 5-6 degree orb a bit wide?
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  #6  
Unread 08-04-2017, 07:17 AM
sadge sadge is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

I’m sticking with my original opinion. I personally would not go for this relationship. But that is only my opinion. I have my own set of standards which tends to be pretty dang high because I’ve seen it all. Now if this was already an established relationship, such as a marriage, and your question was what needs to be done in order to preserve it, then my advice would be different. We would be taking a look at the challenging points and uncovering ways to mitigate them through conscious awareness. But that was not your original question.

Listen, anything is possible. Just look around. People with the worst synastry hook up all the time and stay together for the rest of their lives, literally until one of them dies. That’s when the other one finally gets some sort of relief and freedom…..and the ripe age of say, 85 or 90.

There is no such thing as perfect synastry. I have yet to see a synastry request posted on this site that has blown me away. Not a single one. Those kinds of relationship are very, very rare. And the ones who are happy probably don't need to be posting on this site anyway. So my point is that you will always have a mix of positive and challenging cross-aspects. Some people start to freak out over just one or a handful of encouraging signs, such as a planet to an angle, mutual trines, sun/moon going both ways, whaaaatever….. but most people don’t realize that it’s all basic energy that you run into all the time in life. If you take the time to look up the synastry of all the people you meet, you’ll see that all of the ones you “like” or gravitate toward have some kind of a positive synastric connection, even the mail carrier or your favorite cashier at the store. That’s how life works. I’ve experienced just about everything you can in synastry so it takes a LOT to impress me now. You can have amazing synastry with someone, like sun/moon going both ways, tons of Jupiter, the classic mars/venus, angle stuff, throw in a node…..and BAM……all it takes is one or two fatal aspects to make it painful. What is "fatal" will depend on the natals. In your case, I’ve spent enough time now struggling to find fundamental threads of basic love and natural compatibility that I have a **** headache from trying to find a way to see that this is "the one" for you…..this is the kind of disharmony that emerges down the road once the honeymoon period is over.

But like I said, anything is possible. Can you make this work? Sure. Can you guys decide to break it off? Sure. It’s totally up to the two of you and what you guys are willing to do.

Bottom line: I don’t see enough positive aspects to be able to tell you in good faith that this will be a satisfying relationship in the LONG-TERM. For both of you. And that wide orb you’re talking about??? It’s pretty **** close if you ask me. Look at the chiron/mars. Your dsc ruler is mercury….both mercs are squared. Her Neptune squares your sun, your venuses widely square one another…..it’s just not even close to an emotionally or spiritually satisfying relationship. Not by my standards.

But here’s the last thing I will state: I believe strongly from experience that everyone we meet along our life path is there for a reason. We attract relationships based on certain things we need at any given moment for our own soul development. So even for those relationship that don’t work out, or are filled with tension or hurdles to overcome, there is always something of value that is gained for you in the end, and it is always something that serves to take you to the next level in life.

So it’s your call. There is a “benefit” that can be gained from any relationship. People have to experience a range of relationships to figure out what they need anyway….so do what you want. It sounds like you guys have already made the decision to go for it anyway. Perhaps take it one step at a time....like just date for a long time....there isn't a law that you have to make it official or put a freaking ring on her finger right away, right?

Done.
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  #7  
Unread 08-04-2017, 10:45 AM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadge View Post
I’m sticking with my original opinion. I personally would not go for this relationship. But that is only my opinion. I have my own set of standards which tends to be pretty dang high because I’ve seen it all. Now if this was already an established relationship, such as a marriage, and your question was what needs to be done in order to preserve it, then my advice would be different. We would be taking a look at the challenging points and uncovering ways to mitigate them through conscious awareness. But that was not your original question.

Listen, anything is possible. Just look around. People with the worst synastry hook up all the time and stay together for the rest of their lives, literally until one of them dies. That’s when the other one finally gets some sort of relief and freedom…..and the ripe age of say, 85 or 90.

There is no such thing as perfect synastry. I have yet to see a synastry request posted on this site that has blown me away. Not a single one. Those kinds of relationship are very, very rare. And the ones who are happy probably don't need to be posting on this site anyway. So my point is that you will always have a mix of positive and challenging cross-aspects. Some people start to freak out over just one or a handful of encouraging signs, such as a planet to an angle, mutual trines, sun/moon going both ways, whaaaatever….. but most people don’t realize that it’s all basic energy that you run into all the time in life. If you take the time to look up the synastry of all the people you meet, you’ll see that all of the ones you “like” or gravitate toward have some kind of a positive synastric connection, even the mail carrier or your favorite cashier at the store. That’s how life works. I’ve experienced just about everything you can in synastry so it takes a LOT to impress me now. You can have amazing synastry with someone, like sun/moon going both ways, tons of Jupiter, the classic mars/venus, angle stuff, throw in a node…..and BAM……all it takes is one or two fatal aspects to make it painful. What is "fatal" will depend on the natals. In your case, I’ve spent enough time now struggling to find fundamental threads of basic love and natural compatibility that I have a **** headache from trying to find a way to see that this is "the one" for you…..this is the kind of disharmony that emerges down the road once the honeymoon period is over.

