Good morning folks,
So here is my first "omg help post"
.
So before I go into what I've interpreted on my own I'll state my question?
CAN I FINALLY RELAX AND ENJOY MYSELF I LITTLE? Well at least figure out how to enjoy myself since that really is still a mystery to me. I know I'm long winded so I'll seperate these into topics. Only answer the topic you want.
Home
Life for me has been a big game of pong for me as I've bounced (not willfully) from one place to another since childhood (military brat). I've moved every two years (except a 3 year stay in Seattle while in the Navy) my entire life. The last two years have been even worse....littered with 4 moves and 2 evictions (out of my control, ask details if you want to know.) I've recently had the realization that this is due to bottom end of my kite...Uranus/Capricorn/4th House. It ensures that I can't sit an relax in a cozy, secluded, home (anybody say earthquake lol). It forces me into the world to rely on people and become accomplished. A month ago I moved into the Condo my supervisor owns (he's a Scorpio). I'm wondering if I can finally relax and get back to focusing on my music?
Wealth
Debt and taxes. Seems like the more I try to budget the more the world ensures I can't meet my commitiments. It's ridiculous because this year I'll most likely earn just shy of 100k gross. I'm lucky to have the job I have (especially without a college degree and after being kicked out the navy due to alcoholism, something I've since quit). Yet I can't make ends meet. I have no furniture/furnishing due to giving them up during moves or items breaking for various reasons. Even when I buy them brand new they somehow break within a month. And don't get me started with constantly attracting people that need my help. To be honest I don't want to be rich. I want to be debtfree with a modest quiet residence (house, condo, apartment, I don't care) I can enjoy some serenity. I attribute this to my severely underdeveloped Pluto (thanks dad), and my North Node.
Career
This is one that I think I lucked up and fell into the right place on. But there's so much fear in me this time. Not because I'm not qualified, but because I'm just waiting for another unseen upheaval. I've excelled in high tech jobs without even trying (thinking my Jupiter). Supervisors hate me because of how cavalier I appear (although they don't realize I'm an avid reader behind the scenes) Even now I
amaze Engineers & PH.D's with my practical insights and theoretical conversations because they're so out-the-box but make complete sense. Not on a level where things are implemented because they're usually water cooler conversations (although I've seen a couple of my ideas used already without credit which doesn't bother me because I just want the job done). Nope, lil ole me is usually busy trying to stay hidden now and not get fired (I've got a manager at work who really would like this to happen from day 1 for some reason....I wonder if it's a coincidence that she's the first woman I've worked for/with). People love to be around me, I follow up on my word 100% of the time, and I've already gotten a raise., but I'm sooooooo anxious every step I take. Probably because I know I don't really care about being there coupled with an already nervous internal wiring. I'm doing it to pay my debt so I can afford some equipment to do what I really want to do.....get back to my piano and singing. Something tells me I need to just buckle down in this job though and realize that the universe will never materialize my musician ambitions. Guess I'm in this career path for the long haul. Especially since it meets everything my north node says (Taurus grind and 8th house stock options, bonuses, medical plans, investment opportunities, you know...corporate s***) and Jupiter (big high tech company)
Sensitivity
I'm so psychic it's painful. Espeically now that I've gotten rid of most of my addictions and started eating healthy (Virgo ASC/ Jupiter). Now I smoke just enough marijuana to keep the dreams down (they're so Lucid it's ridiculous, yet I hate them because coming back to Earth is like experiencing a depressive hangover everytime). I know when s*** is going to go wrong and when it's going to go right everytime. Which would be cool if the universe would let me traverse life alone, but it allllwaaays ensures that I'm either relying on or taking care of someone. Yet everytime I have to shut my mouth and go through failure when I can't convince my companions of the coming energy. I hate that I soak up every negative emotion I come in contact with, or positive for the matter. I really enjoy being neutral (Pisces Sun), but everytime I get around people I forget that like an excited dog as I instinctively try to selflessly balance the social energy. It *****. I'm not shy, but I'm very, very, very anxious around people because I suck at small talk or operating without intention. Not to mention my constant mind babble which I've learned never to rely on. I literally have learned (after painful lessons) to go through my day with my mind shut off. I just breathe and all the answers come when they need to be there. I don't think about it, it's just there. This was an awesome trait when I was being creative, but I'm not afforded the time or peace of mind to get that anymore. 100% sure my sensitivity comes from the abundance of water in my chart.
Conclusion
Once again I apologize for the long post, but I know if I don't find some direction soon the universe will give me one in a painful way. Right now I'm holding on by just working out/meditation/pranayma a lot. I mean 4-6 hours a day combined just to do something with all the extra energy that I have no idea of where to direct (sun square mars). I believe the the confidence issues I once had are gone (afflicted Sun/Mercury) thanks to life putting me in countless situations that I always amaze myself by getting out of. I just want to relax finally, and maybe start singing/piano routinely for the first time in 8 years.
If you took the time to read thanks.
