Will I ever have a sincere romantic relationship?

ninamoon · Jun 7, 2019

Hi everyone,

About a year ago I asked a similar question on this forum.
But I'm wondering what other people have to say as it disappeared somewhere in the dark corners of this forum

I keep having toxic relationships or I'm dating the 9343945th weird man.
It really bothers me. Men tell me I have really intens sexual energy around me, and that I approach people with a sexy vibe.
But that's not my intention at all! I'm just trying to be friendly.
Every man I'm talking to will just start to flirt without me noticing I'm apparently creating this reaction myself.

At the moment I'm open to love again and at this point I actually want a relationship or someone to share things with apart from friends.
But it just doesn't seem to happen.
I have some really strong friendships but men rather see me as a hookup for 6 months then a serious relationship.
When I'm with these men, I even make the most tough personalities weak, they all open up to me or start crying like babies. They also get really possessive over me. But apparently that's also frightening to them? Or am I just picking the wrong guys? The fling will end and after a while they will keep hitting me up.
I have men that I dated 4 years ago, still trying to see me. But I know they're not serious about anything.

Anyway, it makes me frustrated. My gut feeling is usually very strong but I will ignore it when I like someone. I'm a free spirited person and I like to have my alone time as I'm really ambitious and like to focus on my career too.
But I just never meet the right NORMAL guy that I vibe with on every level.
What can I do to 'change' this (I know this is not a psychology forum but hopefully you get the question) or where in my chart does this sexual vibe of mine come from? It's not a blessing at all.

I also added my chart

waybread · Jun 8, 2019

ninamoon, you've got this Scorpio stellium that is pulled together by some midpoints: Pluto, Venus, north node, Mercury, Jupiter. Pluto-Venus especially can be the femme fatale in men's eyes. Then there seems to be an opposition to Black Moon Lilith. Lilith has various interpretations, but I see her as the Bad Girl of the zodiac.

I can see why men would be attracted to you, magnetically so.

My question is, why do you let yourself in for relationships with these men who are no good for you?

Possibly Neptune square moon-sun makes it hard to establish a clear self-image.

ninamoon · Jun 8, 2019

passiflora said:
Could you repost it with a chart from Astro.com? i Have a harder time reading this format.
Your Mars in Leo widely opposes the Uranus-Neptune conjunction in Capricorn of your generation. I think you can work with it. The opposition is pretty wide.

I added the Astro chart just now! Is this better to read for you?

ninamoon · Jun 8, 2019

waybread said:
ninamoon, you've got this Scorpio stellium that is pulled together by some midpoints: Pluto, Venus, north node, Mercury, Jupiter. Pluto-Venus especially can be the femme fatale in men's eyes. Then there seems to be an opposition to Black Moon Lilith. Lilith has various interpretations, but I see her as the Bad Girl of the zodiac.

I can see why men would be attracted to you, magnetically so.

My question is, why do you let yourself in for relationships with these men who are no good for you?

Possibly Neptune square moon-sun makes it hard to establish a clear self-image.

Thank you, I seem to be attracted to 'a challenge'. Plus, those are the guys that approach me, they are usually very confident.
I like confident men but there are two types of them and I 'choose' the wrong one every time. Probably because they see me as a challenge as well.
I definitely need to change my mindset here.. but would have been easier if I don't give away this sexual energy.

ardentika · Jun 8, 2019

I wonder if that's a Venus north node conjunction. Also what adds maybe is it being in scorpio ?
cos I have the same conjunction and similair experiences where with me intense love always blossoms but the guys always end up in fear of what they feel. I'd imagine your case is similar .

I also heard that from Lada Duncheva who is an astrologer and had the same conjunction and she sort of explained the same story and said it settles around 30.

ninamoon · Jun 8, 2019

ardentika said:
I wonder if that's a Venus north node conjunction. Also what adds maybe is it being in scorpio ?
cos I have the same conjunction and similair experiences where with me intense love always blossoms but the guys always end up in fear of what they feel. I'd imagine your case is similar .

I also heard that from Lada Duncheva who is an astrologer and had the same conjunction and she sort of explained the same story and said it settles around 30.

Hi Ardentika, you actually just explained the situation there very well.
They get scared but try to come back, although never with the intention to settle.
Sounds like I need to enjoy the single life for at least another 5.5 years, lol.