But like I said, anything is possible. Can you make this work? Sure. Can you guys decide to break it off? Sure. It’s totally up to the two of you and what you guys are willing to do.

Bottom line: I don’t see enough positive aspects to be able to tell you in good faith that this will be a satisfying relationship in the LONG-TERM. For both of you. And that wide orb you’re talking about??? It’s pretty **** close if you ask me. Look at the chiron/mars. Your dsc ruler is mercury….both mercs are squared. Her Neptune squares your sun, your venuses widely square one another…..it’s just not even close to an emotionally or spiritually satisfying relationship. Not by my standards.

But here’s the last thing I will state: I believe strongly from experience that everyone we meet along our life path is there for a reason. We attract relationships based on certain things we need at any given moment for our own soul development. So even for those relationship that don’t work out, or are filled with tension or hurdles to overcome, there is always something of value that is gained for you in the end, and it is always something that serves to take you to the next level in life.

So it’s your call. There is a “benefit” that can be gained from any relationship. People have to experience a range of relationships to figure out what they need anyway….so do what you want. It sounds like you guys have already made the decision to go for it anyway. Perhaps take it one step at a time....like just date for a long time....there isn't a law that you have to make it official or put a freaking ring on her finger right away, right?

Done.
Thank you for the advice, I do appreciate it. I certainly see the influences you're talking about and most of my paranoia in the relationship is me being afraid of hurting her. I know it's unlikely to last forever too, though some things came up that make it seem worth it.. I've already pretty much told her everything there is to know about me, my deepest secrets and so forth and she seems to accept me for all those flaws and claims she never felt the same for another..

Tbh I figured out she had a suicide attempt recently before we saw started dating :/ so if anything I just want to atleast be able to help her love herself and be happy.

It's all over emotionally explosive already for sure. And yeah there's certainly gonna be some pain ik..im hoping the healing effect of Chiron will hopefully result in something beneficial. I just want to minimize the pain, and the obvious route is to just not go for it at all.. But I don't want anything to happen to her :/
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  #8  
Unread 08-04-2017, 11:14 AM
sadge sadge is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibblerz View Post
Thank you for the advice, I do appreciate it. I certainly see the influences you're talking about and most of my paranoia in the relationship is me being afraid of hurting her. I know it's unlikely to last forever too, though some things came up that make it seem worth it.. I've already pretty much told her everything there is to know about me, my deepest secrets and so forth and she seems to accept me for all those flaws and claims she never felt the same for another..

Tbh I figured out she had a suicide attempt recently before we saw started dating :/ so if anything I just want to atleast be able to help her love herself and be happy.

It's all over emotionally explosive already for sure. And yeah there's certainly gonna be some pain ik..im hoping the healing effect of Chiron will hopefully result in something beneficial. I just want to minimize the pain, and the obvious route is to just not go for it at all.. But I don't want anything to happen to her :/
It sounds like you're keeping a cool head.

All relationships offer a lot of growth opportunity, so I don't mean to discourage you from the experience. I only wanted you to be realistic on what to expect.

But really, anything is possible. I firmly believe (and know!) that two totally mismatched people in the worst possible way could find a means to make it work for the rest of their lives. Anything is possible. It's just a matter of what you want. Some relationships require a LOT of accommodating and compromising and.....sacrificing who you are meant to be as an individual. But when it feels really good, it feels so good, just for being yourself.

I want everyone to be empowered and a stronger version of themselves because of their relationships, not a weaker version. That's how I look at synastry.

Try the dating thing for a while...just take it one step at a time....no need to rush at your age, right?
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  #9  
Unread 08-08-2017, 06:40 PM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Originally Posted by sadge View Post
It sounds like you're keeping a cool head.

All relationships offer a lot of growth opportunity, so I don't mean to discourage you from the experience. I only wanted you to be realistic on what to expect.

But really, anything is possible. I firmly believe (and know!) that two totally mismatched people in the worst possible way could find a means to make it work for the rest of their lives. Anything is possible. It's just a matter of what you want. Some relationships require a LOT of accommodating and compromising and.....sacrificing who you are meant to be as an individual. But when it feels really good, it feels so good, just for being yourself.

