Creative blocks/self-sabotage

I am new here, and very excited to be a part of this community. I just wanted to start a thread on feeling creatively blocked. This could be a general discussion but I am also looking for intepretation of my chart, if anyone feels inclined - I know there is a lot of wisdom in this group. I find that I get very close to finishing a creative project, and then I abandon it, because I feel ashamed or guilty, like I've done something wrong or bad. I guess this is also about self-sabotage. I'm not proud of it, but I have to admit I do this. Can anyone else relate?

I can definitely relate to it, but perhaps in a slightly different way. I go through almost manic periods of creativity in which I am very happy. These happy times are followed by a phase of me forcing myself to be creative (and it does lift my mood, so I don't see this as a bad thing as I still manage to feel good), which is then followed by a period of feeling completely disillusioned and/or inadequate (which unfortunately, I am currently trying to get out of) and my paintings are left unfinished (though usually I do manage to finish them when my next round of creativity hits).

When I look at my own chart, I attribute this pattern/behaviour to having my Mars in the 12th House, squaring my Neptune, which is also my chart ruler. I am already not too energetic in general, but with the Neptune square, I also can become discouraged pretty quickly.

In your chart, I'd look at your 12th House also. You've got Saturn (structure, limitations) there which could indicate discouragement. Your Sun in the 1st House is a strong placement, but its opposition to Neptune can also attribute to discouragement.

Now, I am mentioning 'discouragement' as I'm not too sure how to interpret feeling 'ashamed' or 'guilty' about creative endeavours. Would you mind explaining this a little bit more?

Thanks for the quick response, Bitter Moon, and for sharing your experience. It's helpful. I think some of my problem is perfectionism..my moon is in Scorpio, but it's in the 6th house, and so I've read that that is almost like having Moon in Virgo which can be highly critical. It's interesting that you said I had Saturn in the 12th house because one of the things I can't seem to figure out is how to determine exactly where my Saturn is. All the sites I use and visit put Saturn in the first house because it is so close to the Ascendant, but I have Mercury in almost the same place and they say that is the 12 house, (or sometimes the 1st house.)

I think the guilt or shame might be fear of moving forward, of being criticized or unsuccessful. Anyway, I apprecaite the interpretation. I didn't see a link to your chart, but I understand what you said about Mars. It's funny - when I hear about your painting, I'm excited and feel like "Wow, go for it, don't let anything stop you" I just have a hard time applying that to myself.

Some people interpret a planet which is almost in the next house as if it actually were in the next house. Though I do think it could have a definite influence, it's still in the house where it is (this is only based on studying my own chart and a few of my friends').

But even so... if you interpret having Saturn in the 1st House, this is still a pretty 'serious' placement.

Thanks for the explanation about feeling ashamed or guilty. I actually can relate to that myself. I also have a Scorpio Moon (in the 7th House, though) and I wonder if this intense placement has something to do with it.

I often initially don't deal with criticism very well, unless it's constructive and brought in a non-attacking way. I tend to take things very personally. Kind of 'funny', because I can be unbelievably hard on myself.

p.s. I have attached my chart.

Saturn is closely conjunct the Ascendant, so I think its influence spans across into the 1st. This would make perfect sense in light of your self-criticism. Saturn's energy can be experienced as a constant reminder that you aren't good enough, need to try harder etc. Of course, it also gives you enormous self-discipline and self-control, therefore the potential to see through your creative projects is there if only you can tap into that positive side of Saturn. However, Saturn is also tightly conjunct Mercury, which can affect your ability to communicate - extend this a little and you can see how it might present a block to you communicating via creativity. However, I think the self-sabotage you speak about is down to Pluto in the 5th. I think a way round this is to tap into Saturn's positive side and also your Taurean persistence and practicality.

Thanks Bitter Moon for sharing your exprerience as well. That makes sense about the 12th house placement. Looking at your chart, (I'm still learning, by the way) I was curious about the heavy water in your personal signs, Ascendant Pisces, Sun Cancer, Scorpio Moon, Mercury Cancer...I think this would make you deep and heart-felt as an artist, but possibly vulnerable or hesitant as a business person. I would think the Cancer placements would make you very sensitive to criticism, especially if someone wasn't gentle in their approach.

I also took a look at your Chiron placement, Aries in the 2nd house. I have Chiron in Aries too, and my understanding is that it has something do with a wound around deserving to "be" and having one's own identity. I was very competitive with my father and maybe that's where some of my guilt comes from. Your second house placement might bring a "wound" to manifesting things (Taurus) and feeling you deserve material wealth. However, my understanding is that when this Chiron energy is transformed and healed, it gives you power that you couldn't imagine before.

Thanks for sharing your experience - I hope this was okay to interpret your chart a bit, it's my way of saying thank you for looking at mine!

Max

Inconjunct, you are fierce. Thank you for this. I've heard some of it before, but you said it clearly and precisely. I'm still trying to understand the "positive" side of Saturn. Taking from what Bitter Moon said and looking at my chart - do you read my Saturn and Mercury in the 12 house? I keep finding sites that say that they are end of twelve, which makes them one. I can relate to both placements actually. I wish I could resolve this...Thank you also for your Pluto 5th observation - I am uncovering what that means as well. Sometimes that Saturn/Ascendant placement feels like a sumo wrestler sitting on a baby in my life, but I'm going to transform that energy no matter what. I appreciate the insight with Mercury too - I am a writer and have been working on a novel about my family for many, many years - I can't seem to finish it, and didn't think about Saturn's proximity to Mercury. Anyway, if you have an answer about the 12th house stuff, I'd be grateful.

My feeling is that with the two planets so close to the Ascendant, they are as good as being in the 1st house. Bearing in mind that birth times are rarely 100% accurate, and thus house divisions and Ascendants are rarely 100% accurate either, I would tend to read them both as being in the 1st. Of course, some astrologers also see the house cusps as the middle of the houses rather than the beginning of the houses, which again puts Saturn and Mercury firmly in the 1st. Hope that clarifies for you?

I don't know if it is creative blocks/self-sabotage, but I can relate to what you described in the first post. I have Mars conjunct Saturn and in my case I think it is selfdoubt that stops me from finishing a project. Part of that self doubt due to Saturn on mars in a square to my fifth house moon/venus aka creativity...
Beeing critical and a perfectionist, maybe fearing being a failure can make one not finish projects.

Little miss, thank you this is helpful. I think my Moon in the 6th house, gives me that pefectionist side. Thanks inconjunct again, that is helpful.