I've been so lonely these past two years and it's such a horrible feeling which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Last year was the worst year of my life and now I'm dealing with the repercussions in this one. I have no proper friends anymore, just lots of new acquaintances who I rarely see and occasionally only call me up when they want to get drunk. At first I enjoyed spending time on my own but now I'm more on my own that what I was when I had depression! I feel like I'm wasting my teenage years. I've attatched my birth chart, my current solar return and my next solar return. Can anyone take a look please? It would be so very much appreciated.
Hi, B E.
I am sorry that this has been such a difficult time for you these last few years.
What I am about to say is from looking at your natal chart and the current transits. So I have not looked at the return charts.
In the fall of 2011 transiting Saturn passed over your natal Mercury, which affects how you think about things, and over your natal Chiron, the Wounded Healer. One of Saturn's attributes is depression. When Saturn touches Chiron, it can be a particularly painful and isolating experience, perhaps including rejection.
At the end of 2011, Saturn came up to pass over your Sun. This last March it retrograded back over your Sun and is still retrograding. So this is a time when you are steeped in the hard lessons that Saturn tries to teach us. During this period you may feel fear or guilt, frustration, limitation, futility. But Saturn's purpose is to teach you about responsibility, self-disclipline, restraint, focus and to help you understand that all things take time, including passing through different stages of our lives. That time is the teacher.
When Saturn ceases its retrograde motion next month, I think you will feel some of the weight of this transit lift. And in September, Saturn will make its final cycle to your Sun, and you should feel a lot better and not feel so isolated. It will also give you a chance to make new choices in light of what you have learned during Saturn's cycle to your Mercury, Chiron and Sun. So maybe it would be helpful for you to start journaling your thoughts and observations. They might contain just the lesson that Saturn is trying to teach you as it holds you out of the ordinary flow of activities.