Until the next moment.
So here is my first "omg help post"
.So before I go into what I've interpreted on my own I'll state my question?
CAN I FINALLY RELAX AND ENJOY MYSELF I LITTLE? Well at least figure out how to enjoy myself since that really is still a mystery to me. I know I'm long winded so I'll seperate these into topics. Only answer the topic you want.
Home
Life for me has been a big game of pong for me as I've bounced (not willfully) from one place to another since childhood (military brat). I've moved every two years (except a 3 year stay in Seattle while in the Navy) my entire life. The last two years have been even worse....littered with 4 moves and 2 evictions (out of my control, ask details if you want to know.) I've recently had the realization that this is due to bottom end of my kite...Uranus/Capricorn/4th House. It ensures that I can't sit an relax in a cozy, secluded, home (anybody say earthquake lol). It forces me into the world to rely on people and become accomplished. A month ago I moved into the Condo my supervisor owns (he's a Scorpio). I'm wondering if I can finally relax and get back to focusing on my music?
Wealth
Debt and taxes. Seems like the more I try to budget the more the world ensures I can't meet my commitiments. It's ridiculous because this year I'll most likely earn just shy of 100k gross. I'm lucky to have the job I have (especially without a college degree and after being kicked out the navy due to alcoholism, something I've since quit). Yet I can't make ends meet. I have no furniture/furnishing due to giving them up during moves or items breaking for various reasons. Even when I buy them brand new they somehow break within a month. And don't get me started with constantly attracting people that need my help. To be honest I don't want to be rich. I want to be debtfree with a modest quiet residence (house, condo, apartment, I don't care) I can enjoy some serenity. I attribute this to my severely underdeveloped Pluto (thanks dad), and my North Node.
Career
This is one that I think I lucked up and fell into the right place on. But there's so much fear in me this time. Not because I'm not qualified, but because I'm just waiting for another unseen upheaval. I've excelled in high tech jobs without even trying (thinking my Jupiter). Supervisors hate me because of how cavalier I appear (although they don't realize I'm an avid reader behind the scenes) Even now I
amaze Engineers & PH.D's with my practical insights and theoretical conversations because they're so out-the-box but make complete sense. Not on a level where things are implemented because they're usually water cooler conversations (although I've seen a couple of my ideas used already without credit which doesn't bother me because I just want the job done). Nope, lil ole me is usually busy trying to stay hidden now and not get fired (I've got a manager at work who really would like this to happen from day 1 for some reason....I wonder if it's a coincidence that she's the first woman I've worked for/with). People love to be around me, I follow up on my word 100% of the time, and I've already gotten a raise., but I'm sooooooo anxious every step I take. Probably because I know I don't really care about being there coupled with an already nervous internal wiring. I'm doing it to pay my debt so I can afford some equipment to do what I really want to do.....get back to my piano and singing. Something tells me I need to just buckle down in this job though and realize that the universe will never materialize my musician ambitions. Guess I'm in this career path for the long haul. Especially since it meets everything my north node says (Taurus grind and 8th house stock options, bonuses, medical plans, investment opportunities, you know...corporate s***) and Jupiter (big high tech company)
Sensitivity
I'm so psychic it's painful. Espeically now that I've gotten rid of most of my addictions and started eating healthy (Virgo ASC/ Jupiter). Now I smoke just enough marijuana to keep the dreams down (they're so Lucid it's ridiculous, yet I hate them because coming back to Earth is like experiencing a depressive hangover everytime). I know when s*** is going to go wrong and when it's going to go right everytime. Which would be cool if the universe would let me traverse life alone, but it allllwaaays ensures that I'm either relying on or taking care of someone. Yet everytime I have to shut my mouth and go through failure when I can't convince my companions of the coming energy. I hate that I soak up every negative emotion I come in contact with, or positive for the matter. I really enjoy being neutral (Pisces Sun), but everytime I get around people I forget that like an excited dog as I instinctively try to selflessly balance the social energy. It *****. I'm not shy, but I'm very, very, very anxious around people because I suck at small talk or operating without intention. Not to mention my constant mind babble which I've learned never to rely on. I literally have learned (after painful lessons) to go through my day with my mind shut off. I just breathe and all the answers come when they need to be there. I don't think about it, it's just there. This was an awesome trait when I was being creative, but I'm not afforded the time or peace of mind to get that anymore. 100% sure my sensitivity comes from the abundance of water in my chart.
Conclusion
Once again I apologize for the long post, but I know if I don't find some direction soon the universe will give me one in a painful way. Right now I'm holding on by just working out/meditation/pranayma a lot. I mean 4-6 hours a day combined just to do something with all the extra energy that I have no idea of where to direct (sun square mars). I believe the the confidence issues I once had are gone (afflicted Sun/Mercury) thanks to life putting me in countless situations that I always amaze myself by getting out of. I just want to relax finally, and maybe start singing/piano routinely for the first time in 8 years.
If you took the time to read thanks.
Until the next moment.