Have you ever had a situation where this didn't happen? And if so, what do you think was different about these situations then the ones before?

ardentika · Jun 8, 2019

ninamoon said:
Hi Ardentika, you actually just explained the situation there very well.
They get scared but try to come back, although never with the intention to settle.
Sounds like I need to enjoy the single life for at least another 5.5 years, lol.

Have you ever had a situation where this didn't happen? And if so, what do you think was different about these situations then the ones before?

Hmmmm. I had a 1.6 year relationship when I was 19 . He wasn't afraid to committ but he couldn't appreciate my affection which eventually drifted us apart.

Ever since then I've been always in intense short lived connections . My perspective of the things is that the love I give is very motherly and nurturing and in their heads it somehow clicks as "I'm not good enough because I don't know how to repay or take the love you give me" hence the running behavior.

At times I thought they only wanted me for sex but that wasn't the case because feelings were involved. My chart also has another challenge where it makes me fall for foreigners so distance is always an issue they don't want to deal with lol.

I'm thinking we are meant to experience a committed relationship and since North node acts as a magnifying glass it ***** as much as it can to give the highest chance of fulfilling the nodes wish. Hence why the unstable relationships at early age. That's just my guess.

I used to blame myself and tried to look at the fault in me as to why I was attracting such people but I ended up realizing it's not me and it's just timing, lessons and experience.

I continue to give all of my love regardless if it scares them or not. Eventually someone will chose love over fear.

helike13 · Jun 8, 2019

Saturn is domicile in 1st house of physical appearance.

Do you accept your looks and physical appearance?

ardentika · Jun 8, 2019

helike13 said:
Saturn is domicile in 1st house of physical appearance.

Do you accept your looks and physical appearance?

I have Saturn on asc and I can tell you it goes much further than only physical appearance. This is something people with Saturn in 1st struggle with till end of teenagehood and then it becomes something else. Could be issues with the entire personality of self or just having a grim outlook on life.

ninamoon · Jun 8, 2019

helike13 said:
Saturn is domicile in 1st house of physical appearance.

Do you accept your looks and physical appearance?

I do accept my appearance, I'm happy with how I look.
I have been really insecure when I was younger, because of a difficult bond with my sister. A lot of mental abuse and humiliation - which I got over now but it took me some years and therapy sessions.

I can still get insecure about my personality though.
Friends describe me as spontaneous and sweet. I will always try to make people happy and I like to joke around - but I can be self-concious to a point where I'm thinking people don't like me. It gets better with age

I've heard before that Saturn 1st house people are usually stubborn to come to this world? (I was born turned around and with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck three times) But that having it in Capricorn or Aquarius is actually a positive switch to this placement?

And besides waybread, more people mentioned my Black Moon Lilith to me. What is this about exactly?

ninamoon · Jun 8, 2019

ardentika said:
I have Saturn on asc and I can tell you it goes much further than only physical appearance. This is something people with Saturn in 1st struggle with till end of teenagehood and then it becomes something else. Could be issues with the entire personality of self or just having a grim outlook on life.

Yeah exactly, it's more the personality part that's sometimes difficult..

ardentika · Jun 8, 2019

ninamoon said:
I do accept my appearance, I'm happy with how I look.
I have been really insecure when I was younger, because of a difficult bond with my sister. A lot of mental abuse and humiliation - which I got over now but it took me some years and therapy sessions.

I can still get insecure about my personality though.
Friends describe me as spontaneous and sweet. I will always try to make people happy and I like to joke around - but I can be self-concious to a point where I'm thinking people don't like me. It gets better with age

I've heard before that Saturn 1st house people are usually stubborn to come to this world? (I was born turned around and with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck three times) But that having it in Capricorn or Aquarius is actually a positive switch to this placement?

And besides waybread, more people mentioned my Black Moon Lilith to me. What is this about exactly?

Haha yes stubborn to come into this world. I didn't wanna come out too so they had to get a vaccumm but my mom ended up pushing so much it tore her. Oops lol. But pretty much yeah personality issues .

waybread · Jun 8, 2019

Did BML disappear from your chart?

There are different interpretations of Black Moon Lilith out there, ranging from the sacred feminine/Black madonna archetype to the Bad Girl of the zodiac.

I tend more towards the latter, because Lilith was essentially known to the West through Jewish folklore. She was a promiscuous evil spirit who mated with demons and bore demon children. In eastern Europe, she was a witch who soured the cow's milk and stole babies from their cribs.

