You know, Love, so much of that emptiness you express with the external realm - or dissatisfaction with relationships, hobbies, etc is so identifiable for me. It can be so inundating, like drowning in nothing. And I can imagine the Neptune Sun opposition heightens that experience. Not to mention the Pluto Saturn square, with Saturn approaching conjunction with your natal Saturn. Myself, I have some very similar chart placements. My natal Saturn on the ascendant from the 12th squares my natal moon, mercury, & sun. And so those latter 3 are under Saturn's influence poignantly as it draws nearer to conjunction with each. With my Saturn square occurring among those conjunctions. I can identify from various points in my own timeline with the feelings you have expressed. I wish I would have had the courage you show in sharing your story. I believe you're on your own beautiful path, & with tutors like Pluto & Saturn, it can feel...deflating. But there is so much promise in mining them. They are ultimately power planets that will teach us to thrive against the odds. Like flowering weeds that burst up even between sidewalk cracks. I believe that image of "mining" can be very helpful with 12th house ownership. If Saturn - as that dense, heavy metal, ore energy - confronts the Plutonic push to transmute...well, that is the alchemical quest, no?
When I am feeling alienated/stifled by the outer world & at a loss for my own identity or how to cultivate it (and this is frequent & persistent throughout my life), I have learned only recently a trick that really helps me more consistently than anything else ever has. I picture the best friend/lover/support person I wish were there for me then. With whatever detail I'm inclined to add. Then, I be that being for myself. It took me so long to really feel the knowing that no matter what happens I will always have the very best friend I could ever dream up with me all the time. She knows my thoughts, dreams, failings, musings, longings. So, if we walk together or she is drawing me up a lovely bath or I'm making her dinner or we're going to a yoga class together or we're attending some new class on something foreign that piques my interest or I'm acquiring some small gift I know she will love or we're drawing up a journal of past traumas while we cry together and seek release...whatever...it helps me remember the love always available. It also helps me get to know myself. And sometimes that's great, or sometimes there are things I might want to change, but we share this intimacy & trust, knowing she will never betray or abandon me. It is a safe space to practice love. We live in a world that often portrays alone as lonely, and that simply does not have to be the case. Get to know that best friend. Love them with all you've got - priority #1. It will reverberate within you & create ripples.