looks like your future wife. chiron Venus is true love in the highest sense. plus a pluto Venus conjunction is twin flamey. the one.
oh yeah,I posted already, but I recently learned of the twin flame conjunction of Venus pluto, I'm even more convinced.
LOL
Too bad he hates me now. He literally
hates me. I’m trying to hold back but I can’t
not say something. My thoughts keep racing. I guess it’s that Venus in Retrograde messing with my head. Anyway, secrets out. This thread is about me. Anyone who’s seen my chart knows. Sibylline knows. I feel like I should give you all an update on how it played out:
I really thought he was the one. I truly, truly believed Blaze to be the one. I wanted to be cautious because we hadn’t even met yet, I wanted to keep a clear head, but
it felt so natural, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t
imagine we’d end up getting married – or well, living together. It really seemed that promising. I had never felt something so…
pure before, and I thought he felt the same.
He didn’t post our composite chart, only our synastry, but our composite chart supported my feelings, especially when comparing it with our natals. The Sun is in the 4th house (home, family, roots) at the first degree of Virgo sextile the Moon in the 2nd house (material security, shared values), which itself is conjunct
his Sun, by only 2 degrees. Chiron, Venus and Mercury are also in the 4th house conjunct his Moon. Unlike all of the other guys I dated, he seemed like someone who I could actually build a
foundation with. This is what I want. He seemed like more than just a hot guy for me to obsess over but Mars is in the 1st so the sex aspect was still there which is perfect because I want security but I don’t want security without passion. The Ascendant itself is at the first degree of Gemini – making communication an important part of our relationship which it was – conjunct his Venus. There are some difficult aspects. For example, the Chiron-Venus-Mercury stellium squares Pluto but I didn’t think it was anything we couldn’t work through. I’m a Venus in Scorpio myself so I like the intensity, and he’s a Descendant in Scorpio so I thought he did too. I thought we could handle it.
But now he won’t speak to me so it looks like I was wrong. I’m so confused as to what actually happened between us. I don’t know what was real and what was just an illusion. That’s why my feelings are so mixed and all over the place. It makes sense that this all happened when transiting Jupiter made it’s square to my Neptune. It all happened so fast, I didn’t have any time to think or process what was happening. As a Moon-IC/ASC-Moon conjunction would imply, I trusted him instinctively, as if I knew him already and it wasn’t until he stopped talking to me that I realized I actually knew very little about him. I feel so naïve. This was my first ever “internet relationship.” I feel like I should have known better to get involved with such a thing, especially since he wouldn’t even Skype me. But I never received this amount of attention before and I guess it was easy for me to believe because deep down, underneath all my anxiety, I honestly believe that
every guy should be treating me this way. I mean, look at me, I’m awesome! Does that sound arrogant? Maybe, but I, also, of course thought he was the one man worthy enough to have me. I thought he was the one man awesome enough to share myself with. I’m not someone who falls in love the second a person gives me attention either. Other guys have been obsessed, he’s not the only one, but their “obsessions” seemed more like projections, less genuine, like they were interested in having me without actually truly getting to
know me, and they couldn’t hold
my attention. He could. Otherwise, I wouldn’t talk to him so much. It’s only now that I see how predatory his behavior actually was. I hope I’m wrong. I want to be wrong, but now I’m realizing: he didn’t go after me because I was smart, funny, sexy, or passionate (though I
am all those things). He went after me because I was vulnerable. Here I was, an obviously emotional person, using this website to vent about how lonely I was: I seemed like an easy target.
The worst part is he says
I betrayed
him but if his friend was telling the truth,
he’s the one who lied to
me about many things. As my friends pointed out, he already wasn’t talking to me; what I did just gave him a convenient excuse to cut me off altogether without having to give me closure or explain why. But nevertheless, I blamed myself for the longest time. I tried to stay strong but deep down, inside, I kept making excuses for him. I had such a high opinion of him; I didn’t think he’d discard me for no reason and I definitely didn’t think he’d make me feel unnecessarily guilty when he knows **** well he’s just tired of me. I thought he was better than that. I thought I had to have actually done something wrong for him to act like this. It’s only now that I’m realizing my friends were right. Betraying him is the
last thing I ever wanted to do! What I did may have been obsessive and immature. I get calling me a stalker, but at least I never lied to him. I actually meant it when I said honesty was the best policy. He asks me a question, I’ll give him an honest answer, not only if it makes
him feel bad, but even if it makes
me look bad. Of course, he doesn’t ask because he doesn’t
want an answer. He’s probably unsubscribed to this thread and blocked himself from seeing my posts. He doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say. He’d rather shut me out and pretend I don’t exist.
