Personality Disorders

Hello, my name is Jade. Im new to posting on here. I've studied a bit on astrology and always have had a inner conflict that drove me to find answers. I don't know if this will help anyone but here is my natal chart and a bit about me. I have many fears, mainly dieing.

I'm mostly pesomistic in thinking but positive in life. I have never quite grown up. I'm a wonderful mother and proud to say they are the only things I'll ever do right.

Childhood was abusive and chaotic. I do tend to over do the drinks. Anything else please ask. I'm putting it out there for knowledge and learnings sake.

I am not sensitive to any comments. Just confused about my personality, hoping someone will shed some light. I was born 12/17/89 6:58am Springfield IL.

The dichotomy you experience is evident in your chart.

Sagittarius rises so we look to see what Jupiter is doing in the chart. Jupiter is placed in the eighth sign from the ascendant. The eighth house is a dark house with such significations as death and 'anguish of the mind' (anxieties). He is also retrograde. Although he is in his exaltation this is a night chart so he won't be quite as forthcoming with his blessings as he could be if you were born in the day. As you are signified by this Jupiter it means that you have a focus on fears, death, anxieties probably leading you to believe that you have a mental disorder. It is to be noted that the jupiter is in the 7th house using quadrant houses so he is very active in the chart. This could explain your statement that you think pessimistic but your life is 'positive'. As Jupiter is intrinsically a benefic planet and he is exalted in your chart, at your core you have a belief that you can overcome all your fears and anxieties. Perhaps your use of astrology is an attempt at that. Add to that your moon is also in the eighth house in quadrant houses and this means that your emotional state is one of fear, anxiety and the like.

The tumultuous childhood you experienced could be explained by the 4th house(childhood) ruler square your 8th house ( anxiety,fear). Can be read as literally a fearful childhood. Mars is the planet of violence (among other things) and he is on the 29th degree in his domicile Scorpio. There was a lot of fighting and tension growing up and Mars' hot-blooded nature is a wonderful facilitator of chaos. Your parents fought a lot and this had an adverse effect on you. The mars-moon square can also be taken as an attack on your emotions. No wonder your a mess. He also straddles the 11th house/12th house cusp. You mention drinking too much and one of the 12th house indications is addiction. As Mars also rules the quadrant 11th house your friends participate with you in your drinking. The company you keep generally isn't good for you as they are liable to be your undoing ( 12th house).

Your Leo moon in the 9th sign disposed by a sun on the ascendant is another testimony to optimism in the face of all your struggles. The 9th house is sometimes referred as the house of God and perhaps its your belief in a higher power (compounded with Jupiter ruling your ascendant) that has allowed you to make positive steps in your life. Sun-ascendant also makes you a noticeable person having the ability to attract people easily to you.

You finding fulfillment in motherhood could be due to your asc ruler placed in the sign of motherhood with venus, ruler of the fifth house (children), placed in the same sign as your north node, the point of increase.

Here are my aspects

Jaded said:

Here are my aspects

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What about them?

Thank you so very much for taking the time to look at my chart! I had posted my aspects before I knew anyone had responded.

My entire life I've had visions and dreams, mostly nightmares. I've taken meds for the nightmares.

You are right on the money with my childhood. My dad was a very abusive alcoholic. And my best friends where always drug addicts. I had a very dark period of "entertainment careers" and drugs. All before kids.

It's like my world was saved in my second marriage. My girls where from my first and I had a son with the most wonderful man. I call him my hero.

My mother was never in my life and was a heavy drug addict. My step mother and father where ALWAYS fighting. I felt very afraid. I still do. My dad is controlling and manipulative. I

He never sexually abused me but I had other close calls as a child.
Again thank you so much. Anything to can tell me I'm a sponge ready to learn.

Also I have a inner voice that tells me "hey don't do that" or "keep your mouth shut" but I never listen. It's a self undoing disease lol. I've had it since a child.

Anything I didn't want to do or knew was wrong I wold go against my better instincts and do.

This is the synastry between myself and my husband. The one I call my hero. what scares me is my daughter has moon/cancer/12th and I've heard that is terrible. But I'm very protective and loving towards my kids. I'm a stay at home mom and their all attached to my hip, so that confuses me.

Well I did forget to mention I saw 'party girl' in your chart but now it would look like I was co-opting what you said. Oh well.