From a modern psycholgy standpoint, this all sounds like so much Jungian shadow material. The "good" woman was chaste, docile, and domesticated. The bad woman could not be controlled.

So to me, Lilith best represents the Wild Woman archetype. One book on the wild woman that I highly recommend is Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With The Wolves.

ninamoon · Jun 9, 2019

passiflora said:
The Scorpionic vibe for you doesn’t bother me. Your north node is up there conjunct Venus and Jupiter which sound like helpful conjunctions to me (which means BML is conjunct the SN? I don’t really use BML and trust waybread on that one). Oppositions are psychologically significant and potential indicators of split consciousness or projection of inner psycho dynamics into the environment or onto other significant individuals. It’s lovely to have sexy energy, but not so nice to peel it off and disown it. You have the right to own it, however.

I didn’t get the sense so much that you mind the energy, more that the men you attract don’t stay. Mars opposite the Uranus-Neptune conjunction squares the node and i think constellates that issue. With all that scorpio energy you could break a man across just a mars-Uranus opposition. I’m not sure how you experience that Uranus Neptune conjunction in Capricorn. Maybe you’re uneasy with it sitting in the 12th house opposing Mars and square to your Sun-Moon and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m seeing microdosing techies using LSD to work professionally on bad technology problems , which is so far from the best potential of either planet, ugh. Your opposition draws a proud Mars into counterpoint, wide opposition, to that, but oppositions are yo yos and you have to learn to accept and work with both poles of the energy, or you break relationships on the axis, yet experience it as something happening abruptly and “out there.”

You have a Sun-Moon conjunction in Libra which is kind of a lovely gift and opportunity to be able to work out so much in life by addressing dynamics within your own personality.

Thanks for your reply! I’m new to astrology so some things I didn’t quite understand, like what do you mean with this:

“I’m not sure how you experience that Uranus Neptune conjunction in Capricorn. Maybe you’re uneasy with it sitting in the 12th house opposing Mars and square to your Sun-Moon and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m seeing microdosing techies using LSD to work professionally on bad technology problems , which is so far from the best potential of either planet, ugh.”

I find it funny how a lot of the times a really strong willed personality comes from my chart when explained. I know what I want and I’m very ambitious about my creative career, but I want to keep peace everywhere I go, especially in social situations. I don’t like to argue, I am more of a pleaser. I want to let people feel good when they’re around me but won’t let anyone walk over me - or is that exactly what you mean with my sun and moon in libra?

Maybe I interpreted it wrong (as I said before, new to astrology

) but I’m just wondering if it means that I probably come across as too intense or independent without me being aware of it? The kind of “I don’t need you” vibe? What I think my mars-Uranus opposition would suggest?

Really curious!

ninamoon · Jun 9, 2019

waybread said:
Did BML disappear from your chart?

There are different interpretations of Black Moon Lilith out there, ranging from the sacred feminine/Black madonna archetype to the Bad Girl of the zodiac.

I tend more towards the latter, because Lilith was essentially known to the West through Jewish folklore. She was a promiscuous evil spirit who mated with demons and bore demon children. In eastern Europe, she was a witch who soured the cow's milk and stole babies from their cribs.

From a modern psycholgy standpoint, this all sounds like so much Jungian shadow material. The "good" woman was chaste, docile, and domesticated. The bad woman could not be controlled.

So to me, Lilith best represents the Wild Woman archetype. One book on the wild woman that I highly recommend is Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With The Wolves.

Interesting

so what would this mean for me? As Passiflora mentioned, BML conjucting the SN?

Melbylorraine · Jun 9, 2019

Nina Moon,
#1 Please take everything I write with a whopping grain of salt haha because I am strictly an AMATEUR, but I will tell you what I see, given my side hobby of studying astrology.
#2 I do rely on intuition as well which you know is highly subjective and subject to error. So, please understand it's only food for thought, and I hope you see it as entertainment in a sense.

Going by Carol Rushman, you have the potential of one marriage promised in your natal chart (indicated by Sun applying square to Neptune, albeit this is a large 8 degree orb, yet with a luminary perhaps acceptible. I mean, hey, astro.com considers it so.) Now, my personal intution says be careful of attaching to a partner with addiction issues (Neptunian)... I think this potential partner could be rather stuffy on the outside (Capricorn/Saturnian) but be a closet addict or otherwise unexpected eccentric side. The meeting or connection could surprise you. (I'm intuiting this from Uranus being close by). Or, also be careful of becoming enamored with the idea of someone rather than the objective truth (Neptune influence).

