Question about mother/daughter issues

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Pinkie

New member
I wanted to know what types of things signifies the bad mother/daughter relationships.

The obvious one that I know about is the Moon square Venus which I have. I wanted to know if there were other things.. Because my mom and I are like complete opposites or something. She bashes me for everything from the usual looks, to personality, to things about guys. It's like her ideal dream to make me hate all men. I think from the way she talks she'd be happier if I were a lesbian cause I mentioned that and that seems like it would make her happy.
I must have all of the bad stuff because my mother is awfully controlling, cynical, insulting and has me dependent on her. I don't even think she wants me to have friends but to remain duty bound to her.
 
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greybeard

Well-known member
If the Moon be taken as universal significator of "Mother", then any hard aspect to her, or difficult conditioning generally, can indicate "mother problems."

Most of us have "mother problems" to a greater or lesser extent. It is a simple fact of life that there always exists an unbridgeable chasm between parents and children. It is in the nature of things.

It isn't the question of "if" there are "mother problems;" it is a question of what type of problems and to what degree.

It is your choice to remain under the dominion of a person who is cynical, insulting, controlling and holding you in bondage. Or not. You can't blame her.
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
Pinkie, Welcome to the forum.

Have you got your mother's chart? You also want to look at what's going on with her internally. Then you can also look at your synastry: how your two charts compare with one another, and how your planets interact.

Some people do not handle stress and inner unhappiness well, and you can generally see this in a horoscope. If you do not have an accurate birth time for her, just give her birth time as "unknown" so you don't get confused (as I would) by bogus houses. Frustrated people shouldn't take out their inner anger on close family members, but unfortunately, this is all too common.

Is your dad, step-dad, or another partner/BF part of Mom's life? If so, how is her relationship going? Your post had me wondering if she had "bad luck" with men herself, such that this has soured her ideas about the males who might come into your life. Does she have good female friends or extended family members, or are you (and any siblings??) pretty much her entire social life?
 
tsmall

tsmall

Premium Member
Pinkie said:
I wanted to know what types of things signifies the bad mother/daughter relationships.

The obvious one that I know about is the Moon square Venus which I have. I wanted to know if there were other things.. Because my mom and I are like complete opposites or something. She bashes me for everything from the usual looks, to personality, to things about guys. It's like her ideal dream to make me hate all men. I think from the way she talks she'd be happier if I were a lesbian cause I mentioned that and that seems like it would make her happy.
I must have all of the bad stuff because my mother is awfully controlling, cynical, insulting and has me dependent on her. I don't even think she wants me to have friends but to remain duty bound to her.
Click to expand...

This really isn't something that you can figure out with aspects. If only astrology were really that easy.


greybeard said:
If the Moon be taken as universal significator of "Mother", then any hard aspect to her, or difficult conditioning generally, can indicate "mother problems."
Click to expand...

This is part of what makes astrology harder than those with access to google can understand. The first step is to be able to figure out in your own natal chart what planet represents your own mother. In mine, it's Venus. In a friend's, it was Jupiter. If we take the Moon as the universal significator "Mother" then mostly we should all be living "The Wall."

Regardless of which planet represents your Mother, Pinkie, what you do need to remember is that she gave birth to you, she was the one who was there when you learned to walk, talk, went to kindergarten...she does know how to push your buttons and get you to react, because she was able to hardwire those responses into you.

The real question for you is are you able to still understand and love her for who she is, failings and all, and yet remain yourself. A separate entity. What is keeping you personally from being able to accept her flaws and be able to live with them while remaining true to yourself?

Before we look at others, we need to look in the mirror and see what it says about us...meaning you need to explore your own natal chart before you wonder about aspects that represent your mother.
 
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Blacknight

Well-known member
tsmall said:
This is part of what makes astrology harder than those with access to google can understand. The first step is to be able to figure out in your own natal chart what planet represents your own mother. In mine, it's Venus. In a friend's, it was Jupiter. If we take the Moon as the universal significator "Mother" then mostly we should all be living "The Wall."
Click to expand...

How do you calculate which planet represents the mother?
 
H

happiness

New member
Hmm, I wonder if you have similar problems with women outside your home?

Well Moon/Venus square natally seems to suggest someone who likes to maintain the peace -at whatever cost. This individual tries that much harder to please and can even sacrifice their own happiness in the process.

Moon/Venus square definitely suggests a sensitive response to criticism. I have to wonder if you also have issues bonding with women generally?

When Moon squares Venus, it is almost like there is a competition between the Moon and Venus. The Moon wants to dominate the psyche and so does Venus.

This could manifest in second-guessing yourself when it comes to relationships as you may always seem to be very "split" about how you feel about the relationship(Moon) and how you feel about the partner(Venus).

Most people think the above are synonymous but nobody experiences the chasm more poignantly then someone who has Venus squaring/opposing or in-conjunct the Moon.

I'd say that the relationship with your Mom may be asserting how you feel about yourself. Perhaps you have an inferiority complex and are not sure about how you feel most of the time?

So when she sees you making decisions that seem contrary to how you inwardly feel, she may echo the Moon's sentiments and call you out on them. Because she may see the decisions as "bogus".

This, as you say, is her criticism towards your preferences in men, clothes, personalty quirks etc(that is the Venus domain).

To better deal with this Moon/Venus square is to simply shut her out and really LISTEN to your own feelings. You may be too eager to keep the peace and give her leeway to say whatever at you expense because it does hurt you.

Venus square Moon means that your life will be a "trial and error" when it comes to relationships, preferences of styles as well as personality attributes. You will always be struggling to reconcile these two energies and it will sometimes go very wrong, but at other times very right.

