Hello, and thank you for reading this post.
I suppose I’ll get started here: I lost my mother several months ago, and ever since I’ve felt like something inside of me has stopped. I had to take a position of strength for my older sister and loved ones, and as a result I’ve been frozen in an untouched pool of grief. I have begun therapy to try to help me through this and other various areas of trouble in my life (depression, anxiety, csa) but some part of me feels as though it is struggling.
I can’t identify why this is. Why is it so hard to let myself feel these things? I think that’s one of my biggest questions. I loved my mother more than anything, and I feel like I’ve failed her somehow in not letting those feelings run through me. I know bottling it up is unhealthy as well. I am just… really uncertain as to where I can start.
Another question I had veers somewhat off course, but relates all the same. My life has been on hold since I was a teenager due to my two closest family members enduring very severe, permanent health issues. My mom was one, and my sister is disabled. As a result, paired with mental illness, I’ve somewhat lost track of where my potential may be. My personality feels like a foggy mirror, and my talents—should they exist—are almost completely untapped. Many people tell me I write well and speak well, but I want to have an idea of what my options are. It’s difficult building a life around the written word, however much I adore it.
If anyone can help me figure out one or, graciously, both of these questions—even just suggestions—I’d really be infinitely grateful. I’ve spent my life trying to heal one wound or another, and it feels sometimes like an endless loop. Outside perspective would be truly welcome. In understanding how others see us, we begin to more clearly see ourselves… That kind of thing, right?
Thank you again for reading this. I'm sorry it's so long.
I suppose I’ll get started here: I lost my mother several months ago, and ever since I’ve felt like something inside of me has stopped. I had to take a position of strength for my older sister and loved ones, and as a result I’ve been frozen in an untouched pool of grief. I have begun therapy to try to help me through this and other various areas of trouble in my life (depression, anxiety, csa) but some part of me feels as though it is struggling.
I can’t identify why this is. Why is it so hard to let myself feel these things? I think that’s one of my biggest questions. I loved my mother more than anything, and I feel like I’ve failed her somehow in not letting those feelings run through me. I know bottling it up is unhealthy as well. I am just… really uncertain as to where I can start.
Another question I had veers somewhat off course, but relates all the same. My life has been on hold since I was a teenager due to my two closest family members enduring very severe, permanent health issues. My mom was one, and my sister is disabled. As a result, paired with mental illness, I’ve somewhat lost track of where my potential may be. My personality feels like a foggy mirror, and my talents—should they exist—are almost completely untapped. Many people tell me I write well and speak well, but I want to have an idea of what my options are. It’s difficult building a life around the written word, however much I adore it.
If anyone can help me figure out one or, graciously, both of these questions—even just suggestions—I’d really be infinitely grateful. I’ve spent my life trying to heal one wound or another, and it feels sometimes like an endless loop. Outside perspective would be truly welcome. In understanding how others see us, we begin to more clearly see ourselves… That kind of thing, right?
Thank you again for reading this. I'm sorry it's so long.