MidnightxPoison
Well-known member
It's a bit frustrating for me because people mostly see me as this easy-going, forgiving, kind, charming and "nice" girl but I, of course, know that deep within me I am not that forgiving nor "nice" at all. And that's because although I hate conflict and want to create harmony/peace, I also tend to hold grudges even when I know I should just forget and let it go. But the problem is.. I NEVER forget. Okay, I might say "it's alright" and sort of outwardly "get on with it" in front of people but behind the scenes I am a hurt, vindictive and troubled due to being so sensitive and vulnerable. It's kinda like putting on this smiling mask while in reality there's a very pissed off and sad face behind it.
So, I think my Libra rising and Scorpio Moon are in conflict. It's not only the fact that people have no idea what I'm really like, it's that I can't decide between doing one thing and the other. My scenario basically goes like this: 1. I get hurt, 2. So, I become nasty and sharp-tongued which results in hurting someone back (either intentionally or unintentionally), 3. But right after it's happened I feel extremely sorry/bad about it and attempt to make-up as soon as possible so that there won't be any hard feelings between us, 4. Yet once I've made up and everything's "good" and in harmony again I'm still the one pondering over the way they had hurt/betrayed/etc me and carry an underlying resentment in me. I'm just so whimsical it's hard.
What's worse is how someone thinks I accept their bad behaviour just because I'm "nice" when I know I really and totally don't accept it.. at all.
And I wish I could be like those native Libras and stop being so obsessive about the revealed negativity of other people (I say "revealed" because the general folk completely ignore or don't even notice half of the things I notice about others.. in case you were wondering). Yet my Libra Asc wants to believe in the goodness in them because it sees the two sides of a coin. I'm just afraid my Scorpio Moon has a bigger influence over me than my rising sign.. and I guess it's logical. But still.. a lot of people never get to know the real me because of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say I'm a nasty person, I'm just saying that it seems like almost a few to none of my friends seem to know how deep, sensitive and emotional I am. I don't really show it to others either (I don't trust people easily) because in social situations I (obviously) automatically act like a Libra but sometimes I get a little frustrated over how misleading this can be when people find out I'm emotionally quite the opposite of "easy-going".
Only very few people really know the brooding inner turmoils in me and one close friend of mine even once said I had a multiple personality disorder.
Any thoughts on this?
So, I think my Libra rising and Scorpio Moon are in conflict. It's not only the fact that people have no idea what I'm really like, it's that I can't decide between doing one thing and the other. My scenario basically goes like this: 1. I get hurt, 2. So, I become nasty and sharp-tongued which results in hurting someone back (either intentionally or unintentionally), 3. But right after it's happened I feel extremely sorry/bad about it and attempt to make-up as soon as possible so that there won't be any hard feelings between us, 4. Yet once I've made up and everything's "good" and in harmony again I'm still the one pondering over the way they had hurt/betrayed/etc me and carry an underlying resentment in me. I'm just so whimsical it's hard.
What's worse is how someone thinks I accept their bad behaviour just because I'm "nice" when I know I really and totally don't accept it.. at all.
And I wish I could be like those native Libras and stop being so obsessive about the revealed negativity of other people (I say "revealed" because the general folk completely ignore or don't even notice half of the things I notice about others.. in case you were wondering). Yet my Libra Asc wants to believe in the goodness in them because it sees the two sides of a coin. I'm just afraid my Scorpio Moon has a bigger influence over me than my rising sign.. and I guess it's logical. But still.. a lot of people never get to know the real me because of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say I'm a nasty person, I'm just saying that it seems like almost a few to none of my friends seem to know how deep, sensitive and emotional I am. I don't really show it to others either (I don't trust people easily) because in social situations I (obviously) automatically act like a Libra but sometimes I get a little frustrated over how misleading this can be when people find out I'm emotionally quite the opposite of "easy-going".
Only very few people really know the brooding inner turmoils in me and one close friend of mine even once said I had a multiple personality disorder.
Any thoughts on this?
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