Saturn advice needed

My Saturn in relationship - advice needed!
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I need advice on how to best work with my Saturn at 21 Scorpio (5th house, close to 6th)particularly in relationship to my partner whose Ascendent is 20 Leo conjunct Pluto at 20 and Mars at 24 Leo! We have a lot of great synastry aspects but this is the one that we need help with. I feel that he really can't change the energy of his Leo ascendent and of course it is REALLY intense because of the Mars/Pluto conjunction there. Sometimes "saturn self" judges him to be too negative (Pluto), sometimes selfish (Leo) and sometimes rude (Pluto/Mars) and either sometimes cold or too aggressive (Pluto/Mars). My Saturn is important in my chart - it is in a Grand Trine with Jupiter/Uranus and my Sun but also in a T-square to my Mercury/Pluto opposition (Aquarius/Leo) -- so yes, my Mercury opposes his Mars/Leo conjunction and is conjunct his Descendent. He dislikes it when I "hold onto things and then lecture" him. His Mercury is in Virgo conjunct my Moon and our communication can be quite good but he does tend to embellish with detail and emphasize the negative and it is his negativity and critical perspective - or at least the way he expresses it that gets to me. I feel that since my Saturn is involved I may need to change or he will get tired of feeling "judged" and he will have a hard time changing his ascendent energy. ANY advice is appreciated!!!!!

Like I said we have many good close aspects including: my Jupiter (part of my Grand Trine) conjuncts his Moon; his Moon trines my Sun, sextiles my Moon and trines my Saturn, his Sun/Saturn conjunction trines my Venus; we have Venus/Mars trine; my Sun conjuncts his North Node in his 7th house -- and there are other good aspects.

both, to HH

HH,

You said:

He dislikes it when I "hold onto things and then lecture" him...he does tend to embellish with detail and emphasize the negative and it is his negativity and critical perspective - or at least the way he expresses it that gets to me

Click to expand...

You understand the situation: now you just need to explain it to your partner! He sees you as criticizing him for no reason, while you see yourself as trying to stop him from being so negative and critical. This problem can only be solved if BOTH people in the relationship are willing to work on it.

Bothing,

Tim

Re: both, to HH

Hello HH, have you looked at where his Mercury is and where yours is? In synastry it is very good to see if people can communicate well or not, according to the signs theîr Mercury is in. If his is in Air, yours in Water, you could have a problem you see. If it is Air and Earth, a bit less of a problem, but still not compatible. Same goes for the Moons. In partnership comparison charts it is of utmost importance if the Moons are in compatible signs, because the Moons show where you feel safe and when you feel safe, you feel happy. If one Moon is in Aries and this person wants to go out dancing and having fun, but the other one has Moon in Pisces and would rather stay home and be massaged by candle light, you have a problem too. Lots of couples who have been married for years(because other planets were quite lcompatible) did eventually divorce because ultimately, they did not feel good with each other. So I would look at that and see if there is a common ground to be found in communication and emotional expression. Then you know you can talk. Otherwise one of you has to compromise, which could work for the time being but in the long run could work out negatively. Just a thought.

Thank you Starlink. My Mercury in Aquarius (Air) opposes his Mars/Leo conjunction on his Asc and is conjunct his Descendent (in my chart it is
opposite Pluto and square Saturn). His Merc is in Virgo (Earth) conjuncting my nicely-aspected Moon.
About Moons - his is in Cancer conjunct my Jupiter, trine my Sun and Saturn (Grand Trine) and sextile my Moon in Virgo which conjuncts his Mercury.
So our Moons are Water-Earth and given the aspects seem very compatible. We spend a lot of time together and it flows comfortably and
we enjoy the same things particularly domestic-type activities like cooking.
Our Venus are not in compatible signs either - his is Virgo and mine is Aquarius but my Venus trines his Sun-Saturn conjunction and his Venus
is trine my Mars.
To me, it seems the problem is my Saturn (which does square my Merc) squaring his Asc which conjuncts Mars and Pluto. I think both Saturn and the Asc, particularly one with Mars/Pluto conjunct are sensitive points. Since people are often advised on becoming more conscious of their Saturn I am wondering how to do that. Saturn is in Scorpio in the 5th but close to 6th house cusp.

