My feelings are blocked-why?

Lissa

Well-known member
Hi everyone!

Well,I know I'm turning into a compulsive thread-starter or somehting like that but no,my triple Aries placements can't wait,so hope you don't mind:) .

I find it very hard for me to just allow myself to be sad for a while.I know this sounds stupid-while others complain they can't get rid of the feelings of loneliness and insecurity inside,I'm complaining I can't express those feelings.But let me explain.

It's very hard for me to cry,or to let myself feel a little bit down for a while.It's not really to prove anything to anyone-I really don't like showing my weaknesses to my friends but it's also impossible for me to live with my vulnerabilities.When something bad happens-I want to cry,but I can't,and that's really what's so weird about it,because I often find myself sitting alone in my room,thinking about crying,feeling like crying,and not crying at all!An example:

A few months ago,I was supposed to go out with the boy I liked.We used to meet in a place near my house,and he said he needed to finish a school work so he would call me when he was finished.I spent a entire Sunday at home,waiting for him to call and obviously,he didn't call.So,by the end of the afternoon,I decided to go out with my mom and guess what-there he was,right in front of my eyes,making out with another girl!!!The type of situation which can make a16year old girl cry in her bed for the rest of the night.The weirdest thing is,I didn't shed one single tear.I felt so awful,so betrayed,that I just wanted to lay in my pillow and burst into tears but,for some reason,I didn't do it.Honestly,I wanted to cry,and I knew I would feel much better if I cried,but it was like there was something stopping me from doing it.

Not to mention that time when my aunt died and my grandfather-whose favourite activitie is sleeping in the couch while watching TV,rarely talks to us and rarely shows any kind of emotion other than boredom-bursted into tears in my arms,and I simply stood there,holding him and thinking.."Why am i not crying?...".My gradmother even said I have a heart made of stone.

Those type of things happen to all the time to me..It's not like I don't feel-it's like there's something stoping me from expressing my feelings,or simply experiencing them.As a result,I often find myself crying for picky little things-burning my finger or being hit by a soccer ball at school results into30minutes of crying.It's like my eyes are making it up for all the times I can't cry.

Honestly,I think crying can be a healthy release for our emotions-whenever a friend comes to me with a problem,I always say"Cry,it will make you feel better".I'm the one who can't cry...

It's true that my emotions are usually expressed in my writing.I enjoy writing poetry and short stories and I put all my feeling into it.Yet,I don't writing is a liberating activity.Writing about my feelings doesn't make me feel any better-I write because I enjoy doing it,and that's it.

I think it must be related to the Jupiter trines in my chart.People usually see me as cheerful and positive-minded,and I like to think about myself in that way too-I may not always feel as good as I sound but I also don't like to talk with my friends about my problems too.Losing my cheerfulness is like losing my sense of identity.Being full of energy and cheerful has won me many friends,altough I sometimes feel like those bonds are mostly superficial,and it really is hard for me to offer my support to a friend in need and find that he/she prefers to talk with someone who's more comfortable about their vulnerabilities.I loveee talking and I do share my stories with my friends,but refuse any type of help they offer me and try to make fun of the situation to let them know I'm not really worried about it;as a result,most people think it's OK to make fun of my problems because I do it too.It's easier for me to talk about this stuff with people I don't know because I don't have to live up to their expectations.

You know the song,"Don't worry be happy".I believe we should try to see the positive side in everything but,on the other hand,expressing our emotions and allowing our feelings to flow is very healthy too.Honestly,my life isn't really that bad-lots of people have to go through much serious troubles than me,but I don't think it's healthy for me to keep my emotions bottled uo like that.

So,what's causing this?(chart is in the signature,hidden in the words "I am".)

