A dream or reality?

Greetings and thank you for reading my post.

I have a few questions that bothers me, and would like to find answers to them. I think or feel that i am going through a really strange change in my life, and am a bit unsure of what can or will happen. I was always practical- what i cannot see it was not real- type, and a very gentle soul, an introvert..
Last few years were very turbulent, ups and downs like never before (drugs took me, lost most of my friends, not in contact with my family etc), to the point where i was considering to make a suicide, was **** hard. My wife said she never saw or heard that so many bad things happen to someone and it was not the first time that that happened in my life. I'm **** lucky to met that angel of a woman.
It is easier now, hopefully never again and now i am at the point where i need to change my profession after an accident from 4.9.2014, and there are few options, go back to work or to go study further. And my wish is to actually start learning reiki and help others (for free, to hell with monetary system) and leave conventional way of living as it does not satisfy me at all anymore. Is it possible? Is this change for real? How the future looks like?
I have strange spiritual revelations last few months about myself and about the world and beyond.. Totally opposite of what i was feeling before and i know they are for real, my instincts really rarely fail me, but please tell me i ain't mad.

Thank you, may the light always shine down your path.
Namaste.

here are some comments on a natal pluto/node conjunction. the node transitted your natal pluto on feb 2 2015 so I would think this was the symbol that gave you your strange changes.

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=63539&page=2
Pluto with the nodal axis (and orcus to a similar degree), on the psychological plane gives great selfishness. but it is also an aspect of a “survivor”, an individual who will employ any means necessary to survive. But the selfishness so colors the personality that usually this placement ends up causing the native to “shoot” themselves in the foot.
This placement also shows that past life influences are directly affecting the native. This gives great power to an enlightened native as past lives can give ability and insights far broader than could be gained from a single lifetime of experiences .it gives healing powers but most often the natïve faces sudden and major disease that force the healing energies to manifest . with sextiles to Neptune strong psychic healing powers are present. in the unenlightened, it gives malicious joy in death and brutality . the psychic power is strong and the native spontaneously travels on the astral. But if they have a crude personality, they only cause themselves problems because the can gain enemies because of their selfishness presence in other’s dreams. Often this placement gives prophetic dreams but usually involving the occurrence of death of those around them.
With venus square Pluto in a man’s chart, often girl friends will die early in his life. In a woman’s chart, usually a sister or friend is lost early in her life.
Probably no other nodal conjunction has so much promise for good or such a potential for evil.
This is because the desire body spontaneously travels on the astral and base desires try to influence others. This is usually an unconsciously experience but the affects can never the less bring repercussions in to reality
The sexual nature is very strong but the capacity for love is often absent in the unenlightened. Usually love can only manifest in its higher form as a love of god or of humanity in a general sense as the carnal passions are difficult to control on the personal level, as this placemen is prone to domineering and controlling, abusive emotional interactions

rahu

That's it then. Those deaths around me were our two babies that we've lost in that period, and a little earlier it seems. It is time to make things right, some things are clearer now, thank you for bringing this up and genuinely thank you for your time. May the heavens always smiles on you dear sibling.

Take care,
Solar