Hi Samantha Bean, A big part of me wants to go back but I had to take the RPN route for financial reasons at the time and being out of school for so long I thought it'd be the smart thing to do. Thanks you for your advice.
So something happened yesterday... over the wknd I signed up and interviewed with this nursing employment agency and they want me to start immediately with this 3 day client assignment at a hospital, she needs private psw 24/7 care on top of her hospital care. PSW is not my designation but I can work as one and I was told once I work as a PSW for a while I can be trained and upgraded to RPN, once they found someone willing to train...
Anyhow this patient was a emotional nightmare. For twelve straight hours she yelled orders at me every minute like I'm a dog, she's paying out of pocket so I think she felt entitled to treat me as a slave. I tried to have sympathy for her and have dealt with angry, anxious, confused patients before but she had no redeeming quality. I provided my care and was professional but I cried 3 times during my shift in the bathroom. When I was was a student nurse I did not cry once and had thicker skin however there was more to the job, there was a variety, different patients, tasks, always something to do and learn.
In this scenario, I was with this one patient one on one for 12 hours straight, I took 1 half an hr break and she cried the entire time I was gone. I couldn't understand why I was getting so emotional and why I couldn't suck it up and see it in a different perceptive relating to her condition like I have before with other patients (she did not have dementia, I wouldnt be so bothered if she did). By the end of the shift I felt so worn down by her.
Some of you might instinctively attack me, because nurse wages are paid by tax dollars, and I'm expected to be the epitome of self sacrifice but I'm human and my back hurts from this patient because she would not listen to my instruction while transferring her continuously from bed the bathroom. Everything had to be her way and I had to work in the speed of light. It reminded me of the scenario of a husband asking his wife for a beer and her jumping and grabbing it and him still hitting her for being slow. I had to sacrifice my body mechanics to keep her happy, not yelling, and make sure she did not fall.
I've been so disrespected my whole life because people see a baby face and like to provoke and break me down. I'm just fed up. I'm very emotional these days. I finished my care professionally and safely but I told my agency I'm not coming back to this patient. I think I ruined my opportunity on the first day but I'm just tired and feel I deserve more.
Although I wanted to go back and do RN today I'm questioning everything.