You wanna know how I supposedly “betrayed” him? I prankcalled him. My friend and I…we pretended to be telemarketers. He says I gave his number away. I don’t like it when people I trust give away my personal information either, but that's not how I thought of it. It’s not like she saved the number. It’s not like the number was written down anywhere. It was her phone and she was the one who did the talking but
I was there. The phone was on speaker! I’d be surprised if he didn’t hear me giggling in the background. Was it shitty, obsessive, immature, stalker-ish? Maybe, I felt terrible about it afterwards but I had no idea he would react the way he did. In fact, I literally thought it was something we’d laugh about later. To me, it was a valid way of protecting myself. He wasn’t talking to me and his friend was telling me about all the lies he told. He went cold on me after lifting me up so high only a night before and my friend phoned him to see if he was actually who he said he was. Being without him hurt but it finally gave me time to assess the situation, and I started to get paranoid, wondering if maybe he was just catfishing me all along. I wanted to find out. See, I understand being offended by my distrust, but if you really liked me as much as you said you did, if you even valued our
friendship at all, you would understand why that is and you’d be willing to work it out. The fact that
this is what pissed him off so much makes me think that maybe the answer is yes: he’s a catfish. It would make sense: he wanted to dump me before I caught him and exposed him for what he was – a fake. It’s only our synastry/composite that makes me think it might have been real.
What does he actually think I did? I was ready to throw my life away and invest in him fully without even knowing who he was. He was angry at me before the call. So, what did I
actually do to deserve being hurt?
Maybe his friends had something to do with it. This matches what Rawiri said about NN in the 7th: other people meddling into the relationship. It’s interesting because I made a horary chart about a month ago, though I never posted it on this site. The question was: “does he love me?” The answer: he *likes* me. His sig, Saturn, and my sig, the Sun, were almost making a sextile but Jupiter was blocking contact between us. The Sun was in the 7th house, suggesting I was the more interested of two and in Aquarius, my detriment, suggesting I was upset. Jupiter was angular, on the IC, highlighting it’s importance. Saturn was in Sagittarius, Jupiter’s sign, meaning he likes Jupiter. Saturn was in the 5th house/turned 11th, so Jupiter most likely represents his friends (11th), or possibly (since 5th house) another woman. Jupiter’s in my fall so Jupiter hates me. It makes a lot of sense, but then again, I’m not even sure how strongly I believe in horary, and even if his friends did put doubts into his head, it’s
his choice as to whether or not he wants to listen to them. His friends don’t even know me.
It’s funny you should mention twin flames. I’ve heard the term before, but it wasn’t something I ever looked into or even considered as being a real thing, until about a week or so after Blaze abandoned me, when an article was advertised to me on Facebook. I read it and sent it to a couple of my friends because I couldn’t get over how similar it sounded to what was happening with me and Blaze/Venus-Pluto aspects in general. A couple weeks later, my friend (who lives in another time zone) was browsing this forum and screenshotted me your post at 11:11 am (my time). I considered that this might mean something. Apparently 11:11 is associated with twin flames so I told myself that this was a sign but I knew in reality, it was probably just a coincidence. I have a hard time truly believing in stuff like that. I’m aware that male twins are known to run when the intensity of the connection gets to be too much, but if he was really my twin, he wouldn’t want to hurt me. He knows **** well he hurt me, alright, and
he does not care. He even said so himself.
He wasn’t the person I thought he was…at all. I initially got the impression that he was a caring, sensitive, empathetic guy – I got the impression he would get pissed at me for seeing him that way…”sensitive” might not be the right word - but basically, to better phrase it, I thought he was a decent person with values. I thought he was a sweet, caring, empathetic guy who cut himself off from his own emotions in order to cope with trauma. Men in our culture are taught that emotions are a sign of weakness and femininity (as if femininity itself is a weakness which it isn’t) and from what I knew of his upbringing, it sounded like that message was particularly emphasized by how he was raised. I thought he needed to be loved and cared for. I wanted to help him. But now I’m wondering if that’s what he
wanted me to think. I’m now wondering if that was a deliberate act to hide the fact that he’s a
literal sociopath: God’s gift to women and no woman can resist him.
Maybe it’s his Moon square Pluto that makes him act this way.
I don’t know.
All I know is that I would do anything to make him happy – except forget him. I tried, but I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever know how do.
I needed to take a break from this site for my own sanity. There are plenty of other things going on in my life. There’s no need to stress myself out, seeing him act all high and mighty on this forum, talking about how “spiritual” he is. Kundalini yoga this, meditation that. If he was
truly committed to bettering himself, I’d be happy for him, but the way he treated me wasn’t very “spiritual.” It was manipulative. I understand that many traditions, particularly Buddhism, place a great deal of emphasis on detachment (and detachment is definitely useful for people like me,
women who get way too attached to men who don’t love them, in my case a man who
despises me) but “detachment” in the Buddhist sense is not an excuse to embrace acting like an emotionless, egotistical, dickbag – especially not towards the woman who cares about you.
But I’m back now. I was interested in astrology long before I met him. I’m not going to let a shitty situation with some guy on the internet, even a guy who I deluded myself into thinking might be my soulmate (
twin flame!), prevent me from pursuing my own interests.
Am I still upset? Yes and no. I’m upset because I miss him. I miss what we had. But if “what we had” was a lie, what is there to miss?