Thank you.
Lissa
 
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B

Bob

Hi Lissa,

You poor little thing, you should not be beating yourself up over not being able to show your feelings the way those around you can. With a Piscean Sun you most definitely do ‘not’ have a heart of stone. While we are young we are much more in contact with our lunar nature and we grow into our Sun as we get older. Arguably there are three signs in the zodiac that have a good control of their feelings and emotions, these are Aries, Scorpio and Capricorn. You have three personal planets in Aries and a Capricorn ascendant which just means that you express your feelings directly through your actions and usually in private. This will either be through talking, walking, door slamming, sports/activities or whacking the wall, all of these apply. With your Piscean Sun you have a depth of understanding that most of us mere mortals can only aspire to. This is easily shown by your SAN (prenatal lunation) at 25Pis14 indicating quite an evolved soul beginning a new 12th sign cycle for the last time through the signs of the zodiac. The new Moon birth indicates a certain naivety in regard to the understanding of your own feelings but in time you will be able to express your feelings in any way you want. As it stands in your present young age you quite rightly are trying to understand yourself but because of the depth of experience of your Sun it will take time. I am quite adept at understanding the psychology within a natal chart and I can absolutely assure you that you have no serious psychological disturbances. In time things will roll off you like water off a ducks back, when your emotions have ripened you will be able to turn them on and off like a tap. When we are young we spend a lot of time wishing we were older, to drink, drive, get into clubs etc; The thing is, when you get some age we then spend the rest of our lives wishing we were younger, lol, it is just life. Enjoy your youth while you have it and don’t think there must be something wrong just because you show your emotions in a different way.


Keep smiling Lissa,

Good wishes


Bob
 

Pisceanfool

Well-known member
Hey Lissa,

I was wondering about this when you say your poetry is so sad. I can relate to what you say... the Capricorn/Aquarian not the best for my Piscean emotional energies. Most all of my friends have never seen my vulnerabilities. Anyway you have some pretty harsh aspects with Venus and your Moon. Venus is involved in a GC which you most likely considered. It has the node for relations to others and Chiron for wounds then is Conj the IC which is your internal world. The main thing blocking emotional expression is your Capricorn asc squareing the Moon. Capricorn is associated with Saturn which is limitation and also can be depressing, which your Moon sextiles as well. This can give a sort of disiplined emotional state, but when expressed more negativly can block emotions... which as you know do not just dissapear.

Other then the astrology, you should try to be alone and focus on whatever you want to cry about. Play the scene over and over (mentally) feeling how you felt. Be careful with this to not cause an anxiety attack. Also if you have any music that's sad play that, singing along helps me. I am surprised writing doesn't help you deal with your emotions more. If anything go to a therapist or councilor they know more then I do, that's just what works for me. You don't have a heart of stone... you are a Pisces after all! Capricorn/Aries mixed with Pisces can be hard i'm sure...

Well i hope this helps :eek:

PF
 

wilsontc

Staff member
control, to Lissa

Lissa,

Bob said:
Arguably there are three signs in the zodiac that have a good control of their feelings and emotions, these are Aries, Scorpio and Capricorn. You have three personal planets in Aries and a Capricorn ascendant...

The one energy that was not mentioned of that bunch is Scorpio, and you have Scorpio modifying Pluto (ruler of Scorpio), so you have a whole lot of Scorpio-type energy going on. Scorpio is about "Emotional Security" (see Step 4 in link below for more about this) and doesn't LIKE to feel insecure or overly emotional. So Scorpio energy commonly "locks down" emotions deep inside, gets control of them, and then USES those emotions later as energy, when needed.

For example, a typical SCORPIO thing to do, when in the situation of some guy standing them up and then going out with another girl in front of them is to walk up to the guy making out with the girl and say, "Oh, I guess THIS is what you call "school work"." And then saying to the girl, "Be careful, honey, next time he stands you up for a date because he is doing school work at home, he will actually be here, making out with someone ELSE while YOU wait at home." And then never talking to the guy again, ever.

But there's awhile to go before you get to USE that Scorpio energy. There's a reason why people say you NEVER mess with a Scorpion! ;)

Scorpionistically teaching,

Tim
 

StelliumGoat

Active member
I can really relate to you Lissa. I often feel emotionally blocked myself, sometimes I just hate dealing with the "bad" emotions. It's like you said about crying, you feel like crying but you don't because you can't. I wish I could help you with interpreting your chart but I'm still somewhat of a beginner and have problems intrepreting my own chart, which is loaded with capricorn along with my cappy asc and scorpion midheaven.

