Lissa
Well-known member
Hi everyone!
Well,I know I'm turning into a compulsive thread-starter or somehting like that but no,my triple Aries placements can't wait,so hope you don't mind .
I find it very hard for me to just allow myself to be sad for a while.I know this sounds stupid-while others complain they can't get rid of the feelings of loneliness and insecurity inside,I'm complaining I can't express those feelings.But let me explain.
It's very hard for me to cry,or to let myself feel a little bit down for a while.It's not really to prove anything to anyone-I really don't like showing my weaknesses to my friends but it's also impossible for me to live with my vulnerabilities.When something bad happens-I want to cry,but I can't,and that's really what's so weird about it,because I often find myself sitting alone in my room,thinking about crying,feeling like crying,and not crying at all!An example:
A few months ago,I was supposed to go out with the boy I liked.We used to meet in a place near my house,and he said he needed to finish a school work so he would call me when he was finished.I spent a entire Sunday at home,waiting for him to call and obviously,he didn't call.So,by the end of the afternoon,I decided to go out with my mom and guess what-there he was,right in front of my eyes,making out with another girl!!!The type of situation which can make a16year old girl cry in her bed for the rest of the night.The weirdest thing is,I didn't shed one single tear.I felt so awful,so betrayed,that I just wanted to lay in my pillow and burst into tears but,for some reason,I didn't do it.Honestly,I wanted to cry,and I knew I would feel much better if I cried,but it was like there was something stopping me from doing it.
Not to mention that time when my aunt died and my grandfather-whose favourite activitie is sleeping in the couch while watching TV,rarely talks to us and rarely shows any kind of emotion other than boredom-bursted into tears in my arms,and I simply stood there,holding him and thinking.."Why am i not crying?...".My gradmother even said I have a heart made of stone.
Those type of things happen to all the time to me..It's not like I don't feel-it's like there's something stoping me from expressing my feelings,or simply experiencing them.As a result,I often find myself crying for picky little things-burning my finger or being hit by a soccer ball at school results into30minutes of crying.It's like my eyes are making it up for all the times I can't cry.
Honestly,I think crying can be a healthy release for our emotions-whenever a friend comes to me with a problem,I always say"Cry,it will make you feel better".I'm the one who can't cry...
It's true that my emotions are usually expressed in my writing.I enjoy writing poetry and short stories and I put all my feeling into it.Yet,I don't writing is a liberating activity.Writing about my feelings doesn't make me feel any better-I write because I enjoy doing it,and that's it.
I think it must be related to the Jupiter trines in my chart.People usually see me as cheerful and positive-minded,and I like to think about myself in that way too-I may not always feel as good as I sound but I also don't like to talk with my friends about my problems too.Losing my cheerfulness is like losing my sense of identity.Being full of energy and cheerful has won me many friends,altough I sometimes feel like those bonds are mostly superficial,and it really is hard for me to offer my support to a friend in need and find that he/she prefers to talk with someone who's more comfortable about their vulnerabilities.I loveee talking and I do share my stories with my friends,but refuse any type of help they offer me and try to make fun of the situation to let them know I'm not really worried about it;as a result,most people think it's OK to make fun of my problems because I do it too.It's easier for me to talk about this stuff with people I don't know because I don't have to live up to their expectations.
You know the song,"Don't worry be happy".I believe we should try to see the positive side in everything but,on the other hand,expressing our emotions and allowing our feelings to flow is very healthy too.Honestly,my life isn't really that bad-lots of people have to go through much serious troubles than me,but I don't think it's healthy for me to keep my emotions bottled uo like that.
So,what's causing this?(chart is in the signature,hidden in the words "I am".)
Thank you.
Lissa
Well,I know I'm turning into a compulsive thread-starter or somehting like that but no,my triple Aries placements can't wait,so hope you don't mind .
I find it very hard for me to just allow myself to be sad for a while.I know this sounds stupid-while others complain they can't get rid of the feelings of loneliness and insecurity inside,I'm complaining I can't express those feelings.But let me explain.
It's very hard for me to cry,or to let myself feel a little bit down for a while.It's not really to prove anything to anyone-I really don't like showing my weaknesses to my friends but it's also impossible for me to live with my vulnerabilities.When something bad happens-I want to cry,but I can't,and that's really what's so weird about it,because I often find myself sitting alone in my room,thinking about crying,feeling like crying,and not crying at all!An example:
A few months ago,I was supposed to go out with the boy I liked.We used to meet in a place near my house,and he said he needed to finish a school work so he would call me when he was finished.I spent a entire Sunday at home,waiting for him to call and obviously,he didn't call.So,by the end of the afternoon,I decided to go out with my mom and guess what-there he was,right in front of my eyes,making out with another girl!!!The type of situation which can make a16year old girl cry in her bed for the rest of the night.The weirdest thing is,I didn't shed one single tear.I felt so awful,so betrayed,that I just wanted to lay in my pillow and burst into tears but,for some reason,I didn't do it.Honestly,I wanted to cry,and I knew I would feel much better if I cried,but it was like there was something stopping me from doing it.
Not to mention that time when my aunt died and my grandfather-whose favourite activitie is sleeping in the couch while watching TV,rarely talks to us and rarely shows any kind of emotion other than boredom-bursted into tears in my arms,and I simply stood there,holding him and thinking.."Why am i not crying?...".My gradmother even said I have a heart made of stone.
Those type of things happen to all the time to me..It's not like I don't feel-it's like there's something stoping me from expressing my feelings,or simply experiencing them.As a result,I often find myself crying for picky little things-burning my finger or being hit by a soccer ball at school results into30minutes of crying.It's like my eyes are making it up for all the times I can't cry.
Honestly,I think crying can be a healthy release for our emotions-whenever a friend comes to me with a problem,I always say"Cry,it will make you feel better".I'm the one who can't cry...
It's true that my emotions are usually expressed in my writing.I enjoy writing poetry and short stories and I put all my feeling into it.Yet,I don't writing is a liberating activity.Writing about my feelings doesn't make me feel any better-I write because I enjoy doing it,and that's it.
I think it must be related to the Jupiter trines in my chart.People usually see me as cheerful and positive-minded,and I like to think about myself in that way too-I may not always feel as good as I sound but I also don't like to talk with my friends about my problems too.Losing my cheerfulness is like losing my sense of identity.Being full of energy and cheerful has won me many friends,altough I sometimes feel like those bonds are mostly superficial,and it really is hard for me to offer my support to a friend in need and find that he/she prefers to talk with someone who's more comfortable about their vulnerabilities.I loveee talking and I do share my stories with my friends,but refuse any type of help they offer me and try to make fun of the situation to let them know I'm not really worried about it;as a result,most people think it's OK to make fun of my problems because I do it too.It's easier for me to talk about this stuff with people I don't know because I don't have to live up to their expectations.
You know the song,"Don't worry be happy".I believe we should try to see the positive side in everything but,on the other hand,expressing our emotions and allowing our feelings to flow is very healthy too.Honestly,my life isn't really that bad-lots of people have to go through much serious troubles than me,but I don't think it's healthy for me to keep my emotions bottled uo like that.
So,what's causing this?(chart is in the signature,hidden in the words "I am".)
Thank you.
Lissa
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