12th house ennui (spiritual boredom)

I've noticed that I'm either easily amused by all that is around, or positively can't find interest in anything. Since I've started studying astrology, I've heard plenty discuss the strangeness of the 12th house, and the boredom that results. But it's a bit more complicated than just boredom. I seem to amuse myself into anything around me, but nothing ever quells the sensation that I'm just waiting here to move on. Tonight is probably got to be the most significant feeling that I may have ever had. It's not like depression. I'm not upset about anything, nor are any other feelings there. It's as if I feel nothing but longing, but no meditation or prayer, or work, or exercise, or video games, or socializing seems to put a dent in this feeling.

I have a 12th house stellium including my Sun, Venus, Jupiter, and Mercury, and I'm curious about others with 12th house influences who know what I'm experiencing, and have some advice about how to return to life again. Also, are their any influences (planetary, spiritual, culinary, or herbal) that may worsen or better the situation?

Why would you want to return to "life" again? Embrace the feeling to realise what can never be created because it's already there.

Kainous, I can relate to what you're saying. I have an H12 Saturn (and Mars, in the whole sign chart) in Gemini, and this feeling is close to the one I've always had too.

I'm not sure if what we're experiencing-- and "spiritual ennui" seems as good a term as any-- is unique. I'm more inclined to believe that this sense of disconnection, of longing for something else, is universal. Having an activated H12 just means we're more sensitized to it, maybe. We can actually see the less warm-fuzzy side of the human condition-- our fundamental aloneness and ultimate meaninglessness-- because we have planets there to see it with.

I sometimes try to sit with this awareness and embrace it, when it's strong. I'm a poet and artist, and I can sometimes channel it into some kind of productive activity. The poetry I write during these times seems to be my best, actually, and the insights I glean, while not always pretty, are the deepest.

Make any sense?

Walton, I'll actually agree with you that I am most insightful at those times, but it can sometimes hurt so deeply inside (like when I wrote the post) as just to feel like there's no point to communicating anything about what I'm feeling by writing or such. Like no words would suffice.

No words will ever suffice to articulate a feeling, especially a deeply moving one. The point is that the Truth is the Truth. Knowing this, it becomes apparent that the conflict you feel is the conflict between what is and what you wish was. You feel the conflict because you deeply desire to change the world around you. That is a terrible hurdle, but getting past it makes the entire world make sense. If you let the world around you be what it is, without wanting/trying to change it, you will see the Truth, the "big picture." There are reasons for all these things. Forget your mindset of dominating the world and take on a mindset of observing the world. Instead of controlling it, figure it out. Only when you understand the way everything works could you have any real control anyway. Yes, the world is often ugly because we make it ugly. People sometimes are driven to be the most unusual and creative kind of cruel they can imagine. When you feel "justified" is when you know you are going to do something terrible. So, all you must do is be you, as you are already unlike the animal majority. Do not depend on the world. Depend on that within you which never dies. Only that can ever be dependable.

kainous said:

But it's a bit more complicated than just boredom. I seem to amuse myself into anything around me, but nothing ever quells the sensation that I'm just waiting here to move on. Tonight is probably got to be the most significant feeling that I may have ever had. It's not like depression. I'm not upset about anything, nor are any other feelings there. It's as if I feel nothing but longing, but no meditation or prayer, or work, or exercise, or video games, or socializing seems to put a dent in this feeling.

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This blew me away.

You are the first person that's ever been able to accurately describe how i've been feeling for over a year. I can relate to this post on a very deep level, i spent most of 2010 caught in this sense of 'waiting to move on'. This feeling became extremely present after i went through a powerful spiritual awakening in mid 2009.

The boredom can be so intense that i've often boarded on psychosis, there's a deep inner feeling that nothing you do will ever satisfy this sense of longing. No amount of meditation, socializing or any activity will ever 'bring you back'.

Mark is absolutely correct, in my experience this is a deep process of learning to accept 'what is'.. it is the letting go of 'desire' and embracing the moment.. it is deeply painful because you are becoming less identified with the objective self, and more with the absolute subjective self (spirit).

lazarusx: I agree with the things you've said, though I would correct one thing. The small self, the mistake, is the subjective self. Spirit is the objective Self, including all things. It only seems the other way around when you judge things according to a physical perspective. You are correct, though, that it is a painful process of letting go of what you think you are.

Having read through all of the posts you guys made here, I would have to say that, in having the Sun and Mercury in the 12th house, I don't necessarily feel the deep longing, or boredom you guys describe here.

I understand, all too well the feelings of boredom, as well as the sensation of existing but, not living. It's just that, this feeling isn't one that has ever affected me adversely and it is probably due to having the Moon(Feelings) trine(of) Sun(Happiness).

The 12th house is the house of transcendence, ascension, divinity, immateriality, oneness, spirituality, and dissolution, as well as emptiness, apathy, shapelessness, nothingness, and meaninglessness. These themes, although occasionally experienced by most, are daily realities for those with planets posited in the 12th house( in,primarily, adverse aspects).

The Sun represents our ability to enjoy life, have fun, and live purposefully(willfully) and in the 12th house, the ability to enjoy or have fun goes well beyond who we are as individuals and is supposed to be used to help *others* experience joy and happiness, which can therefore cause us to *personally* feel unacknowledged, invisible, and in many ways, bored.

The 12th house is a universal house which means that it's focus isn't on anything or anyone in particular. The things we experience in this house not only takes the focus off of the subjective self, but being that the 12th is associated with the water element, this house connects us to things that are invisible, intangible (such as dreams, fantasies, spirits, psychic visions, feelings, and emotions),and beyond physical perspective.

The Sun also represents purpose and in the 12th house it is apart of our purpose to transcend our egos and the will to endeavor in, only, our personal enjoyment. We must learn to shine the light and attention on all beings and possibly even spiritual beings such as the God of our understanding and the universe for being who they are.

If we don't learn to acknowledge compassion, love, humility, acceptance, and unity then we will feel trapped within this physical realm and truly experience the confinement and institution of the soul.

We must realize that happiness exists within and beyond this world and believe that sometimes a feeling of nothingness is really just contentment and peace.

We don't always need to "do" something in order to feel fulfilled.
Fulfillment is always there for us to tap into, we simply need to open ourselves to it.

Also, to answer your question I believe that you should look to the signs you have the Sun,Venus,Mercury,Jupiter and even the 12th house cusp placed in, in order to ascertain what type of activities you should endeavor in, to help give you a sense of purpose and a reason to live.

Remember, life is purpose.

Being 20 years old, I can relate to these feelings deeply, in that I experienced them just a few years ago but, somehow they solved themselves when I allowed myself to just care about people and to stop focusing on myself all the time and to acknowledge everyone Including myself.

I wish you good luck buddy and how you get something from this.

Like no words would suffice.

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No, they don't. They never do.

But that's the difference between a poet and a not-poet, between the mystic and the not-mystic: you keep trying anyway.

It's all about the return, bringing the vision back to the community as best you can....

@CosmicPrince, I share the Moon within a degree of trine to my Sun, but I suppose that with Venus and Jupiter in there and conjunct, I lose a lot of the sociability that I would as someone with a more prominent Venus. I don't have any problems having conversation and hanging out with people, but if left to my own devices, I revert to hermeticism. With Cancer (sidereal) as my Sun, I suppose I suffer from not getting out of the house enough. To be honest, there may be a little phobia there. Anyway, I agree that I've always felt more alive around others, but I suppose that there are a few things that I have to work on (security).