Yes HH, it could indeed be that Saturn squaring his Ascendant, Mars and Pluto. You are clearly putting the brakes on his assertive nature. Your Saturn squares your Mercury, you are very careful and maybe afraid that he will become too abrasive and he does not like that. A Pluto-Mars in Leo Ascendant combi is indeed very explosive and how he handles that depends also on his Sun. Where is his Sun and where is yours? Because that is how you two like to express yourselves. The Ascendant is usually a mask one puts on towards the outside world. It sometimes works as a defense mechanism. If he comes over like a warrior, he might have some issues regarding his selfworth. I have a daughter who is quite insecure and at the same time incredibly dominant, extremely extrovert and over enthousiastic towards others, trying to cover her fears and insecurity inside. Nobody would even think she could be less then self assured. Her Ascendant is also Leo. So maybe he is not really so aggressive etc. as you might think.Pluto on the Ascendant certainly gives a dominant nature and can be difficult to handle, I give you that! He probably needs someone to tone him down a bit.
The fact that he can be negative can not really be attributed to Pluto I think. He can be sarcastic maybe and sharp, after all his Mercury is in Virgo! His Cancer Moon makes him also very emotional and sensitive and Cancers are really self-defensive creatures by nature. Pluto can make him suspicious of others as well which could be interpreted as negative.
I find it funny that he calls you critical. I would have expected it from him really! Your Saturn-Pluto opposition is heavy as well but a great booster to your Grand trine. A grand trine needs squares, otherwise you just dont do your best anymore. You are quite strong and maybe that scares him a bit.
Saturn is in square with it's own ruler Pluto in the 5th which could mean that you could be blocking your own creativity which can be frustrating to you. It is possible that he then becomes the victim of your frustration about yourself, after all, the one's we love most and are nearest to us, often get showered with criticism etc. It happens all the time. This is just a guess of course, I have no charts in front of me. So maybe, "working with your Saturn" could be looking at what exactly is frustrating you in your selfexpression. From what I can imagine, you must be very creative and with original ideas (Uranus/Jupiter). Maybe it is difficult for you to realise your dreams? Mercury square Saturn often means that one does not trust one's own intellectual capacity and needs to have lots of diploma's and what not to prove to the world that one is indeed "clever". In fact these aspects often block progress, which is totally frustrating of course. Mercury-Saturn square people need to know EVERYTHING about a certain subject before they are sure enough to go public. Does this sound familiar to you?
So maybe you should take a look at that. It is just a suggestion and I might be totally wrong of course, so let me know please.

Thank you - I appreciate your insights. I have overcompensated due to the T-sq w/Saturn-Pluto-Mercury and gotten numerous degrees. I am in a period of adapting to cognitive problems due to multiple sclerosis, which my partner also has, be the way. I think my Saturn in the 5th blocks creativity due to insecurity and also easily triggers feelings of being unloved. This gets triggered w/him and probably would in any relationship. We've come together during the recent Saturn-Neptune opposition which conjuncts his ascendent/pluto/mars (Saturn) and descendent (Neptune) and sets off my Saturn T square w/Mercury/Saturn/Pluto. So perhaps since we've survived this and definitely learned some things we will be OK.

His Sun is Libra conjunct Saturn (within 3 degrees) and trines my Venus. My Sun is Pisces (regarding your comment that I am "quite strong": I do have Sun in the 10th). I do see his Sun/Saturn and Asc/Pluto/Mars as energy that needs to be channeled somewhere positive (which he currently does not have) and I have related this to him.

Dear HH! Thanks for answering me. I am sure you will be OK, as the aspects you mentioned are real good one's (between you two I mean). Sun-Venus, and his Moon conjunct your Jupiter, very nice indeed. About his excess energy, would it then not be possible if he gets it all out in some form of sport? Or does the MS make that not possible for him?Apart from cooking (oh YES! my ex is a Cancer with Pluto-Moon conj. in Leo and he cooks divine!) Moon in Cancer would like to swim I'm sure, Pluto/Mars probably some martial arts or bundgy jumping!. His 5th house will give some insight into that (hobbies, sports) and the 9th (also sports).