Hi Jennifer,
I hope this is better and more accurate
Your Ascendant and First House
You may present yourself as an intense person, trying to keep a lid on a lot of internal conflict. Your Ascendant is in the last 39 minutes of Scorpio, but it belongs to Scorpio nonetheless and its ruler, Pluto, conjunct the Ascendant, is not going to let go of its significance there. Nonetheless, there is an elemental conflict with your Sagittarius Sun in the first house. Your Capricorn Moon has almost escaped the house.
You probably seem to be intense, at times intimidating. Scorpio rising always gets noticed: whether extroverted or quietly in the background, they radiate a kind of intense energy that can be magnetic. People often have an immediate like/dislike response, before knowing you or anything about you. Those who like you or find you attractive probably feel that you’re not easy to get to know. It’s likely that others find you sexually compelling and that you’re interested in the transcendent, spiritual and mystical potential of sexual engagement which accords with Sagittarius’ curiosity and experimental innovation.
In your early life, you may have experienced a strong, inner conflict about how to express yourself to others. Sagittarian optimism and curiosity is a strong, driving force in your personality that can be in conflict with the deeper intensity of your Scorpio Ascendant. The two signs are incompatible and too close together to form significant aspects to direct them. Water and fire together produce boiling hot water, scalding steam, vapour that cools and evaporates, or water that puts the fire out altogether.
In your childhood—governed by your first house—you likely learned, by trial and error, to make choices about how to be with others, depending on your context. Was it better to be bright and sunny, even if you felt worried or tired? Warm and bubbly can be nice, but how to handle sadness? Brooding depth that doesn’t disguise your keen intuitive insight might make others uneasy or anxious around you. I suspect that unless you’re very comfortable and with people you know well, you’re unlikely to express both energies very strongly. You’ll pull back, dampen your Sun’s fire somewhat and try not to project too much of Scorpio’s investigative intuition. But in reality you can swing easily from fiery enthusiasm to penetrating exactitude; from exulting in life’s journey to being burdened by your intuitive awareness of others’ unstated concerns; from heated anger, to cold, cold rage. You may often wonder whether you can ever just be yourself. You may even worry about what kind of self that truly might be.
One challenge you face is to learn not to take yourself too seriously.
Virgo rules your Midheaven and its ruler, Mercury, is conjunct Pluto in Scorpio in the 12th house. You may enjoy working with the public in a service capacity where your practical and administrative skills can be used effectively for success in your field. In the 12th house, Mercury, representing your thinking and communication skills, is both in the background and retrograde. The conjunction with Pluto indicates that you think very deeply about things and likely keep most of your thoughts to yourself. You probably think carefully before you speak and you have concern about how others will receive what you say. This is further underscored by Saturn in Aquarius, which it rules, in your 3rd house of communication.
Orbs
In this chart, orbs are very important. I’d like to talk with you in person for awhile and learn about your sensitivity so that we can determine the right orbs for aspects to your planets, particularly the Sun and Moon.
For example, Jupiter is 55° 31' away from the Sun. I usually use an orb of 3° for a sextile aspect, which would mean that your Sun is peregrine, unaspected. A peregrine planet takes on enormous presence and significance in the chart because no other planet engages with it, modifying its expression. However, with a 5° orb, Jupiter and the Sun are sextile. Some astrologers use greater orbs than this. I decided to use that 5° orb because Jupiter is only 4° 29' away from being exactly sextile, and because Jupiter is the ruler of Sagittarius, which enhances your Sun by aspect. At the same time, Jupiter is also trine Saturn and square both Venus and Uranus. Those aspects modify Jupiter’s expression, gaining some groundedness from Venus and Uranus in Capricorn. Saturn’s trine aspect disciplines the air that Jupiter feeds to your fiery Sun.
Astro.com uses 10° orbs for everything. I think these are too wide a lot of the time. With a 10° orb, your Moon is square Jupiter but only 37' within the orb. I tend to think this is too wide an orb and, given that the Moon is in detriment in Capricorn, have kept the limit of the aspect to 7° , which is my usual orb for that aspect. This is a judgment call, though, and may not be right for you. With the 7° orb, your Moon is peregrine, meaning that it forms no conjunction, sextile, square, trine or opposition to any other planet. As I said, earlier, a peregrine planet takes on considerable significance in a horoscope. Whether this is accurate for you is something I can’t know without getting to know you better.
Pluto’s Transit through your First and Second Houses
I can understand a bit about why you've been going through such a hard time. Transiting Pluto crossed your Ascendant and began making its way through your first house when you were about five years old. It takes Pluto 248 years to make one complete orbit of the sun. It moves through some houses more quickly than others, but at most, it might transverse half of someone's chart in their lifetime. As a result, many people will never experience Pluto's transit through their house of personal identity and self-expression. When it does happen, though, everyone finds this to be a very difficult time.
