Opposites attract – Should I stay or should I go?

So I met this guy a few months ago at a very special place – high up in the mountains during a meditation retreat – and the first time our eyes met, *boom* I felt an electrical shock going through my body. I didn't think much about it at the time because he really wasn't my type. After another chance meeting though, I sensed that I was attracted to him (I later found out the attraction was mutual). However, after a really short date, we decided there is something more to this and decided to exchange numbers and keep in touch. We have quite a lot in common, us being both vegetarians and sharing the same faith. There was also a lot of synchronicity in how we came to meet each other, so there is this sense that we were meant to be together (composite 8th house Sun?), though for what purpose I do not know. Deep down I just felt like we have an important mission to accomplish together.

Fast forward a month and we're in a long distance relationship, after he returned to his home country at the end of the retreat. It was beautiful in the beginning, we chatted everyday and had so much fun cracking jokes. I loved that we share the same sense of humour, and he was really attentive and vocal about his feelings for me. Soon, we began talking about how we can live closer together and the discussion evolved into marriage, which was when we decided to get married. I'm actually a total commitment-phobe but somehow this just felt right, I was scared to death but at the same time, ecstatic.

Then the problems started revealing themselves, we were constantly arguing and there were issues with communication, due to language barriers and also differences in personality. We also have differing ideas about work (me expecting the man to be the sole breadwinner after marriage but he wants me to continue working) and sex (I wanted to save myself for the marriage but he feels it is an irrational decision). These arguments would come and go, with us talking it out but never really finding a solution. Oftentimes when I bring up an issue, he would turn the issue around and say I was the one caused it or that I also do whatever I accused him of doing (e.g. "You've hurt me." was met with "You hurt me too." I don't think his Jupiter on my Chiron is helps aargh). This made me feel like he doesn't listen and I felt so... like I'm a mute (his Mars /Pluto on my DSC?). Our arguments tend to go round in circles, with him defending his point of view and me, mine, both unable to see past the issues clouding the deeper problem at hand. He's very stubborn and expects me to change my ideas, instead of finding a middle ground.

Despite this, we still wanted to give the relationship a shot and decided to put these differences on hold while we get to know each other better. He flew to my home country recently and we had a really nice week together, except for one major argument. It felt really comfortable and things felt natural, we'd happily spend time together doing stuff or just staying in for a movie.

After he left though, things have been going downhill. I've been feeling insecure about our relationship, not only because of the physical distance but also emotionally, because of our difference in needs. He's recently said he wanted kids even though I don't want any, and this has created another major stumbling block in the relationship. I feel like it is an uphill climb being together due to the many challenges we face, so I'm wondering if I should cut my losses early and move one. My head says yes, but I can't quite resolve the feeling that we were meant to be, and I keep wondering why life has brought us together, what lessons /purpose this relationship holds, what I might potentially lose if I walk away now.

Any insights /advice would be greatly appreciated, I've been studying astrology for many years now but I'm not very confident in my interpretation so I'm hoping for some objectivity here. Thank you, please let me know if I've missed anything, my mind is in brain fog today

You two do have some nice connections in your charts, a similar mercury, Jupiter on Uranus/north node, moon/north node, moon trine sun, Jupiter trine moon. All making for an immediate attraction and feeling good together. Jupiter is his ascendent ruler which makes the NN conjunction even more binding. Your ascendent matches up with his 5th house, so the love affair was inevitable.
You put your finger on the problem when you mentioned the mars/pluto on your descendent, and in fact, as soon as you as a couple moved from an affair to a more solid relationship (that is, from the 5th house to the 7th), this conjunction was activated. So, arguments and power plays are going to be the theme of this relationship! Always. Be prepared!
Don't underrate the differences you have between you, about children, a woman's role in the marriage (working or not), and so forth. These are basic issues that you can't compromise on. Being vegetarian isn't that crucial, you can always have two diets, but cultural and ethical differences are hard to reconcile.
There is also a mutual Venus/saturn conjunction, so the affection you crave in a marriage won't be there, for either of you.
This shows up in the composite, in a conjunction with the sun which is the identity of the relationship. Moon trine Neptune shows the spiritual tie, but sun square that same Neptune promises delusions. The moon/pluto opposition brings on the cultural differences as well as the one-up-manship roles you each play with one another, trying to change the other and simultaneously resisting change.
Enjoy the friendship without making a commitment on this one until you are really sure. Maybe you were meant to meet up to satisfy your needs at the time, but not necessarily stay together for a lifetime. It could have run its course.