Regarding your visions and dreams I was doing a quick search on the web about mercury-saturn seeing as how that was a possible tie into a career path. This is what ptolemy has to say about that, "Mercury, for instance, produces writers, superintendents of business, accountants, teachers in the sciences, merchants and bankers: also, soothsayers, astrologers, and attendants on sacrifices, and, in short, all who live by the exercise of literature, and by furnishing explanation or interpretation; as well as by stipend and salary, or allowance. If Saturn bear testimony jointly with Mercury, persons then born will become managers of the affairs of others, or interpreters of dreams, or will be engaged in temples for the purpose of divination, and for the sake of their fanaticism." Make of that what you will.

f.y.i you do have the 'look'.

Jaded said:

What scares me is my daughter has moon/cancer/12th and I've heard that is terrible. But I'm very protective and loving towards my kids. I'm a stay at home mom and their all attached to my hip, so that confuses me.

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That's just it though. You said it yourself , " There joined to you at the hip." That intense maternal instinct that you feel towards your young ones can spoil and corrode your children if your not careful. Many of the 20 something's who can't even go to the convenience store without having an anxiety attack have an overly smothering mother to blame. Based on your chart you know the importance of freedom and finding your own wings. I urge you to allow your children space to grow into their own people when the time comes. Being too meddling in your children's affairs will push them away. Just ask my mother

I will never judge anything you say. Regarding the party girl comment. I am just grateful to have someone besides my inexperienced self helping me.

I have indeed been the party girl. Even alone lol.

I never like to say this because people are very judgemental but I can almost hear what people are thinking. I can always feel auras of anyone I'm around. It's a weird thing I do. I can pick up on anyone if I try.

I never leave my house really anymore. I'm scared of everything.

My kids are indeed very very spoiled. I hardly ever can say no. I'm scared to let them down, and I often beat myself up if I feel I have.

As for the nightmares, they always seem to point to the next happening in my life or others. When I watch t.v I can often think I can almost scenes where a missing person is.... Kidnaped, murdered,swamp... Or oh she's a run away.

It's impossible for people to lie to me. The only one who lies to me is myself... Constantly!

I feel like hugging ya, sept I never leave the house lol. I can't tell ya how awesome you are for shedding light on the dark parts. If you see anything ask. Trust me I'm not shy. I've been exposed and humiliated in the worst ways.

I'm ready to figure out this enigma that is me.

oh, and adding to the finances....

My husband is in Korea and 90% of his check goes into my bank account. He chooses it like this. Also I receive 700 child support. I always see to get others money. Even unexpectedly.

I'm also pagan, so I suppose that would tie into the witches theme lol. Of mercury. My friends always used to joke that I could stare right thru someone.

I'm not into the whole "don't judge" BS . The truth is impartial and it often has a bitter taste that burns your throat and gives you indigestion. Pointing out reality hurts those who would rather die softly in complacency. That ain't my style

If you don't leave the house then you can put your adventurous spirit to good use.Surf the web and go learn and expand your horizons in your own sagittarian way

Jaded said:

oh, and adding to the finances....

My husband is in Korea and 90% of his check goes into my bank account. He chooses it like this. Also I receive 700 child support. I always see to get others money. Even unexpectedly.

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Good ol' jupiter active and in eighth is granting you riches from other people's money(8th)/ spouse's possessions (2nd house from the 7th).

Thank you for taking the time to help me out.

You get a reading and I get experience. It's a win-win

knowledge is power.

Brasil said:

1. You are good.

2. I need to correct you on following excerpts (of your wonderful, but error-filled reading to this wonderful, but slightly over-rated woman.)

-The sun is not good in 1st house: It is shy (but good-looking, and outwardly appealing, and sexy!)
-The sun is strong in 2nd, 10th and 4th houses (Earth! Water-no!)
-The moon rules the Leo-sign for female planets (Neptune, Jupiter, Venus, and Moon [and Eris!]...+)
-Work is 1st house, 4th house, and 10th house (not Jupiter, or 9th house [9th house is house of joy [Sun], not God [11th house is God!])
-11th house is sperms (Sex!), but keep it secret!
12th house is undoings [her Moon is in 9th house, and her Mars is fully in 12th house, not just partly; she looks like a drug-addict![Sorry, just telling the astrologically founded truths!God], and cool-headed!)
-13th house doesn't exist (no variations on these rules: Alchabitus is best! No whole-signs; Unless non-pacifistic[Chris Brennan!]
-14th house is bad[no Imaginations!]
-15th house is bad![too]
Sorry.

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Cool story bro