I want everyone to be empowered and a stronger version of themselves because of their relationships, not a weaker version. That's how I look at synastry.

Try the dating thing for a while...just take it one step at a time....no need to rush at your age, right?
Soo yeah things blew up.her parents threatened to shoot us both if I brought her back so she's been staying with me. Honestly I've never found myself to be as honest to anyone as I am her and the whole situation is complicated and kind of scary. But I can't let her end up back at her families or her ex because of how bad it was.

Seems I'm already neck deep lol. But it seems like we get along great. It's everyone else that seems to have a problem with it ._.
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Unread 08-08-2017, 06:59 PM
katydid katydid is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

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Originally Posted by Kibblerz View Post
Soo yeah things blew up.her parents threatened to shoot us both if I brought her back so she's been staying with me. Honestly I've never found myself to be as honest to anyone as I am her and the whole situation is complicated and kind of scary. But I can't let her end up back at her families or her ex because of how bad it was.

Seems I'm already neck deep lol. But it seems like we get along great. It's everyone else that seems to have a problem with it ._.
Where is her baby? Does she have her child or do her parents? I think that will become an issue and affect her greatly.
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Unread 08-08-2017, 07:04 PM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Where is her baby? Does she have her child or do her parents? I think that will become an issue and affect her greatly.
At her ex's house. He's been filing for full custody though he also had been hacking into her Facebook and slandering her. So I'm taking her to the police station to file a report. It'll be an easy custody case.
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  #12  
Unread 08-08-2017, 11:33 PM
katydid katydid is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

It will be easy as in her ex will gain custody?

I am wondering because of her Saturn in your 4th. It does not sound as if she is in a good position to raise her child, with no support from her family.

But it will be emotionally difficult to not have him around as well. I worry that it will be a emotional drain for her to try and manage the situation.
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Unread 08-08-2017, 11:49 PM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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It will be easy as in her ex will gain custody?

I am wondering because of her Saturn in your 4th. It does not sound as if she is in a good position to raise her child, with no support from her family.

But it will be emotionally difficult to not have him around as well. I worry that it will be a emotional drain for her to try and manage the situation.
No it will be easy for her to gain custody. Her ex isn't exactly the brightest and already made many mistakes that would keep him from gaining custody.

I've been helping her manage, got her meditating and stuff too. I plan on helping her get her kid and honestly it's looking very possible I may be the one to support her. Already we've gotten closer than either of us have been to anyone.

Also she suffers from multiple personality disorder. I tried reading her chart to find the cause but was unsure. What aspects would do such a thing?
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  #14  
Unread 08-09-2017, 12:15 AM
katydid katydid is offline
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Re: I like her a lot and she likes me, but I'm afraid it's a bad idea :(

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Originally Posted by Kibblerz View Post
No it will be easy for her to gain custody. Her ex isn't exactly the brightest and already made many mistakes that would keep him from gaining custody.

I've been helping her manage, got her meditating and stuff too. I plan on helping her get her kid and honestly it's looking very possible I may be the one to support her. Already we've gotten closer than either of us have been to anyone.

Also she suffers from multiple personality disorder. I tried reading her chart to find the cause but was unsure. What aspects would do such a thing?
It is hard to get a clear view of her chart by just looking at hers on synastry outer circle.

It might be the Venus in 12th squaring a Virgo Moon that triggers her insecurities and anxiety about who she is, what she wants, perhaps.

Also, the Mars/Saturn opposition can signify difficult childhood trauma, that can create that kind of mental health crisis /reactions.

Your Sun/Saturn close conjunction might feel very comfortable taking on a serious task like this. It might be a good thing for you as you want to be needed and serve a higher purpose in life. Just keep checking in with yourself to make sure it is still what you really want to do.
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Unread 10-03-2017, 10:34 PM
Kibblerz Kibblerz is offline
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Originally Posted by katydid View Post
It is hard to get a clear view of her chart by just looking at hers on synastry outer circle.

It might be the Venus in 12th squaring a Virgo Moon that triggers her insecurities and anxiety about who she is, what she wants, perhaps.

Also, the Mars/Saturn opposition can signify difficult childhood trauma, that can create that kind of mental health crisis /reactions.

Your Sun/Saturn close conjunction might feel very comfortable taking on a serious task like this. It might be a good thing for you as you want to be needed and serve a higher purpose in life. Just keep checking in with yourself to make sure it is still what you really want to do.
So shes been living with me for 2 months now since she got kicked out and suprisingly its going pretty well.
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