What about air signs? Aren't they considered to be emotional detached or aloof? Who's the most emotional of the zodiac? Cancer?
 

Lin

Well-known member
Lissa,
Hi.... first, you are young. Your feelings are in a development stage. Also, environmentally, you are probably a bit 'on the defensive' in your home, emotionally. You really don't want to appear vulnerable.
But this doesn't answer the question as to why you don't cry when by yourself.
A couple of things cancel out grief.... first, anger. You have Moon-Mercury square Uranus, and maybe anger is the first feeling, and when sadness comes in second, the tears just are a bit dried up.

Then there's the situation of your Mercury and Moon being conjunct in an "arid" sign.... AND in the 3rd house to boot. You "think" about your feelings, you may not be "feeling" them at the appropriate time. If you really desire to figure out why, you may want to examine the relationships in your home. They may not be conducive to encouraging open feelings.

In any event, I could probably give you a list of movies that would bring on some tears.... LOL
Anyway, I believe it is a temporary situation! Don't worry about it, because, unfortunately, as you grow up and experience real grief, you will also experience deep, heartfelt, tears.
LIN
 

Lissa

Well-known member
Hi everyone!

Thanks a lot for all your input:).I probably came across a little bit down in my post but really,I'm not.I got back to school yesterday and I have to say this holidays had nothing to do with my regular holidays.I almost didn't go out,not because I didn't have anyone with whom I could hang out,simply because I felt like staying home.Honestly,15days without leaving my house would normally drive me insane-altough I love spending time alone with myself but I need to socialize a little bit too,like all regular teenagers do:) .This holidays,I spent lots of time alone,and it was great-I'm usually a little bit on the hyperactive side,can hardly stay in the same place for longer than10minutes,but spending all that time alone made me feel more calm and focused.As a result,I ended up giving more atention to some of my "internal workings",and this question came up:) .

Bob,it's curious you mentioned we tend to act like our Moon during the first years of our life...When I was younger,I acted very Arian like:very impulsive,impatient(even more than I am today:p ),agressive,restless:I simply said what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it,which made the people around me get a little bit shocked at times:p lol.I've noticed that people do act a lot like their Moon signs,so when you try to guess someone's sign,you actually end up guessing their Moon;).

Pisceanfool brought up the Chiron/Nodes/Venus question,which is something that has given me much thought.It's true,I find the Capricorn/Aquarian energies very awkward-I have4planets in Capricorn and I still have no idea about what to do with them because I'm somehting like the anti-Capricorn,I simply express no Capricornian characteristhics at all!:p

Take care
Lissa
 

Carole

Well-known member
wilsontc said:
For example, a typical SCORPIO thing to do, when in the situation of some guy standing them up and then going out with another girl in front of them is to walk up to the guy making out with the girl and say, "Oh, I guess THIS is what you call "school work"." And then saying to the girl, "Be careful, honey, next time he stands you up for a date because he is doing school work at home, he will actually be here, making out with someone ELSE while YOU wait at home." And then never talking to the guy again, ever.

And you are sooo right about that...LOL

Carole
 

Innerdepths

Active member
This thread I can surley relate to because I go through the same with my feelings. I am an Aries with Mars in capricorn in the 8th. My Moon aspects both Saturn and Pluto and at the moment my progressed moon is in Scorpio.

With the Aries influence it can give a person a Superperson feel and that nothing will dampen the enthusiasm. They have a hard time appearing in a vulnerable light. If you were to look at the natural square between Aries and Cancer - Aries is an enthusiastic go getter and cancer has deep emotions and connected to feelings. As an Aries, I do have trouble accepting my deep feelings.

The thing is to accept your emotions and where you are....possibly you went through a period where it wasn't okay to express feelings or would get punished or you don't feel safe feeling what you feel. I think for myself I didn't feel safe and have checked into Emotional Freedom Techniques to help me. Eventually I think it will help a person get to the point where they accept what they are feeling and get out of the emotionless trap.

With the feelings bottled up the unexpressed energy can't go any where and you might feel restless and ready to hike up mountains.

What helps is finding a creative outlet like singing or danceing and something like karate or another martial art.

My 2 cents worth.....hope it inspires....

ID
 
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