I read your chart applying whole sign houses, thus, I perceive your 5th house as Gemini, meaning a variety of lovers and perhaps you are given to distraction in dating, becoming bored and wanting variety, flitting from flower to flower? Brief fun escapades? Attracted to younger men and needing intellectual/verbal/mental stimulation. (Gathering this from Mercury). Essentially fun and lighthearted. (If I'm wrong, please don't take offense.)

The ascendant Aquarius signals a love of freedom, and so perhaps an unconscious part of you fears permanent commitment, as your own freedom is of the utmost importance.

With whole sign, I see your tenth house having that powerful stellium and the near pluto, venus, jupiter conjunction, if I remember correctly? Whew, definitely intensely attractive, intense relationships, you get a lot of attention. You are in a sense publicly attractive to many. Yes, I read something of that nature above, but I do see it in the chart, according to my perceptions.

Was your first relationship with a Leo? or otherwise martian person... athletic, forceful, military, alpha type/qualities?

Anyway, brief answer - yes, because of Sun square Neptune, I see at least one sincere romantic relationship. Neptune can bring really sweet romance, but the dark side is delusion, addiction, fogginess. Don't let that person be your undoing.

Once again, just an amateur, throw it out if it doesn't resonate. Let your soul be your guide. Do not live in fear. Follow your heart, and trust in higher guidance.

ninamoon · Jun 9, 2019

Melbylorraine said:
Nina Moon,
#1 Please take everything I write with a whopping grain of salt haha because I am strictly an AMATEUR, but I will tell you what I see, given my side hobby of studying astrology.
#2 I do rely on intuition as well which you know is highly subjective and subject to error. So, please understand it's only food for thought, and I hope you see it as entertainment in a sense.

Going by Carol Rushman, you have the potential of one marriage promised in your natal chart (indicated by Sun applying square to Neptune, albeit this is a large 8 degree orb, yet with a luminary perhaps acceptible. I mean, hey, astro.com considers it so.) Now, my personal intution says be careful of attaching to a partner with addiction issues (Neptunian)... I think this potential partner could be rather stuffy on the outside (Capricorn/Saturnian) but be a closet addict or otherwise unexpected eccentric side. The meeting or connection could surprise you. (I'm intuiting this from Uranus being close by). Or, also be careful of becoming enamored with the idea of someone rather than the objective truth (Neptune influence).

I read your chart applying whole sign houses, thus, I perceive your 5th house as Gemini, meaning a variety of lovers and perhaps you are given to distraction in dating, becoming bored and wanting variety, flitting from flower to flower? Brief fun escapades? Attracted to younger men and needing intellectual/verbal/mental stimulation. (Gathering this from Mercury). Essentially fun and lighthearted. (If I'm wrong, please don't take offense.)

The ascendant Aquarius signals a love of freedom, and so perhaps an unconscious part of you fears permanent commitment, as your own freedom is of the utmost importance.

With whole sign, I see your tenth house having that powerful stellium and the near pluto, venus, jupiter conjunction, if I remember correctly? Whew, definitely intensely attractive, intense relationships, you get a lot of attention. You are in a sense publicly attractive to many. Yes, I read something of that nature above, but I do see it in the chart, according to my perceptions.

Was your first relationship with a Leo? or otherwise martian person... athletic, forceful, military, alpha type/qualities?

Anyway, brief answer - yes, because of Sun square Neptune, I see at least one sincere romantic relationship. Neptune can bring really sweet romance, but the dark side is delusion, addiction, fogginess. Don't let that person be your undoing.

Once again, just an amateur, throw it out if it doesn't resonate. Let your soul be your guide. Do not live in fear. Follow your heart, and trust in higher guidance.

Hi Melbylorraine,

A lot of things you’re saying are quite right actually, maybe nice to hear what exactly as you’re also learning!

The guys I’m dating now are all men with problems. I don’t notice this straight away (maybe unconciously) but I always try to help people - which obviously is not always possible. I think my soul wants to be that part of someone that they 'need' to feel better. I Sometimes romanticize that idea. So falling for the idea of someone in stead of the actual person and truth is on point.