The good news is that its not forever and soon you will learn to get the hang of it. When this happens, your relationships with Mom will also improve. As inside, so will it be outside.

For now, focus on yourself ,have some fun, and even when making mistakes-don't be too hard on yourself.

This was an essay- sorry.
 
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greybeard

Well-known member
Moon is universal significator of Mother.

Venus can also show mother.

And Tenth lord and house.

I suppose I'm hard and callous. If I have a thorn in my foot, I take it out. There are impossible mothers, unrequited loves and such things in life.

If the OP wants personal guidance she should post her chart.
 
Marinka

Marinka

Well-known member
What sign is your moon in? I have found this colors the way that we perceive our mothers.

So ... if you have a moon in cancer, you will perceive your mother as overall being nurturing. If your moon is in Aquarius, you will perceive your mother as being detached and "doing her own thing".

As a result of this, your mother could be detached and unemotional but if you have the moon in cancer, there will be overtones that you see her as nurturing ...

If course, this all depends on the angles that are formed in your chart.
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
Pinkie, in modern astrology the moon symbolizes how we experience our mothers. In traditional astrology, it is more apt to be Venus for a day birth and the moon for a night birth. Just to complicate matters, astrologers disagree over whether the 4th or 10th house symbolizes the mother or father. Then depending upon our perspective, we would look at the planetary ruler of this house cusp.

This is why posting a chart is really helpful!

Incidentally, have you got any moon-Pluto contacts?
 
E

eekndyn

Well-known member
Pinkie said:
I wanted to know what types of things signifies the bad mother/daughter relationships.

The obvious one that I know about is the Moon square Venus which I have. I wanted to know if there were other things.. Because my mom and I are like complete opposites or something. She bashes me for everything from the usual looks, to personality, to things about guys. It's like her ideal dream to make me hate all men. I think from the way she talks she'd be happier if I were a lesbian cause I mentioned that and that seems like it would make her happy.
I must have all of the bad stuff because my mother is awfully controlling, cynical, insulting and has me dependent on her. I don't even think she wants me to have friends but to remain duty bound to her.[/QUOT

I would look at all aspects to the moon. I would also take into consideration the age gap as well. And in no offense, as I am ultra partial to the older generation, they sure do have their *ways
* clinching jaw with smile. However as stubborn as some are, again :) they had to work hard. Didn't have what we have.
I'm unsure your age. Like others have said within natal. But we can not ignore the fact the moon is the utmost importance. She is there all day and night. As the sun well when he goes down he is out with the light. I think again with astro matching needs to be expanded. Someone could be in the mouth of the snake. Have mishaps til a certain time and it's like life gets eclipsed. Things change. Different way of thinking starts happens.

As for mom. Call her up. Let her talk about herself. Keep the focus on her.
Click to expand...
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
I think the moon is a close-enough indicator of how a daughter perceives her mother in modern astrology. For one thing it symbolizes mature women. Also if we take one moon times twelves signs times 12 houses, we end up with 144 possible permutations for Mom-- and moreso by the time we've looked at aspects.

One thing I would stress is that one's own moon is not necessarily a good indicator of one's actual mother (vs. one's personal experience of Mom.) Her chart might show a very different sort of personality; and then if we have siblings, their moons often show a very different sort of person, as well. Possibly Mom relates differently to (for example) a first-born son than to a middle daughter, but in most cases the difference in her parenting style wouldn't be extreme between her children.
 
tsmall

tsmall

Premium Member
Blacknight said:
How do you calculate which planet represents the mother?
Click to expand...

Traditionally, we can look at the Moon as the general significator for the mother in a night chart and Venus in a day chart. To specifiy exactly which planet represents the mother (for use in solar returns and transits) we look for the planet that has the most dignity in the degree of the 10th house cusp and/or the Lot (Arabic Part) of the Mother.

As a note, this is different from the psychological idea that the Moon will tell you by placement how you perceive your mother and is rather used to pinpoint the planet you would look at to determine what will happen to your mother. As in prediction.

Here is an example; I have a day chart, so automatically we would start with Venus. Venus also happens to have the most dignity at the 10th house cusp and in the Lot of the Mother. (We call this a compound almuten.)

In my most recent solar return, we find Venus in detriment (Scorpio) in the 6th house separating from a conjunction with Saturn and applying to a square with Mars in Leo in the 3rd. Jupiter in the 1st in Cancer blocks the square via a trine, but not by much; Venus still perfects the square to Mars.

Venus separating from Saturn had been recently having silent strokes of which no one was aware until she had one while driving to work (Mars in the 3rd) which brought them to complete visibility (she hit a fire truck...it's a long story.) Luckily she wasn't killed and while there is some permanent brain tissue death her medical condition is under control now (Jupiter interfering by trine) and she is making a recovery.

My 2013 SR chart clearly shows what happend to my mother, but only if you know to look at Venus for it.
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
Was the OP about what will happen to Pinkie's mother, or why she experiences a troubled relationship with her mother? :sad:

p. s. tsmall, I am glad your mother is recovering.
 
tsmall

tsmall

Premium Member
waybread said:
Was the OP about what will happen to Pinkie's mother, or why she experiences a troubled relationship with her mother? :sad:
Click to expand...

Well, Blacknight asked the question and so I answered it. But more to your point, I have had much better luck and much less "that's not right" when I look at charts and find the planet representing the mother and use that to talk about mother/child relationships.

waybread said:
p. s. tsmall, I am glad your mother is recovering.
Click to expand...

Thanks. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but progress... :D
 
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