Pluto is the agent of deepest, most radical transformation. It encourages us to abandon habits, behaviours and ways of thinking that aren't helpful to us or that limit us unnecessarily. Every contact Pluto makes in this or any other transit puts a strain on the planets it aspects and, by extension, the houses they govern.
It's one thing for Pluto to work on an adult who has lived for awhile and may have developed some wrong-headed or counter-productive ways of living and engaging with other people. For a young child to have to experience this transit when she's developing her sense of herself, who she is, what she wants to do and be, and how she will relate to others in the world is very hard. I suspect that Pluto's journey through your first house may have prompted you to be a more sober, cautious child than might otherwise have been the case. As I described, above, you’ve had to make some decisions about your public self. Pluto’s transit will have helped you with this, but the help Pluto gives often makes us feel worse for quite awhile before we start to feel better! Without Pluto, Sagittarius is often ebullient, adventure-loving, sometimes risk-taking, full of curiosity and intellectual imagination. Pluto doesn't remove those qualities, but usually translates them to a higher order. You may have become more spiritual and also more interested in religious or esoteric subjects because of this transit.
Pluto entered Capricorn and your second house at the beginning of 2009. Pluto's transit through this house pushes you to consider very deeply your self-worth and values. What do you value in your life and the world around you? What are your ethics and what is your moral code? How do you determine the differences between what's right and what's wrong? How do your values affect the ways you engage with others? And what is your own value? Can you earn a living, and if so, how will you be paid, and how much? How will you manage your money and the things you own? What do you think about yourself, as a human being? How do you feel about who you are and are becoming? These are weighty questions that will influence you for the rest of your life. During this transit, you will attract people and situations that will bring these questions into high focus, helping you to develop your moral and ethical character. Some of this may be a lot of fun for you since Sagittarius relishes a good intellectual engagement, whether a battle of the wits, a debate or the need to solve a meaningful problem. Some of it may be a significant challenge, too, though. Complex as this is, I think it's very good to engage with these issues at your age because this work will help you in myriad ways for the rest of your adult life.
There's no way to hurry through these transits and there aren't any steps you can skip or avoid. Pluto will move slowly, making aspects with every planet and point in your horoscope along the way. The major hard aspects--conjunctions, squares, quindeciles and oppositions--will be the most challenging, requiring you to make changes and adjustments. The softer ones--sextiles and trines--will be supportive and reinforcing.
Your Capricorn Moon
One other difficulty you face is your Moon in Capricorn. I have this, myself. If you read descriptions of this placement, you'll often read that the Moon is cold, detached, lacking in emotion, unable to recognize or appreciate others' emotions and possibly incapable of empathy and compassion. The Capricorn Moon is frequently described as discriminating and judgmental. One can easily have the impression that someone with this Moon simply doesn't care about others very much. Of course, this isn't true.
Those of us with Moon in Capricorn may be more measured than some others when it comes to emotional expression. We feel things as deeply and with as much nuance and complexity, but we're more likely to keep our emotions to ourselves than to give them free reign in public. Under stress, we may express emotion by doing practical things--Capricorn is an earth sign. One example I think of is, when there's an emergency, like an accident or a natural disaster, those with Capricorn Moons will work diligently to organize a response, to call emergency services, to coordinate emergency care and resources, to mobilize search teams, evacuation teams, temporary shelters, etc. Noel Tyl says that Capricorn Moon "needs an army." He means that we express our care through concrete, practical engagement to make things happen. We may still feel shocked, or hurt, we may need to cry, or laugh, or pray, like everyone else, but we'll be measured about those things and direct our energy into doing something useful. Accomplishing useful things helps us to feel better. Consequently, it can be agonizing for us to be faced with highly charged situations in which we simply don't know what to do or situations where others won't let us do anything to help.
You mentioned that you recently did some work on your struggles with your own mother. It's possible, even likely, that some of the traits of the Capricorn Moon are the things that upset you about your mother. You may have experienced her as distant, withholding or judgmental, for example. You may have felt that she didn't understand you if she didn't portray overt emotions about you or if it seemed that she didn't welcome your own emotional expressions. It can be very hard for a child to feel this kind of disconnection from her mother. One outcome of that may be that you generally feel as though you're alone, that you can't rely on others to care for you, that you're the one who has to do the work of care-taking (work, not feeling!) and that you don't receive the same for yourself. Sometimes, you may not know how to express the powerful feelings you have and it may be frustrating for you if others judge you because of it, or, worse, if you start to doubt whether you're able to love or care for others properly.
Try not to be too hard on yourself about these things. Recognize that every sign in the zodiac has a different way of expressing emotions, and that even those ways will be moderated by where the Moon is in the chart and how other planets engage with it.
You are not lost. Things feel hard right now and maybe you feel lonely. Your Jupiter needs to feel appreciated and that may be slow in coming. But it will come, in time. You are going to be okay. I promise. We'll help you!
your very sweet.. I try not too I really do .. but there's always that voice in my head that's telling me I can do better ... people act like in crazy and I believe it sometimes. Thank you though.. & all the blessings in the world back at you.