Personally I feel that most long-distance relationships fail, due to one thing: plane tickets are expensive. And people need time to really understand one another, to figure out if they are compatible together and things like that, and you can't expect the other person to fly back and forth to do this. You also can't expect them to move to where you live, when you really dont know each other that well yet. To me, long-distance relationships are a no-go. I would only try to find a guy who lives relatively close.

wan said:

And people need time to really understand one another, to figure out if they are compatible together and things like that, and you can't expect the other person to fly back and forth to do this. You also can't expect them to move to where you live, when you really dont know each other that well yet.

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Yes, exactly this, Wan. We know we don't know each other very well yet, and one of the things we were going to do is spending more time with each other. The problem with that is during the times when we're apart, communication problems and other differences crop up every now and then to test our commitment to each other, shaking the boat before it's reached the shore! It's no fun, really. If I could, I would of chosen somebody closer, but Lady Luck said, "Nu-h!"

ElenaJ thanks a lot for your insightful reply! Very true on all points, especially with the Venus/saturn conjunction, when we were spending time together I noticed the lack of spontaneous affection, from the both of us! I guess we're both not very expressive like that, but when we're apart and when I'm looking for some confirmation that he loves me, I get quite insecure

Moon trine Neptune shows the spiritual tie, but sun square that same Neptune promises delusions.

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Eek that's one of the things I'm afraid of! Sometimes I imagine myself waking up one day wondering what the heck I saw in my partner. I put it down to irrational fear, but still, yikes!

Enjoy the friendship without making a commitment on this one until you are really sure. Maybe you were meant to meet up to satisfy your needs at the time, but not necessarily stay together for a lifetime. It could have run its course.

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Thank you, I have a lot of soul searching to do as of now. I'm thinking maybe there is too much pressure as of now, to make sure we're all perfect for each other before we fully commit, so maaaaybe break it off and try to get to know each other better without any strings attached. It's still hard to do though, a small part of me is still wondering if I should hold on.

I just wanted to add another bit that I found interesting, for anyone looking for eclipse info out there – We met during a solar eclipse back in Jan 2019, in Capricorn /conjunct Pluto and Saturn, and all of that was happening in my tenth house /conjunct my moon. Fast forward to July which is now, another solar eclipse is due in a few days, this time in Cancer, and tightly conjunct my IC /opp. my Moon, with Venus trailing not too far behind the eclipse zone.

I'm not entirely sure what this all mean but it struck me that both events happened at a time when all possibilities are on the table, and during times when I'm at a state of "crisis" with my identity, re. my career /calling and who I am really. I was unemployed when I met him at the retreat, and one time he asked me what I wanted in life, I could only respond with "I don't know." Perhaps to me, he was a form of escape, so that I won't have to think about what I want and where to go next, I clambered onto his love ship and decided that "Ok, I'm gonna devote my life to him and be happy ever-ly after!" lol.

Now, on the verge of yet another solar eclipse, I'm in the midst of a job hunt, after months of waffling about and moaning about not knowing what my life purpose is, ready to go back out into the world and use my god-given gift to make a living (analysing and nit-picking lol). Maybe the upcoming eclipse on my NN is opening me up to all things NN – soul purpose, destiny, lessons to be learnt, hidden talents. The thing is, I thought that with this NN placement in the 4th I'm supposed to be more homely /housewifey, so when I met him I thought to myself that hey here's my calling, maybe I should try having a go at this wife /making the home thing! I used to be such a workaholic so I was looking to go down the opposite road (it's all all or nothing for me – Mars in Scorp). Thinking about it now, maybe it is calling for something more balanced /less extreme.

And maybe I'll finally decide to break things off with my partner under this eclipse. Whatever it is, I guess I'll know better when the next lunar eclipse hits about two weeks from now (also just noticed I'll have my nodal return later this year, yay!).

Hope that was interesting for some of y'all, just sharing my verbal dump. And as always, thanks for listening