Usually attracted to older men though, never dated a guy closer to my age than a 5 year difference. But I do want the intellectual stimulation and can get bored quickly if someone is only in to small talk - which, in my opinion, is also to blame on my aquarius rising. Apart from wanting my own space in a relationship but also a lot of affection, hence the freedom you talked about.

Intense relationships for sure. My first relationship was an Aries, but he turned out to have a lot of anger issues and was extremely jealous > forceful/alpha type. That definitely taught me to set my boundaries.

Again, I’m really sensitive for the type of man that seems really confident but has some issues where ‘I can help him with’ (I can’t.. lol). So spot on when it comes to the ‘be aware of the dark side’ you mentioned. I find it interesting how everything people say here is mostly true. Makes me think about how our charts are actually personal help books for every individual. Kind of.
Accept yourself and your mistakes and you shall heal, right

Baat · Jun 10, 2019

ninamoon said:
I've heard before that Saturn 1st house people are usually stubborn to come to this world? (I was born turned around and with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck three times) But that having it in Capricorn or Aquarius is actually a positive switch to this

I have Saturn in Capricorn, 1st house. My mom gave natural birth (no epidural) to all 3 of her children. I was the last one born, and she said giving birth to me was extremely painful. The doctor thought I was probably putting too much pressure on her spinal cord, so he had her turn over onto her knees and give birth to me in a rather unusual position. I've read various things about Saturn 1st house, but the description of having a difficult birth was the thing that seemed uncannily accurate, for me.

ninamoon · Jun 10, 2019

passiflora said:
What kind of creative career do you have?
Venus conjunct your North node is interesting, it properly rules your South node and disposits your Sun / Moon. There are a number of themes that repeat in your chart in different ways and it’s these that you have brought up in your posts. People pleasing and then being stubborn about what you want can be libra sun/moon as well as taurus/scorpio nodal axis, Venus in Scorpio conjunct node and at the top of the chart, Venus with Mercury, and others. Some of these can also give the my way or the highway feeling repeated in the Mars-Uranus opposition!
In your chart you need that south node energy to understand your north node and understand Mars / Pluto. Mars is the traditional ruler of Scorpio, though moderns give that rulership to Pluto (domiciled in Scorpio in your chart) or use both planets. You have a lot of “help” with your projects. Uranus being your chart ruler maybe you will benefit from using astrology for self understanding. You have to figure out this Mars thing, accept and incorporate his energy in your own psyche, and do not be upset if it takes some time to figure it out and lose hope. Just make sure you are not repeating the same lesson over and over again without trying to introspectively learn from your mistakes. Scorpio north node needs to knit experiences and insights together and not leave the yarn in its own beautiful heaps.

I'm a photographer and filmmaker. mostly tackling touchy or controversial subjects - my goal is to make a difference to how people perceive each other and create more acceptance towards 'other' groups.
Media and film is a good way to reach a lot of people and I love my job.
I'm moving back to NYC this summer, actually. I can kind of understand where my passion for the unknown comes from now that I'm learning to read my chart.

At home we always blamed my restlessness, wanting a lot of change and passion for traveling on the genes I got from my dad's side of the family. A lot of sailors there - including my dad himself.

Figuring out Mars because it rules Scorpio and is, because of this, really present in my chart? Or for another reason? Will definitely read in to that.

Thank you for your kind words, I definitely need to be aware of the mistakes happening over and over again. And I need to learn to trust my gut feeling, because afterwards I almost always already knew somehow that it wasn't going to last.

ninamoon · Jun 10, 2019

Baat said:
I have Saturn in Capricorn, 1st house. My mom gave natural birth (no epidural) to all 3 of her children. I was the last one born, and she said giving birth to me was extremely painful. The doctor thought I was probably putting too much pressure on her spinal cord, so he had her turn over onto her knees and give birth to me in a rather unusual position. I've read various things about Saturn 1st house, but the description of having a difficult birth was the thing that seemed uncannily accurate, for me.

That's so interesting, we're some stubborn babies.. lol.
I'm wondering if this has any effect on the rest of your life?

Will I ever have a sincere romantic relationship?

Member

Attachments

Well-known member

Member

Member

Well-known member

Member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Member

Member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Member

Member

Member

Member

Well-known member

Member

Member